Guest Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Have you ever been so drunk that you forgot things? I --swear to God-- have no idea how this happened. A co-worker I am NOT attracted to took me to his hotel room on a business trip after a crazy night of drinking with many coworkers. I did go willingly but I figure this only because we were around others and they probably would have stopped me. I don't remember a lot of things others told me I did (just dumb drunk behavior) toward the end of the night. I remember bits and pieces in the room but somehow ended up making out and more happened. NO sex. I don't remember how it started, don't remember leaving afterward, don't remember a lot. But I do remember kissing and thinking "what the **** am I doing!?" but just didn't stop. My relationship is not perfect but I had no intentions for this to happen. I honestly don't see how it did. I accept full responsiblity and am feeling lower than low, I know, I should. This has never happened before. I cannot see it EVER happening again, I can't let myself get that out of control with alcohol again. I have no idea how I let it happen. I woke up the next morning and it didn't even seem real. I used to think people made it up when they said they didn't remember things but I am truly serious here. What should I do? My fiance adores me. But he has said if I ever cheat on him it's over. Thank you in advance... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 No replies. Why? Is this a confusing enough question that everyone is afraid to answer?! Just wondering if anyone has any thoughts one way or the other!? Link to post Share on other sites
amblin Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 How can this even be a question? If you say you take full responsibility, then part of that responsibility is fessing up and being honest with your fiance. Don't you think he deserves to know? Don't you respect him enough to think that he deserves to know? Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 short answer no. Long answer how can you say that you take resposablity for something if you won't tell the one person that matters what happened? What happens next time you get "Omg I can't remember drunk1!!!!" and cheat on him again. It sounds like from the get go you were open to not taking any responsablity for your own actions (Other people would watch out after you while you made a fool of yourself) and now that you have mad ea fool of yourself you don't honestly want to fess up. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 What should I do? My fiance adores me. But he has said if I ever cheat on him it's over. Thank you in advance... There are some that would argue that him telling you this is what DROVE you to cheat. I don't agree with them though. You don't sound to me like you're taking responsibility. You sound like you were careless and want justification for not facing the consequences of your behavoir. The honorable thing to do in my opinion is end it with your fiance. These things don't "happen" for no reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Of course you have to tell your fiance -- this is exactly the kind of thing that he said he wasn't willing to put up with in a relationship. The only alternative would be to break it off with the fiance so that the underlying offense cannot continue to fester. If you were looking for a way out anyway, just take this one. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Sorry, no. My relationship is not perfect but I had no intentions for this to happen. I honestly don't see how it did.You don't? What about the part where you got blind drunk and followed someone home? In my opinion your bigger problem is the drinking. You can't be looking very professional in front of your co-workers now. And you even messed around with a co-worker. Who wants to marry someone who will get wasted and throw everything into the wind saying, "gosh I just don't see how this happened. I didn't mean it and I am baffled by it, so it doesn't really count." Hope your boss doesn't hear about some of your drunk antics. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 I've been pretty plastered...like the time I finished off two pitchers of beer and had two fish bowls all by myself at a bar, then somehow made it to a frat house and finished the night off with beer pong...Oh, those were the days I digress... It's like this...I've done alot of things that I wish I could forget while being drunk. But, I've never actually forgotton what has happened. Even while plastered, I knew some of the things I was doing was wrong. Being drunk gave me an excuse to act in ways that I wouldn't have had the excuse to otherwise. So admit it...you knew what you were doing, you know exactly how it happened, and it's embarrassing you! Maybe you're not ready for the kind of commitment your ex fiance is (yes, I said ex- even if you try to hide this from him, he will find out, TRUST ME). Just move on! Date around. There's no shame in that, just be honest with him and yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 The only time it's ok to not tell your SO is if they have told you they would rather not ever be told, or perhaps if they have a serious heart condition and it might kill them. You cheated on your fiancee, and he has specifically said he doesn't want to be with someone who would cheat. So if you respect his wishes, you have to tell him and then be prepared for it to be called off. If you hide it, then you don't respect his wishes, and are prepared to lie to him for the rest of your life in order to get what you want. What kind of a marriage would that be? You should never marry someone whose wishes you don't respect, that's a recipe for disaster. Finally, why are you drinking? You've just wrecked a potential marriage for the sake of a few beers, and if you are being truthful about the memory loss, then basically you are an alcoholic or at least a very serious problem drinker. You should *never* drink any alcohol again. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Guest (OP)... You got slammed on these responses. Harsh. Ouch. Me.. I've been so wasted I only had bits and pieces, and have done some really, really stupid shyt. Made out with a guy (no sex) who would normally repulse me. I wanted to wash my mouth out with bleach the next morning. :sick: Anyway... Lesson learned, move forward. You have two choices: Tell your fiance, or don't. And that all depends on who you are. If you can accept the situation for what it was and grow from it, then it probably won't be life ending if you keep this from your fiance. But if you know that keeping this will create any type of discomfort for you, then you should tell him. Basically if it could potentially cause you to react in ways that could harm your fiance later... then tell him now. If you are sure that you can set this firmly in the past, not repeat it in the future, then your destroying his heart for something that is already done and gone. I think there would be cause for concern if you hadn't been thinking you shouldn't be doing that at the time. If you honestly learned something from this, and are going to use it in the future, then what you're bringing your fiance is a determination to safe guard your future together. Sometimes we have to learn it the hard way to figure out what our limitations are. Yours seem to involve drinking heavily. I read this in another post, and though it was good advice... If your finance did this, would you want to know? Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 P.s. I always have black outs when I drink heavily. I've woken up in cars, found myself in strange clubs I don't know how I got to, woke up while kissing some guy in a parked car, and several times found myself at home in bed with no idea how I got there... (and just in case all the conservative do gooders who are absolutely perfect decide to slam me.. I don't drink any more.) It's not uncommon to black out, but it can be a sign of alcoholism so be very careful with your drinking. Not to mention incredibly dangerous. So please be careful in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Actually, if you experience blackouts, doing things you normally wouldn't do, or forgetting things ... then you could be an alcoholic. Please attend AA meetings to get to the root of your problems - that's how you take responsibility. You have a problem with alcohol. It is NOT normal to make out with another man after consuming alcohol. As to fessing up to your fiance... the decision is yours. But if he finds out later on... it won't be as pretty as it will be if he were being told now. Either way, you need to take care of your problem with alcohol... (hope I didn't sound like a broken record...) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Guest (OP)... You got slammed on these responses. Harsh. Ouch. Me.. I've been so wasted I only had bits and pieces, and have done some really, really stupid shyt. Made out with a guy (no sex) who would normally repulse me. I wanted to wash my mouth out with bleach the next morning. :sick: ... Okay, thank you all for the responses. I have more questions now. 1)can you be an alcoholic if you only drink every once in awhile and never before have had this happen? 2)now you will may think I am really nuts, but I do take a couple meds for anx and depression...could that have affected the way I acted mixed with alcohol? After reading #2 you may think I am trying to make an excuse for myself. But you will just have to accept that I am being truthful because of the annonimity here. YellowLion said I should admit I knew what I was doing but I am telling you I really didn't. Like even now it just seems like some dream-sequence thing that didn't really happen. I REALLY have never done this. My relationship though at times has been on and off, has been on for quite some time. I am a responsible (usually), professional person here (by the way it wasn't really a co-worker, more of a business associate). The reason I hesitate to say anything has to do with my SO's past...he grew up with a cheating mother and has a LOT of trouble trusting people. It hurts because I feel like he can trust me, but now this?! I am really telling you, I did not hit the point in the night where I was like "man I am getting really drunk I'd better stop" I just blew past that and onto stuff a close co-worker told me I did a couple days later and I was like what?!! I know, very irresponsible, I guess when I said I took responsibility I meant that I feel so sh*tty and am suffering bad. I DO admit to making a fool out of myself. But I know, that isn't taking responsibility. Okay, how about this...if I am sure it would never happen again, and it will only cause harm to tell him, should I leave it secret? I don't think he would find out. We have so much history, have been through so much together as best friends, etc. with nothing ever involving other men/women, that this would just be terrrrible. Again, when nothing like this has ever happened before and I realize so much from it, is there any way? Assuming that it really was NOT a conscious decision to do anything with this person... Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 I disagree with Walk's advice -- it's not just up to the person who did the bad thing to decide whether they can live with it or not. At least for me, if I were the fiance and found out about this 2 months, 2 years or 2 decades from now, I'd have the same reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
roxyg Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 How do you all know this person is an alcoholic? They never stated that they drink so much they black out every time they go out drinking. If it were me, I would tell my fiance about what happened, and include EVERYTHING you remember. There is a chance that he could forgive you, and move on; on the other hand, he could also want to end the relationship completely. How soon do you two plan on getting married; there is always room for postponing the wedding. If you are that committed to someone to say, "yes" to their proposal, then you should be committed to letting them know. Like someone else, said would you want to know? Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 anyone who tells you its a good idea to lie probably also rides the short bus to school, in short: no oh and i laughed my ass off at "i went willingly to his hotel cuz i thought others would stop me" i love funny jokes, i feel sorry for your bf, he should know his gf is the type to drunkenly follow men to their hotel rooms and blame others for not stopping her, then actually ask if she should tell him Link to post Share on other sites
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