uca741 Posted April 26, 2006 Share Posted April 26, 2006 Hi, My ex and I have been married for 8 yrs and divorced. we've been separated for 1yr but just divorced two weeks ago. At first I did not want to try to work on getting back with her but now We've started talking again. I've read several stories of ex getting back after divorce. I am trying so hard to make things right. I'm seeing a therapist. She is also. She tells me that she wants to work things out but when we hang out she not interested in talking with me. She calls me every morning to say "hi" but when I go over to see her and the kids she ignores me. What should I do I know she loves me but also she said she needs time to work things out! what should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 If she has told you she needs time to work things out, then you need to afford her the time & the emotional space to do so. In fact, you likely require the same thing. You both have many issues to resolve. When & if the time comes, you may start working on getting back together. But attempting to force the issue prematurely would likely have the opposite effect, that is, pushing her further away. So for now, continue with counseling, & continue working on solving your issues. And try not to act overly needy. _____________________________________________ If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be. - Yogi Berra Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Just wait 6 months to a year.. you will be surpised what a little time will do to change things in your life.. what you wanted 2 weeks after the divorce will not be what you want at the 6 month mark If after waiting you still think about reconciling and so does your ex then think about it.. You need to heal Link to post Share on other sites
Author uca741 Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 The funny thing is I was never needy until divorce. I feel like I made the biggest mistake and I know I can't the divorce, but I can change how I treat her. I will take it slow but it's hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author uca741 Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 Just wait 6 months to a year.. you will be surpised what a little time will do to change things in your life.. what you wanted 2 weeks after the divorce will not be what you want at the 6 month mark If after waiting you still think about reconciling and so does your ex then think about it.. You need to heal Last night she told me at this time she cannot give me 100% but she wanted me to continue trying and make this work, she also told me last night that she thinks I'm over reacting. her comment " if I didn't want this to work do you think I want to go see marriage counsler with you?" so that's positive right? take it slow Link to post Share on other sites
bkz Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Has your wife ever mentioned being intimidated by you? Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Either give it time, if you're interested, or accept the fact that you're divorced and move on with your life. Remember, there's a reason you divorced in the first place. Has anything really changed other than the fact that you're not together 24/7 now? I went through a lot of the divorcing time hoping for recconciliation but by the time it was final I knew she was the last person I ever wanted to be with. No regrets! Link to post Share on other sites
Author uca741 Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 I don't know if she ever told me that she was intimidated! Why? She mentioned today that she was afraid I will not change. She wants to work things out she wanted me to set up an appt with a therapist together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author uca741 Posted May 5, 2006 Author Share Posted May 5, 2006 I just thought I should give you an update since my last post. We have been calling each other everyday and chatting. she still won't say she loves me but invites me over every night to hang with her and the kids. She is still keeping her distance from me but my therapist is saying that's normal. I am working hard to make the changes. I know it will take time for her to heal. We are seeing a counsel next week. Thanks for all your advise. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 I would consider those as positive steps, but avoid reading too much into them. These things will take time, & even still you may not achieve the results you presently hope for. Assuming that you do eventually reconcile, your relationship will be different, & if you haven't made the requisite personal changes you will not succeed in the long term. We do wish you well, & are happy that we could give useful advice. _________________________________________________ If a man eats a pound of pasta & a pound of antipasto, do they cancel each other out, leaving the man still hungry? Link to post Share on other sites
Author uca741 Posted May 9, 2006 Author Share Posted May 9, 2006 After giving her some space, and stop calling her. she has been calling me and invited me to go hiking with her and the kids. still weird talking with her but things are going well. She is excited to go see counsler this week. I'll keep you posted. Thanks for all your advise. Link to post Share on other sites
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