IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 You'd think someone getting married in 2 months should be ectatic, Not me. Don't get me wrong, I have not a single doubt about my marriage, its just that, i thought within 7 months of living somewhere new, I would be established. I have a job..ok..I have 2 friends...and I wouldn't even call them that, they call me when they want to smoke a blunt. I can't tell things that are going on in my relationsip, I have noone to talk to. Anyone close to me is in another state. I knew this is what I had to do for us to be together. Me move to him. I had a waitressing job and I met people, but again, they were just people. I don't know what to do. I could join a club, but I'm not really sure what I'm interested in. I just don't have many oppertunities to meet people. Not really sure what to do. I knew what I was getting myself into, starting new, but I didn't think it would be this hard. I just don't think that any people i do become friends with is going to turn into anything more than an aquaintance. They have their circle of friends already and doesn't want anyone else coming in....i think i have to deal with it....i want to be with my fiance so i guess i'll have to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted April 27, 2006 Author Share Posted April 27, 2006 Can anyone help me? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 It does take time to feel settled, safe and happy at a new place, let alone a new City, so far from family and friends. I know it would be so hard for me to find new friends if my husband and I ever had to move away... What sorts of hobby's are you into? Photography? Art? Boxing? Reading? Maybe join a reading group, or a health club. I know that sounds so corny... What about horse back riding? I hate to say it, but you're going to have to be the one to GO looking for friends...They aren't going to find you. Just put yourself out there, take afew chances. Allow your mind to feel good and positive, even if you meet someone, an acquaintance, a casual buddy to hang out with on occasion still could be fun and maybe grow into something more. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 It takes a long time to set down roots in a new place. A long time. I think that's why so many people remain in the town they grew up in. Every one has the same circle of friends for life, basically. I dunno. I discarded everyone from my past (for very smart reasons), moved to a new town about 10 years ago, and I'm just finally feeling at home here. Granted, I was married for 5 of those years so didn't get out much, but I say it's taken me a good 2 years of knowing peeps around here to finally feel a part of the community. All I can tell you is to keep making friends, keep reaching out to call and make plans, and eventually things will improve. I don't evny you though. It's hard starting out in a new world. Link to post Share on other sites
gemmab2020 Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 i have made it 10mths now in a new country. It's hard, but I am determined to stick it out! I mived just for the fun of it though, I just wanted a challenge, and it certainly is that. I haven't made many "friends", but i have loads of aquaintances. But yea, you just have to put yourself out there. It is hard, but it will be well worth it in the end. The only true friend I have here is the best friend I could ever wish for. And you have your guy!! You should feel so lucky that you have met such a great guy that wants to spends the rest of his days with you. Takes a really special person to find something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Freyja Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Hey there, I can really sympathise for you I myself got married and moved to a new city 3 months ago. It has been difficult, it still is but you know what you get over it and you will be okay. I used to be and infact still am at times really depressed because I miss my family and all of my friends, its like all I have here in my husband and his family. Plus its slightly more difficult for me as my hubby isnt so sociable so hasnt got many friends (also he moved to this city 2 yrs ago so still new), so its like I have to go out there and make my own friends, its kinda weird cause previously I've always lived in the same area and had loads of childhood friends. One thing I'd like to point out though is that feeling depressed at times over adjusting to a new placve is perfectly normal. On one hand I'm over the moon I got married to the man I love and hes absolutely wonderful and supportive, but on the other hand I become all upset because adapting to a new surrounding is so hard. Besides even as a person I have changed alot and its all those changes which can make uyou feel rather vulnerable at times. Nevertheless it will get better. I'm much better off today, than I was 2 months ago and I'm positive theres so much more to look forward to. Also its important to remain patient aswell because I've realised alot of the times I was being too hard on myself to adjust to my new life, but you just have to give it time and it'll all fall into place. I wish you all the best, also make sure you communicate these feelings with your partner and I'm sure he'll comfort you and remind you it's gonna be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IhavenoFREAKINclue Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 AWWW Thanx so much guys, You really made me feel better! I do have my guy and he is 1000% supportive, he looked up clubs for activities I enjoy to do to meet people, so he's helping very much. He knows it was hard for me to move here and leave everything behind and I think he's grateful for it, so any way he can help me, he does. It's just that I thought, which FREYJA corrected me, that it wasn't normal to just cry cause I have no friends, or that I miss my friends and family back home. I should be soooo happy that i found the love of my life and I'm getting married VERY soon, so I thought it was selfish of me to be crying when I have such a wonderful man. I guess now, Its normal...you miss someone...you cry... I just thought it would have already happened. I'm looking for instant gratification and I have come to terms that it will take time. I will never leave my guy so it's just something I will have to deal with....Him or no friends...I chose him. it's not like i have NO ONE, its just that I keep comparing to the friendships I had where I used to live, And i should not do that, I know that there are different people where I am now...VERY different! ] I'm coping, I just get these episodes where I get very depressed and hate the world..I start taking it out on him (and he understands that as well, that I'm not mad at him, I'm just mad in general..I know, he's great!) So I'm gonna do the whole activity thing....join something and meet people that way. Thanks for the advice guys! Really helped! Link to post Share on other sites
rolandawilson01 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Do you know Jesse Keyes? Link to post Share on other sites
rolandawilson01 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Do you know Jesse Keyes? Link to post Share on other sites
Freyja Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Hey IhavenoFREAKINclue, I'm glad you've got that resolved. I know I used to feel really selfish at the beginning too but I used to tell my husband and he'd always say just be patient, stop being so hard on yourself! I guess I still do get all teary at times, but it comes along with pms or just as random depression and to be honest i feel it's good that I ccan cry and let it out, tears are not bad. Anyways, goodluck! Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Do you know Jesse Keyes? Nope, never heard of him/her. Link to post Share on other sites
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