Dazed and Confused!

[Kylie]

I live in Sydney and a few weeks ago I got picked up by this gorgeous Canadian backpacker in a bar. We got along really well and I ended up back at his house. We kissed and stuff but that's it. He called a few days later and told me he'd call on Saturday afternoon so we could organise to meet up. Of course I was stoked because this guy is really hot, and I didn't expect him to call at all. Well he didn't call on the Saturday but I thought, 'what the hell' and rang him myself. He sounded keen to get together later that night but wasn't sure about his plans, so told me to call later that night. I did, and he wasn't home. Anyway he ended up turning up where I was and we went back to his house again where we kissed and went a little further but he had been smoking pot and couldn't get it up! So we didn't sleep together, which was, to be honest, a little dissapointing! Anyway, he called me later that week and asked me what I was doing Saturday night, and I said I was going out but could meet him later in the night (I assumed this is what he would want - some space), and he said that sounded good, that he would ring me to let me know where we was. Of course he never rang. And now it's been five days and I can't stop thinking about him and why he didn't call. I know this whole thing sounds frivolous but god, I just can't stop thinking about him. I don't want to call because I want him to WANT to see me, you know? Then again, if he never calls again I will be really gutted. I don't particularly want a relationship with him (he is, after all, only here for a few more months), but he is so gorgeous, he is like the only guy I have ever been with who can turn me on.

 

Could someone please let me know what is going on in his mind right now??? I mean I am offering him no-strings-attached sex. Why won't he CALL?!

[Laurynn]

You seem to be proud of the fact that you got "picked up" by some stranger in a bar, you're just looking for a 'no strings' romp in the sack with him. What's wrong with this picture? Maybe he senses you're easy, and that you frequently let guys pick you up and take you home to have sex......maybe he thinks you're the village bicycle.

 

Or maybe he's embarassed by the fact that he couldn't 'get it up' the last time you were together. He sounds like a real winner.....off in another country, doing drugs. That's groovy. He sounds mighty mature. Not.

 

Aren't you worried about diseases? HIV? AIDS? Hepatitis C? Herpes? Genital Warts? Getting pregnant by some stranger who picks you up in a bar? Don't you have any self control, self respect or pride? Aren't you worried that one day you might meet some type of deranged whacko? You don't sound all too bright to me.

 

Did it ever occur to you that he's there on holidays...and if he's as gorgeous as you say, he's probably got 5 other gals he's seeing (sleeping with).....You want to sleep with some guy who's boinking a bunch of other women too?

 

Go take a cold shower.

 

L

[Kylie]

I didn't ask for advice on this board so that I could be criticised by someone who isn't as sexually liberated as me. I am not stupid - I am a law student at the University of New South Wales. I am also a feminist and believe in a woman's right to sexual autonomy.

 

To answer your queries:

 

* No I am not 'easy'. It's been 6 months since my last long-term relationship and I am looking for some fun without the emotional crap that goes with it.

 

* I don't think the fact that he uses pot recreationally is a sign of immaturity. I wouldn't bother with it myself but who am I to judge him?

 

* Am I worried about diseases? Of course I am, who isn't these days. But there are these things called contraceptives that largely reduce the risk of contracting such diseases, and I am a responsible adult willing accept the risks for having sex.

 

* Do I have any self control, respect, or pride? I find it offensive that you are judging my character on the fact that I am a woman in her 20s who lusts after someone and wants a sexual relationship. The notion that women were asexual beings went out in the 1800s. It is ok for us to have orgasms now, and with whoever we choose.

 

* I am quite aware that he is probably sleeping with other women. Just like I have slept with other men. I don't see this as objectionable at all.

 

In summary Laurynn, I am dissapointed that you used this opportunity to lecture me on sexual morality, rather than give me any constructive advice. If there is anyone out there who has any genuine suggestions, I would be happy to hear from you.

[Laurynn]

You wrote:

 

"I didn't ask for advice on this board so that I could be criticised by someone who isn't as sexually liberated as me. I am not stupid - I am a law student at the University of New South Wales."

 

Excuse me? I'm not 'sexually liberated' because I don't go out to bars and let strange men "pick me up" and take me home to sleep with? Honey, that's not sexually liberated, that's just plain stupid and risky. There are plenty of psychopaths and rapists out there.....you can't tell by meeting someone in a bar if they're deranged or dangerous. Frankly, I think you're a little old for the speech about using common sense and not putting yourself into dangerous situations, don't you?

 

I couldn't give a frog's fat fanny what you're taking at whatever University. A formal education does not ensure someone is bright when it comes to making smart decisions; common sense.

 

As for protection from diseases, there are no 100% safe forms of protection from STDs and HIV, none, zilch, zip. Condoms break. Things like Herpes can be spread from areas such as the thigh, the buttocks, etc. (the virus doesn't JUST reside in the penis or vagina).

 

And yeah, I was wrong, I guess it's no big deal that this dude is using illegal substances while visiting another country. He's obviously the sharpest knife in the drawer....and that's a real impressive trick of his.....to get so wasted that he can't raise his flag. Wow, now that's a catch. Are you sure it was the weed that left him floppy? Maybe he just wasn't interested? (no offense)

 

So you didn't like my response because you're here looking for someone to pat you on the head and tell you that it's super peachy that you're out there picking up strange guys, chasing them, and wanting to have casual sex with them?

 

Okay, well I'll try with the advice again.

 

Go rent yourself a neon sign. Place it on the top of your car. Drive by where he's staying and honk your horn to get his attention. On the sign, have this written: "Oh Baby I want you so bad. You are the hottest guy who's ever picked me up in a bar before. Call me, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease!"

 

Or, you could just go where he hangs out and throw yourself at his feet and tell him how desperate you are to get laid by him cuz he's sooooooooooooooo hot.

 

Or, you could call up your local Feminism Chapter, organize a parade in his honor, and in honor of a woman's right to be sexually liberated. You could be the guest of honor on the main float......You could wear wrap yourself in Saran Wrap and hold a big bright sign with your phone number written on it....calligraphy is always nice, and classy too....seeing how you're an uppity law student and all. :-)

 

L

[Danielle]

Laurynn, get off your high horse. There is no room for sarcasm on this board. Kylie wants some genuine advice, not to be judged. Perhaps you should have listened to your mother - say something nice or don't bother saying anything at all.

 

Kylie don't worry about what L wrote. She does have some good points in there (about the STDs, especially), but any merit to her "advice" (ie rant) went out the window in that last post.

 

I understand how you feel, it is fun to lust after someone and contrary to what some older people out there think, people do meet in bars and form long-lasting r'ships (I went out with a guy for a year after meeting him in a club). But that's not what you want, you want pure sex from this guy and if he's hot, why not?! If he hasn't called you it's probably not a deliberate decision. He could be so busy smoking pot, drinking your world famous beer and relaxing on the beach that he can't be bothered to pursue anyone. I've felt the same on holidays. So be the sexual predator for once, you may not get this opportunity again!

 

Call him up, let him know that you're going to be in the area that night, but don't pressure him. Something like, 'Hey, just thought I'd see how you're going. I'm meeting friends at (insert bar you know he goes to) so if you want to hook up rock up around (insert time here).' This makes it casual and easy for both of you. Make sure you do take a friend, though, coz you don't want to get stuck waitig around there by yourself if he doesn't show! And if he doesn't turn up, well chalk it down to experience and go pick up another hot Canadian!!

 

Good luck Kylie!

[witchbreed]

Gosh, L, are you so sexually frustrated that you have to heap a load of abuse on Kyle, who is just asking a honest question? If someone does not want to go in a serious relationsship for whatever reason, do they have to stay celibate? I dont think so! In my experience people who tend to sit on this particular high horse, usually are just envious of people who dare do as they truly feel and not as society commands - because they themselves would like too, but either dont dare or dont have the opportunities!

 

For you Kyle: Try to see him again. Danielles advice sounds good. Maybe go to a club together, dancing is a great way to seduce a bloke :-). I would, were I in your shoes, just tell him, that you are really sexually attracted, would like to have fun with him and no strings attached. Wish you luck! One further advice, pot and booze sometimes dont mix well, pot on its own doesnt make him soft down there! So keep the booze down!

[midori]

Hi Kylie,

 

I read your exchange with Laurynn and while I do think she made some good points about the risks involved, etc., I can appreciate your stance. Just be responsible to yourself, which I'm sure you already are...

 

Having said that I think that maybe the real question here is not, "why won't he call" but "how far are you willing to go to pursue this?". As you say, you just want to hook up with this guy for some fun. He hasn't been picking up your signals which suggests that either they weren't blatant enough (at least for him) or he chooses to ignore them. So you'd need to decide if it's important enough to you to up the ante by risking your pride a bit and being really blatant with him. You might get rejected, either directly or indirectly. Or you might get lucky. Only you know whether or not your pride can handle the risk, and whether or not the risk is worth the potential payoff.

 

Good luck -- I hope he's worth the effort!

 

-midori

[Laurynn]

Envious? LOL Envious of someone who gets her kicks by letting strange men pick her up in a bar and take her to bed? Yeah, I guess I'm pretty green with envy, actually.

 

Sorry sister, I was raised to respect myself, my body. I date plenty, and could easily hop into the sack with just about any guy I choose, but being a two-bit hooch was never my thang. Those are the gals that Jerry Springer is made of.

 

Y'all come back now, y'hear? :-)

 

L

[Barry]

You sure are an uppity, snotty one aren't you? I would bet that you can get any man you want; sure, after the bars are closing at night.

 

I have read some of your comments on this board and all you seem to do is criticize others; by the way they post their names or (not) and shoving your opinions down everyones throat. Who do you think you are? Are you better than everyone else who posts here? Why don't YOU take your rude perfect self somewhere else because you are not wanted here. Noone wants to read what you have to say.

Envious? LOL Envious of someone who gets her kicks by letting strange men pick her up in a bar and take her to bed? Yeah, I guess I'm pretty green with envy, actually. Sorry sister, I was raised to respect myself, my body. I date plenty, and could easily hop into the sack with just about any guy I choose, but being a two-bit hooch was never my thang. Those are the gals that Jerry Springer is made of. Y'all come back now, y'hear? :-) L

[yes]

Listen, you have very definite values,etc. set for yourself. That's great, but it doesn't mean everyone else's value system is or should be the same.

 

I think people get offended because u try to impose your system a bit too strongly. If you made it sound a bit more like u'r simply giving your opinion, which might be only one of the ways to look at it, people would react much better!

 

Just be easy on them!

Envious? LOL Envious of someone who gets her kicks by letting strange men pick her up in a bar and take her to bed? Yeah, I guess I'm pretty green with envy, actually. Sorry sister, I was raised to respect myself, my body. I date plenty, and could easily hop into the sack with just about any guy I choose, but being a two-bit hooch was never my thang. Those are the gals that Jerry Springer is made of. Y'all come back now, y'hear? :-) L

[Laurynn]

Hey Barry, did you really write the songs that made the Hit Parade? *wink*

 

Up until now, "Barry," I haven't see you doling out the advice to the masses here, yet you have the cajones (mind you, I don't really think you're a guy) to condemn my advice? Oh now that's laughable.

 

By the way, Einstein..."noone" isn't a word. Ding, Ding, Ding...you do not win the prize, but thanks for playing. We have some lovely parting gifts for you.

 

(I suddenly have this urge to sing "At the Copa, Copa Cabanaaaaaaaaaaaaaa")

 

xox

 

Your pal,

 

Laurynn