steenerz Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 boy and I were talking this weekend...and it was just obvious that the majority of our issues stem from my insecurities....i always think he's cheating on me emotionally, even tho he gives me no reason to...i get jealous when girls write comments on his facebook (facebook is like a myspace for college students)....i hate that he watches porn (he doesn't watch a lot, ,but he does), it makes me feel so bad about myself. Funny thing is, i KNOW i am attractive. So why is this happening? How do I fix it??? It's killing me and killing us. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I'm sure I'll be flamed for responding, but here goes... The important thing is to recognize that these are your issues and not his. It's unfair to blame someone you care about for your problems. It doesn't sound like you really know that you're attractive. Especially since you think his cheating is emotional. Therapy is a big help for these issues, they are probably pretty deep seated and have little or nothing to do with him or with your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I'm sure I'll be flamed for responding, but here goes... The important thing is to recognize that these are your issues and not his. It's unfair to blame someone you care about for your problems. It doesn't sound like you really know that you're attractive. Especially since you think his cheating is emotional. Therapy is a big help for these issues, they are probably pretty deep seated and have little or nothing to do with him or with your relationship. Good advice. I would add that there are probably some feelings you have about yourself that are reflected in this insecurity. Maybe you should identify why you might have trust issues. Most people can come up with a few reasons why, that might help you be more active in a therapeutic process. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 boy and I were talking this weekend...and it was just obvious that the majority of our issues stem from my insecurities.... Sorry, there is something that sounds "weird" to me in what you wrote. Do you really *feel* that "it was just obvious" that the problem are your insecurities? Or perhaps you are posting here because your bf talked you into believing that it is your insecurities that are causing problems, but you are not really convinced and want to hear someone else's opinion? i get jealous when girls write comments on his facebook (facebook is like a myspace for college students)....i hate that he watches porn (he doesn't watch a lot, ,but he does), it makes me feel so bad about myself. Funny thing is, i KNOW i am attractive. So why is this happening? How do I fix it??? It's killing me and killing us. Is this your first committed relationship? If not, is it the first time that you feel this insecure in a relationship? If so, was it always this way from the beginning? Or can you think of an episode that triggered your insecurities? Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Good post Adunaphel Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 I believe a lot of my insecurities have to do with the way I was raised- my father was absent most of the time; parents would constantly abandon each other; i have and am constantly surrounded by bad relationships (friends, friends' parents, etc.) I could also never trust or rely on my parents too often growing up...always little things, but I couldn't (like picking me up on time, showing up to a recital or game, signing something due for school) Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 Sorry, there is something that sounds "weird" to me in what you wrote. Do you really *feel* that "it was just obvious" that the problem are your insecurities? Or perhaps you are posting here because your bf talked you into believing that it is your insecurities that are causing problems, but you are not really convinced and want to hear someone else's opinion? -->no, i am insecure. it makes me do and believe very irrational things. It's just taken me a heck of a long time to admit it to myself. Is this your first committed relationship? If not, is it the first time that you feel this insecure in a relationship? If so, was it always this way from the beginning? Or can you think of an episode that triggered your insecurities? --> yes, this is my first committed relationsihp. First relationship in general. I've always been insecure; just some times more than other times. I was anorexic in the past, and afterwards became depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 --> yes, this is my first committed relationsihp. First relationship in general. I've always been insecure; just some times more than other times. I was anorexic in the past, and afterwards became depressed. You were treated for anorexia and depression right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author steenerz Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 You were treated for anorexia and depression right? Yes, I'm healthy now, am taking antidepressants but thinking about switching...it doesn't seem to do much. Link to post Share on other sites
jessssss Posted May 2, 2006 Share Posted May 2, 2006 steenerz, i know exactly how you feel. i'm right there with you. i dont' know how to move past this. i know my bf loves me, he tells me all teh time and shows me..this weekend we were eating out and the waitress seemed to be flirting (maybe to get the tip or she thought she had a chance with my man) and it pissed me off...i didn't show it or say anything but he was flirting b ack...actually can't believe some of the mean thigns he said to her to make her laugh but he did. 'm so insecure i won't even go eat tehre again...i know he thought she was hot, and they had similar sense of humor...maybe i should just be alone.... good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
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