Am I giving too much pressure??

[Sheridan]

We've been together for nearly 9 years and lately he told me he's getting bored for his life, well i'm assume that's with me as well though he didn't say it out

 

he doesn't want to break up, but doesn't want to talk to me nor hang around with me that much neither. He wants his own friends, life, etc. Rarely share his good or bad stuff, he said i wouldn't understand and he doesn't want to reiterate

 

i love him still. i was so scared and brusted into tears saying how much it annoys me by thinking he might be leaving me soon. He reassured and said that's not gonna happen but i just got to let him do whatever.

 

what to do or not do? Is he trying to slip away or simply to take a break? Am i giving him too much pressure?

[midori]

After nine years I'd hope that you two could communicate well enough so that you could ask him straight out if he was saying that he was bored with you. That's such an unpleasant thing, I'd want to be sure that that is what he's saying, rather than just assuming so.

 

And if it is what he's saying then he needs to be brave and be honest and end the relationship, if he's not willing to work things out with you. Taking "time off" is a rather cowardly half-measure. If there's something else that is troubling him he ought to be able to talk to you about it. Even if it's some existential issue that he needs to ultimately answer for himself, if he's able to be a true partner with someone then he should be talking to his partner, not freezing her out.

 

He's in some kind of crisis, OK. But he shouldn't be putting your relationship in crisis at the same time, unless it is the relationship itself that is the root of the problem. If it is, then the two of you need to talk. Don't let his ambivalence and evasiveness set the dynamic between the two of you -- nothing will be solved that way and you'll be miserable to boot.

We've been together for nearly 9 years and lately he told me he's getting bored for his life, well i'm assume that's with me as well though he didn't say it out he doesn't want to break up, but doesn't want to talk to me nor hang around with me that much neither. He wants his own friends, life, etc. Rarely share his good or bad stuff, he said i wouldn't understand and he doesn't want to reiterate

 

i love him still. i was so scared and brusted into tears saying how much it annoys me by thinking he might be leaving me soon. He reassured and said that's not gonna happen but i just got to let him do whatever. what to do or not do? Is he trying to slip away or simply to take a break? Am i giving him too much pressure?

[Honey]

My boyfriend did the same thing to me. We were together for 3 years when he said that. At the time he was unhappy with his life. He said that everything has been going wrong. Nothing that was happening was what he wanted. His work was eating him up. His family life was crazy. He was always worried about money... He wanted to spend more time with friends. He wanted to do other things. He was bored with the stuff we always did. He kept saying that he wanted to move away. (He never said with me) He wanted to become the person he wish he could be. I couldn't understand. If nothing in his life was working, that must include me. I should be making him happy, right? He kept telling me it's not me, it's not me. I just couldn't understand. I became very sad for him and for us. Things changed a whole lot with us. But we stayed together. A year later, I lost my grandfather. I lost my job. I had to move back in with my parents. I got in a wreck. I became him. I was unhappy with everything. Nothing was going the way I wanted. I found a new job that made me unhappy. I hated living at home. After six months, I began to talk about wanting to start over. I wanted to do different things and hang out with friends more than hanging out with him. But I still love him. I talk about moving away alot. I know it's not going to happen, but I like the thought of starting over, becoming the person I want to be. He doesn't mind, he knows what I'm going through. He loves me and he's become the person he wants to be. And now he's staying with me, even though I say these things.

 

I don't think that it's about you. This is a problem of his. Sometimes people need to do some soul searching. Why don't you try it out? It is very rewarding.