Woman friend problem

[James]

I have this woman friend and we met 5 years ago. I liked her from the beginning but at the time I was seeing someone so I didn't ask her out on a date or anything. So we became friends and we would go out to dinners, movies, coffee, etc.

 

I had since got out of my relationship with this other girl. Over time when my friend and I went out, I had started paying for dinners, movies, etc. I would open doors for her and treat her like we were dating. It was like we were going out as a couple on real dates. But our relationship was always just platonic.

 

Something I'm still a little confuse is I asked her a couple of times to set me up with one of her girl friends and she got jealous. She just told me something BS about her friend and changed the subject. Why would she do that?

 

So I thought perhaps she wanted to be more than friends even though she is in a relationship and I didn't think she would leave her boyfriend. I didn't want to break them up or thing but I wanted to tell her the truth. So finally I told her but she told me she didn't feel the same way about me.

 

Now she is uncomfortable around me and doesn't want to talk to me anymore. We used to talk often and go out every now and then. I never thought it would be like this. I don't know what to think of loosing this friendship, or was there ever a friendship to begin with?

 

I have always felt like I couldn't really be just her good guy friend, and at the same time I wasn't a boyfriend either.

 

Why would she let me treat her like we were dating but doesn't want to be more than friends? If we were just friends, why did she get jealous about me asking her friend out?

 

Also, I don't know what to do with her mother. Her mom and I are sort of friends, too. The mother likes me and she was happy to see her daugther and I were friends. I haven't talked to the mother since my friend and I stopped talking.

 

Guys and girls, what do you think?

[Laurynn]

It's possible that she has had some degree of feelings for you all along, but now that you've admitted your feelings towards her, you spooked her....and maybe she does still care for you more than friends, but she's in a relationship with someone and now she's all confused.

 

Or..

 

She really doesn't have anything other than platonic feelings for you, never really did, and now that you've professed your feelings to her, she feels awkward because she doesn't feel what you feel.

 

I almost get the impression that she's the kind of gal who likes to use men?..meaning, she didn't mind the fact that you would treat her like you were dating (you paying for dinner, etc)..she enjoyed some of the 'perks' of dating, but didn't have to date you.....and she was jealous when you asked her to set you up with one of her friends because she's a selfish person who maybe didn't want you, but also didn't want anyone else to have you........maybe worried that if she did introduce you to one of her friends, you'd hit it off with that person, and you'd be too busy to take her out any more/buy her dinners, etc.

 

For the time being, I'd say just give her some breathing space......maybe it's a total shock to her how you feel.....maybe she never had any idea. Maybe she just needs some time to process it all. Don't try to initiate contact with her....see if she makes the first move. If the friendship the two of you had was as special and strong as you've relayed here, I'm sure she'll miss that, and in time she'll at least want to talk. If not, she's probably not worth your time.....for you don't go and push someone out of your life all because they expressed their feelings towards you...well, unless you're a coward and not much of a friend.

 

Let us know how things pan out.

 

L