butterfinger Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 soooo... i just joined, and i have a big mess on my hands.....a little advice would be appreciated... **I'm 21, and my boyfriend is 24. *i will call him *mike. we are awesome together. we have been dating for about 5 months or so, and have known eachother for around a year and a half, as good friends. He met me when I was dating my ex.. who I will call *Joe. Joe and I had some rough times, and broke up this past october. and mike and i started dating. We get along great, we are very close, tell eachother everything, basically we are bestfriends, with the physical relationship. ANyway, I have been talking to Joe for the past few months. I have told Mike about it. and it hadnt amounted to much. Joe told me he missed me. I told mike about it. Well, my good friend **Kristian, is bestfriends with Joe, and last weekend we went up to Joes house to celebrate. I noticed right away that Joe was checking me out. We joked around, and even did some harmless flirting. We had some drinks, and he offered to bring me to work the next day where i didnt have my car. I stayed the night. And we ended up having sex. He told me before, as well as told his sister that he is very much still in love with me, and was crazy to break up with me. I know i still feeling something for him... But I love Mike. I am supposed to go up tomorrow, and I am positive he is expecting the same thing to happen. We are on great terms, we talk alot, and offer eachother a sense of friendship, when we cant talk to anyone else-we have a really strong trust bond with eachother, where we've known eachother for so long. I dont know what to do, because we had a very good relationship, and now he has a girlfriend, and I have Mike, who I love, and could certainly see myself marrying.I havent told mike about what happened yet, and am planning to this weekend. What should i do? I think i still love Joe. But I'm not sure if I should leave my current relationship for Joe, and him leave his(which btw- he isnt too happy in.) Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author butterfinger Posted April 28, 2006 Author Share Posted April 28, 2006 :(soooo... i just joined, and i have a big mess on my hands.....a little advice would be appreciated... **I'm 21, and my boyfriend is 24. *i will call him *mike. we are awesome together. we have been dating for about 5 months or so, and have known eachother for around a year and a half, as good friends. He met me when I was dating my ex.. who I will call *Joe. Joe and I had some rough times, and broke up this past october. and mike and i started dating. We get along great, we are very close, tell eachother everything, basically we are bestfriends, with the physical relationship. ANyway, I have been talking to Joe for the past few months. I have told Mike about it. and it hadnt amounted to much. Joe told me he missed me. I told mike about it. Well, my good friend **Kristian, is bestfriends with Joe, and last weekend we went up to Joes house to celebrate. I noticed right away that Joe was checking me out. We joked around, and even did some harmless flirting. We had some drinks, and he offered to bring me to work the next day where i didnt have my car. I stayed the night. And we ended up having sex. He told me before, as well as told his sister that he is very much still in love with me, and was crazy to break up with me. I know i still feeling something for him... But I love Mike. I am supposed to go up tomorrow, and I am positive he is expecting the same thing to happen. We are on great terms, we talk alot, and offer eachother a sense of friendship, when we cant talk to anyone else-we have a really strong trust bond with eachother, where we've known eachother for so long. I dont know what to do, because we had a very good relationship, and now he has a girlfriend, and I have Mike, who I love, and could certainly see myself marrying.I havent told mike about what happened yet, and am planning to this weekend. What should i do? I think i still love Joe. But I'm not sure if I should leave my current relationship for Joe, and him leave his(which btw- he isnt too happy in.) Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
aleatoryd Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Let me try to understand this: So you love Joe more than Mike? Well Joe loves you more than his girlfriend. His sister knows this and you've slept together. And you're going to tell Mike bout this? Logically your relationship with someone is over. If you don't get rid of your ex then you'll never sort your feelings out. Even if you do sort things out and the relationship with Mike continues what's to stop Joe telling Mike and splitting you guys up? If you tell Mike then it means he'll probably end it. And meanwhile what about Joe's unfortunate girlfriend who is unaware of this? This is way too complex! So here's the big question you have to ask yourself how much do you love Joe and Mike? Were your feelings for Joe when you slept together genuine or just remembering what you had. If Joe expects to sleep with you again and presumable with his girlfriend what does that say about you and him? What does it say about your idea of relationships or love for Mike? You need to talk this through with Joe for a start and work out whether you want to be with him. If you do then you both need to end your relationships with Mike and Joe's girlfriend. If you want to stay with Mike it's almost impossible because what's to stop you cheating again? Joe would have to be dropped as a friend. Whatver you decide there are going to be repercussions. I understand that Joe was your ex and you still have feelings (not that it excuses having sex together) but there must be some reason why you guys broke up? There must also be sone reason why a part of you wanted to sleep with Joe. Ask yourself some long soul searching questions and you'll find your answer. Good luck I fear that you are really going to need it Link to post Share on other sites
gemmab2020 Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 I feel so sorry for you! I can understand the confusion, but may I ask why you and Joe broke up in the first place?? You just need to decide who it is you want to be with long term. Maybe take a bit of time out from both maybe and get your head cleared. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 How would you feel if Mike was doing to you what you have doing to him? You need to be totally honest with Mike so he can decide if he wishes to remain with a girlfriend who tells him she loves him and continues to communicate and have sex with her ex. You are terribly humiliating and disrespecting your boyfriend. Tell him the truth because he has a right to know. Why would you do such a thing to Mike who you have a committment with? Again tell Mike the truth so can decide what he wishes to do because it is the very least you owe him. Link to post Share on other sites
onlyhuman Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 Tell Mike immediately that you cheated on him so he can move on with his life and find someone who really loves him. What a great guy Mike is, he trusted you, didn't mind you talking to the ex, real good guy! Link to post Share on other sites
parentdetective Posted April 28, 2006 Share Posted April 28, 2006 I would say that you need to be honest....If you are not honest now, it will eventually all come out..it always does.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts