Broken No Contact

[GB111]

Well, after 2 months of back and forth with the woman I loved, I finally got her to say that we were over for good. In a sense, it was somewhat helpful. I finally decided in my mind to put it all behind me. Went NC.

 

Well, NC only lasted 1.5 weeks because I felt like I was rearranging my life to avoid her, and frankly, I didn't feel like giving her the pleasure. I normally see her at the gym and at lunch, so yesterday, after feeling really depressed at lunch (and not seeing her), I decided to go to the gym and bite the bullet.

 

At the gym, saw her immediately and walked over, said "hello". She asked how I was doing, and I said "fine". Very brief interaction, nothing about "us", which is a major departure from the last 2 months I pawned all over her.

 

Went about my workout and noticed that she started heading for the locker room with another guy. They then walked out together, and I saw her get on the back of his motorcycle and ride away. This is a person she had previously told me was a friend that was married and had a child. She's a liar, so I have no idea whether this is true or not. In any case, it doesn't matter. If he IS married, she has no business on the back of his bike. If he's not, she lied.

 

In any case, that's not the point of my post. The point is that for me, breaking NC was a good thing. I had built her up in my mind in to a perfect person I would do anything to win back. While I can't say I have NO feelings for her, it's not the same any more. The massive heartache has become butterflys in my stomach, and actually, seeing her makes it easier for me, particularly when I can be indifferent to what she's doing and who she's seeing. I have no intention of asking her anything of that nature. It's none of my business, and frankly, I think she'll be shocked that I'm not more interested given how hard I pursued her.

 

As I said, I'm far from indifferent, but for me personally, NOT cutting her out of my life has been a positive. I'm sure she still has feelings for me too as she told me she loved me just 3 days before telling me she didn't want to see me any longer (2 weeks ago), but I'm becoming increasingly indifferent, which for me is a good thing. The exposure to each other actually has been quite therapeutic for me.

 

I definitely do not recommend this strategy for everyone, particularly if you want your lover back. If, however, you have begun to idealize your ex during NC, perhaps some minimal exposure might help. It definitely takes some strength, and a willingness to accept whatever their life might now be, but for those trying to get over someone, and not necessarily "win them back" this might ease some of the pain.

 

Hope I am not slapping all the great advice on LS in the face. Just wanted to share this thought as it seems to work for me. Perhaps I'm just a little strange, or perhaps I've been treated so badly that I need to remember who I'm dealing with. In any case, take it for what it's worth to you.

 

Best of luck to you all. Believe me I know how painful breakups are. I'm working my way back up, and know it will continue to be a long process. Hang in there!

 

Best,

 

GB