kitten chick Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 I had a friend cross some boundaries this weekend and I have been having flashbacks of the condescending beratings by my ex-bf. I have no idea how to handle these flashbacks. What do you do to make them go away? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 KC.. sorry your feeling it.. I hate when crap like that happens Try and think about all the good things in your life.. You can't make them go away , All you can do is replace them with happier thoughts.. Keep busy, Read a book.. those kind of things Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 I have flashbacks to my rapes a lot and I can share techniques that I have learned. 1. Awareness meditation. Sit with your feet flat, back straight, concentrate on observing (not controlling) your breathing. become aware of your feet on the ground, and work your way up the body. 2. find a safe place to experience the emotion. I go into my walk in closet. Remind yourself that you are safe now, and that the feelings you are having come from the past trauma. 3. journal. talk to someone you feel open with. i post online sometimes. 4. This is important -- DO SOMETHING PHYSICAL. Take a shower, shred newspaper, do jumping jacks. Something that brings your awareness back to the present. Flashbacks are a normal part of the healing process. Your brain parcels out and releases those intense emotions only when you feel safe and secure enough to release them. So it's OK. Link to post Share on other sites
prfrogkisser Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Good advice blind_otter... Its difficult to forgive and forget. Try not to concentrate in the past and focus on the future ahead of you. Take on a project. Try different and new things. Keep ypurself busy and enjoy the things in life. Its time to let go of the past and live your best life now. ((( Im So Tired of Kissing Frogs Where is my Damn Prince?))) At least i have no warts.... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 What do you do to make them go away? I wanted to add that, when I first started experiencing these, about a year after my second rape, I felt the same way. I wanted them to just go away and stop. I've been having flashbacks for 5 years now. I realize, only now, that they are helping me deal with what happened, at the pace that I am able to deal with. It is hard to see that now, but they are a sign of healing. When you set a broken bone, it hurts a lot. And as it heals, it aches. That deep down ache that you know is beneficial. It's harder to recognize the emotional deep down ache, compared to the easily recognizeable somatic signs of healing. But it is OK. You will be OK. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Try to distract yourself. Surround yourself with a friend(s) that lifts your spirits and makes you happy... Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Thanks Otter, that was good advice. I guess I'm having the hardest time right now because I'm at work and I really can't do anything to help myself. It makes it hard to do the things that you are all suggesting. When I'm not here I do talk to a friend about it, I can cry when I need to, do some yoga, I can try to distract myself (that doesn't really seem to work usually though). That helps, doesn't make it go away but it helps. When I'm here I feel so trapped, I can't do anything to help myself and my thoughts feel out of my control. I liked what you wrote, B_O, about how they help you deal with what happened at the rate that you're ready to deal with it. I'm just tired of dealing with it already and I want my life back. Its really frustrating. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 You can close the door to your office (if you have one), or go to the bathroom to do the awareness meditation. I've had flashbacks at work, and I go into the bathroom to deal with it... Or I go outside. I used to smoke a cigarette. You could use this thread to do a stream of consciousness writing about what you are experiencing while the flashbacks are going on. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 I go to the bathroom too but there's just so long you can spend in there. It's not like our bathroom is much more private either. I think it's bigger than my entire apartment. (I dont' have an office) I just put on my ipod. Music is usually the best method for me to take my mind off of things. Maybe I'll take a walk outside a little later, sometimes a walk helps to take my mind off of things normally as well. I feel like the thoughts are constantly streaming through my head but every few minutes an intense thought just comes through but only lasts for like a minute or two. I don't think I've experienced anything like this before but everytime I try to deal with what happened with my friend these thoughts of my experiences with my ex flash into my head. Is that normal? Is that even a flashback? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Yep. That's a flashback. or "flooding". Try this: Counting This is a technique I came up with while assisting a friend with a panic attack. I call this Counting for lack of a better term. The idea, like most of the techniques above, is to confuse the mind and disrupt the thought processes. To do this, remember that random is good. Basically, your friend would make you repeat whatever they are saying and would start by following a predictable pattern. Throwing in random words breaks the pattern up and causes a brief disruption in the flashback. This can be very powerful against the more intense flashbacks and I tend to use it only when I am in great need. The sample below is meant to illustrate both why I call it counting and how it can work. * One * Two * Three * Eight * Five * Six * Seven * Green * Forty-seven * Nine * Ten * Eleven * Cow I am unsure why this has been effective, but I do know it will not work alone. If you are selecting the order, than the order is not random, there are no surprises. The surprises catch us off guard and our reaction of "One, Two, Three, Eight?" is often enough to lessen the impact of fairly intense flashbacks. ------------ I think it's kind of like scaring someone into stopping the hiccups. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Ok, I will keep that one in mind for the future. I can see why it would work, someone else is forcing you to focus on something. It's not something I can do at work though. Everyone makes fun of me but I don't really care, I look at animal pictures online and it calms me down too so I just did some of that along with my music and I'm feeling a little bit better. Still on edge but out of panic mode. And yeah I download all of the extra cute ones for my avatars. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Good, you do sound better. I think talking about thinking about thinking about it helped. BUt I just confused myself writing that last sentence. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted April 25, 2006 Share Posted April 25, 2006 Yeah I had to read it four times before it made sense but I got it. Thanks for your help. Link to post Share on other sites
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