Calling anyone who has ever had a FWB or fk buddy!

[Ruby]

I see alot of people on here who struggle with a FWB or fk buddy or whatever you want to call it

 

I am looking for anyone who has ever been in this situation to share your story - How it started and the outcome, how you coped etc!

 

It will help loads of us!

 

Thanx

 

:bunny: :bunny:

[Butterflying]

I was in love with a guy who'd had several sex buddies before he and I began dating. During the entire relationship, he never cut ties with them. Every so often, one of them would call him just to see if he and I were still together. And everytime he and I had an argument, like where we didn't speak to each other for a few days, he would call one of his FWB. Then after we made up, the FWB would return his call and be mad at him for leading them on.

 

I hated that relationship because I always felt as though it was a matter of time before it ended. Those FWB's made me feel as though they were waiting for me to be out of his life so they could be with him the way they used to.

 

As for myself, I recently had a FWB with a guy. It ended when he started expecting me to be more like the women he watched in porn videos. He figured he could live all his sexual fantasies through me since most of them were disrespectful, and he would never ask such things of a woman he cared about. Clearly, he had no respect for me. Since sex was all we had, I expected him to be considerate of my pleasure. If something hurt, he should try to make it feel better. If I said "no" to something, he should have understood it rather than forcing me to do things I didn't want to do.

[Lishy]

I think I had one of those! lol

[keye]

I had a FWB relationship with one of my closest friends for about six months last year. Huuuge mistake, but I learnt a lot from it. Problem: we didn't communicate. Stopped being 'friends' and just became 'sex partners', really. I fell for him. Never told him. Eventually he moved on and found someone else. Dropped huge bombshell on me, broke my heart. Him: happy with new girl. Me: depressed for months. We've finally worked our way to becoming friends again, but it took a lot of work and there was a time when I believed I'd lost him forever.

 

My advice: Communication is key - you need to be able to be open with one another about EVERYTHING. Don't compromise yourself and settle for sex if you have serious feelings and want more. And be very careful.

[Skeered]

I had a FWB relationship with one of my closest friends for about six months last year. Huuuge mistake, but I learnt a lot from it. Problem: we didn't communicate. Stopped being 'friends' and just became 'sex partners', really. I fell for him. Never told him. Eventually he moved on and found someone else. Dropped huge bombshell on me, broke my heart. Him: happy with new girl. Me: depressed for months. We've finally worked our way to becoming friends again, but it took a lot of work and there was a time when I believed I'd lost him forever.

 

My advice: Communication is key - you need to be able to be open with one another about EVERYTHING. Don't compromise yourself and settle for sex if you have serious feelings and want more. And be very careful.

 

totally agree I had this same thing...not fun to hurt like that when you know you did it to yourself.

[luvtoto]

not fun to hurt like that when you know you did it to yourself.

Good point Skeered. I keep giving my x-fiance chance after chance with me. But, I get burned every damn time. This last time, I am not allowing myself to feel sorry for myself, because I did it to myself for letting him back into my life. I did this to myself...not him doing it to me. I am in charge of how I want to be treated.

 

Any time you have any sort of FWB...don't feel sorry for yourself when they leave...or when you feel taken advantage of. If you are aloof enough for a FWB relationship, I say, "go for it!". However, not many are. Someone usually gets hurt.

[basscatcher]

I had 2 that were becoming like that last summer.

 

I really liked them and wanted more then just hooking up.

 

One was not christian and we both agreed that he and I had no future. We also knew we really enjoyed each others company, got along well, had fun when we were together and there was a very very very strong physcial attraction. He wanted to continue with the relationship knowing we had no future and our religous differences would cause a huge problem and we both admitted we both would get hurt because it would have been so easy to fall in love with each other.

He called me frequently wanting to get together and I had to continue to remind him that I didn't want to get my heart broken and neither did he. He went to Arizona for a month and he says I was the first person he called and wanted to see when he came back. I once again had to decline. He said I was the one he wanted to be with. So I told him if he is willing to accept God then I would give but he couldn't so I had to continue to say NO until he stopped calling; which he did. I do miss him and wonder about him but its best this way.

 

The other one didn't want a close relationship. He is the very independent type of man who doesn't want a women living in his house, he doesnt' want to be taken care of and doted over. He said I was too nice, too giving, too loving and he didn't want that. He wanted me to fill in the loneliness and need for touch when he needed it. I couldn't do that because I knew I would also fall for him. He is a smart and kind man. He is interesting and intreguing. He was good to me for the most part. But he is a man of his own and doesn't want children or marriage. He doesn't even want to be invovled with a woman who has children. The only reason he gave me a shot is because I have only one child; my son is 16 and will be graduating in 2 years.

 

They both wanted me in their lives physcially and for two different reasons I knew being with either of them wouldn't work.

[Lishy]

It was lucky that you were sensible enough to get out before it started Pad!

 

I wish I was that wise hon

[basscatcher]

It was lucky that you were sensible enough to get out before it started Pad!

 

I wish I was that wise hon

 

Its not that easy.. I still wonder.. 'what if.......' I know I shouldn't do that because its unhealthy thinking.

 

I am a fixer of sorts, I tend to be forgiving, I tend to have too much faith the first one was very very hard to let go of. The second one I still talk with and put up boundries.

[Lishy]

The fact that you are a 'fixer' makes it more commendable! If you had thought you could fix those guys you would have walked into major heartache!

 

Mind you my FWB started on MY terms after getting out of a 14 year relationship! My fault, and it will NEVER be repeated!

 

 

I sort of wish I had played the field when I was younger!

[basscatcher]

I sort of wish I had played the field when I was younger!

 

This statement is what got me into so much trouble with relationships.

 

My second bf told me I needed to go 'play the field'.

I became addicted to attention and the rush of the new relationship.

I lost him..

 

I didn't fully heal loosing him until 1998. I dated him when I was a juinor in High School. My high school sweetheart. 12 yeas I carried the burden until I was able to let go.

[basscatcher]

I think the more experience you have with different types of partners the harder it is to find one that will meet up to what you are looking for in someone.

 

We become more complex and detailed with each experience. We take with us onto each relationship what we liked in the other partners and if the new person doesn't match up we take what it was in that person and move on.

 

Evenutally we end up with so many desires in one person that its nearly iimpossible to find one person to meet all those desires..

 

I believe simplicity is best. You don't learn to be greedy.. It is very hard to scale back..

[Lishy]

Yes you are probably right there! I have only had 3 lovers - But I have kissed so many guys I cant count!

 

MY fk buddy screwed my head up so much ..... No wait he didnt screw me up, I screwed me up!

 

It was the very worst decision I can say I have made to date ... He left me feeling that all I am good for is sex! there are times that I do not even think I am worth taking out for dinner, just to bed!

 

Unless you know for sure you will never get feelings for someone, you should never have a fk buddy or FWB as it hurts so much and you do not feel validated as you did not even have a relationship!

 

I can honestly say that I suffered more when I finished it with my FWB then I did when I walked away from my 14 year marriage!

[basscatcher]

I can honestly say that I suffered more when I finished it with my FWB then I did when I walked away from my 14 year marriage!

 

I can understand this. I too have felt that I am not worth anything more then some man getting his rocks off on me.

 

I have been treated so poorly by men in my life that I degrade myself.

I have been put down so much it's hard to believe a man would be attracted to me because of my face and my personality. I went through a phase in my life where I didn't give a shyt about me. It was a short lived phase because it made me feel so dirty and as a whore. I gave myself up easily because I thought no man would ever want me for me and if I was going to get any attention then I had to put out.. WRONG...

 

I devalued myself and that is why I hurt so badly. It was my own guilt of submission to these jerks that hurt me. I hurt myself... I felt dirty, nasty, used, worthless, horrible, useless. ... It was very hard to get out of that funk.. Very hard. I still find myself slipping from time to time when I meet these creeps in bars and on the streets. I can see they only want me for sex and that is it. I will not knowingly subject myself to that kind of treatment anymore.

 

I am worth more then just a peice of ass..

 

You need to forgive yourself for allowing yourself to fall prey to that kind of lifestyle. You did it, you learn from it, and then you let go and most importantly---forgive yourself and learn the lesson of your heart...

[2sunny]

I can't figure out if this guy I'm seeing a bit is a f*** buddy or something more.

 

He keeps asking me "what we are?" and I keep telling him - "it's nice to have fun with you"

 

I don't know what I need from him other than good sex and a bit of company once in a while. It's not like I'm going to get married anytime soon so why do I have to tell him what the label is if I don't know myself?

[basscatcher]

I can't figure out if this guy I'm seeing a bit is a f*** buddy or something more.

 

He keeps asking me "what we are?" and I keep telling him - "it's nice to have fun with you"

 

I don't know what I need from him other than good sex and a bit of company once in a while. It's not like I'm going to get married anytime soon so why do I have to tell him what the label is if I don't know myself?

 

Personally. I would be as honest with him as you are with yourself and tell him its up to him if he can accept where you are at in life.

[Lishy]

Oh Pad, now I KNOW my worth! I know that ANY guy would be lucky to have me in their life!

 

At times I slip and because I am so desperate for a shag at the moment I do get tempted to just have sex for sex's sake! I dont though because I know how bad it will make me feel after.

 

I am a pretty well balanced person but at times I do get lost!

 

I just find it so hard to meet someone who I connect to like I did my fk buddy!

 

I did a few weeks ago and the guy drove me mad for my number, I ended up giving it to him and he didnt even call!

 

It just makes me feel even more despondent!

[basscatcher]

Oh Pad, now I KNOW my worth! I know that ANY guy would be lucky to have me in their life!

 

At times I slip and because I am so desperate for a shag at the moment I do get tempted to just have sex for sex's sake! I dont though because I know how bad it will make me feel after.

 

I am a pretty well balanced person but at times I do get lost!

 

I just find it so hard to meet someone who I connect to like I did my fk buddy!

 

I did a few weeks ago and the guy drove me mad for my number, I ended up giving it to him and he didnt even call!

 

It just makes me feel even more despondent!

 

We all get lost..

I have connected with a few guys also and then something went wrong and they backed off before we even got started really.

 

It sucks.

I am the queen of feeling despondent. I feel myself becoming hard and distant as of late. Never in my life have I pulled myself away from men. I find myself doing this now.. I'm only 37. Now is not the time for me to turn into a cocoon..

 

I need my juices flowing again ...

[Lishy]

Pad I know this is off topic but how are things with Charlie?

[basscatcher]

Pad I know this is off topic but how are things with Charlie?

 

There isn't much to tell.

He calls me still and shares with me his day and whats coming up in his life.. We do our own things. He offers to meet up and I make an excuse or I litigitimatly have something else I need to do so I don't see him.

 

I still have feelings for him but I don't feel content with him entirely. The last time I saw him I still felt so empty. I needed him to touch me (as always) and I didn't get it in the manner I needed to feel the security.. It's a hard and deep negative emptiness I feel when I am around him. Affectionate touch is the only thing that fills that emptiness. He hasn't filled it yet. He knows what it is that I seek and he knows he isn't giving me it.

 

He also knows I've been avoiding meeting up with him. He knows I want everything over because I logically know he won't fullfill my wants and needs in a partner. He isn't affectionate enough.

 

He wants to go out this weekend with me and I am reluctant too because last time he was a ass-clown and so disrespectful towards everyone including himself.

 

I'm gong about my life for me. I am doing things for me. I don't put anything off for anyone I do what I want and need to do for me.

 

I am fine with him calling me. When he asks to meet up my stomach turns because I don't want to feel that desire for him that he doesn't fullfill.

 

(my mom thinks he might be doing this (lack of touch) to control me. Not giving me what it is that I need. Using it as a power trip and maybe not even aware he is doing it.)

 

He doesn't bombard me with offers to get together. About once a week. We both have been really busy lately also. I've had weddings, baptisms, church events, and household things to take care of so I haven't been available to him anyway.

 

Thats about it in a nutshell. Not much...

[Lishy]

Well honey it seems as if you are coping fine with it so you must be doing the right thing! No Contact is not good for everyone!

 

It is strangely comforting to know that you are coping well knowing how much you loved that guy and how much you invested in him!

[basscatcher]

Well honey it seems as if you are coping fine with it so you must be doing the right thing! No Contact is not good for everyone!

 

It is strangely comforting to know that you are coping well knowing how much you loved that guy and how much you invested in him!

 

The contact might be why I am coping. It's not a complete abandonment; which is something that sets me in a complete tailspin. Having that simple conversation about work, kids and other events makes me feel more like a friend with less demand. Its when I physically get around him that I get flippy with my feelings and that is why I make excuses or plan to be busy.. I am still building my own stength so I don't give my power to him.

 

Sex is so easy and wonderful with him and that is another reason why I am avoiding seeing him. It would be so easy to slip into a FWB type relationship where I do have feelings for him but knowingly know he won't fullfill my longterm emotional needs.

[little_girl]

I see alot of people on here who struggle with a FWB or fk buddy or whatever you want to call it

 

I am looking for anyone who has ever been in this situation to share your story - How it started and the outcome, how you coped etc!

 

It will help loads of us!

 

Thanx

 

:bunny: :bunny:

iv'e been in a fk buddy relationship 4 a few months now & it's great 4 now! but who knows what will happen in the near future but i really don't care. i'm enjoying whatever life offers me now cuz i know how short life is! i care about him a lot & wish 4 things 2 b different but that's not possible @ this point in his life or mine. but 2 have the intimacy i share with him & 2 b able 2 accept that 4 now i'm ok, but it's not 4 everyone 2 do!!

[kit4kat]

I had one... BIG MISTAKE!

 

I had this huge crush on this guy like a year and a half ago. Things never progressed, but we became really good friends. Fast forward to the beginning of this year. Whenever we would get drunk, we would become this couple. We'd be all over each other and junk. We started hanging out more, with or without drinking, but everytime we'd drink our "couple" side would come out. One thing led to another, and he ended up staying the night. This went on for about 4 months. Then one day it just all stopped.

 

Yeah, he and I don't talk all that much anymore. We hang out like once a month, and its never alone. I don't think I'd wanna go down that road again anyway.

[little_girl]

i really hope my relationship with my fk buddy does'nt end but when the time comes i hope we will always b friends, cuz that's how we started at first!!