zarathustra Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Why does it always degenerate into a catfight? Here is another perspective. My h's OW and I are probably very similar in a lot of ways: we are both slim, active, have careers that are important to us, are outgoing etc. When I asked my h what were the things that started it off in the first place, he said she was fun, carefree and really interested in him. That really hurt. At the time I was none of those because: I was recovering from a difficult birth, had a newborn and other children in the house and was trying to work from home at the same time (crazy...but there was no choice). Some days I wanted to lie down on the floor and weep with tiredness so yes, I wasn't carefree, fun or that interested in him wierdly enough. Of course after that things spiralled into a different direction: he got more into her, he became more distant, I became more frustrated and needy. At the time I thought it was just because of the circumstances and that things would get on a more even keel later. I will never know what he said to her about me but if I was guess I would say: is not interested in me or my job, depressing to be around, needy, no fun etc. The funny thing is I am sure the OW's husband thought the same about her. He had asked her for a divorce twice. Anyway, the point I'm making is that the OM would never have married the MW if she was just a horrible person. Sometimes situations get people down. I'm also sure that my husband told the OW how much fun she was, how much he loved being around her, how sexy she was etc. Of course, that makes you feel good. Being ignored does not make you feel good. It degenerates into catfights because not all BSs are like you and is looking for support. There are BSs that will come here and spew venom. I think your H may have been looking for someone who reminded him of you when you first fell in love if you and she are similar? Maybe he misses how you two used to interact with each other? How are you two doing? Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 SG..... I can completely relate to your response in terms of how much Women in general endure! I also know tired with raising small children! Believe me, when it comes down to it, I am most likely to side with Women! My frusteration is always towards the H. They seem to abhore change of any sort especially when children are born. Rather than step up to the plate and put more effort into the home, many look elsewhere! I'm definately not speaking for all Men, but MOST for sure! I really felt your story because I've been there! Good Luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 SG..... I can completely relate to your response in terms of how much Women in general endure! I also know tired with raising small children! Believe me, when it comes down to it, I am most likely to side with Women! My frusteration is always towards the H. They seem to abhore change of any sort especially when children are born. Rather than step up to the plate and put more effort into the home, many look elsewhere! I'm definately not speaking for all Men, but MOST for sure! I really felt your story because I've been there! Good Luck to you! ha, ha! The funny thing is that I side with women too! I really think that women should be a bit nicer to each other. Anyone who has brought up kids will know it is not really possible to attentive to your husband, alluring etc when your hands are full with other things. Men are so immature in that sense - they just want to be number 1 but they also want to have the kids, the family, the nice house and all the rest of it. It really sucks being a woman sometimes because you are supposed to be everything! I have a lot of sympathy for some of the OW here. I even have some sympathy for my h's OW because her husband had asked for a divorce and they negotiated that they would stay together. So I guess she was pretty lonely and felt unwanted. I know what that feels like now! So I guess when someone comes along who seems like a nice person and who seems to care for you, it is easy to become dependent on it. i have to say that generally, I think females are a superior species but society makes it hard for women and we all contribute to that e.g. by putting down women who stay at home to care for their kids, or blasting women who want a career; bitching about women who let themselves go or bitching at women who like to look after themselves. This site is a prime example. At the end of the day it is ONLY the MM who really knows what it is going on. The OW and the MW are fed a pack of lies so that the MM can get to have it all. And then we attack each other. What is the point? To be honest I feel quite comfy here in the OW/OM board. Wierd!! Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 We like having you here. Both sides suffer in an affair. And, it isn't fair. Especially not fair to the innocent wife who knows NOTHING about what her husband is doing. And, not fair to the OW to be spoon fed the hope of a future. I agree. We are the superior species. Look at what we have endured...yet have come out on top. Hugs Sylvia WA Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 I think your H may have been looking for someone who reminded him of you when you first fell in love if you and she are similar? Maybe he misses how you two used to interact with each other? How are you two doing? Of course you are right. They could do the things that we used to be able to do like go for coffee and lunch and actually listen to each other and chat about fun things.To be perfectly honest with you, I know all the theory and have read all the stuff but we are not doing that great. I mean we are still together but it's hard you know....I used to have 2 people in my life that I trusted 100% and now I only have one. It's a lonely place to be. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Of course you are right. They could do the things that we used to be able to do like go for coffee and lunch and actually listen to each other and chat about fun things.To be perfectly honest with you, I know all the theory and have read all the stuff but we are not doing that great. I mean we are still together but it's hard you know....I used to have 2 people in my life that I trusted 100% and now I only have one. It's a lonely place to be. In times like these, trust has to be earned. I hope that he's working hard to earn your trust again. Even though I was the one to leave my H, I had to learn to trust that he had my best intentions at heart and that when the occassion comes about that he would stand up for me. Likewise, he had to learn to trust that I will talk to him when issues come up and not sweep things under the rug like I used to do. I am so sorry to hear that you are in a lonely place. I felt that way for a while too. I think its hard because you have young children at home so its not as easy to just stop everything and place focus just on the two of you. Have you and your H been to MC yet? Mine and I have not, but we have done individual counselling on our own. Link to post Share on other sites
lover's rock Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 My H actually said that the OW and I (the W) had alot in common. He actually wanted us to meet and be friends (lol!). I did end up meeting her under sour circumstances (my H had left her the first time). I noticed that she looked alot like I used to look. I was slimmer before 2 kids and so is she. She had long hair like I used to have. They were able to go out and chill like he and I used to. So he felt for her the way he used to feel with me because she reminded him of how he and I started out. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Sylvia, I feel for you. It must be so difficult to endure what you have had to endure. Please tell me that your husband is doing EVERYTHING he can to help you through this. I want so much to believe that there are some MM that truly DO regret what they have done. Tell me he is making every attempt at saving your marriage. You sound so kind and sweet. You didn't deserve the situation that you are in. I wish there were something we could do to help you through this heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 SG..... Dido! Yes! Women are definately the superior race. We just haven't quite figured out how to say NO!...DO IT YOUR F**KING SELF! *Laughing* Link to post Share on other sites
lover's rock Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 SG please keep your head up! I know how hard it is. I have two small children at home and one on the way and I get exhausted sometimes just trying to make my H feel, at the very least, comfortable here. These things don't last forever. Time will do all the healing between you and your husband. Just be patient, pray, and do the best you can. Of course, it's unfair to feel like you have to be just like the OW in order to make him feel special. But that's not true. He fell in love with you for a reason. Just remind him of that reason by being yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 It puts things into perspective to read about the incredible pain that these BS's endure. To be able to see the other side, and feel the destruction, just makes me feel that these MM aren't worth all the pain. Sylvia and lover's rock: I commend you on your decisions to stay. I pray that healing will occur soon for both of you. You deserve it. Hugs WA Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Aw jeez, the last thing I expected here on the OW board was so much sympathy that I have a tear in my eye! I am not a sweet, lovely person really. I can be a total b*tch when I want to be:p . Usually I am quite strong but there is someone about being betrayed by someone you believe in. It makes you very afraid, because if that can happen, anything can happen. Nothing feels safe anymore. In the beginning it made me feel like a very small, lost child...you know, like you just want a really BIG person to come along and tell you that everything will be alright and show you what to do. It really shows you just how vulnerable you are without all your supports. There are so many similarities between OW and BS i think. We all just see the best in the person in front of us and don't want to believe any of the bad stuff. I really think we can learn a lot from each other. Syl Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 SG..... We all get B*tchy! Does not make us any less loving or compassionate! Nor do we INTENTIONALLY mess with TWO peoples emotions! I don't feel we need to justify being a B*tch! After all, woman take on more than half of the marital responsibilities! Its our right! Until less of the burden has been lifted, I say to the MEN.... SUCK IT UP! YOU BIG BABIES! Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Aw jeez, the last thing I expected here on the OW board was so much sympathy that I have a tear in my eye! I am not a sweet, lovely person really. I can be a total b*tch when I want to be:p . Usually I am quite strong but there is someone about being betrayed by someone you believe in. It makes you very afraid, because if that can happen, anything can happen. Nothing feels safe anymore. In the beginning it made me feel like a very small, lost child...you know, like you just want a really BIG person to come along and tell you that everything will be alright and show you what to do. It really shows you just how vulnerable you are without all your supports. There are so many similarities between OW and BS i think. We all just see the best in the person in front of us and don't want to believe any of the bad stuff. I really think we can learn a lot from each other. Syl Hey Syl, It is frightening. Nothing feels safe right now... of course you'll feel that way... its normal. The rug's been pulled from underneath your feet. On this forum, I find that it doesn't matter if you are an OW, OM, BS, etc. If you are looking for support, its where you'll get it. I have never met more compassionate, and wonderfully giving women (and let's not forget the some wonderful men too) than on this forum. I consider that most people I've met here to be incredible friends who makes me laugh and have really touched my heart. Syl, we're here fer ya! It may not feel that way right now, but you'll get through this pain. You'll get through the hurt and whatever decision you make, the path is not easy, but you can rest assured that you won't be travelling alone. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for the decisions you make in life. You know what is best for you, not others. You are the best judge for what is best for your children as you are the one who has to live with the consequences of your decisions. Its easy for people to tell you what to do, but they don't live your life or walk in your shoes. Hold your chin up high and know that you are a truely courageous lady. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 This site is a prime example. At the end of the day it is ONLY the MM who really knows what it is going on. The OW and the MW are fed a pack of lies so that the MM can get to have it all. And then we attack each other. What is the point? To be honest I feel quite comfy here in the OW/OM board. Wierd!! Sylvia, You are a rock of sense and if you feel comfortable here, then you are so completely welcome to stay with us!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
portableversion Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 OW"s and wives, fighting over pieces of shyt that you think is really gold. Emotional masochism isn't healthy, and martyrdom isn't either. Support? What's the point. You have chosen to stay in your situation, as ow or wife, so deal. Be happy with what you have(or don't have), and be done with it. Ladies, It's all about 'getting laid'. Nothing more nothing less. The more wet cunts we can slip our coks into, the happier we are. Love, romance, blah blah blah. Means to an end. You are such suckers for 'love'. Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Portableversion..... TAKE YOUR SCRAWNY A$$ OUT OF HERE! YOU SICK F*CK! YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO TO USE YOUR PEANUT SIZE TOOL ANYWAY! Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 OW"s and wives, fighting over pieces of shyt that you think is really gold. Emotional masochism isn't healthy, and martyrdom isn't either. Support? What's the point. You have chosen to stay in your situation, as ow or wife, so deal. Be happy with what you have(or don't have), and be done with it. Ladies, It's all about 'getting laid'. Nothing more nothing less. The more wet cunts we can slip our coks into, the happier we are. Love, romance, blah blah blah. Means to an end. You are such suckers for 'love'. :lmao: PV You really don't get it. I'm not fighting anyone for anything. If I had to fight for a man, I wouldn't see the point. Yes, I have chosen to stay in my situation but it doesn't me that I'm a masochist or a martyr. What's the point in support? It stops you turning into a bitter and twisted person (ya get me?). As for being a sucker for love - most people are at the end of the day. Without love, there is no point. As for your last point if that's what you want, why bother looking for a woman. Get yourself a goat instead. PS Aren't you supposed to be a woman????? Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 SG...... You are way to kind..... Portableversion is not worthy of receiving any response other than the simple.... GET THE F*CK OUT OF THIS THREAD!!! Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 OW"s and wives, fighting over pieces of shyt that you think is really gold. Emotional masochism isn't healthy, and martyrdom isn't either. Support? What's the point. You have chosen to stay in your situation, as ow or wife, so deal. Be happy with what you have(or don't have), and be done with it. Ladies, It's all about 'getting laid'. Nothing more nothing less. The more wet cunts we can slip our coks into, the happier we are. Love, romance, blah blah blah. Means to an end. You are such suckers for 'love'. Oh go f*** yourself you worthless piece of trash. If its your pov that there's not point to support then, again, go f*** yourself and stay out of our forum. YOU may be a misogynistic pig, but not all men are disgusting worthless pieces of s*** like you. From personal experience, men who think like you and ACT like you have issues... mostly with regards to his penis size (too small and thin) and think he has something to prove. I've been with men like you... yep... all teeny tiny dicks that can't satisfy a REAL woman. So go f*** off! Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 From personal experience, men who think like you and ACT like you have issues... mostly with regards to his penis size (too small and thin) and think he has something to prove. I've been with men like you... yep... all teeny tiny dicks that can't satisfy a REAL woman. So go f*** off! :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
rossm Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 WOW. So these are those claws I've been reading about. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 WOW. So these are those claws I've been reading about. :lmao: Hubby doesn't understand why I need him to stand up for me. Says I do a good 'nuf job on my own:lmao: :lmao: Hey, every gal likes a knight in shinin' armour, no? Can you tell we get a teeny bitsy witsy protective here? Link to post Share on other sites
portableversion Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Men will be a knight in shining armour....for a no strings slide into a juicy cunt. Maybe most guys aren't like me, but most guys with an OW or two, ARE. We just LOVE the poon. Zara, your "claws" are that of a declawed cat. The men in your life declawed you long time ago with their false proclamations of LOVE. You do not qualify for membership in the Ubermensch. Dismissed! You all are such suckers for LOVE, and NEED to be NEEDED. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Men will be a knight in shining armour....for a no strings slide into a juicy cunt. Maybe most guys aren't like me, but most guys with an OW or two, ARE. We just LOVE the poon. Zara, your "claws" are that of a declawed cat. The men in your life declawed you long time ago with their false proclamations of LOVE. You do not qualify for membership in the Ubermensch. Dismissed! You all are such suckers for LOVE, and NEED to be NEEDED. Actually, I only have ONE man in my life and he's earned his right to stay in it. Um... I don't need to be needed... Its a bit too much to be responsible for. Everyone has needs... You need to grow some balls. there's actually doctors for people like you... you need one who does penis enlargements and a psychiatrist to deal with your hatred of women. If you need many women to satisfy you, then I pity you. You may feel much with your tiny dick, but if one woman can't satisfy you, likely your dick is too small to satisfy her. I feel sorry for the 'many' *cough-bulls***-cough* women you claimed to have had sex with. I hope you didn't give them HIV or STDs. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts