What are you doing to go on?

[Iwanttohope]

We instituted one month of NC on my request....for clarity.

 

First thing this morning I woke up to an e-mail from him. He thinks of me everyday....misses me....wonders....but is staying with her. Tells me we had a beautiful love...one that he will always remember and cherish....

 

I sent him an e-mail telling him that it was not wise to contact me ever again....and that I was closing this chapter in my life for good. It was peaceful and respectful....I am sure he is hurting, too....but it is his choice.

 

He tried to keep the door open, but I shut it. It is the healthy thing to do. He will have none of me.....Not friendship, not anything....

 

So, now that it is all said and done....I nailed the coffin closed.

 

Will I hear from him ever again? I have no idea.

 

But, I am reeling from so many crises in my life right now...this came at a very inopportune time. So, I feel weakened today...

 

But, I will get my footing back soon....I must.

 

I am okay. Please pray for me, however....It was very difficult closing the door forever. But I had to do what was best for everyone involved....including myself.

 

And I have peace.

 

I know you are reeling from this WA... and I know exactly what you mean about inopportune time as well. My child's father recently resurfaced. She is ten years old and he left me when I was seven months pregnant. He didn't even know she was a she. I was reading your posts about your daughter and your ex and I can't tell you how much I felt your pain.

 

You encouraged me when my xMM told me of his decision to stay with his W and I long to give you the same encouragement. I want to tell you that on day 29 I'm better.... but I'm not.... I wept most of the day. Not so much for the relationship but for ALL of it--the totality of the wreckage is far more than I bargained for. I will commit to pray for you and I covet all the prayers I can get as well. I have to believe something good will come from all this.

 

You, Movin On, Sami, D., Zara, Eyes Wide Shut, Reality Check, Blind Illusion and many others have given me community in an otherwise very lonely and isolated grief in the role we've been placed in irregardless of how we ended up in that role.

 

I've been reading some of the posts on the infidelity forum. I thought maybe that would help me process some of my own grief. So much of the anger is directed at the OW and that has only compounded the grief. I try very hard to put myself in their shoes. Sometimes I'm successful and I can understand why the OW is the enemy. Other times I wish they knew that our grief is every bit as real and every bit as valid as their grief. I guess in a perfect world we could give each other enough grace to know we're all practically bleeding out from the wounds.

 

My prayer for us "warriors" is to be able to allow ourselves to grieve. I'll be damned if I don't grieve this well and purge myself of it completely!! I don't care how long it takes (well, that's actually a lie--I do care how long it takes--I hope its sooner than later) I am determined to come through the this door of grief with more strength, self respect and a larger capacity to love than I've ever had. I want that for all of us.

[movinon05]

[i

You, Movin On, Sami, D., Zara, Eyes Wide Shut, Reality Check, Blind Illusion and many others have given me community in an otherwise very lonely and isolated grief in the role we've been placed in irregardless of how we ended up in that role.

 

I've been reading some of the posts on the infidelity forum. I thought maybe that would help me process some of my own grief. So much of the anger is directed at the OW and that has only compounded the grief. I try very hard to put myself in their shoes. Sometimes I'm successful and I can understand why the OW is the enemy. Other times I wish they knew that our grief is every bit as real and every bit as valid as their grief. I guess in a perfect world we could give each other enough grace to know we're all practically bleeding out from the wounds.

 

My prayer for us "warriors" is to be able to allow ourselves to grieve. I'll be damned if I don't grieve this well and purge myself of it completely!! I don't care how long it takes (well, that's actually a lie--I do care how long it takes--I hope its sooner than later) I am determined to come through the this door of grief with more strength, self respect and a larger capacity to love than I've ever had. I want that for all of us.

 

Do your self a favor. At this time, at least, stay out of infidelity. Perhaps further down the road you can look at it, but you need to focus on you. They are angry and they have a right to be, but I have found that most times they blame the OW and are not ready to put the shoe on the other foot. Sometimes BS find themselves in the same position and then they are able to look at both sides, but most often, not. Don't feed yourself with guilt. Focus on moving on, maybe realizing why it happened and forgive yourself.

[zarathustra]

The fact that I was so happy before he met me is what is the hardest thing to overcome....

 

I wish that he had just left me alone all those months ago. I was doing so well in my life...

 

These past 9 months have been emotionally and physically draining on me.

 

I often wonder why he pursued me so vehemently knowing that we would eventually end...and knowing that he couldn't possibly leave...

 

It is a mystery that I will never understand or know.

 

If I could erase this part of my life, I would. It has been the single most damaging event in my life...both physically and psychologically.

 

Yet, I am still standing and here to live another day.

 

That which doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

I feel your words... you cannot imagine how much. Told my MM that he lied from day one to me as he didn't have the capacity to be honest to himself.

 

In the end so much was sacrificed because of his selfishness.

 

I told him today that I was very happy with my life and I was walking a direction that was good for me when we met and that he took my life and turned it upside down.

[Walking away]

Zara....

 

I know you understand my pain. Giving up hope is a hard thing to do. And really, truly walking away forever was difficult today.

 

But, as Movinon said.....it had to be done.

 

And good always comes out of bad situations....

 

This has been an incredibly hard day for me....

[zarathustra]

Zara....

 

I know you understand my pain. Giving up hope is a hard thing to do. And really, truly walking away forever was difficult today.

 

But, as Movinon said.....it had to be done.

 

And good always comes out of bad situations....

 

This has been an incredibly hard day for me....

hugs to you. We WILL grow from this.

[Walking away]

Yes, Zara....

 

The difficulties of life are intended to make us better....not bitter.

 

And, a personal favorite of mine today:

 

Groanings which cannot be uttered are often prayers which cannot go unanswered.

 

God will answer my prayers...in His divine timing. And until then, I will hold on and pray for continued strength and peace.

 

I pray for all of us.

[Blind Illusion]

Today I went to the beach!! First time this season.

 

Some people may be wondering why I am posting this trivial fact on a relationship oriented forum. Basically, because this and other things I have posted under this thread are all about a love affair--with myself.

 

I am striving to do things that I like, would make me a better person, etc. My hope is that as this way of thinking becomes a habit, I will be less inclined to think about what MM is doing and less apt to let Annoying Husband set the tone of my days.

 

Besides, I noticed that life's problems seem not as bad on the beach. :)

[Walking away]

Yes, Blind Illusion....

 

Life is a beach! Sorry about the pun but I couldn't resist...

[zarathustra]

Yes, Blind Illusion....

 

Life is a beach! Sorry about the pun but I couldn't resist...

They played by the sea- then came there a wave and swept their

playthings into the deep: and now do they cry.

But the same wave shall bring them new playthings, and spread before

them new speckled shells!

Thus will they be comforted; and like them shall ye also, my

friends, have your comforting- and new speckled shells!-

 

Thus spake Zarathustra. ~~ 1891, THUS SPAKE ZARATHUSTRA by Friedrich Nietzsche, translated by Thomas Common

[eyeswideshut]

that was beautiful Zara!

 

do you like literature?

 

GRRRRRLS!!!

 

Well, about the BBQ, this lady phoned just now, and she said: can I come by and bring the invitation?

and i said sure, and she asked me, do you have a boyfriend, cause you can bring him along? and I said: No. I don't have a boyfriend.

and she said: even better, I will provide single friend.

hahahahahahahaa

Before, I would have just said: oh god no!!

But now, I think i will just bring my wonderful single self to this Sunday's BBQ, and hopefully I will meet new people and have fun!!!

 

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[Blind Illusion]

They played by the sea- then came there a wave and swept their

playthings into the deep: and now do they cry.

But the same wave shall bring them new playthings, and spread before

them new speckled shells!

Thus will they be comforted; and like them shall ye also, my

friends, have your comforting- and new speckled shells!-

 

Thus spake Zarathustra. ~~ 1891, THUS SPAKE ZARATHUSTRA by Friedrich Nietzsche, translated by Thomas Common

 

I love it.

[Blind Illusion]

that was beautiful Zara!

 

do you like literature?

 

GRRRRRLS!!!

 

Well, about the BBQ, this lady phoned just now, and she said: can I come by and bring the invitation?

and i said sure, and she asked me, do you have a boyfriend, cause you can bring him along? and I said: No. I don't have a boyfriend.

and she said: even better, I will provide single friend.

hahahahahahahaa

Before, I would have just said: oh god no!!

But now, I think i will just bring my wonderful single self to this Sunday's BBQ, and hopefully I will meet new people and have fun!!!

 

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

 

Good, good, good....I love how we are all trying to live life with a new attitude towards it.

[Walking away]

Do it!

 

Enjoy life. We only live once.....

 

And, Zara....

 

I loved that....

[Blind Illusion]

Do it!

 

Enjoy life. We only live once.....

 

And, Zara....

 

I loved that....

 

I liked it so much that I printed it out to put in this book of ocean quotes I have. An online friend sent it to me last Christmas because she knew I was always talking about the ocean. I still maintain that that the beach and ocean is nature's answer to high-priced therapy.

[Walking away]

Zara,

 

I couldn't agree with you more.

 

When I am down, I head for the water....which is a jaunt, since I live in a desert.

[movinon05]

Haven't had time to read all your posts from today, but its been a busy day.

 

And I've got a date tonight!!!!!!! I must be crazy!! wish me luck!

[zarathustra]

I love it.

thanks BI... glad to be of service!

 

that was beautiful Zara!

 

do you like literature?

EWS, I don't read a lot of literature. I've read so many books in my studies, that I've packed them all in.

 

"Thus Spake Zarathustra" by F. Nietzche is a book I live by. Its about finding your authentic self and being finding empowerment by your own self will.

 

If I find more useful ones, I'll add them in here or in the Empowerment thread.

 

The first time I had my heart broken, this book helped me get to a better place. I think its time I revisit this book.

[eyeswideshut]

Zara,

 

I will be looking for that book.

I've never read that author.

I've got so many books on the go right now. I've started House of Mirth (Wharton), The awakening (Chopin, my second time reading it), the DaVinci Code (Brown), Someone Like you, (Dahl), La Vieille Fille (Balzac), The God of Small Things (Roy), The Daydreamer (McEwan), Suitable Boy (Seth), and THe Historian.

 

I am reading the Bible as well. One of my friends told me that if I want help to focus on my reading I should pray before each reading session. So I've committed to reading 3 chapters of the Bible a day.

 

she told me not to be in shock if they spoke of adultery. hahahahaha

 

That's it I'm going to HELLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(there'll be lots of MM there)

 

MO, good luck on your hot date!!!

 

Come back and tell us all about it. I'll be expecting exciting details. I have a hot date with my nephew tonight too. (he's a wee baby) we're going for coffee with a friend.

 

can't wait to hear all about it!!!!!!!!!

 

Love you all,

EWS

[movinon05]

I now have high hopes. Pray for me I don't come back with a sad face!

[Blind Illusion]

Zara,

 

I will be looking for that book.

 

Yes, i think I will too. I also ordered that book from Amazon,"Not Just Friends" because I kept seeing it quoted on Loveshack. I also think I stumbled upon Glass' website once upon a time when I thought I'd find all my affair answers on a website.

 

Good luck with the date, MovingOn

[eyeswideshut]

Grrrls!

 

 

i saw him today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't believe it, it was pure coincidence.

He was with a friend at a coffee shop sitting outside. and I was walking to my babysitting assignment. I was walking and I saw him there and he stood up and was so happy to see me, I was in total shock.

He introduced me to his friend, and told me he missed me, and hugged me so hard. And then he sent an email saying it made his day to see me.

OMG!!!!!!!!!!

I soooo didn't want to fall into this. i think it will take forever now to get over this.

He told me that when he saw me come out of the convenience store a block away, he did a double take, and didn't think it was me, just some hot girl, and then when I came closer her was so thrilled it was me. He kept saying how good I looked and (god I so didn't look good, I was makeupless, and my eyes were red, but he was wearing sunglasses so maybe his vision was blurred) and then I left, and I was sort of on cloud 9 again for awhile.

And I live in a big city, so what are the odds?!?!?!?!!

(I go for long walks (12km), so it wasn't like he was in my neighborhood or anything. It was just one of the many routes i take to go to my sister's)

ARGHHHH!

what am I going to do to go on????

HELPPPPP!!!!! i am never walking that route again. EVER in my lifetime! I felt as though I was stalking him.

after all that, I wasn't thinking clearly, but I did notice that maybe he was wearing his wedding ring. He never wore it around me, but since he didn't think he'd see me, he was wearing it? What the hell does that mean?

But I'm not sure.

I just was thinking back, and I think I saw a ring?

I really am going to make up for it at the BBQ.

Help me girls, help me help me!!! i am going out of my mind!!!

[eyeswideshut]

Movin On...

 

Are you home yet from your date??

We want details!!!!

[movinon05]

Tra la la la la.......la la la la..........

 

I'm home at the wee hour of 2:00 a.m. And I had a very lovely time girls!! Well, no, actually it was awesome!!!

 

We drove down to the shore, walked along the beach, drank some wine at his shore house, a little of this and that, (can't give all the details!) and blasted the stereo singing to Elton John all the way home to keep ourselves awake!!

 

Oh yes, life does go on!

 

Of course, I'll be a lot happier when/if he calls and we go back out again!!!

 

Sooooo, THIS is what I am doing to go on!! There's hope for all of us!

 

Tra la la la la la. Off to sweet slumber!

[Blind Illusion]

I think I need a little of this & that. If not, I'll take the cocktails at the shore hacienda.

 

Glad your night was good MO.

[movinon05]

I think I need a little of this & that. If not, I'll take the cocktails at the shore hacienda.

 

Glad your night was good MO.

 

Well I will tell you that the little of this and that was way better than the 8 mo. of my last BF!! How sad is that that I put up with what BF was bringing to the table for that long!!