Another Love but not IN Love Story

[Billy Bob]

After I busted her.... I'd sell the house out from under her.

 

I really don't know how anyone can sell a house without the co-signer's agreement. Unless the house is just in your name, I don't think you could do this.

 

But, if you stayed married to her, and you guys made it better than ever before-would you be able to love her as you SHOULD??

 

Yes, this is what I have been saying, too much damage to ever get to that ideal love/maritial relationship again (if it ever really existed). Plus after all this crap, how on earth could you ever envision it becoming better than ever before?

 

Sorry to rain on the parade, but sometimes you have to stare reality in the face. You still grieve for the loss of the marriage like you would a dead parent. If she had any intention of wanting to save the marriage she would be trying, not just you.

 

Maybe she is in this "fog", OK, but thats not really an excuse to do anything to your spouse/partner is it? I doubt this "fog" would hold up in legal court. She knows what she is doing and has a reason for doing it, she has told you she wants a divorce, she has told you she's in-love with the other man and not you, she's still in-contact with the OM, even though you said that was your one condition.

 

When you no longer care to save the marriage, then she loses control. All this time she has been in-control of you and the situation. The only way to get her to wake up is to file and make her face the cold reality of the situation. At this point she will either A) Recognize you are the true love of her life and mend the relationship B) Recognize her financial security is in jeopardy and claim you are the love of her life and temporarily mend the relationship C) Say good riddance and continue to see the OM.

 

My guess is that after you file you will see C) then B). But who knows..

[Billy Bob]

I'm sure you're considering working it out still due to the kids, and to be honest, they should be your first thought here- as they are the silent victims in all of this. But, if you stayed married to her, and you guys made it better than ever before-would you be able to love her as you SHOULD??

 

Staying together for the kids, while noble, I don't think is the right choice. The kids will be just as screwed up (or more so) living with parents who are not emotionally married to one another. Kids figure this out. Plus does DD want to live 10-20 years in a loveless marriage?

[Sup]

Hi Mz. P and cta (and others!). Sorry about being out of communication so long. I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what I'm doing with my life.

 

I've had sort of an epiphany, you could say, or maybe I've just reached that point that cta always talks about. I've accepted that my marriage is essentially over. I'm sad that the kids will have to go through this, but I'm just fed up with everything that's happened.

 

I realized that I've never felt the same way about my wife as she's felt about me. It's been in the back of my mind for a long time. All that's happened has made me wake up to the fact that I DON'T have to settle. I can have someone who respects me and herself.

 

I guess I'm tired of the games and I want to get on with my life, too. Right now, we're still living mostly the way we always have except for any sort of real affection between us. I've also told her she needs to come up with some sort of income if she wants to be independent.

 

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be a good father to my children, but I want more out of life than what I'm getting now. This has gone on for 3 months now and shows no signs of changing. The only thing that seems to have changed is my attitude. I don't really give a sh*t anymore. I just had another birthday (36 -yeah!) and I don't want to stay in this situation until I'm 40 or older.

 

In fact, I'm looking forward to having some freedom in my life. I don't need or want a woman around who doesn't want to be with me. I've proven that I don't need her to take care of me or prop up my ego.

 

The other night she was showing me some pictures of the kids on her computer and she had left her email open. There was a message from the OM on there with the subject: MISS YOU. How f-ing pathetic is that? The funny thing is that it just disgusted me. It struck me that this guy is just a pathetic POS who really needs to get his sh*t together and move on with his life.

 

I wasn't jealous, but just angry that I have to be in the middle of this stuff for now. She's still protesting that they are just friends and all, but, come on, what kind of a guy sends an email like that to his 'friend?'

 

We did have a nasty little blow up the other day, though. It was all my fault, but I was just past caring. She was asking me again why I was so angry with the neighbor and I blew up. If she doesn't get why I'm upset then she is mentally impaired.

 

She asked me again if I would ever be cool with the two of them and I said no, you both betrayed me. I have no obligation at all to forgive him or trust him again. Why should I trust people who piss down my neck and tell me it's raining?

 

She's still staying away from him as far as I can tell, but she doesn't understand why they can't be neighborly. I'm laughing my ass off! Just like a couple of lovestruck teenagers. Totally pathetic.

 

So, yeah, I'm in a different stage of things now. I've still got a lot of anger below the surface, but I don't feel like my whole world is collapsing anymore. On the contrary, I'm thinking more about all the opportunity that's out there waiting for me. I've felt held back for a long time, not by having to support my family, but by having to live up to her expectations and do what she and everyone else expected me to. Keeping up with the Joneses sucks!

 

Now, I just want to move on with my life. She can pursue her own train wreck if she wants to. I just don't want me or my kids involved in it.

 

If you don't want YOUR kids involved in this, then you better go for sole custody, or this'll drag oooonn.....

[Mz. Pixie]

Staying together for the kids, while noble, I don't think is the right choice. The kids will be just as screwed up (or more so) living with parents who are not emotionally married to one another. Kids figure this out. Plus does DD want to live 10-20 years in a loveless marriage?

 

 

Nah, I'm not saying that he should stay because of the kids- despite the way that I wrote that. What I meant is that his kids should be his first thought in all of this.

 

To be really honest, I can't imagine having kids to begin with with someone you didn't feel that strongly about. Because kids tie you together forever. You may divorce, but you are parents together forever. Sure, when they are older the contact will be slim- but his are young.

[Ladyjane14]

I'm worried about you DD. I have a friend who suffers with depression, and when I don't hear from her for weeks on end... she's usually symptomatic.

 

You haven't been posting much, and what you have posted lacks energy... like you've run out of gas.

 

That's natural for a guy in your difficult position, of course. But still.... have you followed up with your doctor recently? Depression is difficult to self-monitor.

[Gunny376]

 

But, just this morning I put on a post about "naked ironing". So.... things have gotten BETTER!

 

 

:laugh:

[Gunny376]

 

I'd mount surveillance cams at the front and rear entrances of the house. I'd put one on the lawn that just happened to have a view of the guy's front door.

 

 

WalMart sells them here for about $60 - $110, in color, in the dark, in b&W!

 

I get a couple of those, that has a little red LED light and a motion detecor. They're not real cameras, but when you walk by them, the MD picks up on you, and the "camera" follows you ~ LOL! That'll "weird" her out.