So I work with my Ex

[No Concept]

So I started to date one of my sisters friend from high school. I started to work where she worked at and down the road we started to date September 2005. It was iffy at first since she was going to UT in the winter so she did not want to get into a relationship. Well me being and Houston and her being in Austin wouldn't be that bad of a drive. So we decided to start dating.

 

Down the road (3 months) we start to have certain circumstances that keep popping up that get in our way. First it was a cruel IM that my sister had left her in her phone then it was her missing her ex boyfriend around Christmas. I end up losing my car because of financial difficulties and that's were it goes downhill. Since we work together she's giving me rides home and such.

 

Fast foward some and I'm feeling somewhat depressed and fustrated of everything that's going on with my life. I clam up and I guess there's where the communication starts to fail. This is around February that even I feel like I hit a low in our relationship. We're different personalities but we love the same things. Jokes I used to tell her or anything funny I thought wasn't funny to her anymore. I guess after that whole thing with my sister she put up this wall.

 

Now to fill in some blanks. She doesn't get accepted into UT. So that also brings her down. I still don't have a car since Thanksgiving and it's hard to take he out since I'm trying to save money up. She gets a full time job while having her part time so she's working around 60 hours. And since my hobby is building computers I somehow find enough money to build a new one but not be able to take her out. Now mind you I did take her out and paid for things but I guess she meant take her out to see "new" things. Things I liked I guess. She tells me "Can't you at least take me out sometime" which hurts me alot but not as much as her.

 

Now in March we go on that trip we come back and I miss a date with her. Since she works all those hours we only have time for each other on the weekend. She gets mad and I tell her it was an honest mistake I thought it was a certain time and at my friends house it was an hour behind. She has to work early in the morning so this is I guess the straw that broke the camel's back.

 

We break up and I tell her to give me a 2 1/2 month hiatus so I can get everything together in my life. I want to show her the person she fell for in the beginning not the sad, fustrated person she knew now. She tells me that there isn't any "Chemistry" or I guess since the beginning. I asked her why she stayed with me for 7 months without any "chemistry" but she didn't really respond but kept saying that there just isn't any. She tells me that "I don't see myself in the future with you or even marrying you" which does hurt me alot. And also says "How could you ever love me?". The thing is I was falling for her. I really liked who she was and what she did even though sometimes we clashed.

 

So thankfully I read the "NC" guide and the "Second Chance" guide that has helped me immensely. The thing is.. I feel because of our circumstances I didn't even have time to show her the "happy" side of me.. the good side of me who's always joking around and just making people laugh. I feel like she only knew the "fustrated part of me" and I feel cheated. Cheated that 3 months into our relationship stuff kept popping up. Yes maybe we timed it wrong and yes I do need to get my stuff together and be happy myself. I told her how would she ever fall for me when all she sees is me fustrated and clammed up and didn't have enough time to show her my "Open communication, happy go lucky, funny guy" part.

 

Now the question is.. I work with her.. 4 days a week. Since we work together and in a small place we have close contact with each other alot. It's hard working with her.. and if it wasn't for family I wouldn't be able to get to work at all. I want another chance and I've realized my mistakes and everything idiotic I did that I shouldn't have done. I really miss her and I know she wasn't in love with me.. but she cared about me alot. I somewhat know how to react around her but what "shouldn't I do?". I don't pester her, or call her, or act clingy. Yes I see her texting god knows who and I do get jealous but I don't show her.

 

She asked me today if I was going to go to a comedy show with her and her sisters but I told her it was a bad idea. She kept asking why and then she asked if it was her. I told her yes and she got sad. Then when she was in the back I talked to her about it and told her that my motives wasn't to hurt her but that I don't know what I want to do. I told her that if still like her in the future I could not be friends with her and that if I could get over her then yes maybe.

 

Should I even be talking about this to her at work? She was insisting on know what was going on and why. At this point I don't want to be friends with her so I don't talk to her except if it's at work. I'm doing the whole "I'm happy go lucky" act that she knew and laughs at my jokes now. I don't show a sad side of me and working on my emotions. I'm also trying to move on and I am getting a new car hopefully mid May. I'm working out and running and trying to better what myself.

 

So that's part of the whole story. There is lots more but if you'd like to know more you can ask and I'll fill in the more details. What do you think the chances of her giving me another chance would be? Nil? I am moving on but I do miss her of course. I'm I doing ok with the NC? I don't call her but like I said I feel it's iffy with the stuff we talk about at work. Let me know guys your feedback is gold.