Husband or Single Lover?

[Guest]

I've been married for 21 years. Husband is recovering alcoholic who cheated many years ago but not in past 15 years that I know of. I have cheated 2; first for revenge and then later realized it was related to low self-esteem. First affair lasted 17 years but lover died 3 years ago. I was overweight until 3 years ago. Lost 150 pounds and have since then had the chance to be with more men but chose not to until I became smitten with a younger guy (33) at a new job 2 years ago. Have been him with many times. We both care about one another but he doesn't want me 2 leave my marriage for him. He has a new girlfriend who is a friend's widow he has known for a long time. I'm so jealous even though I can offer nothing more than office romance. He still continues to see me. We are both about to take other jobs and I'm afraid this will mean our affair ends. I don't want it to end. I want this man to be in my life forever. I'm only taking this new job because he wants me to, even though we will no longer work together either way. He feels this new job will help me cope with no longer working with him. My gut tells me he wants me but doesn't want to be the cause of my marriage breaking up. I've become dependent upon our relationship and am so afraid the distance of our new jobs along with his new girlfriend will eventually be the end of our affair. I feel like leaving my husband but am afraid and don't want to hurt him. I have a hard time working to make ME happy. I always want to make other people happy instead. Please help.