What are you doing to go on?

[Sami_D]

Sami, its only been 4 weeks. 4 weeks after my xMM and I split up, I couldn't do anything outside of moping. If the hope is helping you move on for now, then that's what you need. If you are ready to let go, then you will. If you have it in your head that you must let go, then eventually you'll be able to do it. Again, its what YOU need. Take this as time to reconnect with yourself to do the things you like to do. Maybe at the end of the journey, you may want something entirely different that what your MM has to offer you.

 

I know what you're saying.

 

But... there's nothing I'm not doing now that I'd be doing if I'd forgotten all about him. My life now is pretty much how it was before I met him. Apart from the missing him part. I'm doing everything I ever did before, really. Not sure whether that's good or bad LOL.

[zarathustra]

I know what you're saying.

 

But... there's nothing I'm not doing now that I'd be doing if I'd forgotten all about him. My life now is pretty much how it was before I met him. Apart from the missing him part. I'm doing everything I ever did before, really. Not sure whether that's good or bad LOL.

 

Actually, I think that's a good thing. I just gave up. I didn't want to do anything. I just felt like life cheated me of something.

 

Like I say, you wouldn't be human if you didn't miss him. You'll make it regardless of what happens and you'll be better for it. If anything, I look at the people I've met here and I know I've definitely gained in this situation. I don't know what his gains are. To be honest, I don't really care anymore.

[Iwanttohope]

My very best friend of 39 years lives in Henderson. Is that anywhere near you?

 

 

OMG MO....does your best friend live near Asheville?

[Iwanttohope]

I have to visit my xMM at his desk sometimes (as we work together) and there are pictures of his kids and W all over his desk. Pictures of his 'happy' family for all the world to see.

 

That's exactly why I quit my job. I knew there was no way I could continue to work with him even when we were still very much involved and "on track" to having a life together. One of us would've ended up being fired.

 

I was, however, already intent on leaving the company before we were involved. I needed to be more available for my daughter. That was the bigger issue for me at the time. I CANNOT imagine having to see him in a work situation after all that has happened. How do you stand it? I would cry every day:eek:

[zarathustra]

That's exactly why I quit my job. I knew there was no way I could continue to work with him even when we were still very much involved and "on track" to having a life together. One of us would've ended up being fired.

 

I was, however, already intent on leaving the company before we were involved. I needed to be more available for my daughter. That was the bigger issue for me at the time. I CANNOT imagine having to see him in a work situation after all that has happened. How do you stand it? I would cry every day:eek:

I don't know how I do it either. There was a time in the beginning when I would be at work and tears would stream down my face and I just couldn't turn it off. It is so hard. Its hard when I hear his voice on the phone. Its hard when I have a visit from him. It hard when he walks by my desk to see other people when I know he can take another path where he can stay out of my way. Everyday is hard. I think people in the office knew something was bothering me and they know not to ask questions. They know I work really hard and I just try to keep my head down as much as possible.

 

I just got back from vacation and it was nice not to dread waking up each day. It was nice to wake up and know that I won't see him or hear from him. I think I've finally reached the anger stage in the greiving process. I think I need to go for a run and get rid of all this angst.

 

I feel like he really ripped me off. I really feel like he cheated me and felt he lied to me.

 

Before I left on vacation, he wished me loads of fun on my vacation 4 times. 3 times on my last day before my vacation. Who does that?!?? He's a mind-f***er. I don't want any part of it anymore.

[BenThereDunThat]

Zarathustra - I am currently going through the exact same thing at my work! It is so hard!!

 

As for the mind-f*** thing - definitely know all about that!! He loves me, wants me to be happy, I wish things were different...blah, blah, blah.

 

Meanwhile, I have to hear his voice down the hall, deal with him walking by my desk, listening to him talk to other women, always wondering -- is she his next conquest? Am I going to have to have a front row seat?

 

But he insists on being my "friend"...he just wants so bad to not be seen as a MM who cheats, this is something that "just happened"; we weren't "looking for it".

 

I don't believe a word he says anymore. How long as it been since you ended it with your MM? It does get easier...right?

[movinon05]

My very best friend of 39 years lives in Henderson. Is that anywhere near you?

 

 

OMG MO....does your best friend live near Asheville?

 

I don't know. She's in Henderson. Never been there!

[zarathustra]

Zarathustra - I am currently going through the exact same thing at my work! It is so hard!!

 

As for the mind-f*** thing - definitely know all about that!! He loves me, wants me to be happy, I wish things were different...blah, blah, blah.

 

Meanwhile, I have to hear his voice down the hall, deal with him walking by my desk, listening to him talk to other women, always wondering -- is she his next conquest? Am I going to have to have a front row seat?

 

But he insists on being my "friend"...he just wants so bad to not be seen as a MM who cheats, this is something that "just happened"; we weren't "looking for it".

 

I don't believe a word he says anymore. How long as it been since you ended it with your MM? It does get easier...right?

It ended last November. We lived together as he left his wife for me. Then he started missing his kids and his old life. Then he told me how he tried to go home but his wife said no - and this is while he was living with me. Telling me each day that he loves me and only me. The day we split up, he told me how he still loved his wife. WTF!! There was so much at stake, I told him that. I told him if he had an ounce of love left for his wife, that he should stay and try to rekindle it. This is after he told me he had feelings for me and that he thought he was falling in love with me.

 

He wanted to be my friend too, but he made the decision to win his wife back. If he truly wanted her back (and she took him back eventually - like a month later), then he would think about what she wanted. Then he agreed we aren't friends but he cared about me as a person. Well, a**h***, care about the panhandler on the street, he needs more care than I do.

 

It was just a couple of months ago or was it a month ago that he was telling me about this really amazing program he and his wife went to together, blah blah blah. I lost it. I started to cry and no matter what I tried to do, I couldn't stop my tears. I told him not to tell me how happy he is... not because I don't want him to be, but it was at my expense that he is happy when it needn't have been at my expense. I felt like he took the dullest razor blade, held up my hand and slowly slit my wrist and was goading me while I was bleeding to death. There are just no words that can be said to sooth that kind of pain. I am realizing how cruel he can be and how little remorse he has for the situation.

 

I look back now and can say that it gets a bit better and I can leave after I fulfill my contract, so I'll likely not continue with his company as my client... though having them on my CV looks really good for me... sigh...

 

BTDT, I think that for me, I finally gave up hope of there being an us. I lost hope and faith in him as a person. I hate to say it, but I really don't believe in him anymore. I was his greatest champion and at one point, in my eyes, he could do no wrong, but I've since seen the light. I'm not saying that I'm without fault, but the promise I made to him, I had every intention to keep, but he was the one that was not able to keep his promises to me. He promised to fight for me each day and that while we didn't have an easy journey ahead of us, that when we reached the end of our path, that we would mean more to each other because we gave up so much to be together. Its all BS.

[TheDiva]

My very best friend of 39 years lives in Henderson. Is that anywhere near you?

 

 

OMG MO....does your best friend live near Asheville?

 

 

Sorry for the TJ-ing Ladies

 

Henderson is about 40-60 minutes outside of Raleigh.

Asheville is Far far far west of Raleigh...

 

Does that help? I was born in Asheville NC

[Iwanttohope]

Henderson is about 40-60 minutes outside of Raleigh.

Asheville is Far far far west of Raleigh...

 

Does that help? I was born in Asheville NC

 

I looked on the map....I was thinking of Henderson County.... I live very near Asheville but wasn't born here.

[TheDiva]

Henderson is about 40-60 minutes outside of Raleigh.

Asheville is Far far far west of Raleigh...

 

Does that help? I was born in Asheville NC

 

I looked on the map....I was thinking of Henderson County.... I live very near Asheville but wasn't born here.

 

 

I didn't even think of Henderson County really... and really I should have since I have been going there for business

 

I do hope your feeling a little better. XMM isn't worthy enough to make you feel this bad.

[Iwanttohope]

I do hope your feeling a little better. XMM isn't worthy enough to make you feel this bad.

 

Thanks Diva... I know you're right... I'm jealous of the relationship they have~~I mean the one I've created in my mind. I sit around thinking its the same relationship we had only better.

 

I know in my rational mind they never ever had what he and I had--they've never had communication and the distrust flows both ways. The assumption of what they have is a bi-product of knowing he has gone back to "try to save his family"... again. I wish I could be genuinely happy that he has some integrity... I can't seem to manufacture that feeling though.

 

Ugh!

[Blind Illusion]

Before I left on vacation, he wished me loads of fun on my vacation 4 times. 3 times on my last day before my vacation. Who does that?!?? He's a mind-f***er. I don't want any part of it anymore.

yeah, that's a bit screwy, Zara. how are things working out for you and hubby? Was this vacation with him a bit different since the thoughts of the MM weren't the same as in past ones?

[Sami_D]

OK, the email about contact details changing has been sent, and we're back in NC/ continuing NC.

 

There's just something I need to say here: I have found that reading here on the OW forum isn't really making me feel positive about a future he and I might have, nor is it helping me to forget that I'm in NC with someone, nor is it helping me to move on at all. In fact, all it's doing is making me obsess about all those things I have no good reason to think of, whatever my future.

 

So I'm just here this morning to say that what I'm doing to go on is to leave LS.

 

I will most definitely come back if there are any major updates to report. I don't like to leave a story hanging

 

Anyway, I just want to thank you all again for being here, sharing your highs and lows, and helping me to see this situation of mine from all sorts of angles.

 

Good luck to all of you on your continued journeys, and may your lives be full of and

 

Bye all! ~ Sami xxx

[movinon05]

Sami,

 

Completely understood. When I came here for help and then got past it, I found I was obsessing about the exMM as well. More than I might have. Fortunately for me, I'm not obsessing about him anymore and I'm back to where I was before he dropped back into my life. And I've learned more ways to deal with it from here.

 

You do need to do what you have to do and go on living as well.

 

You know where we are if you need us.

 

Love you.

 

MO

[Blind Illusion]

I understand too Sami. Good luck with everything.

[zarathustra]

yeah, that's a bit screwy, Zara. how are things working out for you and hubby? Was this vacation with him a bit different since the thoughts of the MM weren't the same as in past ones?

Things are working out quite well with hubby. He's really made some changes in order to meet my needs. We're taking things day by day and things are getting better.

 

I've never been on vacation w/hubby while I was with my xMM. My xMM and I only got involved after my hubby and I separated. So I guess I really don't have an answer to your question.

 

So I'm just here this morning to say that what I'm doing to go on is to leave LS.

Good luck Sami. Love you! We'll be here if you ever need us.

[zarathustra]

Today, he came by with another colleague, asked about my trip, noticed my new piercings and came real close to take a look... I have to not be evasive about anything because it would look suspicious. After that he asked if I went and got tatooed, etc. What a pain.

[movinon05]

I really do not understand why you put up with Zara! Seriously!

[zarathustra]

I don't want to be sued for breach of contract. Its a possibility if I choose not to continue with this client.

[movinon05]

I don't want to be sued for breach of contract. Its a possibility if I choose not to continue with this client.

 

That's not what I mean. I don't understand why you don't take him aside and ask him to just leave you alone unless it is business related. Who care if he knows it bothers you. He acts like you're a friggin' rock!

[zarathustra]

That's not what I mean. I don't understand why you don't take him aside and ask him to just leave you alone unless it is business related. Who care if he knows it bothers you. He acts like you're a friggin' rock!

I've done that already by email. He doesn't seem to want to respect my wishes even though he said he would.

 

Anyway, he can only bother me if I let him, right. I just ignore him the best I can now. Maybe he treats me like I'm a rock because he's one himself. Maybe he doesn't feel anything so that's how he can be this way to me.

 

I just want to run to the loo and cry.

[movinon05]

Well that's what he is! A self absorbed selfish egotistical friggin' rock! You need to tell him again! There was no reason for him to go out of his way four times to tell you to have a good time on your trip. There was no reason to come into your office and get an up close and personal look at your piercings. I would tell him again! He's getting away with it because you are letting him.

 

I understand the dynamics of being in the same workplace and am thankful I don't have that problem. That said, IMHO, you need to be clearer again.

 

(Don't mean to come down on you, Sweetie. I just don't like this crap he's doing to you!)

[zarathustra]

Well that's what he is! A self absorbed selfish egotistical friggin' rock! You need to tell him again! There was no reason for him to go out of his way four times to tell you to have a good time on your trip. There was no reason to come into your office and get an up close and personal look at your piercings. I would tell him again! He's getting away with it because you are letting him.

 

I understand the dynamics of being in the same workplace and am thankful I don't have that problem. That said, IMHO, you need to be clearer again.

 

(Don't mean to come down on you, Sweetie. I just don't like this crap he's doing to you!)

I know... I'm trying my best not to pay attention to him. I think that if I have to tell him again, its just giving him the satisfaction of letting him know that he's getting to me. I don't want that at all.

 

Love you too, MO.

[movinon05]

Oh no! this thread almost went off the page!! Have to bring it back up again!! And I am happy to say I got up early and finally went walking. I'm trying to get back into the habit and shed these pounds I've gained over the winter. I have to admit, it felt great, even if I didn't have my music with me. I gotta get a new cd player or at least get my son to put MY music on his Ipod!