Unsure what to do.

[Mike]

I love my girlfriend very much and have a home with her.

 

In January, she began taking anti-anxiety medication and our sex life went from frequent and fun to never and none.

 

At this point, October, I still love her and she gives every appearance of loving me, but the sex is still gone.

 

My attempts to "get her going" just don't work. When I kiss her, she kisses me back with a peck on the lips, and though we cuddle in bed, it never goes anywhere beyond that.

 

I am 30 years old and she is 24, and we have been together about a year and a half. She has switched medication once to try and see if that was the problem but to no avail.

 

We do nothing sexual together at this point and I constantly am confused by this. I wonder if she hasn't just lost interest in me and will meet someone else who sparks her interest. She says no, but can't confirm that it is the drugs for sure.

 

She says she just doesn't want any sex.

 

Any good advice out there?

 

I am flustered.

[Tony T]

It is very possible for axiety medications to have ingredients that affect the libido. Generally, these drugs affect males more often than females. Your girlfriend should check with her doctor to get something that will not have this as a side effect.

 

Your girl is way, way too young to be having long term anxiety problems. If there is a lot of stress in her life, tell her to seek other means of controlling it, such as meditation and relaxation exercises. She should not be on long term anxiety drugs, tranquilizers, etc.

 

If the anxiety is about her sex life, then you may have a major problem. Get to the bottom of it. It is possible that some sort of sexual abuse or trauma in her past has come to her consciousness and she is having to deal with it.

 

It sounds like your relationship is definitely worth saving. So first, look at the side effects of the medications she's on....have her get off or reduce the amount of medication as soon as she can...encourage her to learn meditation and relaxation techniques...and have her talk to a counsellor to see if things in her past may be causing his lack of interest in sex.

 

If she is unwilling to do this work, I think she may be trying to give you a hint.

[Mike]

Thanks, Tony. I wasn't even hoping for the first response to be so positive or well thought out.

 

I asked her earlier tonight to stop the medication, or at least take breaks. I will pursue your other suggestions.. especially counseling, and see if that helps her.

 

I agree that if she is unwilling, I take a hint.

 

I love my girlfriend very much and have a home with her. In January, she began taking anti-anxiety medication and our sex life went from frequent and fun to never and none. At this point, October, I still love her and she gives every appearance of loving me, but the sex is still gone. My attempts to "get her going" just don't work. When I kiss her, she kisses me back with a peck on the lips, and though we cuddle in bed, it never goes anywhere beyond that. I am 30 years old and she is 24, and we have been together about a year and a half. She has switched medication once to try and see if that was the problem but to no avail. We do nothing sexual together at this point and I constantly am confused by this. I wonder if she hasn't just lost interest in me and will meet someone else who sparks her interest. She says no, but can't confirm that it is the drugs for sure. She says she just doesn't want any sex. Any good advice out there? I am flustered.

[Daisy]

Actually Tony, it's not that unusual for this woman to be having anxiety problems. Women far outpass men in the anxiety department. I'm only 20 years old and I've been struggling with anxiety problems since I was 16. I really don't think age plays a huge role in the matter, although I'm sure that more older women are diagnosed with this problem than younger women.

 

Still, it doesn't surprise me that a woman of her age is having this dibilitating disease.

 

And to you Mike, do you know what kind of anxiety she is having? How bad is it? What's specific about her anxiety? How long has she had it?

 

Has she read any books about the matter? I know that once I realized what was wrong with me, I read as many books as I could in order to understand what was happening to me. When I first started having anxiety attacks, I thought I was going crazy. I felt like I was the only person going through this. Once I knew that my illness had a name, reading books helped me so much. Depending on the degree of the anxiety, I really think that sometimes books and information are so much better than just jumping on some medication. True, severe anxiety problems have to be dealt with medication, as sometimes there is no other way. But self-help can be very successful as well, particularly for the lower-grade anxiety.

 

In my case, on average, I was having at least a couple of panic attacks per day. I went to a psychiatrist for a short period, but realized that it just wasn't for me. Honestly, I ended up going to a homeopath after hearing some good information from relatives. Some people think homeopathy is a load of crock, but I honestly think that's what helped me begin my own climb out of anxiety. I don't give them all the credit, but I do give them credit for starting my climb towards normalcy, because it gave me hope that I could get better. And I did get better. Without medication. And the great thing about the self help books is that I now know exactly what causes me to think the way I do when I'm feeling anxious. If I feel the slightest panic attack coming on anymore, I can tell myself "It's just a panic attack. You're not going to die. Relax. Breath. It's not that bad. It'll be over in a few seconds".

 

In any event, sorry for rambling on and on. It's just that your topic hit home for me. Let me know what kind of anxiety your girlfriend's having and I might be able to help you out and give you more information.

[Julie]

I just wanted to let you know that these medications stop a womens ability to function properly sexually. As a person who had to take medication I was unable to have an orgasm and my partner would get very frustrated at my lack of sex drive. However, I kept taking the medication and split up with him although i loved him he didn't understand and took it all the wrong way. I am happy that I took the medication because i will probably never need to take anything like it again (anti-depressants) because i took them for the right amount of time and my anxiety prolems are a thing of the past. Now i am with someone who is understanding and helped me to overcome my anxieties. needless to say I really love sex again.!! I just wanted to tell you that its got nothing to do with you and that the medication stops feelings of wanting to have sex.i doesn't mean that she loves you any less its just that her body doesn't want to play.. Just give the poor girl a break.. Julie

Thanks, Tony. I wasn't even hoping for the first response to be so positive or well thought out. I asked her earlier tonight to stop the medication, or at least take breaks. I will pursue your other suggestions.. especially counseling, and see if that helps her. I agree that if she is unwilling, I take a hint.

[Mike]

I feel I have been understanding for a significant amount of time, and I could hang in for longer if I just knew there was light at the end of the tunnel.

 

How long was long enough for you?

I just wanted to let you know that these medications stop a womens ability to function properly sexually. As a person who had to take medication I was unable to have an orgasm and my partner would get very frustrated at my lack of sex drive. However, I kept taking the medication and split up with him although i loved him he didn't understand and took it all the wrong way. I am happy that I took the medication because i will probably never need to take anything like it again (anti-depressants) because i took them for the right amount of time and my anxiety prolems are a thing of the past. Now i am with someone who is understanding and helped me to overcome my anxieties. needless to say I really love sex again.!! I just wanted to tell you that its got nothing to do with you and that the medication stops feelings of wanting to have sex.i doesn't mean that she loves you any less its just that her body doesn't want to play.. Just give the poor girl a break.. Julie

[Mike]

As far as her anxiety, it's gone with the arrival of the drugs on the scene. It was getting very frequent. At least a few times a week, usually at night, and seemed to revolve around her work and sleep schedule, for instance a Sunday night, anticipating Monday, was almost sure to bring an attack.

 

I've had them before as well, but they stopped when I started responding by loosening up my lifestyle. I was over-driving myself.

 

I think she may have been too, but now she is afraid to give up the drugs, and she no longer has health insurance, so now the drugs without a physician's guidance.