Sami_D Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 Jessie... I love him. And if he can't leave his kids, then that's ok.. I know he loves me, and I'll wait till they're all grown up or whatever he needs. I just will. Because that's how it maybe has to be. I can't do 'whatever i want'... because I now now, after this month, I can't just walk away from him. I don't want to break his heart or mine into little pieces. IF he tells me, whenever he gets back to me, that he wants to keep up NC.. then fine.... I will do it.. because Ihope that we can be together, honestly... but if he has found that he can't leave her... I'll continue the affair. I will... because I know he loves me and just doesn't want to hurt them. I may be doing all the wrong things, but I love him. And if he thinks his kids would be better off this way... then so be it. I gave it my best shot. I'm just not Madame Ice Cool... I just am not. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 Well Girlie, I totally understand. And onto what are we doing to go on...... I just got a call from the Harley guy! He actually sounds kind of cool! And I have a feeling I'll hear from him again! Hmmm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Walking away Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 I just got back from Mexico. Spent the day with my brother sipping Margaritas and buying cheap Mexican jewelry and candy for my kids! Today was a good day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Walking away Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 Sami, We are behind you no matter what you do or don't do in regards to your MM. You will find no judgement here from us....and I hope you know that. Hope you find good news on Tuesday (hopefully) from your MM. Hugs WA Link to post Share on other sites
Blind Illusion Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 I know he would never break NC to tell me if things had changed for him. So... I need to do it. Much as it makes me a schmuck. I know I am. Absolutely not. Wrong answer. I can most certainly understand that you neede to know if you were still on track, etc. (not that you needed my understanding) Link to post Share on other sites
Blind Illusion Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 I just got back from Mexico. Spent the day with my brother sipping Margaritas and buying cheap Mexican jewelry and candy for my kids! Today was a good day. Excellent Walking Away. I did a doubletake when you wrote that and had to see where you were fromthat you just went to Mexico for the day and sounded so casually about it. I had a fairly content day myself with my sisters and their families coming over for my son's birthday BBQ. I know I broke the limited NC I had going and had that one call but even before that, i noticed a change in me. In the past, I would try to do fun things simply to forget about MM briefly. A change happened where I started looking for good experiences just because. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Walking away Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 Yeah, Mexico is only a two hour drive from my house.... I don't get there more than once or twice a year, but if I have family out here, they inevitably want to go to Mexico. And, it is fun getting out of Tucson for the day... Going out with my "BT" tomorrow evening if he gets back from boating early, then dinner with another gentleman Monday evening. Nothing serious, of course...just getting a taste of life without the massive emotional devastation that comes with being with a MM. I had truly forgotten how nice it was to be with a man that wants to be with ONLY me... I feel like I have my old self back. It is amazing. I am still doing fine with NC. Am I made of rock?! I am starting to wonder.... Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Jessie... I love him. And if he can't leave his kids, then that's ok.. I know he loves me, and I'll wait till they're all grown up or whatever he needs. I just will. Because that's how it maybe has to be. I can't do 'whatever i want'... because I now now, after this month, I can't just walk away from him. I don't want to break his heart or mine into little pieces. IF he tells me, whenever he gets back to me, that he wants to keep up NC.. then fine.... I will do it.. because Ihope that we can be together, honestly... but if he has found that he can't leave her... I'll continue the affair. I will... because I know he loves me and just doesn't want to hurt them. I may be doing all the wrong things, but I love him. And if he thinks his kids would be better off this way... then so be it. I gave it my best shot. I'm just not Madame Ice Cool... I just am not. Sami, I'm sorry I missed this last night. I hope you are feeling OK this morning. Listen, nobody expects you to be "Madame Ice Cool" and you haven't done anything yet, never mind done anything wrong. So stop beating yourself up, OK? Of course you love him. I understand that. Now I think that you should just wait and see what he says when he emails you back. And THEN decide what to do. OK? Don't make any rash decisions yet. Just sit tight and wait. I understand how you felt when you wrote that last post, because I have felt it too when in NC for any longer period of time, but DON'T torture yourself with these ideas for the moment. Saying that you will stay the OW until the kids grow up etc is based on the assumption that he is going to say that he hasn't told the W and that he isn't going to... You don't know that. He could say something completely different. For instance, he could say that he simply could not bring himself to say anything to the W for the first couple of weeks, then he REALLY started to miss you, and then in the last few days he decided to do it but was worried that YOU had forgotten HIM, and that's when you emailed him... No, I don't know what the guy is going to say. But I don't think you should pre-judge the situation either. Especially if those thoughts are going to bring you down. Just sit tight and wait for the moment. Try to stay positive because you need to be strong for yourself and him when he contacts you. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Yeah, Mexico is only a two hour drive from my house.... I don't get there more than once or twice a year, but if I have family out here, they inevitably want to go to Mexico. And, it is fun getting out of Tucson for the day... I feel like I have my old self back. It is amazing. I am still doing fine with NC. Am I made of rock?! I am starting to wonder.... WA, Yes, going to Mexico for the day does sound very exotic from where I am writing!!! Belgium doesn't quite have the same ring to it.... (No offence intended to the Belgians that might be logging in here!!!) As for you being a rock, did I not already suspect you of being superhuman???? I think you are doing brilliantly so "keep up the good work"!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Walking away Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 Thanks Jessie! I don't know.....France seems like a pretty romantic place to be.... There is so much character and history in Europe. When I visit my sister in France, I will be sure to let you know. I would love to meet up with you and share stories Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Thanks Jessie! I don't know.....France seems like a pretty romantic place to be.... There is so much character and history in Europe. When I visit my sister in France, I will be sure to let you know. I would love to meet up with you and share stories WA, Yes, France is a gorgeous country steeped in history (and for the record, so is Belgium!!! ) Yes, come over and we'll have a "cafe au lait" together!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 I understand how you felt when you wrote that last post, because I have felt it too when in NC for any longer period of time, but DON'T torture yourself with these ideas for the moment. Saying that you will stay the OW until the kids grow up etc is based on the assumption that he is going to say that he hasn't told the W and that he isn't going to... You don't know that. You're right... it was the rantings of a madwoman. I'm OK today. I couldn't go back to that mess of being the OW... much as I would want to, I just ended up depressed and anxious and unhappy before... the same would happen again. Thanks all, once again, for being here. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 WA, Yes, going to Mexico for the day does sound very exotic from where I am writing!!! Belgium doesn't quite have the same ring to it.... (No offence intended to the Belgians that might be logging in here!!!) Snort... nearly lost my coffee there Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 You're right... it was the rantings of a madwoman. I'm OK today. I couldn't go back to that mess of being the OW... much as I would want to, I just ended up depressed and anxious and unhappy before... the same would happen again. Thanks all, once again, for being here. Sami, You are right about the former and you are welcome in relation to the latter! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 I'm OK today. I couldn't go back to that mess of being the OW... much as I would want to, I just ended up depressed and anxious and unhappy before... the same would happen again. Thanks all, once again, for being here. I'm glad to hear you say this. I don't think you could do that either, Miss Trying To Be A Rock! lol! Cut yourself a break. Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 MO... Good morning "sunshine".... I gotta ask you a question and anyone else who would like to join in that's fine too! Do you think marriage is too over rated? I do! I have been married twice. Now some would frown upon that, and I could care less. Anyway given my relationship experiences being married, being the OW and being the BS I have pretty much lived it all! I peeked into the "Infidelity" Forum and WOW! Reading some of those threads were pretty heart breaking as well. There really are many unfulfilled marriages on so many levels. Now besides the obvious "Love" I can't help but wonder if many get married just because it is the thing to do in todays Society. Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 I had a reply to my email. He says yes, he still wants to leave, still wants to be with me, but he is just not getting very far very fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 I had a reply to my email. He says yes, he still wants to leave, still wants to be with me, but he is just not getting very far very fast. Sami, Does he say anything else? Anything more specific? Link to post Share on other sites
Sami_D Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Sami, Does he say anything else? Anything more specific? No, I didn't ask him anything else, just if he was still feeling the same way about leaving. I don't know whether I should get into a dialogue about things. What do you think I should ask him, if anything? I haven't replied to him yet. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 well good morning yourself, sunshine! I have to tell you my views on marriage have kind of changed over the past few years and what I have experienced. If I was to be with exMM, it would definitely have to be marriage! When my exBF and I talked about the possibilities, it was very laid back and we were comfortable with the idea should it come to that point, but I always had it in the back of my mind that I'd probably live with him first before I made that jump. (It was just my meandering thoughts). For me, that is a big change given the way I was raised! I guess its just modern days, modern times. My thoughts now? Hmmm. Having lived alone since 1999, I have become very independent and really enjoyed being able to do what I want, when I want. Its very liberating. Having said that, I do want a committed relationship. And it will depend on the person I have that with. I really don't want to live alone for the rest of my life and have a committed partner in their own home and living separately as you do. I want to be able to curl up at night with him, and wake up comfortably snuggled in the morning with him. Sharing dinner and our day together. I do want a traditional life. My kids are not going to be with me much longer and so I look at my future a lot and try to picture it with a guy who wants to come home to my after work. I can probably deal with living with him, but my comfort level with that kind of situation would have to be examined based on that relationship. My older sister is going to be looking at the empty nest syndrome this Fall when her third child goes away to college. And I'm very scared for her. She's completely dedicated and often over the top caring for them. (Hence, they all want to go away to college!) lol! Am I making any sense? Starting to get off the subject? Just thinking out loud. I'm not so worried about the "thing to do" in society anymore. Times are changing and so are people's minds. I just don't want to be alone. If that means a committed relationship without marriage and we are both on the same page, then I can live with that. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 No, I didn't ask him anything else, just if he was still feeling the same way about leaving. I don't know whether I should get into a dialogue about things. What do you think I should ask him, if anything? I haven't replied to him yet. What is your gut telling you about his response? I don't want to put ideas in your head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Walking away Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 Sami... You said the not knowing was killing you. I would ask him more specific questions to get more details. At least that is what I would do... WA Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 No, I didn't ask him anything else, just if he was still feeling the same way about leaving. I don't know whether I should get into a dialogue about things. What do you think I should ask him, if anything? I haven't replied to him yet. Hmmmm............. this is a tough one..... I do believe in NC, and you don't want to engage in too much discussion because before you know it, you could be back in the OW situation! BUT then I do think that he is a bit vague and I am wary of that because of my own Mr Vague MM! I have a need for specifics. But you might be different. My concern is that your MM would try to buy himself time to decide how and when to do it etc... Why? Because I have seen it myself first hand. I know it sounds worse than it is and I am not saying that it is done to be deliberately nasty; if I was leaving my spouse and kids then I would want to think about it for a l-o-n-g time too.... In my case, I was just not prepared to give him any more time to deliberate; it is like that essay you have to complete in college; if you have 3 weeks to do it, you get it done in 3 weeks but if you have 3 years it will take until that last week before the 3 years are up... Your situation could be different, but I just want you to know where I am coming from. OK, ask yourself do you need anymore info before you resume NC? For ex. up date re any progress made, any time tables he has in mind... Or could you go back to just waiting again until you hear from him? I am just throwing out whatever that comes into my head at the moment. There is no particular rhyme or reason to it. It might be a good idea to just thrash things out... Like thinking out loud??? Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 I think I'm tending to disagree with you WA! If you can imagine that!! I'll throw out my own personal opinion here - subject to change. If you write back and ask questions, I'm guessing you'll get the same old responses. I'm a little ticked at him as he could have written a little more. Is that all he said? Just that? Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 I think I'm tending to disagree with you WA! If you can imagine that!! I'll throw out my own personal opinion here - subject to change. If you write back and ask questions, I'm guessing you'll get the same old responses. I'm a little ticked at him as he could have written a little more. Is that all he said? Just that? MO, Now THAT is incredible!!! Disagreeing with WA???? Huh??? What is the world coming to???? :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts