An interesting twist to the tale

[sephyvii]

Hey all, I don't know wether anyone remembers my topic a few weeks ago but I'll just fill you in briefly.

 

Met a girl at college and became really good friends. She was sending me all kind of flirty signals. She had a bf but I asked her out anyways. She said she wouldn't just dump him to go out with someone else because they've been together for 2 years and if she did break up with him she'd want time alone before she wanted to get into another relationship. After that we somehow become alot closer and our conversations became more personal and the flirting increased. At this point I had fallen in love with her.

 

Eventually she broke up with her bf in December. A few months later we both went to New York with our college and enjoyed the trip and each others company alot. The day after we got back I asked her out again and she said she just wanted to be single for a while. I understood this and nothing more was said on the matter. That same week me, her and some friends went for a drink andlater on she asked someone from her work place to come down. Later on that night I turned round and saw them making out and I got really upset and fustrated and left really early. The next day she sent me a text apologizing if she'd done anything to upset me and said she regretted what she did. She obviously didn't regret it that much because he is now her new boyfriend, but they've been fighting alot recently and I found out that he's a bit of a shadey character (starting fights, taking drugs etc) which she disapproaves(sp?) of.

 

That's more or less whats happened so far.

 

Now last night I went to haver a drink with some friend. She didn't come this time cause she was at a family party or something that she had to go to. After a few drinks and a few more drinks me and my two friends got ttalking about love and relationships. I was asked if I still liked her to which I replied yes. Then both my friends said that she told them that she didn't want to go out with me because of her last relationship (the bf she had when I first met her). I was told that she said her and her ex started out like we are now the best of friends and in the end he ended up being a complete idiot to her and their relationship and friendship ended completely. She was scared that if she went out with me the same thing would happen again.

 

I could tell she was interested in me even to this day. I catch her looking at me out of the corner of her eye then looking away when I looked at her, she even looks directly at me and does the same.

 

My friend said it's for the best that we didn't get together. I could completely understand why, it's just that, I want it to happen, and deep down I think I know she wants to aswell.

 

My other friend (who I've known longer) said you've got to somehow persuade her that we can be more than just friends. The question is how do I go about it? She's still seeing the guy from her work and she doesn't know what my friends have told me.

 

Can anyone give me some usful advise?

[Moai]

Here is the best advice I can give you: Move on. Forget about her. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but that is the best thing that you can do.

 

Regardless of what your friends may have said, she isn't that into you. If she were she wouldn't have made out with another guy in front of you like that. Would you have hooked up with another girl in front of her? I know if I am into a woman I am very careful about what I say and do with other women when she is around--no matter how much I have had to drink.

 

The excuse that she is afraid because her last relationship started out as yours is now is just that--an excuse. If you are into someone, you look for excuses to be with them, not the other way around.

 

Be cool to her, but seek a relationship elsewhere. If anything, you will be more attractive, because she will see that you are emotionally independent and can live happily without her--confidence is an attractive quality. Maybe she'll come around (she probably won't, though) but at least you'll be out there looking for the woman who wants you as much as you want her, which is what you deserve.

 

If you continue to pine away, talk to her friends about it (which gets back to her), and anything else you begin to look like a pathetic lapdog and it will erode any real confidence you have. You won't end up dating her, and you'll have nothing to show for your effort but emotional scars and frustration.

 

Remember, too, that it is really nice and feels good to have someone want you--whether you want them back or not. She is going to do whatever she can to keep that vibe going--except be physical with you.

 

She probably also is hesitant to be with you because she thinks she can do better. Do you really want to be with someone who thinks that about you?

 

I wish you luck, amigo. Getting past something like this is very, very difficult, but try as hard as you can. You'll be proud of yourself when you get to the other side, and you'll be way happier.