Thinking of cheating?? Read this first.

[Guest]

I want to tell my experience, I hope someone can take away from it.

 

I had been with my boyfriend (lets call him Peter) for more than three years. We got along fine, we were good friends and we had started to build a life together. To everyone else, our relationship seemed perfect.

 

I met (lets call him) Andy many years ago, and we had been good friends for a long time. Last year he professed his love for me. I too decided that I had feelings for him. My behaviour in the following weeks was shameful to say the least. I fell wildy, crazily 'in love' with Andy. I decided that he was 'the one'. We talked all the time on the phone, smsed each other and met up regularly. I was smitten, this was the 'real thing'. We shared dinners, movies and many drinks together.

 

All the while, my boyfriend was either working, at home or out with friends. One day Peter came accross some emails that I had written to Andy. I can still remember the look of hurt on his face. He was totally betrayed! I didn't ever sleep with Andy, in fact I never even kissed him. Still, my emotional affair, in my mind, was worse than a drunken kiss or other.

 

Six months later, I am still struggling to come to terms with what I did. I lay in bed at night and cry with guilt and shame over the hurt that I caused Peter. We broke up, I knew that we would never be able to move beyond what I had done in those few weeks. I feel sick to the stomach when ever those few weeks replay in my mind.

 

Its not the fact that me and Peter broke up. Looking at our relationship, there was so much that was no good/happy about it, that breaking up was always going to happen. I can see that.

 

It is the way it happened. We could have ended on good terms, and Peter would not have been so hurt. Him finding those emails and the look on his face when he confronted me was a slap of reality to me. It stopped me dead in my tracks and made me realise how hurtful/horrible my behaviour was.

 

So, to anyone thinking of cheating, think about the consequences.

 

1. IT WILL HAUNT YOU. You will be laying in bed at night thinking about what you did months down the track. You will feel sick to the stomach, realising you have done something you never throught you would do.

 

2. You will deverstate your partner. There is nothing in the world that hurts like cheating. Your partner will be humiliated, hurt and upset. You WILL change something in them, they may never trust quite so innocently as before.

 

3. The new relationship is not all it is cracked up to be . It probably won't last. After the thrill and excitment is gone, it will be nothing more. If you do continue, at the same time as trying to start a new relationship, you will be haunted with ghoats frrom your past one. Not healthy.

 

If you are not happy in your current relationship, break up first. There is no shame in breaking up. There is shame in cheating

[amblin]

Great post.

 

I have been cheated on, and can still remember the pain I felt since the day I found out, as clearly as if it happened just yesterday. The sting of betrayal, humiliation and self-loathing for being played like a fool.

 

And you are so right. It does change something in you. I was already a person who didn't trust easily before, but after I was cheated on, it pretty much ruptured all my belief in trust altogether. And it has made me a super sleuth and snoop.

 

I used to give people so many chances to redeem themselves, but it's come to point for me where I give literally zero chances anymore. Screw me over and I'm finished with you, no matter how long our history is.

 

But thank you. Truly. It gives me great comfort knowing at least some former cheaters have remorse, live through pain and will swear and know truly in their heart that they will never do what they did to another person ever again.

[Alexandra]

I'm sorry but while I think that was a great post I'd like to respectfully disagree. The post as it is condemnes beyond redemption all those that slipped and cheated. While I agree it should have never happened, please take that as an account of a personal experience and as a possibility not a certain rule that goes for anyone..

 

To all those reading this whom have already done it, please don't feel obligated to feel even more shame or guilt because others did. Not everyone is the same, not everyone is as "haunted".

 

And to those thinking of doing it and thinking it's unlike them and out of character that they would be that ridden with guilt... maybe not but remember the "MAYBE". Why risk it?

 

I realize many may have a fit after this post but please know I'm not defending anyone or saying anyone should cheat, I only think generalisations in matters of the heart are a very dangerous thing.