Birthday Girl Posted October 5, 2001 Share Posted October 5, 2001 It was my birthday on Tuesday and the guy that I am talking to (we seem to be working towards a relationship but there's no real committment at this time so we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend) forgot to wish me a happy birthday (I haven't heard from him all week). My best friend is extremely upset about it. She thinks that it's just common courtesy to remember to wish someone a happy birthday. I told her that he told me that he had dated someone a year and never asked them when their birthday was (at least he asked me when mine was). I told her that he had also told me another time that he can't remember his own mother's birthday. Therefore, I haven't taken it personally that he has forgotten mine. I just expected him to forget. In the larger scope of things I don't think that my birthday is all that important. There are bigger things in life to be concerned about. Besides, I have other friends who forgot to call and I am not upset with them either. However, because I reminded him about it last week my friend thinks that he's being a jerk. She thinks that because we are working towards a possible relationship that there is the expectation that he would remember and be courteous enough to wish me a happy birthday. So, what do you think? Is my friend right? Should I be concerned or upset? Or am I right to just let it slide? Please tell me your thoughts. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
arthropod Posted October 5, 2001 Share Posted October 5, 2001 well, being someone that has some MAJOR problems remembering birthdays and all, i can see this happening. BUT, when you really care about someone, this is something you simply shouldn't forget! i would recommend somehow bringing it up to him (maybe mention a gift you got from someone or something), then see what his reaction is. if he seems bothered by the fact that he forgot, then i wouldn't be read too much into the whole thing, but i'd let him know you were slightly upset. if he has NO REACTION, then i'd wonder about how he truly feels about you. It was my birthday on Tuesday and the guy that I am talking to (we seem to be working towards a relationship but there's no real committment at this time so we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend) forgot to wish me a happy birthday (I haven't heard from him all week). My best friend is extremely upset about it. She thinks that it's just common courtesy to remember to wish someone a happy birthday. I told her that he told me that he had dated someone a year and never asked them when their birthday was (at least he asked me when mine was). I told her that he had also told me another time that he can't remember his own mother's birthday. Therefore, I haven't taken it personally that he has forgotten mine. I just expected him to forget. In the larger scope of things I don't think that my birthday is all that important. There are bigger things in life to be concerned about. Besides, I have other friends who forgot to call and I am not upset with them either. However, because I reminded him about it last week my friend thinks that he's being a jerk. She thinks that because we are working towards a possible relationship that there is the expectation that he would remember and be courteous enough to wish me a happy birthday. So, what do you think? Is my friend right? Should I be concerned or upset? Or am I right to just let it slide? Please tell me your thoughts. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 5, 2001 Share Posted October 5, 2001 Some people just aren't good about remembering birthdays. What can you do? But as you say, other friends didn't remember and you aren't annoyed with them. So why do you think this is troubling you (it would, by the way, trouble me)? Do you perhaps feel that this guy is not really pulling his weight in the effort to "work toward a relationship?" What does that mean, by the way -- I mean, why do you have to "work" toward being in a relationship with him -- are there unsual obstacles? Are you dating? Physically involved with each other? Just chatting on the phone now and then? Maybe I'm misunderstanding you, but it sounds like what you're really asking is "what kind of relationship do I have with this guy?" A man who is genuinely interested in pursuing a real relationship with you would, I think, remember a birthday he was cued to the week before. If your involvement with him has progressed beyond a dinner date here and there, I do think his failure to acknowledge your birthday is not a good sign. And by the way, why haven't you heard from him all week? That sounds like a bigger question considering the two of you are supposed to be "working toward a possible relationship." Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted October 5, 2001 Share Posted October 5, 2001 Just to add to what I said: if in the early stages of a relationship your partner's behavior sets off alarms in your friends, it ought to do the same in you. You and this guy aren't even in a real relationship yet, but you're already trying to explain him and his special circumstances to your friend. Why should you have to do that? If you have to make excuses for him to your friends this early on, what lies ahead? Link to post Share on other sites
had it w/my husband Posted October 5, 2001 Share Posted October 5, 2001 My husband left last sunday to go out of state and I havn't heard from him since...think about THAT! Things could be worse. Just to add to what I said: if in the early stages of a relationship your partner's behavior sets off alarms in your friends, it ought to do the same in you. You and this guy aren't even in a real relationship yet, but you're already trying to explain him and his special circumstances to your friend. Why should you have to do that? If you have to make excuses for him to your friends this early on, what lies ahead? Link to post Share on other sites
Birthday Girl Posted October 7, 2001 Share Posted October 7, 2001 Thank you Anthropod and Midori for your advice and perspective on this matter. I plan on addressing it with this guy. Now that I have had a different perspective I realize his behavior is in excusable. Thank you Had It W/ My Husband for your comment as well. It was my birthday on Tuesday and the guy that I am talking to (we seem to be working towards a relationship but there's no real committment at this time so we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend) forgot to wish me a happy birthday (I haven't heard from him all week). My best friend is extremely upset about it. She thinks that it's just common courtesy to remember to wish someone a happy birthday. I told her that he told me that he had dated someone a year and never asked them when their birthday was (at least he asked me when mine was). I told her that he had also told me another time that he can't remember his own mother's birthday. Therefore, I haven't taken it personally that he has forgotten mine. I just expected him to forget. In the larger scope of things I don't think that my birthday is all that important. There are bigger things in life to be concerned about. Besides, I have other friends who forgot to call and I am not upset with them either. However, because I reminded him about it last week my friend thinks that he's being a jerk. She thinks that because we are working towards a possible relationship that there is the expectation that he would remember and be courteous enough to wish me a happy birthday. So, what do you think? Is my friend right? Should I be concerned or upset? Or am I right to just let it slide? Please tell me your thoughts. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts