hotgurl Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 I wasn't quite sure where to post this. But really this pertains to anyone who has long term issue or illnesses esp illness. Or people who have SO who are sick. How much do you share with you SO? Where is the line of seeking support and become a burden start? I am in pain all the time everyday. Soemtimes it gets really bad and my pain killers fail. Then I am in a very bad place. I usually hide my pain or minimize it, well to everyone. Because who really wants to hear it. I think because I am so calm on controlled about it nobody really understand how bad it is. even my SO and he's seen some pretty bad things. What do you guys do? How do you share you illness and not become a burden. Frankly sometimes I need to be held and babied when it's bad but I never allow myself too. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 My Dad is like that. He could be having a stroke and you would barely notice. He's the kind of guy who would choke to death in the men's room rather than do the universal sign for choking and make a big scene getting the heimlich manuever. Have you been to any pain management clinics? I have this thing that is for pain management that my roommate left here that sends mild electric currents through the areas of pain. Have you heard of it? Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 I don't want this to sound like a poor me post but...I guess I've never really had a SO who cared when I was in pain or struggling. I've always been very independent so I didn't really need to learn how to deal with it by myself but I have had to learn how to deal with it without any physical or emotional support. Sometimes I think it's really for the best and in a strange and round about way I thank my ex's for that. So I guess I'm the same way you are but really, I don't see it as a bad thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted April 27, 2006 Author Share Posted April 27, 2006 BO, I have heard of that but never tried it. Unfortuantly my crappy crappy insurance doesn't believe in pain management. kitten chick: I don't think it is a bad things per se but It is also tied into me letting go and trusting in a relationship and knowing when to take care of myself and not others. Like the dished can wait to push through so hard. But t same time I want to let him help me and give me support but I can't do it. I guess I was wondering how other people dealt with it. I aslo though wwiu might have an interesting take on it. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Sorry that I wasn't more helpful. WWIU is a good person to talk to about this, she really seems to have it down pat. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted April 27, 2006 Author Share Posted April 27, 2006 Sorry that I wasn't more helpful. WWIU is a good person to talk to about this, she really seems to have it down pat. Oh I didn't mean to impy you weren't helpful. I though about WWIU because she has anxiety and a husband as well. sometimes I think we have a lot in common. Hard outer shell from being burnt too much trouble trusting. It's just a down day for me. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 check your pms Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Oh I know, don't worry about it. I know I wasn't chocked full of advice on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted April 27, 2006 Author Share Posted April 27, 2006 thanks otter MY BF said he is always amazed at my strength and bravory. Maybe is about not being so strong all the time. I don't think I am brave just afraid that is I let myself lean on someone or let myself rest that it will overwelm me and I will not be able to deal with the pain. It takes so much stregth to deal with the headaches and still function I am afraid what will happen if I rest. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 When you figure it out- let me know. I have spent my life being a rock and strong both physically and emotionally. Nobody ever knows when times are tough for me as I show my happy side to try and fool even myself.... Sometimes I find that humor helps me get by in life more than anything. Close seconds are - a great book and a challenging puzzle or cribbage.... XO to you. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 What I have found has helped me through all my anxiety was the online support. My husband was and still is supportive, but he wasn't giving me the kind of support I needed at times. He doesn't suffer from anxiety and really, telling someone who has anxiety, "oh, don't worry..." is a smack in the face! I mean, ofcourse that's the obvious reasoning isn't it? Don't worry. HA! I know when I can go to him and when it's best to talk to my friends online, or call my sister, or my bestfriend. The online support group website I joined afew years ago when I was at my worst SAVED me. They just knew and I didn't have to explain myself, or feel ashamed of why I felt so awful. They knew what to say, sympathized with me and offered up great words of support and advice. Where things are now - I still have afew rough days but not like before. On those rough days I try my best to fend for myself, but if I need help I've learned to ask for help. Feel free to PM me anytime about this stuff or ask me any questions. I'm an open book when it comes to anxiety disorders and how to handle it all. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, it might be something to consider. To just go and be able to open up and talk to someone really helps. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Oh yeah, another thing to add, as gay as it sounds, start a daily journal. Either type it out or write - Or both. Sometimes getting s*** out of your head will make you feel better. Reading it and realizing what is really upsetting you and worth reacting to, or if it's the weather that is making you feel horrible, or the hormones. Sometimes it could be stress or just life in general...The key is, to learn how to decipher which is which and what you can do to eliminate certain things that are setting you off. For me, caffeine on PMS days, or during my period. If I drink the coffee, I suffer the consquences! Anxiety! If I sleep in too much or don't get enough sleep, that also can make me feel anxious. I find drinking alot of water and eating small snacks to keep my blood sugar level up helps...(Just FYI, low blood sugar, or being anemic, and having migraines can ALL mimick the feelings that anxiety brings on.) Hope this helps! I'm glad I stumbled onto your thread! I see I was being paged. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted April 27, 2006 Author Share Posted April 27, 2006 What I have found has helped me through all my anxiety was the online support. My husband was and still is supportive, but he wasn't giving me the kind of support I needed at times. He doesn't suffer from anxiety and really, telling someone who has anxiety, "oh, don't worry..." is a smack in the face! I mean, ofcourse that's the obvious reasoning isn't it? Don't worry. HA! I know when I can go to him and when it's best to talk to my friends online, or call my sister, or my bestfriend. The online support group website I joined afew years ago when I was at my worst SAVED me. They just knew and I didn't have to explain myself, or feel ashamed of why I felt so awful. They knew what to say, sympathized with me and offered up great words of support and advice. Where things are now - I still have afew rough days but not like before. On those rough days I try my best to fend for myself, but if I need help I've learned to ask for help. Feel free to PM me anytime about this stuff or ask me any questions. I'm an open book when it comes to anxiety disorders and how to handle it all. Are you seeing a therapist? If not, it might be something to consider. To just go and be able to open up and talk to someone really helps. I was but I moved. She actually said I didn't seem to need her anymore. Also the $$ I was spending close to $300 a month in drugs co-op and alternative therapy like acupunture. Now I spend about $70 in drugs. I know I tell my BF I am in pain and he's like I am sorry. But there isn't much he can do for me. I had medication induced panic attacks horrible horrible stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 ...They just knew and I didn't have to explain myself, or feel ashamed of why I felt so awful. ... I think you brought up a really good point here WWIU. I guess I can only speak for myself, but I do think that people with illnesses often feel ashamed and embarassed by it. I know sometimes I feel by hiding it that I paint a picture of a more "normal" person so that I'm perceived less as damaged goods. Could that be why you don't ask for support when you feel you need it? I think for me that's part of the reason but just a small part. I also agree that it helps to be able to talk to people who experience the same things that you do. Just like WWIU I've found places and people who understand and where I fit in and it does help. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Thanks KC. It does make sense though...I mean, if you aren't going through it or can't relate at all to it, how can one help? Other than showing care and love - Help out in other ways, but not the kind of way one may need that help. That therapist may not have been right for you. I mean, there is NOTHING wrong with continuing talk therapy. I plan on continuing with my therapist when that time comes I don't need the CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) beacuse talking to her is just so helpful. She's so positive and gives off such a great energy. She gets me, listens to me and most of all I can trust her 100%. Just knowing I can call her anytime, or email her - And that she'll call me or email me back within an hour is so good. Consider joining a health website. I know of afew good ones so PM me if you're interested. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted April 27, 2006 Author Share Posted April 27, 2006 I know sometimes I feel by hiding it that I paint a picture of a more "normal" person so that I'm perceived less as damaged goods. Could that be why you don't ask for support when you feel you need it? I think for me that's part of the reason but just a small part. That is exactly how I feel. I think I am worn out I have had 7-9 pain for three weeks and have been to a doctor this past week. The kind of migraines I have had are rare and harder to treat so they are running out of ideas and options. I hate it so much this stupid illness has cost me so much. I have just hit a wall I just talked to my BF and said I was weepy and he's know it bad because I never never cry. he said maybe you should go to the hospital and get a shot you seem like you need a break. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 27, 2006 Share Posted April 27, 2006 Have they tried anti seizure medication? When I was having seizures still, the medication that I was on was also used to treat migranes, as I recall. They alter the dose, depending on what they're treating. So I was taking like 2000 mg of depakote a day. Talk about doped up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hotgurl Posted April 27, 2006 Author Share Posted April 27, 2006 I am on topamax. I know why they are bad now not that is helps get through it. But the are playing with my hormones. It is all period related. But I also have an syndrome that screws uo my progestron & testorone levels. They said they next three months will be bad but then I am on steady hormones again and things should even out. So I know it's short term and thereason still sucks though. I was on a three month cycle and tomapmax and it kept me steady every three months I had a bad episode. But I actually had pain free days. So in three months it will be better I just have to get through it. Link to post Share on other sites
1Gravity Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Share and try to solve the problems. Isn't that part of the marriage deal? Link to post Share on other sites
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