Geminigyrl_2003 Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 I'm recently single but I've been seeing my long ago ex bf. He's been w/ his girl friend for quite some time now. We used to chat online, send emails, call, until his girl caught up w/ us. Then we quit talking. One day he sends me a online message and we start back talkin for a minute, she finds out again. Then, we stop 4 another while. He texts me after we started working together and even started seeing each other after work n making late nite kreepz. We got caught talkin again and this time she threatens me w/ an email. I'm tired of causing so much trouble but I'm fallin in love w/ him and he's making it harder for me 2 stay away each day we see each other. Its like everytime we stop talkin, he comes back 2 me. I see it as he's not happy w/ his girl but I dunno wut 2 do. Should I keep this up or ignore him???? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Hello, It is time for a wake-up call. If he wanted to be with you full-time then he would break up with his girlfriend. The fact is that he does not wish to do so but instead keep you on the side. Why would you want to be with a man who has no problem cheating on his girlfriend? Remember a man that will cheat with you will also cheat on you. Find yourself someone who respect you and the value of a relationship and committment. Clearly this person is not person. How would you feel if you were his girlfriend and another woman were doing this to you. You need to have respect for yourself because he does not have any for you. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and his actions are saying he wishes to remain with the girlfriend and keep you on the side. Tell him maybe you will see him but only after he terminates the relationship with the girlfriend. Look in the mirror. Is being the other woman the role you wish to play? Don't you think you deserve better? If you do not respect yourself then who will? Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 Simpler is always better. Keeping the love triangle going and not knowing what his real feelings for you are is the most complicated option. Simpler would be for him to make a choice about her, and then give you clean boundaries. Either in or out. Not halfway. If he isn't going to do that, then you'll have to enforce your own boundaries. You are already being hurt by this. Until things are cleaned up it's just going to get more confusing and painful. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 If he wanted to be with you (and only you) he could be, I am sure the girlfriend doesn't have him shackled in the basement so he can never leave her. He just wants you on the side while he has his girlfriend there for him as well. Find someone worth your full time Link to post Share on other sites
henry the II Posted April 30, 2006 Share Posted April 30, 2006 r u kidding this guy is playing both of you, if he's doing this to her he will do it to you. all your doing is making a cheaters life easy, oh and that makes you a cheater to. Your better than that, tell this guy to get lost, or dump his girl all together. And you should leave who your with rather than do this stuff to him, and if your man is good to you, then you should be ashamed Link to post Share on other sites
hyakku Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Listen, instead of worrying about being commited, have fun. don't worry about relationships, just tell him, "look, if you don't want to be in a commited relationship with me thats fine, but that also gives me the right to see other men while we are talking". and about his girlfriend, screw her, she's obviously an idiot. She caught you what, Three or four times and she's still with him? You aren't in the wrong at all, you have not forced him to cheat. The only thing I do have to warn you about is that he's done this four times with her, normally I don't go with the "once a cheater always a cheater" thing, but four times....that seems kind of risky. If he told her he would stop seeing you those 4 times than he's a liar, if he told her he would be seein gher than its fine. Just know that if you catch him cheating on you once, DROP HIM (thats if you're in a commited relationship). I'm not saying don't get into a relationship with him, because he could be cheating on her for any reason, but the minute he betrays your trust then you need to drop him. Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Just know that if you catch him cheating on you once, DROP HIM (thats if you're in a commited relationship). I'm not saying don't get into a relationship with him, because he could be cheating on her for any reason, but the minute he betrays your trust then you need to drop him. In a world where people's emotions had switches and everyone could wake up to reality and stick to resolutions any "minute", your solution is perfect. Arguable on the moral side but perfect. Since we don't live in that sort of a world it may well be Geminigyrl_2003 that you're facing a risk. If you weigh that risk well and decide you can take it and know he could be cheating or double timing you as well then indeed take hyakku's advice. If not, and you can see yourself hurt by this in the future you probably know what you need to do. However the title of your post suggested you were interested in who's more morally responsable, him or you. Does it matter? You evidently already have guilt about this, it bothers you, you stopped before, and last but not least you're here asking for opinions instead of out there talking to him. If you can deal with the guilt and the risks then again, do what was suggested above, it's probably a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
hyakku Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 In a world where people's emotions had switches and everyone could wake up to reality and stick to resolutions any "minute", your solution is perfect. Arguable on the moral side but perfect. Since we don't live in that sort of a world it may well be Geminigyrl_2003 that you're facing a risk. If you weigh that risk well and decide you can take it and know he could be cheating or double timing you as well then indeed take hyakku's advice. If not, and you can see yourself hurt by this in the future you probably know what you need to do. The strange thing is, its almost like I've developed some of these switches. The best thing to do, is step out of your body (mentally of course), look at your relationship and just think, "If I was someone else what advice would I give to this person in this situation?" and just act on it. I don't allow emotions to get in the way when it comes to decisions like cheating, lying etc. One shot thing, she f***s up? Too bad, doesn't matter if I love her so much the world will end if we break up, the world would just have to end . P.s. You are objectively pretty alexandra, are there other qualities about you that would make you a good online wife? I'm in the market for an E - Relationship. (How's that for a pickup line .) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 You're both wrong. You know he has a girlfriend and isn't supposed to be talking to you...The fact you two keep getting caught is stupid on his behalf for many reasons - 1)he keeps LYING to her and disrespecting their relationship together 2)he's leading you on by giving you hope that there will be a "you and him"...The thing is, he HAS NOT attempted to break up with his girlfriend to get back with you, so what does that tell you??? 3)she has every right to be pissed at BOTH of you, considering she's asked you to leave him alone and you haven't tried to push him away. Do you really love this guy and want him back or is it the fact he is your ex and with someone else now you want him all over again? You're setting yourself up everytime he gets intouch with you because YOU are losing out by knowing he isn't leaving his girlfriend - that makes you the other woman! That shouldn't BE enough for you! Don't you feel you deserve a man who will love just you?? Tell him to never call you again UNTIL things end between them and enough time has passed, THEN he can ask you on a date and do it the right way. Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 The strange thing is, its almost like I've developed some of these switches. The best thing to do, is step out of your body (mentally of course), look at your relationship and just think, "If I was someone else what advice would I give to this person in this situation?" and just act on it. I don't allow emotions to get in the way when it comes to decisions like cheating, lying etc. One shot thing, she f***s up? Too bad, doesn't matter if I love her so much the world will end if we break up, the world would just have to end . I'm sorry. That you have developed them. I could be wrong -stranger things have (very rarely:laugh: ) happened- but it sounds like they have not been born out of this incredibly rational outlook on life as you may imagine, nor are they necessarily a sign of great will power, they may very well be nothing but defense mechanisms. I've met many people with such formed "switch" mechanisms and the statistical truth is that they don't last. It also sounds like you're in a place where a lot of casual and short term relationships happen. When you'll be in a place where you want one to last those switches will be pretty much useless. I know you even quoted the "love her" situation but as a rule the more intense the feeling, the more serious the relationship, the less probable it is for your switches to still work. That's only valid for people with "normal" psychological situations of course, then there are the pathological cases that have more serious problems and those indeed have infailible switches, not your case, is it? Don't get me wrong, that you have the ability to look at a situation rationally is a great quality, I hope you retain it long after your switches are gone Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 wtf are "late nite kreepz" your style of writing makes me want to stab myself in the eye. You are 16, so I'm guessing he is around your age. It's not a big shock that he isn't sure of what he wants. His gf is not too bright for forgiving him so many times. He's not being a very good bf, and you are contributing, knowing that this upsets her, if you don't want to be involved in the drama, tell him to figure out what he's doing and get back to you once he has. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 Well all of u have made your point and thanx for it all. Yeah his girl str8 up wanted to fight me once n to this day she doesn't like me but it'z all over between me n him until she's out the way. I can't 4eva b tha side woman. He'll b textin my phone tonight or tryna get at me at work but i won't put my guardz down this time. I shoulda had more respect for myself and hey ya never know, he prolly woulda cheated on me in the meantime and prolly w/ her 2 b honest. It would b a crezy love circle...but I dont wonna get into dat. I met the sweetest guy who'z been under my nose 4 a minute n I'm just not noticing him....i think he's tha one i wonna spend my full time with so umma leave it at that Link to post Share on other sites
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