Author RealityCheck Posted May 4, 2006 Author Share Posted May 4, 2006 Eyeswideshut.... Give him the hair in the honey!!! *laughing* Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 he cooked me dinner, he took me out for dinner a few times. Uhhhh.... then we were mostly at my place. Last time i saw him, i thought it was really over, so I went ballistic in a candy store. Bought him some Lik-m-maid. Then when he came over I said: here, some candy for you. And just yesterday I bought him some super expensive honey. (do you know of the Greek honey Attiki?) Anyway. it's like liquid gold, soo good. But how the hell am I supposed to give him gifts if I'm in NC???? arghh! Why do i buy little gifts for him. Maybe I'll just take the honey and wax my bikini line with it, and then wear my gold bikini in France this summer and find me a new man. You're obviously not ready for NC if you're doing this. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Eyeswideshut.... Give him the hair in the honey!!! *laughing* Ok, are you trying to make me barf! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted May 4, 2006 Author Share Posted May 4, 2006 MovinOn... Sorry, I'll stop! I just find myself crazy at times. I go in and out of phases and I am in a phase of resentment. So, let me ask you... You have been NC for 16 months, at what point did your phases fade. For me I can go a few weeks then I crash. Probably because I had an email that triggered all of those emotions. I really want it to go away! Maybe I should not read the emails and just delete, however my curiosity does get the better of me. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 MovinOn... Sorry, I'll stop! I just find myself crazy at times. I go in and out of phases and I am in a phase of resentment. So, let me ask you... You have been NC for 16 months, at what point did your phases fade. For me I can go a few weeks then I crash. Probably because I had an email that triggered all of those emotions. I really want it to go away! Maybe I should not read the emails and just delete, however my curiosity does get the better of me. *sigh* Don't be sorry! Just joking around. I don't quite understand the question. What do you mean, "At what point did my phases fade?" I never went back on NC. He always (and apparently will continue) to break that. Can't say I blame you for reading them. No one is a rock after all. But I think its fantastic that you don't respond. I'm sure there were days that you would have liked to. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Other than the obvious passion, tenderness, love etc.... Does anyone in this situation receive any perks, like gifts, flowers, dinner etc.... Flowers by the bushelfuls delivered to my home and work....my favorite cookies, spa gift cards, pistachios, flights out of town to join him on business trips. We stayed at the finest resorts, ate at the finest restaurants. He made and mailed me homemade love song CD's, took my kids and their friends out to dinner at fine restaurants, gave my kids Starbucks gift cards, took us all bowling. When he was in town visiting us, he would have the kids favorite snacks waiting for them in the resort room so they could eat at their leisure after swimming. Bought me tickets to my favorite performer's concert for Valentine's Day. Flew my daughter and I and her friend out to Vegas for Christmas for a few days. I received jewelry, clothes, and other gifts for Christmas. Whenever I arrived at the resorts we would stay in, my favorite foods, wine, flowers, and little gifts would be waiting for me. EVERYTHING was paid for by him. In addition, he e-mailed me, called me constantly. He was super attentive and wildly romantic. How could I have not gotten swept off my feet? Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 And then....SHE found out. And, you could have knocked me over with a feather when he decided to stay with her and try to make the marriage work. So tonight, the heartache's on me... Hey, isn't that a song?! Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 So tonight, the heartache's on me... Hey, isn't that a song?! WA, If it isn't a song, then it SHOULD be....!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 It is a song: Dixie Chicks: Tonight, the Heartache's on Me... Hugs WA Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Other than the obvious passion, tenderness, love etc.... Does anyone in this situation receive any perks, like gifts, flowers, dinner etc.... Reality Check, OK, here is a list; CD's by the dozen, flowers by the millions, lunches, dinners and breakfasts (sometimes cooked by him at my house), bottles of champagne with matching glasses, set of steak knives, boxes of chocolates, loads of clothes, DVD's, lingerie (oh, yes!), and a beautiful painting that I got for Christmas (and that I absolutely loved!). I actually don't like getting presents, so this is him "jut buying me a couple of things"... What I really enjoyed was the little love notes that we would write and leave for me to find in the house, the Christmas cards, Easter Cards, Valentines Card etc etc. The l-o-n-g emails. The unexpected phone calls. The trips away. Anyway, I packed everything into a big box (including the painting!) and handed it back to him. Lock, stock and barrel. I haven't got a scrap of anything now. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Reality Check, OK, here is a list; CD's by the dozen, flowers by the millions, lunches, dinners and breakfasts (sometimes cooked by him at my house), bottles of champagne with matching glasses, set of steak knives, boxes of chocolates, loads of clothes, DVD's, lingerie (oh, yes!), and a beautiful painting that I got for Christmas (and that I absolutely loved!). I actually don't like getting presents, so this is him "jut buying me a couple of things"... What I really enjoyed was the little love notes that we would write and leave for me to find in the house, the Christmas cards, Easter Cards, Valentines Card etc etc. The l-o-n-g emails. The unexpected phone calls. The trips away. Anyway, I packed everything into a big box (including the painting!) and handed it back to him. Lock, stock and barrel. I haven't got a scrap of anything now. GOOD for you!! That's what I did too, but didn't give it back, just destroyed it and tossed it. I have to admit I did keep one thing. A small radio/cd player he bought me for my office. I don't get all sentimental over it, I just don't feel like going out and buying another one. Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Flowers by the bushelfuls delivered to my home and work....my favorite cookies, spa gift cards, pistachios, flights out of town to join him on business trips. We stayed at the finest resorts, ate at the finest restaurants. He made and mailed me homemade love song CD's, took my kids and their friends out to dinner at fine restaurants, gave my kids Starbucks gift cards, took us all bowling. When he was in town visiting us, he would have the kids favorite snacks waiting for them in the resort room so they could eat at their leisure after swimming. Bought me tickets to my favorite performer's concert for Valentine's Day. Flew my daughter and I and her friend out to Vegas for Christmas for a few days. I received jewelry, clothes, and other gifts for Christmas. Whenever I arrived at the resorts we would stay in, my favorite foods, wine, flowers, and little gifts would be waiting for me. EVERYTHING was paid for by him. In addition, he e-mailed me, called me constantly. He was super attentive and wildly romantic. How could I have not gotten swept off my feet? DAMN WA!! Talk about a double life! Its because of my kids now that I stopped introducing my dates unless I thought it was going to go somewhere. Bad enough for you but its even more cruel when they make a connection with your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Yeah, he infiltrated into my life and my kids really adored him. I was quite careful to guard my kids from any men in my life, but THIS one swept me off my feet so sufficiently, and really WANTED to meet them, so I let my guard down. It has hard for them to see their mom upset. THey are my biggest champions! Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 he cooked me dinner, he took me out for dinner a few times. Uhhhh.... then we were mostly at my place. Last time i saw him, i thought it was really over, so I went ballistic in a candy store. Bought him some Lik-m-maid. Then when he came over I said: here, some candy for you. And just yesterday I bought him some super expensive honey. (do you know of the Greek honey Attiki?) Anyway. it's like liquid gold, soo good. But how the hell am I supposed to give him gifts if I'm in NC???? arghh! Why do i buy little gifts for him. Maybe I'll just take the honey and wax my bikini line with it, and then wear my gold bikini in France this summer and find me a new man. EWS, enjoy the goods yourself! Invite some girls over for a party and make stuff that can use honey in it. Use cheap honey if you're waxing... don't waste the good stuff. Give him the hair in the honey!!! *laughing* I nearly peed my pants reading that one, RC... tee hee hee. I was quite careful to guard my kids from any men in my life, but THIS one swept me off my feet so sufficiently, and really WANTED to meet them, so I let my guard down. Its so cruel, isn't it? He meets them, makes himself a part of your life but when the going gets tough... its 'see you later'. What a jerk! Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Yeah, not cool, but what do you do? Pick up the pieces and move on. That's all I can do. Another song: I WILL Survive Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 GOOD for you!! That's what I did too, but didn't give it back, just destroyed it and tossed it. I have to admit I did keep one thing. A small radio/cd player he bought me for my office. I don't get all sentimental over it, I just don't feel like going out and buying another one. Movinon, I considered just destroying everything or dumping it, but I decided that I actually WANTED to return ALL the gifts to MM; it was somehow symbolic of how I rejected him and the situation. And I certainly didn't want him to to think that I was weeping at home clutching on to his presents!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Movinon, I considered just destroying everything or dumping it, but I decided that I actually WANTED to return ALL the gifts to MM; it was somehow symbolic of how I rejected him and the situation. And I certainly didn't want him to to think that I was weeping at home clutching on to his presents!!!! Believe me. If I could have handed him the box of stuff I surely would have. However, I never knew where he was working and I didn't want to dump it at his house and give anyone the satisfaction of knowing I was hurting inside. HE kept ending it with me WITHOUT TELLING ME!!! He just started his own NC and so I was not going to grovel. It was very frustrating that he could just keep leaving and coming back. He always found out I destroyed everything each time he came back. However, the recent tables back on his lawn was to finally stop protecting him and to make a statement. Lot of good it did me anyway, huh. Flowers the next month. And so it goes... Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Believe me. If I could have handed him the box of stuff I surely would have. However, I never knew where he was working and I didn't want to dump it at his house and give anyone the satisfaction of knowing I was hurting inside. HE kept ending it with me WITHOUT TELLING ME!!! He just started his own NC and so I was not going to grovel. It was very frustrating that he could just keep leaving and coming back. He always found out I destroyed everything each time he came back. However, the recent tables back on his lawn was to finally stop protecting him and to make a statement. Lot of good it did me anyway, huh. Flowers the next month. And so it goes... Movinon, I just wish you could have had the "pleasure" (is that really the right word in the circumstances???!!?) of giving your MM back his pressies! I did get some strange satisfaction out of that because my MM was genuinely upset by it. (OR he figured that he'd have storage problems with that massive box.... hmmmm.....!!! ) What your MM did is truly awful; I cannot imagine what it was like to be NC'd by him without a single word after 8 years! What a coward! And then the roses..... I was speechless! But all of this says more about him than about you, doesn't it? At least, I think that YOU can hold your head high! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Movinon, I just wish you could have had the "pleasure" (is that really the right word in the circumstances???!!?) of giving your MM back his pressies! I did get some strange satisfaction out of that because my MM was genuinely upset by it. (OR he figured that he'd have storage problems with that massive box.... hmmmm.....!!! ) What your MM did is truly awful; I cannot imagine what it was like to be NC'd by him without a single word after 8 years! What a coward! And then the roses..... I was speechless! But all of this says more about him than about you, doesn't it? At least, I think that YOU can hold your head high! Thank you for saying that! Yes, I was denied the pleasure of returning the broken smashed pieces of things, his shirt I cut up into little pieces, etc., etc., etc. But because of the way he kept NCing me, I was also denied ever being able to tell him how I felt about anything and everything he did to me. I think I at least deserved that. What was really the worst is that he didn't even haev the decency to tell me he was NCing me. And BTW, this last time was that he was leaving his W in 2 days and he would call me on Monday. Its like he set me up again. That just showed me he has no real respect for me to treat me like that over and over. The final time was the last blow. But I also think he was protecting himself so that he didn't have to feel shame or guilt. Whatever. I'm pretty much past the reaming him a new a-hole. I just want to be left alone now. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Thank you for saying that! Yes, I was denied the pleasure of returning the broken smashed pieces of things, his shirt I cut up into little pieces, etc., etc., etc. But because of the way he kept NCing me, I was also denied ever being able to tell him how I felt about anything and everything he did to me. I think I at least deserved that. I just want to be left alone now. Of course you deserve being able to tell him how you feel! And you certainly deserve to be left alone now! Again, that says more about him than about you, doesn't it......? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted May 4, 2006 Author Share Posted May 4, 2006 Jessie..... HO-LY!!! In a material sense, it appears you got alot more out of your A than I got in my marriage! Honestly, I don't know if I would give back anything! I guess I would view it as some sort of compensation, but then I have not been in that position and can't say for sure. Maybe he still paying off his Visa......lol That would be reminder enough with the compounded interest!!!....lol As far as my exMM, other than ONE lunch and flowers ONE time, "sweet tweet", but then I didn't stick around long enough to find out if perks would be on the way. Highly unlikely because he didn't seem like that sort of person. I am with Movinon..... I was and still am in the same frame of mind about my kids. Unless I know 100% that a man I am dating is going to be around for a long time, and of course this would mean he would have to be (unattached), I would not introduce him to my kids. Today, should I go on a date, it is always when the kids are with their father and my kids don't so much as see the white's of my dates eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Sad thing is: he met my kids before I knew that he was married. My bad. I won't trust so easily next time, huh? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RealityCheck Posted May 4, 2006 Author Share Posted May 4, 2006 Walking Away.... My response was to be addressed to both you and Jessie! And; No, I don't think your "bad"...... Heck! how could you have known at the time. That was just ignorant on his part! Woman are extremely vulnerable when it comes to our children! He most likely played on that to bring you into his "web"! I mean really! What a SMUCK! Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Yeah, live and learn! What the heck? I got some really nice memories out of the deal. And, I am okay. Life goes on, ya know? Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie61 Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 Jessie..... HO-LY!!! In a material sense, it appears you got alot more out of your A than I got in my marriage! Honestly, I don't know if I would give back anything! I guess I would view it as some sort of compensation, but then I have not been in that position and can't say for sure. Maybe he still paying off his Visa......lol That would be reminder enough with the compounded interest!!!....lol As far as my exMM, other than ONE lunch and flowers ONE time, "sweet tweet", but then I didn't stick around long enough to find out if perks would be on the way. Highly unlikely because he didn't seem like that sort of person. I am with Movinon..... I was and still am in the same frame of mind about my kids. Unless I know 100% that a man I am dating is going to be around for a long time, and of course this would mean he would have to be (unattached), I would not introduce him to my kids. Today, should I go on a date, it is always when the kids are with their father and my kids don't so much as see the white's of my dates eyes. Reality Check, Will you be sickened if I told you that I actually FORGOT to include jewellery (necklace and ring!) on my list...??? But they were duly returned to him in that massive box! Boy, was it heavy!!! Seriously, I actually DID want to keep the painting because I saw it myself in a gallery where we had lunch one day and I was going to buy it. But then HE bought it for me for Xmas instead. I absolutely adored it, but I felt that I had to return it anyway.... Yes, I wanted HIM to know that I rejected the painting as much as I was rejecting what he had to offer me at the time, which was nothing but to remain an OW.... And I didn't want that painting sitting on my wall reminding me of what a f***ing idiot I had been.... I never liked the idea of presents anyway. It is too easy to buy your way out of showing real emotion and making real effort by just opening the wallet. I always always always preferred the genuine support that he gave me, seeing the love beaming out of his eyes, getting that unexpected phone call, or finding the love note under my toaster etc... In fact, I have always insisted on paying for myself (of paying half) when we have been away on holidays together even though he makes much more than I do! Very stubborn, me.....!!!! As for the kids, I don't have any myself, but I totally agree with you about keeping them to one side until you know that "you're on to a good thing". My MM has kids and I have met them all on many occasions, and the fact that I got to meet them made it much harder for me the times that I have walked away (yes, embarrassed to say that it has happened more than once.... ) I always figured that if he let me meet them to that extent, then he must have been more serious. In periods of NC that thought has tortured me a lot... Link to post Share on other sites
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