How Did You Feel Later...

[lovernotafighter]

well you got me Sami...I won't..but I could if I wanted to thats the thing.

 

I flat out asked him once if he was trying to get busted and he said "well,it would make it easier to leave" huh?

 

listen to what this crazy man did a few months ago...he was talking to me and rattled off his W's cell phone number! I stopped him and asked "are you nuts or something?" he siad no,I just thought you should know it...who knows..but obviously he doesn't think I'll use it..I guess.

 

I'm just a big ol' pussy cat.

[Sami_D]

Same here... We spent a lot of time in the same city (and its a small city) his in laws live and he always said... well... we get caught... we get caught...

 

Even so... He still isn't telling his W.

 

I don't know what goes through their heads, but whatever you think it means... I can't imagine it really does.

[Jessie61]

Somehow... he knows. And it's true... you wouldn't tell. You said as much here so... why expect him to believe you would...?

 

Well I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I did send some CD's that he had given me as a present back to his house after one of the times that I had dumped him. No, note or anything, just the CD's in an envelope with a hand written address.... I had packed everything else into a box and given it back to him when I dumped him, and I only found the CD's in my house the day after... I was absolutely livid with him and wanted nothing to remind me of this particular fiasco...

 

Hardly "bunny boiler" stuff, but perhaps I s-h-o-u-l-d remind him???

[scarletletter]

I don't think that my MM wants to get caught because he knows and I know that his wife would still not kick him out or leave him. She would however, threaten him with the kids, etc. She has it far too good to let him go. Then she would have to go to work and would have to sell their beautiful home. She would never do that. It is a status thing with her.

[Orchid2006]

Don't be so ignorant or so arrogant! Perhaps she should know!

 

But, it's NOT your place to be the one to tell her! It will do no good for you to tell her about you & her husband. You may just get your a$$ kicked by her.

[beachrosie]

Why do you want to tell her? Check your motives. She might need to know, but certainly not from you. Let is go, and go on, do your own thing. It's really his and her business.

 

I don't like hurting other people even unintentionally, even though I have done that myself.

 

Please don't tell her because it will really ruin her life, if it isn't ruined already.

[movinon05]

Well my exMM certainly didn't want to get caught, nor I, but over 7 yrs, I can't remember how many times he got caught. Too many. Didn't change anything, other than big fights that ensued over his house and nasty calls to my home.

[Blind Illusion]

 

listen to what this crazy man did a few months ago...he was talking to me and rattled off his W's cell phone number! I stopped him and asked "are you nuts or something?" he siad no,I just thought you should know it...who knows..but obviously he doesn't think I'll use it..I guess.

 

.

 

Not that I would use it either but it really does sound like he wants someone to do the task for him.

[movinon05]

Not that I would use it either but it really does sound like he wants someone to do the task for him.

 

Yeah, what's up with that? I was thinking the same thing. And showing you her picture? Ewwwww.

[Wicked Wanda]

Now that's sick....

 

Do they ever think?

[Orchid2006]

Nope, they sure don't!

[RecordProducer]

I don't get this! In another post you all (perhaps different LS members though) encouraged the OW to tell the wife as it was considered to be a caring and altruistic gesture (only because the OW stated her reasons as such). You even said that the OW's motives didn't matter - what was important was that the wife would benefit big time from that glamorous discovery. She would have a choice of dumping the trash if she would so decide (which I agree with).

 

Now you're all over Wanda for wanting to open the eyes of a woman who obviously lives in agony after the first affair not knowing that her husband has another affair. Now, would you want to know if you have forgiven one affair and the piece of s*** was cheating on you again?

 

Of course Wanda is angry! He is using her weakness toward him to waste her time and energy.

 

I am not pro-telling the wife or against it. But I am curious if some of the posters in this thread are the same ones from the other thread and hold the thumb up on Monday and down on Tuesday.

[lovernotafighter]

Not that I would use it either but it really does sound like he wants someone to do the task for him.

that's is true..I scratch my head all the time at his lame remarks and blatant silliness. he is a very intelligent guy, has his bachelors and such...so what else could it be?

Yeah, what's up with that? I was thinking the same thing. And showing you her picture? Ewwwww.

trust me that came out of the blue..he writes me.."well I thought I show you my family and everyone I talk about". if he would have asked,I would have said "no thank you" I think it was a odd attempt to get me to send him a picture of my husband...which I never did.

Now that's sick....

 

Do they ever think?

that's the thing with my MM..as far as I know he never quits thinking...theres more to his actions than whats on front street..I know him that well...but what? I shudder to think.

[No Stress Lady]

I don't get this! In another post you all (perhaps different LS members though) encouraged the OW to tell the wife as it was considered to be a caring and altruistic gesture (only because the OW stated her reasons as such). You even said that the OW's motives didn't matter - what was important was that the wife would benefit big time from that glamorous discovery. She would have a choice of dumping the trash if she would so decide (which I agree with).

 

Now you're all over Wanda for wanting to open the eyes of a woman who obviously lives in agony after the first affair not knowing that her husband has another affair. Now, would you want to know if you have forgiven one affair and the piece of s*** was cheating on you again?

 

Of course Wanda is angry! He is using her weakness toward him to waste her time and energy.

 

I am not pro-telling the wife or against it. But I am curious if some of the posters in this thread are the same ones from the other thread and hold the thumb up on Monday and down on Tuesday.

 

Who are you referring to????

 

It might help if you actually posted a link to that other thread Then you could see who the posters were that were apparently encouraging the OW to tell the wife.

[RecordProducer]

I'm practicing - believe me - 20 years of practice - and he's still coming back....

Wanda, you've been with your MM for 20 years?!?!?!

[RecordProducer]

Who are you referring to????

 

It might help if you actually posted a link to that other thread Then you could see who the posters were that were apparently encouraging the OW to tell the wife.

I went back to the thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t86444/ and I see that a couple ladies state that it's good for the wife to know and they would want to know, but advise Wanda to NOT tell as no good will come out of it. I personally would want to know and wouldn't want to tell, but what kind of ADVICE is it when you say "good" and "not good" about the very same thing to two different OW?

 

Not criticizing anyone... just looking for a final, one-sided conclusion.

 

Should the OW tell or not? What's better for the wife?

[lovernotafighter]

I went back to the thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t86444/ and I see that a couple ladies state that it's good for the wife to know and they would want to know, but advise Wanda to NOT tell as no good will come out of it. I personally would want to know and wouldn't want to tell, but what kind of ADVICE is it when you say "good" and "not good" about the very same thing to two different OW?

 

Not criticizing anyone... just looking for a final, one-sided conclusion.

 

Should the OW tell or not? What's better for the wife?

 

I shared my experience in that thread..but on the side that if they were to tell they should do it anonymously because the wife won't buy it from the OW. and I am sure I am accurate in that because I was the wife that didn't believe..but had I heard it from a different source I at least would have gave it some consideration.

 

and I don't believe the other woman should be the one to tell...she went into it knowing damn well the MM is married and to renege on the original plan just comes off bitter...even if it isn't her intent,that's still how all other parties will see it..and the wife will just be hurt and confused.

 

but now say the H lied to the OW and she then discovered he was M..well then that's a horse of another color isn't it?

[serial muse]

I shared my experience in that thread..but on the side that if they were to tell they should do it anonymously because the wife won't buy it from the OW. and I am sure I am accurate in that because I was the wife that didn't believe..but had I heard it from a different source I at least would have gave it some consideration.

 

and I don't believe the other woman should be the one to tell...she went into it knowing damn well the MM is married and to renege on the original plan just comes off bitter...even if it isn't her intent,that's still how all other parties will see it..and the wife will just be hurt and confused.

 

but now say the H lied to the OW and she then discovered he was M..well then that's a horse of another color isn't it?

 

This is interesting...do you still feel obligated to the MM after the affair is over, to hold to the "original plan"?

 

If so, that suggests you'd also feel obligated to continue keeping his "secret" - so why would you want the wife to know at all?

 

And if not, what difference does it make whether the MM thinks you're bitter? Why does his opinion of you matter anymore?

[Blind Illusion]

Actually, while I first said I would want to know, I did state that I wouldn't be the informant, however.

[serial muse]

Yeah, I meant to add to RP's post - I don't think anybody has contradicted him/herself; there isn't actually that much overlap between who's posting here and there anyway (me, BI, RP, don't know of anybody else off the top of my head...)

 

I actually mentioned that same thread a few pages back because I thought Wanda might be interested to see what BS's were saying about the issue. Few OW posted there, and few BS are posting here. But the issue concerns both; getting the most accurate information right from the source, as it were, is never a bad thing.

[Blind Illusion]

This is interesting...do you still feel obligated to the MM after the affair is over, to hold to the "original plan"?

?

Honestly, I think I would. I'd put it in the same light of keeping someone's confidence even if I was no longer friends with that person. You ask about the perception of being bitter and why does it matter. Part of that would be that I do worry what people think sometimes, often to a fault, I will admit. Age, however, has partially rectified that.

 

Another part of it would be, regardless of what others perceived about me, * I* wouldn't like myself acting out of bitterness. The final part would be that I probably would care what the MM thought a little, anyhow. All along I have been holding him up as someone's whose opinion I respect, etc and it's difficult to just shut feelings off like that.

[lovernotafighter]

This is interesting...do you still feel obligated to the MM after the affair is over, to hold to the "original plan"?

yes,I would.

If so, that suggests you'd also feel obligated to continue keeping his "secret" - so why would you want the wife to know at all?

I don't want the wife to know..and if she did find out it certainly shouldn't be from me.

the thread in question people were throwing around if the OW should tell..I say no. but in the case of a OW being lied to about the H's martial status,I say the gloves are off.

perhaps,I'm confused or confusing over your post...unsure???

 

And if not, what difference does it make whether the MM thinks you're bitter? Why does his opinion of you matter anymore?

I was meaning more about the wife's stance..in my situation when I learned things from the other woman,I took it as a bitter woman wanting my man..nothing more. for my own selfish purposes I also wouldn't want to give the MM the satisfaction of knowing I'm pissed off.

[serial muse]

lnaf - sorry, I don't remember your story exactly, but off the top of my head I think your affair ended in a more bittersweet way, without a lot of rancor on either side. Is that right (sorry if I'm misremembering)?

 

Anyway, my question was nominally in response to your post, but it was really directed toward any OW who is already inclined to tell, for whatever reason (like, for example, the OP).

 

BI mentioned that she'd consider not telling as keeping his confidence. For someone you still admire/believe in, I can understand easily...but yeah, after reading some of the really intense anger directed at MM on here, I'm surprised to read that loyalty would even be a consideration anymore. It seems like giving far more than you're getting back - which is, after all, the source of the bitterness on both sides (OW and BS, that is).

 

Yes, I can understand that feelings don't evaporate - been there, been betrayed, too. That inability to switch gears so quickly is, after all, why many BS stay with their spouses (and frankly, it's why many people stay in any kind of relationship long past its due date). So yeah, I get that.

 

But it's the belief that you (in the general "you") might actually owe him something like loyalty - not lingering love, but a kind of altruistic loyalty that he certainly won't return (and doesn't appear to deserve anyway) - that I don't quite understand.

 

However, the bit about not wanting him to know you still care, I totally get.

[Blind Illusion]

 

But it's the belief that you (in the general "you") might actually owe him something like loyalty - not lingering love, but a kind of altruistic loyalty that he certainly won't return (and doesn't appear to deserve anyway) - that I don't quite understand.

 

However, the bit about not wanting him to know you still care, I totally get.

 

I know you said the general 'you" but you know what Serial Muse, I don't really get it or understand this either. I don't know why I feel like that. You're right about it probably not being reciprocal or deserved. But I was answering your post honestly nonetheless. Maybe this will change in time, though????

[Blind Illusion]

(and frankly, it's why many people stay in any kind of relationship long past its due date). quote]

 

PS.. I like the "due date" image. Unfortunately I seem to be in two relationships that have passed the "Expire On" date. If relationships were bread, I'd be living among the molds.

 

Maybe I should give up "bread' entirely!!