Another Love but not IN Love Story

[Lollie72]

You withdraw your love, attention and money, the women will react in kind. It's abreach of trust that's starting with you. No matter what the woman did, cheat or whatever, your doing an "eye-for-an-eye" won't fix, it will make you sink down to her level...and you'll regret for taking things away and money and money to care for the kids, and in the end in court you'll look more crazy to a judge...and our wife will likely have good reason for divorce...Your all giving this guy advice to REACT, not be PROACTIVE>

[dgiirl]

Lollie, I know you mean well, but I dont think you've been following the thread very closely. DD's been doing everything in his power to deposit into his wife's love bank. Unfortunately, there's only SO much a person can do. He cannot sit here indefinitely while his wife continues to have an affair with another man. He does need to be proactive and cover his ass. Sometimes the best way of getting a partner back, is making them realize what they lost.

[Billy Bob]

Don't worry about anti-depressants affecting divorce child custody issues, its not like you have a history of mental illness. Your understandably upset by the breakup of your marriage.

 

I left the room and went right across the street (yelling all the way) and told him that he had destroyed my family and wrecked my marriage and that I wanted him to never speak to my wife or family again.

 

Probably good that he knows how you feel, but your directing your anger at the wrong person. He didn't betray your maritial vows, he didn't fall out of love with you, your wife did. Really, there is no point in directing too much of your anger at him, even though we agree he's a scumball for going after a married woman.

 

 

cta, I think I'm reaching that point. I told my wife afterward that I'm still open to reconciling and we can live in this house peacefully, but that is my one boundary. I'm thinking of filing immediately if she won't stay away from him. I'll talk to my attorney about that tomorrow.

 

I'd get the paperwork ready to go, it really does take a while to get moving. I'd take the attitude that your going to file for divorce unless she makes a real effort to save the marriage and stays away from numbnuts. Reality still hasn't hit her yet. Your still being her safety net. Don't sit around putting off filing waiting/hoping to see if she's going to change, go ahead and start filing, let her worry about it. Take control.

 

Did I do better this time? I'm just done with this s***. I'm devestated that she doesn't love me anymore, but I'm just about ready to throw in the towel on fixing things. If she won't stop sneaking around and talking to him, my feelings are going to fade fast. I'm smelling the coffee, I guess.

 

Yeah, your getting closer... You'll know it when you finally do throw in the towel and stop worrying about what she is doing. She is making her own choices and nothing you can do at this point will change her mind. See you still care, she doesn't. At some point in the near future your going to ask yourself why you are still bothering, a little lightbulb will click on in your head and you will finally see it clearly. At that point you will finally withdraw her safety net and start thinking about your own happiness and what you can do to take care of yourself and make the best of it with your kids.

 

I'm not advocating getting mean with your wife, she has all the right in the world to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants. If she doesn't want to be married to you, thats her choice, respect it. You still have to be co-parents to your kids with her, try to be as polite with her as possible. But at some point your are going to have to let go and stop trying to make her love you again.

 

The only way at this point I see your wife possibly coming to her senses is when you force her to face reality by filing for divorce or legal seperation or whatever.. Remember, you can rip up your divorce or seperation papers at any time. On the other hand if she doesn't perform some sort of miraculous about face and start appreciating you again, your well on your way to taking care of your future and not waiting for her anymore.

 

I have to admit I felt better after this.

Thats because your balls are growing back. Feels good to get back some control huh?

[Lollie72]

Seperate so there aren't continued stressful power struggles.

[DesperateDad]

Don't worry about anti-depressants affecting divorce child custody issues, its not like you have a history of mental illness. Your understandably upset by the breakup of your marriage.

 

My only concern is that I HAVE been on anti-depressants before. I actually hated how it made me feel and eventually stopped taking it (paxil).

 

 

Probably good that he knows how you feel, but your directing your anger at the wrong person. He didn't betray your maritial vows, he didn't fall out of love with you, your wife did. Really, there is no point in directing too much of your anger at him, even though we agree he's a scumball for going after a married woman.

 

I'm definitely angry with both of them and they both know it now. She for obvious reasons, but him because he lied to me and betrayed my trust. He swore to me that he wasn't going after my wife. He's a former marine and I thought that counted for something. I say 'former' because now he's a buddie-f***er and doesn't deserve the honor.

 

 

I'd get the paperwork ready to go, it really does take a while to get moving. I'd take the attitude that your going to file for divorce unless she makes a real effort to save the marriage and stays away from numbnuts. Reality still hasn't hit her yet. Your still being her safety net. Don't sit around putting off filing waiting/hoping to see if she's going to change, go ahead and start filing, let her worry about it. Take control.

 

I'm going to ask the lawyer for advice on this today.

 

Yeah, your getting closer... You'll know it when you finally do throw in the towel and stop worrying about what she is doing. She is making her own choices and nothing you can do at this point will change her mind. See you still care, she doesn't. At some point in the near future your going to ask yourself why you are still bothering, a little lightbulb will click on in your head and you will finally see it clearly. At that point you will finally withdraw her safety net and start thinking about your own happiness and what you can do to take care of yourself and make the best of it with your kids.

 

Last night she went out to a meeting that had already been planned. I'm pretty sure that's where she went, but I have no idea if she met up with him later or not. Honestly, I'm starting not to care. As I sat there with my kids all snuggled up against me (yes, all five of the little ones), all I could feel was good that I had them there with me.

 

My mind just kind of drifted and I realized that I don't have the same feelings for my wife anymore. This episode has really damaged things. I DON'T trust her. I think she can lie right to my face and it doesn't really bother her anymore. It will take a lot before we can even begin to reconcile.

 

I'm not advocating getting mean with your wife, she has all the right in the world to do whatever she wants with whomever she wants. If she doesn't want to be married to you, thats her choice, respect it. You still have to be co-parents to your kids with her, try to be as polite with her as possible. But at some point your are going to have to let go and stop trying to make her love you again.

 

She's always said that life is about choices and I keep reminding her of this. She chose this, not me. Yes, I've messed up pretty badly, but I've been willing to do anything to make up for it and I've told her that.

 

I get the whole thing about emotional needs, but if the spouse doesn't communicate that, then how's is he supposed to know? There's no instruction book. I always did what my dad did, just work harder and avoid fighting about things. They are still married after 38 years.

 

The only way at this point I see your wife possibly coming to her senses is when you force her to face reality by filing for divorce or legal seperation or whatever.. Remember, you can rip up your divorce or seperation papers at any time. On the other hand if she doesn't perform some sort of miraculous about face and start appreciating you again, your well on your way to taking care of your future and not waiting for her anymore.

 

If the OM stays in touch and offers to take care of her or the kids, she'll go at this point. Nothing I can do. Right now she intends for us to stay under the same roof until November when we can put our house up for sale. She's planning on doing something for money between now and then. I don't see how she's going to be able to make enough money even with my child support and spousal maintainance to live off of.

 

Thats because your balls are growing back. Feels good to get back some control huh?

 

It DOES feel good. I've been taking it like a bitch for way too long. I got some sleep last night thanks to the doctor's happy pills (sorry, Gunny, I'll try to melatonin another time). I'm thinking a bit more clearly about the situation and the distance is beginning to grow. I don't need this s***.

 

Is it time for exposure? Talking to family? My family knows a bit about the situation, but her family knows nothing. The neighbors may know a little bit now because they probably heard me shouting yesterday and I'm sure some suspected something was going on anyway. Is it too soon for that? Should I wait to see if they stay away from each other?

 

The door is still open a little bit and I'm not sure I want to slam it completely shut yet. If she'd been a terrible, cheating wife all these years, I wouldn't have any doubts about just calling it quits, but she's been a great wife for most of those years. It's only been the past couple years that we've had problems.

 

It's funny now that in just about everything she's asked me to change over the years, I have changed for the better in some substantial way. I don't want any of you to think that I think I'm totally blameless here; I'm not. I've done a lot wrong over the course of our relationship, but when it's been pointed out to me I've made a sincere effort to change.

 

Yes, there were emotional needs not being met, but on both sides. I've mentioned before that she buttoned up a couple of years ago and stopped talking about certain things. I literally begged her to talk to me, to let me help her. I begged her to get counseling. It was always 'no.' Or if she did reveal anything it was that I wasn't spending enough time at home or that the kids were driving her nuts or most especially that I wasn't making enough money. It usually ended up in my mind at least, about how awful I was and how I would never be able to make things better.

 

Water under the bridge, right? On to the next steps.

[Mz. Pixie]

You withdraw your love, attention and money, the women will react in kind. It's abreach of trust that's starting with you. No matter what the woman did, cheat or whatever, your doing an "eye-for-an-eye" won't fix, it will make you sink down to her level...and you'll regret for taking things away and money and money to care for the kids, and in the end in court you'll look more crazy to a judge...and our wife will likely have good reason for divorce...Your all giving this guy advice to REACT, not be PROACTIVE>

 

I'm with Dgirl.

 

Lollie- I was the perfect example of a neglected wife. My exhusband did withdraw his love and affection and time away from me. The only difference between me and DD's wife is that I fully communicated it to him- asked for marriage counseling- yada yada for years before I had an affair. He actually told me he didn't have time to work on our marriage.

 

DD is not minimizing his mistakes at all. Yeah, he's made them but no matter what he did- it didn't give her the right to cheat. It took me a long time to wrap my head around that one- because I wanted to be justified in my actions. Yeah, he pushed me to the edge but I am the one who jumped. I do not believe at all that DD's situation is what you're describing and exactly what I experienced on a personal basis.

 

It was also a breach of trust for her to allow these problems to fester rather than talk about them. So, they have BOTH made mistakes, and he's owning up to his- she isn't.

 

Now DD-

 

I don't blame you for expressing your anger but of course he was going to deny it. Now they will just get more sneaky. If he's truly not going after your wife then he'll get out of the picture- but I doubt very seriously it's going to happen.

 

Posters are right- your anger should lie with HER. It's easy to bash the OM but in reality- he didn't make vows to you- she did. Sure, a decent human doesnt' go after a buddy's wife- but if she wouldn't have made herself available then none of this would have happened.

 

In reality, you guys have alot of small kids and I expect she's stressed. I know like hell I would be, but I wouldn't have had all those kids to start with. That's just me personally. You're stressed too because you bust your ass and go to school and she's not meeting your needs either.

 

Marriage counseling......

 

What was your wife's reaction to your outburst with OM???

 

Anti depressants shouldn't be a factor in a custody case. I wouldn't broadcast that I was taking them and your records are confidential.

 

By the way- I love Paxil for the anxiety relief it gives me but I've had to start weening myself off of it because of the sexual side effects!

[DesperateDad]

Thanks, Mz. P. My anger is primarily with her, but there's plenty to go around. She tried to stop me from going over, but I kept going. I think she was afraid that a) I would make a scene and all the neighbors would find out and b) that I would hurt him.

 

A) Who gives a f***? Let everybody know it now. She mocks me and says I'm going to play the victim. Well, guess what? Right now, I AM the victim and so are all of her children and so is this guy and his wife and his children. Nice work. I'm wondering if I should expose this all to my wife's family, too.

 

B) She knows I have a temper, but I've done pretty well controlling it for a lot of years. No fights in more than ten years. I'm not a big guy and this guy is much bigger, former marine and full of tattoos, but that doesn't bother me a bit. Anyway, I have no interest in fighting with him or anyone over this. The only fighting I will do is for the welfare of my children.

 

She also knows about the anti-depressants and thinks I'm crazy. This is probably because I had a hell of a time with Paxil. It turned me into a zombie and did nothing to relieve the real problems. I'm hoping the new one (celexa) will work out better. I don't want to take it indefinitely, though. My wife told me yesterday she doesn't want to be with somebody who takes this kind of stuff. Fine.

 

She's so deep in the fog that she's still pulling out every excuse in the book as to why she's justified in her actions. She's fully aware that practically no one will support her in this and is fooling herself into believing that the kids won't be hurt by this.

 

What's too funny is that she made a big deal about our kids being hurt by not being able to play with/date the OM's kids. Like they would be devastated by that, but fine with a divorce (and I expect a relationship with the guy who helped to break up their parents!). Brilliant logic. I don't think I'm the one who should be on drugs!

 

On a side note: his kids and mine were outside playing and the teenagers have some idea of what's going on and have for some time. I did tell his older son that I have no problem with him and his brother.

[DesperateDad]

Lollie, I know you mean well, but I dont think you've been following the thread very closely. DD's been doing everything in his power to deposit into his wife's love bank. Unfortunately, there's only SO much a person can do. He cannot sit here indefinitely while his wife continues to have an affair with another man. He does need to be proactive and cover his ass. Sometimes the best way of getting a partner back, is making them realize what they lost.

 

Oh, and speaking of her Love Bank. I got home around midnight on Monday (took my nephew to a concert -I'm still deaf!) and she told me her back was hurting so I set her up with a heat pad and rubbed her back until she fell asleep. I HAVE still been trying to make those deposits. I don't know if she'll be receptive to that at all in the future or whether I'll feel up to offering. It's going to be a long few months. We'll see what happens...

[Gunny376]

Uh~uh! Not buying this "If a man cheats on his wife - its his fault, and if a wife cheats on her husband ~ its still his fault!" Anyone I'm with I hold 100% accoutable for their words, deeds, and actions - PERIOD! You might as well say the "Devil made me do it!" and it will hold about much water.

 

DD's I beleive has fully examined the three fingers he's got pointing back at himself ~ before pointing a single one at his WW.

 

The OM ~ same standard applies. Speaking strictly for myself, if it were me. I'd go down to the hardware store and buy a brand new hickory ax handle and "walk tall" on his azz. I promise you, he'd think twice before he got into another's man's marriage.

 

He may be a "former" Marine, but he doesn't sound like he was much of one in this Gunny's eyes. He has NO Honor nor integrity. Which is also probally one of the reasons he's a "former" Marine. The Marine Corps is constantly weeding those out that do not or cannot meet consistently meet the high standards.

 

There are three artciles of the Uniform Code of Military Justics that will get you court martialed, reduced in rank, heavily fined, six months in the brig, and a Bad Conduct Discharage.

 

Sodomny ~ Defined as any kind of sex other than between a man and wife

 

Fornication ~ Again defined as any jkid of sex other than between a man and his wife

 

Adultry ~ Same definition

 

What the Corps does ~ is charge with all three if the individual case meets the specifications of each charge. And the Marine Corps can, does, and will prosecute.

[Billy Bob]

My wife told me yesterday she doesn't want to be with somebody who takes this kind of stuff. Fine.

 

Geeze, does she have a clue what she is talking about? Would she rather be with someone who is depressed? I took Paxil for about 3 months when I was going through the dark period in my marriage... It really did help me to not to give a s***... after about 3 months when my life had stabilized I just weaned myself off it for a week and was fine.

 

Good luck DD, were pulling for you. But I do disagree with Gunny, I wouldn't even bother with the OM, we know he's scum, but he is not your problem. If your wife got drunk would you blame the bottle of booze?

 

A) Who gives a f***? Let everybody know it now. She mocks me and says I'm going to play the victim. Well, guess what? Right now, I AM the victim and so are all of her children and so is this guy and his wife and his children. Nice work. I'm wondering if I should expose this all to my wife's family, too.

 

 

DD, you have to let go. What would being vindictive and "exposing" this to your wife's family accomplish? They will know soon enough. Let your wife do what she wants to do, you can't control her. If she wants to see the OM, you have no right not to let her. You have already let her know that if she does she has crossed your line. The only person you should be concerned with now is yourself (and your children).

 

Start doing things to make yourself happy. Nothing you can do is going to make your wife come back to you (if thats even what you want now). If your wife wants to make it work with you she will, there is nothing else you can do at this point about that. Focus on yourself and your kids.

[Gunny376]

Takes two to make it ~ one to break it!

 

CTA ~ if you back and look Bro, I said, "Speaking stictly for myself,....."

[Billy Bob]

The harder you push against your wife's relationship with the OM, the more she will rebel and cling to it at this point. Its only when you really give up caring and let her do whatever she wants that she may actually see it for what its really worth.

 

Right now its a forbidden fantasy relationship, it hasn't become a real-life relationship yet. Real-life relationships have real-life problems.

 

I think everyone on the LS board will agree that from what you have described about your wife and the OM, when reality hits their relationship won't last long. She has 6 kids with two different dads, he's going through divorce and has kids of his own, no way they would be able to play house for long - sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. Like Gunny said I think, Reality has teeth. Let her have what she wants so bad, the fantasy bubble will pop hard.

[silentcharon]

Yes, file those papers!

 

My step dad had a wife before he married my mom. He found out that she was having an affair with his neighbour across the street. He was about to file for divorce, one day, he came home to a empty house. His wife came in and took EVERYTHING but the cat. At the time they didn't have kids, but still, she came in and took everything.

 

This made divorce very difficult, as she already had everything. I would imagine it's a lot easier sorting out things during divorce when you still have your possessions/kids, rather than later after the wife takes everything.

 

Good luck, DD, I hate seeing bad things happen to good people.

[Ladyjane14]

I'm glad you went to the doctor and got checked out, DD.

I doubt you'll have any problems with your paperwork from being on the AD's. You can ask your attorney about it if you need some peace of mind. Frankly, I would guess that you'd have more problems in NOT taking whatever medication your doctor has prescribed. That could be viewed as noncompliance.

 

I've heard from several people that they had trouble with Paxil, so I think you'll find that some of the newer meds are going to work a little better with fewer side-effects. If you're not feeling better on the Celexa in a couple of weeks, give your doctor another call. Sometimes it's necessary to try a few different meds before you find the right match.

 

As far as 'exposure' is concerned, I'm not going to tell you what to do there. It's a double-edged sword, and I think every BS has to make that decision for themselves. In my particular situation, I didn't need to do it. My partner was already highly motivated and desirous of recovery. But I'll tell you.... if that hadn't been the case, there's no way I would've been willing to hide his dirty little secrets for him. I'd have sang like a bird!

[Gunny376]

"Hey! Babe! I just let you have what your Heart so desperately desired!"

 

As they say down here in Alabama ~ You make you bed hard - you're going to have to learn how to sleep in it!"

[DesperateDad]

The harder you push against your wife's relationship with the OM, the more she will rebel and cling to it at this point. Its only when you really give up caring and let her do whatever she wants that she may actually see it for what its really worth.

 

cta, do you think I did the wrong thing in telling her I don't want her to have any contact with him? I did tell her that for us to live together peacefully in the same house, she would have to abide with this. I also said I knew I couldn't control her. Should I just tell her to do whatever she wants, but not in my house?

[DesperateDad]

DD, you have to let go. What would being vindictive and "exposing" this to your wife's family accomplish? They will know soon enough. Let your wife do what she wants to do, you can't control her. If she wants to see the OM, you have no right not to let her. You have already let her know that if she does she has crossed your line. The only person you should be concerned with now is yourself (and your children).

 

My only thought with this is that if they see her as the victim they might help her out and make it easier for her to get a divorce. If they hear the whole story I doubt they'll be very supportive, but I just want her to see the consequences of her actions. I guess the hope is that this would help to snap her back into reality.

[Billy Bob]

He was about to file for divorce, one day, he came home to a empty house. His wife came in and took EVERYTHING but the cat.

 

Not sure if that reply fits your situation exactly, but DD start protecting your assets a little bit. Don't do anything drastic at this point but you might cancel a few of the joint credit cards/credit lines you don't use, call up and drop the limit of your main credit card/credit lines from like $10K to $2K.. you know just enough to get by month to month. Maybe, no definitely start hoarding a little cash for yourself. You can withdraw money from the credit lines yourself right now, you don't have to spend it, but you sure don't have to make it accessible to her and the OM.

 

If she does run out and get a lawyer he's going to get a retainer for like $5K, she'll probably pay by credit card. She's been buddy buddy with her OM pal who is going through divorce right now, she's told the OM that she wants a divorce from you, I'd wonder if she already has his divorce lawyer lined up for herself.

 

Now I am just postulating here, but at this point your wife has indicated that she's in love with the other man and she wants a divorce from you. You need to start looking out for #1.

 

She has already shown you how much she cares about you by telling you she doesn't love you anymore, that she loves the OM, that she wants a divorce, etc... When things start getting a bit ugly she won't blink an eye charging $5k for a lawyer. She's in-love with the OM, not you.

 

Take care of yourself and your kids. Please go check out "Divorce for Dummies" and read up on how to protect yourself.

 

I'm just advocating protecting yourself until this is resolved one way or another.

[DesperateDad]

As far as 'exposure' is concerned, I'm not going to tell you what to do there. It's a double-edged sword, and I think every BS has to make that decision for themselves. In my particular situation, I didn't need to do it. My partner was already highly motivated and desirous of recovery. But I'll tell you.... if that hadn't been the case, there's no way I would've been willing to hide his dirty little secrets for him. I'd have sang like a bird!

 

That's just it, though. She always asks me who I've told and what I told them. It obviously bothers her, but then she says, 'fine, everybody's going to think what they want anyway.' I asked her one time if she thought that maybe 'everybody' was right if they all thought she was wrong about something. She replied that she's tired of living for everybody else. Hmmm... it's a big world and we have to share it with everybody else...

[DesperateDad]

When things start getting a bit ugly she won't blink an eye charging $5k for a lawyer. She's in-love with the OM, not you.

 

Take care of yourself and your kids. Please go check out "Divorce for Dummies" and read up on how to protect yourself.

 

I'm just advocating protecting yourself until this is resolved one way or another.

 

I agree. I'm going to do my best to protect myself and my kids. I don't think I have too much to worry about with the money thing. The credit cards are all charged very close to the max right now anyway, mostly thanks to her spending habits. (Ha ha, that's another thing he's going to hate about her -she spends money like it going out of style!) I suspect she may ask for a loan from him 'cause he's such a generous guy and good 'friend.'

 

I'm going to talk to the attorney about protecting my financial situation, too. Custody and finances right now are my big priority. Is the dummies book pretty helpful?

[Billy Bob]

cta, do you think I did the wrong thing in telling her I don't want her to have any contact with him?

 

Well, you keep beating your head against the wall? What is it accomplishing? She knows you don't want her to have contact with the OM, she's known that for months. You can keep telling her what you want, but it just shows she still has you wrapped around her finger.

 

I did tell her that for us to live together peacefully in the same house, she would have to abide with this. I also said I knew I couldn't control her. Should I just tell her to do whatever she wants, but not in my house

 

There you go trying to control her.. Its her house too. Do you have any legal standing to kick her out of the house if she does whatever she wants? Why do you assume you get to lay down the rules? Why does she have to abide by this rule? What are you going to do if she doesn't?

 

Your still hanging on, you have to let go. Figure you just need to take care of #1 ( and #3,4,5,6,7,8). You need to alter your thought process, at this point you can not tell her what to do.

 

It seems pretty silly to me that you think there is any way she is going to stop seeing the OM at this point... supposedly they are "in-love" with each other. You can't keep people "in-love" with each other apart.

[Ladyjane14]

She replied that she's tired of living for everybody else.

 

It's fairly normal for women her age to feel that way, particularly when the kids are little. We're all wearing alot of different hats, afterall. When we don't have much time for ourselves, we tend to worry that we're losing our identity.

 

Unfortunately, that just falls under the heading of "life's a bitch".

Yeah... it's stressful, but we still have to live up to our obligations and act in a responsible manner, right? And when you think about it, compared to the old days when we were growing our own food, cooking it on a wood-burning stove, and sewing our own clothes, hey.... this ain't too bad!

 

You aren't really at any obligation to protect your wife from her own folly. If you feel like exposing... go ahead. She'll be mad as hell, but you'll at least have it all out on the table.

 

And on the outside chance that she's telling a different story to her side of the family, you'll bust it up. Sometimes a WS will rationalize to their side of the family to drum up financial and emotional support without telling them all the facts. If nothing else, exposure puts your side of the story out there as well.

 

To be honest, in everything that I've read... I don't believe that 'exposure' is likely to decide the final outcome.

WS's that would have come back anyway, shake it off and return to the marriage. And WS's that would NEVER have come back under any circumstances, hold onto their anger as just another justification for their decision to leave.

[DesperateDad]

Well, you keep beating your head against the wall? What is it accomplishing? She knows you don't want her to have contact with the OM, she's known that for months. You can keep telling her what you want, but it just shows she still has you wrapped around her finger.

 

There you go trying to control her.. Its her house too. Do you have any legal standing to kick her out of the house if she does whatever she wants? Why do you assume you get to lay down the rules? Why does she have to abide by this rule? What are you going to do if she doesn't?

 

I don't know. File immediately? I'm not sure what to do here. All I know is that I can't keep going on like this. We can't sell the house right now and we don't have the money to keep up two residences, either. I don't know what I CAN do.

 

Your still hanging on, you have to let go. Figure you just need to take care of #1 ( and #3,4,5,6,7,8). You need to alter your thought process, at this point you can not tell her what to do.

 

It seems pretty silly to me that you think there is any way she is going to stop seeing the OM at this point... supposedly they are "in-love" with each other. You can't keep people "in-love" with each other apart.

 

This is true. But, again, how can I live in this situation if I just tell her to do what she wants? Again, I'm back to acting like nothing bothers me while it's going on right in front of me. What should I do?

[Billy Bob]

My only thought with this is that if they see her as the victim they might help her out and make it easier for her to get a divorce. If they hear the whole story I doubt they'll be very supportive, but I just want her to see the consequences of her actions. I guess the hope is that this would help to snap her back into reality.

 

They are going to hear and believe her version of the story. You will be made to look like a bastard. Your looking for satisfaction through her relatives, but you won't find it. Blood is thick. (Speaking from my own bad experience trying this.)

[Ladyjane14]

But, again, how can I live in this situation if I just tell her to do what she wants? Again, I'm back to acting like nothing bothers me while it's going on right in front of me. What should I do?

 

NEVER GIVE YOUR SPOUSE PERMISSION TO CHEAT ON YOU.

 

If she won't give up the OM, divorce her. But don't play games.