RealityCheck Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Other than the obvious passion, tenderness, love etc.... Does anyone in this situation receive any perks, like gifts, flowers, dinner etc.... Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I'm assuming you mean from the MM. Yes. Handmade things, flowers, many many long love letters and cards, cds of our music, short day trips, a few overnighters., a ring for our 5th anniversary. Funny. Those things were great because it was more than I ever had with my H. But you know what? My favorite thing was this old flannel shirt of his. I asked him for it. I wore it to bed, I wore it around the house. It had his smell all over it. It was like having his arms around me. He even gave me a swatch of cologne he wore that I just loved and went crazy over and always reminded me of him. I couldn't stop smelling it! Ok, back to work. I need to stop thinking about this! lol! Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Other than the obvious passion, tenderness, love etc.... Does anyone in this situation receive any perks, like gifts, flowers, dinner etc.... Dinner mostly. But he liked it when I cooked for him. I'm not much of a gift person. He never gave me anything of his that is of sentimental value. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 Jeepers Movinon! That certainly adds something to the emotions. Nice....verrrry nice! I will admit, though my ex H never gave me anything in between birthdays, aniversaries or holiday occassions, he was extremely generous when the occassion was present! Never missed a beat in that respect! My MM gave me many love letters, roses once and a lunch once! Woooopeee! I don't think of myself as a materialistic person but the way I figure it, because of the sacrifices the OW or OM make in the A, I am all for receiving many, many perks! *laughing* Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Well you just reminded me of something else he gave me. Here's a real reality check: I put him on my family plan with a cell phone for $20 a month. In three months time, we had $1,000 in cell phone bills. Mostly from him calling me constantly and talking like 1/2 hour at least three times a day. He gave me $100. Said he couldn't give me more because he couldn't account for it to his W. Yeah, thanks a whole bunch. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Well you just reminded me of something else he gave me. Here's a real reality check: I put him on my family plan with a cell phone for $20 a month. In three months time, we had $1,000 in cell phone bills. Mostly from him calling me constantly and talking like 1/2 hour at least three times a day. He gave me $100. Said he couldn't give me more because he couldn't account for it to his W. Yeah, thanks a whole bunch. You reminded me as well... the expense to move out of my house and to move with him to our apartment, buy basic necessity, etc. was close to 8k. ..... NOT!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Well you just reminded me of something else he gave me. Here's a real reality check: I put him on my family plan with a cell phone for $20 a month. In three months time, we had $1,000 in cell phone bills. Mostly from him calling me constantly and talking like 1/2 hour at least three times a day. He gave me $100. Said he couldn't give me more because he couldn't account for it to his W. Yeah, thanks a whole bunch. :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 You reminded me as well... the expense to move out of my house and to move with him to our apartment, buy basic necessity, etc. was close to 8k. ..... NOT!!!!!! LOL! Now we're really TJing! How about when he moved to an apartment and I bought all kinds of groceries and dishware, bath stuff, etc., etc., etc., furniture, only to watch him move back 3 months later. Hey, guess what I did then! This is the most radical thing I ever did, I was so mad, I flipped out completely. I was also drinking . I knew he had to go back to the apt. to get his stuff out. So I drove to the apt. (I did have a key). I packed up everthing I had bought him to keep, smashed a framed pictured I had given him - glass everywhere - threw some other stuff with it in a pile, poured toothpaste ALL over it. Then I took what few dishes, silverward and pots he owned and put them in the sink. Then I emptied all the jars of food - whatever in the refrigerator - into the sink on top of the dishes, including the jars and all. I emptied every packaged food - rice, pasta, sauces, whatever, including the packaging, into the sink. The sink was literally filled with all kinds of mustard, ketchup, meatballs and sauce, orange juice, milk, butter. You name it. Totally out of character for me, but damn did it feel good knowing he had to clean up that mess!!! Oh and I also emptied his two big closets full of clothes off the hangers and into a pile as well. I think I might have thrown them in the bathtub! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 HO-LY!!!! Understand, no judgement intended.... You people are killing me over here!!!! How the heck does that happen??? Just so I am completely aware, should my head ever move into that space! My feeling right now is..... I wouldn't drop one red cent for my MM!!! *speechless* Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 LOL! Now we're really TJing! You are right... but since we're on a roll.... LOL! How about when he moved to an apartment and I bought all kinds of groceries and dishware, bath stuff, etc., etc., etc., furniture, only to watch him move back 3 months later. My xMM did pretty much the same thing with me in the same amount of time. Hey, guess what I did then! This is the most radical thing I ever did, I was so mad, I flipped out completely. I was also drinking . I knew he had to go back to the apt. to get his stuff out. So I drove to the apt. (I did have a key). I packed up everthing I had bought him to keep, smashed a framed pictured I had given him - glass everywhere - threw some other stuff with it in a pile, poured toothpaste ALL over it. Then I took what few dishes, silverward and pots he owned and put them in the sink. Then I emptied all the jars of food - whatever in the refrigerator - into the sink on top of the dishes, including the jars and all. I emptied every packaged food - rice, pasta, sauces, whatever, including the packaging, into the sink. The sink was literally filled with all kinds of mustard, ketchup, meatballs and sauce, orange juice, milk, butter. You name it. Totally out of character for me, but damn did it feel good knowing he had to clean up that mess!!! Oh and I also emptied his two big closets full of clothes off the hangers and into a pile as well. I think I might have thrown them in the bathtub! Hey, what ever made you feel better. Even if it was something childish. I sometimes think that I would feel better if I can just punch my xMM in the nose. But I know deep down, it would only make me feel bad about myself. So, I think that my ultimate revenge is to live my life happily. I try to look at what my life could have been with him. My life could have been playing 'step-mom' to two kids who don't want one. It could have been a life where every decision I make, I have to consider not just what I want, but consider the aggregate benefit of all those who normally wouldn't even come into consideration. I could have ended up with all his emotional baggage. He turned out to drink more than what I consider healthy. He turned out not to like going out as much as he professed to liking. Anyway, sorry about the TJ. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I think he got off easy with that one. It was the one and only time. Yeah, well then there was the time that he couldn't tell me the reason why he wasn't leaving yet, but it was going to take about 3 months. I finally got it out of him. He took at least $10,000 out of his retirement account to build a pond - more like a small lake - on his mountain property - for US. It was a dream of his. But it would be worth the 3 month wait because it was for US. Yeah, I enjoyed fishing there once or twice. Well thank you very much for doing that for US! Glad I could entertain you, RC! and btw... I loved him so much I would've lived with that man in shack down by the river. Ah well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 MovinOn...... Not entertaining as much as enlightenment..... Believe me!! I am grateful for all you have shared!! *BIG HUG* Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 HO-LY!!!! Understand, no judgement intended.... You people are killing me over here!!!! How the heck does that happen??? Just so I am completely aware, should my head ever move into that space! My feeling right now is..... I wouldn't drop one red cent for my MM!!! *speechless* Nope, RC... you shouldn't. If he wants to be with you, he will get his ass out of his supposedly 's***ty' marriage by getting a divorce, get his own place and get his life adjusted before he really pursued you. When he has a place of his own and you want to move in with him or the other way around, then that's fine. If you have to set up house because he's sacrificed so much to be with you, then that's complete bull. If my xMM was any kind of a decent human being, he would have treated me and his wife fairly by leaving his M for himself and then pursuing me when he was truly available and not make himself out to be some poor unfortunate sacrificial f'ing lamb just so he can be with me. Who needs that kinda guilt? I'm glad his wife took him back. From the way he made it sound, they are MADE for each other. Trash belongs together. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 and btw... I loved him so much I would've lived with that man in shack down by the river. Ah well. Me too... sigh.... Heck, I would have moved 50-60 outside of the city for this man and I'm a real cosmo kinda gal. I didn't do well in the 'burbs' and was willing to live with him out of town. Things we would have done for love. Anyway, you know what? With the right person, the love won't dry up. As time goes by/gone by and I see how s***ty he treated me, the love has all but dried up. Its funny... I never thought that you can run out of love for someone, but he's done a bang up job and depleting this well. I'll have feelings of some sort for him, but I don't want to refer to it as love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 Hmmm...... I'm starting to believe that I am most likely infatuated with him and not "in love" because I am not prepared to change what I have now for him. I guess, had I stuck it out longer than 5 months my views would have been different! You people have been incredible! Thank you so much! Is my story over? I honestly can't say for sure because he still dwells in my thoughts. I know myself well enough that until he is completely removed from my thoughts its not over till its over! Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Hmmm...... I'm starting to believe that I am most likely infatuated with him and not "in love" because I am not prepared to change what I have now for him. I guess, had I stuck it out longer than 5 months my views would have been different! You people have been incredible! Thank you so much! Is my story over? I honestly can't say for sure because he still dwells in my thoughts. I know myself well enough that until he is completely removed from my thoughts its not over till its over! RC, even though you cannot control whether or not this man is in your thoughts or not, just remember that you alway have the power to control which of the possibilities you want to actualize. I think that is what makes us unique and authentic. Certain possibilities you choose to actualize will get you deeper with this man and there are others that will give you more emotional distance. I have to keep reminding me of that each day. Yes, I still think of him each day (in brief). There are days when thoughts of him doesn't feel like a piercing pain in my chest (it sometimes feels like there is a knife jutting out my chest and thinking of him just turns the knife). But as he keeps his distance (he's been really good for the last 10 days), I am healing more and more. He is finally coming to the understanding that we can be no more than just passing acquaintances at work. That I have my life to live and he has his. That they are never to intermingle. We both need that in order to salvage our marriages. As he drifts farther away emotionally, I find the memories of 'love' more and more a facade on his part. I hate having been gullible enough to have believed him and his sick lies. Makes me sick to my stomach at the thought... Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Well I used to give him gifts all the time too, but most of them had to stay at my house cause he couldn't bring them home. The last thing I bought for him was for his birthday. You know that movie, Message In A Bottle, with Kevin Costner and Robin whathername. I went online and found a company where you could write whatever you want, they put it on parchment paper, and put it in a bottle. Well the "Italian" glass bottle I got was $50. I spent hours writing exactly how I felt in a poetic fashion. He loved it and said we would put it on our mantle and it would be something he would always go to to remind him how much I loved him. Well that was 2 months before the end. I threw the bottle out and lit the edge of that parchment with a match, and stood there and watched all my love burn into tiny little pieces, til it wash ashes blowing all over the snow. I said goodbye that day. Its not just money you spend. Its your soul. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Hmmm...... I'm starting to believe that I am most likely infatuated with him and not "in love" because I am not prepared to change what I have now for him. I guess, had I stuck it out longer than 5 months my views would have been different! You people have been incredible! Thank you so much! Is my story over? I honestly can't say for sure because he still dwells in my thoughts. I know myself well enough that until he is completely removed from my thoughts its not over till its over! RC, even though you cannot control whether or not this man is in your thoughts or not, just remember that you alway have the power to control which of the possibilities you want to actualize. I think that is what makes us unique and authentic. Certain possibilities you choose to actualize will get you deeper with this man and there are others that will give you more emotional distance. I have to keep reminding me of that each day. Yes, I still think of him each day (in brief). There are days when thoughts of him doesn't feel like a piercing pain in my chest (it sometimes feels like there is a knife jutting out my chest and thinking of him just turns the knife). But as he keeps his distance (he's been really good for the last 10 days), I am healing more and more. He is finally coming to the understanding that we can be no more than just passing acquaintances at work. That I have my life to live and he has his. That they are never to intermingle. We both need that in order to salvage our marriages. As he drifts farther away emotionally, I find the memories of 'love' more and more a facade on his part. I hate having been gullible enough to have believed him and his sick lies. Makes me sick to my stomach at the thought... Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 Zara..... You are so correct! It is truly what we choose to actualize. Knowing this, is the "Power". Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 This thread should be tagged and any woman tempted to get into an affair with a MM should come here and read before they decide! Mind you we all think we are different so it would probably be water off a ducks back! Link to post Share on other sites
Blind Illusion Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Other than the obvious passion, tenderness, love etc.... Does anyone in this situation receive any perks, like gifts, flowers, dinner etc.... No, nothing that would ever be questioned. (or that would come back and haunt him) Just dinners, drinks, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
scarletletter Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 We don't do anything like that for each other unless we are out of town together...to risky. Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 I went online and found a company where you could write whatever you want, they put it on parchment paper, and put it in a bottle. Well the "Italian" glass bottle I got was $50. I spent hours writing exactly how I felt in a poetic fashion. He loved it and said we would put it on our mantle and it would be something he would always go to to remind him how much I loved him. Well that was 2 months before the end. I threw the bottle out and lit the edge of that parchment with a match, and stood there and watched all my love burn into tiny little pieces, til it wash ashes blowing all over the snow. I said goodbye that day. Its not just money you spend. Its your soul. Wow! What a nice gift!! Its like all the things we gave them that was from our heart and soul was meaningless to them in the end. I mean, if it meant something, wouldn't he have taken it and found a special place for it - even if it was a secret little place? I'm sure that my xMM has thrown out and deleted everything I sent/gave him. Its good you were able to say goodbye. When I sent my email to him asking that he refrain from speaking to me unless it was business related, that was the day I said goodbye. Once in a while I would feel the sense of loss, but since then, I've felt much better. I am able to get through my workday not crying without any valid reason. My colleagues think that my head's back on my shoulders. FINALLY!!! PHEW! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted May 2, 2006 Author Share Posted May 2, 2006 OH!!..... Did I mention he gave me one hell of headache!........lol He was so understanding to me wanting this from him!! *Puke* Link to post Share on other sites
eyeswideshut Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 he cooked me dinner, he took me out for dinner a few times. Uhhhh.... then we were mostly at my place. Last time i saw him, i thought it was really over, so I went ballistic in a candy store. Bought him some Lik-m-maid. Then when he came over I said: here, some candy for you. And just yesterday I bought him some super expensive honey. (do you know of the Greek honey Attiki?) Anyway. it's like liquid gold, soo good. But how the hell am I supposed to give him gifts if I'm in NC???? arghh! Why do i buy little gifts for him. Maybe I'll just take the honey and wax my bikini line with it, and then wear my gold bikini in France this summer and find me a new man. Link to post Share on other sites
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