blind_otter Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 On Sunday afternoon I did my grocery shopping. Weird how little accomplishments in reguarlity in routine make recovering addicts in the early stages feel good about themselves. My weekly "big cooking day." How odd to encounter a group of 5-6 guys I used to party with, all drunk and coked up, wandering around the grocery store for fun. I passed by them without recognizing any and then a few minutes later turned around and one of them was right in front of me, smiling and waving. I plastered a fake smile on my face and waved but did not invite conversation. It reminded me of all the bad s***. All the weekends of getting obliterated and that bad feeling you got on Sundays when you knew the party was officially over. These guys are sad. Sad. Pathetic. One of them has a father who is a relatively famous local crack bum. His son is headed in the exact same direction. What a f***ed up world. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Every now and then I will run into an old friend or two from back in my partying days. This form of depression comes over me when I see them becasue I start remembering the times from the past and knowing that these individuals still do that. Good job on avoiding conversation. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 That is sad.I'm glad you can see it for what it is and don't glamourize it .So whatdya get at the grocery store? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 That is sad.I'm glad you can see it for what it is and don't glamourize it .So whatdya get at the grocery store? Cheesecake, food of the gods. I made stuffed shells with italian sausage and basil. Yum. And doritos. When I was in high school I will never forget this boy I liked came up to me, we were talking before english class, and he paused and said, "Did you eat doritos for lunch?" I was so embarassed that I never ate doritos without a breathmint since I was 14! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 Every now and then I will run into an old friend or two from back in my partying days. This form of depression comes over me when I see them becasue I start remembering the times from the past and knowing that these individuals still do that. Good job on avoiding conversation. Yeah, I had a melancholy moment where I was like, man that was a sad, empty life. Then I was like, how can they keep GOING like that? For 10+ years? I would be exhausted like all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Yeah, I had a melancholy moment where I was like, man that was a sad, empty life. Then I was like, how can they keep GOING like that? For 10+ years? I would be exhausted like all the time. I wonder that too, but it only develops a headache thinking about that. So you just eat your cheesecake and forget about them. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Cheesecake, food of the gods. I made stuffed shells with italian sausage and basil. Yum. And doritos. When I was in high school I will never forget this boy I liked came up to me, we were talking before english class, and he paused and said, "Did you eat doritos for lunch?" I was so embarassed that I never ate doritos without a breathmint since I was 14! MMM food, I haven't been grocer shopping in about a week and I'm far to lazy to go right now so its penut butter crackers for me . The cats are begginning to get nervouse and planing an escape route just in case. Back on topic Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Yeah, I had a melancholy moment where I was like, man that was a sad, empty life. Then I was like, how can they keep GOING like that? For 10+ years? I would be exhausted like all the time. I think the real question is , given these particular people's propensity what could they accomplish ( have accomplished) if their lives had been devoted to something besides drugs? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 I wonder that too, but it only develops a headache thinking about that. So you just eat your cheesecake and forget about them. Well it took a lot of restraint for me to not say "LARRY! You still owe me 50 bucks!" Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Every now and then I will run into an old friend or two from back in my partying days. This form of depression comes over me when I see them becasue I start remembering the times from the past and knowing that these individuals still do that. Good job on avoiding conversation. Because you miss it, right? My BF talks about how much fun he always had, how crazy and cool it all was. It makes me sad because I missed so much, I was always working and paying bills and surviving, I didn't have time to even make friends much less party with them. I feel like SUCH a loser for not being a part of all that fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 Because you miss it, right? My BF talks about how much fun he always had, how crazy and cool it all was. It makes me sad because I missed so much, I was always working and paying bills and surviving, I didn't have time to even make friends much less party with them. I feel like SUCH a loser for not being a part of all that fun. It wasn't fun. Degredation. Sweatiness. Desperation. Punctuated by mind-blowing highs that have the net result of making everyday highs seem pale in comparison. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Because you miss it, right? My BF talks about how much fun he always had, how crazy and cool it all was. It makes me sad because I missed so much, I was always working and paying bills and surviving, I didn't have time to even make friends much less party with them. I feel like SUCH a loser for not being a part of all that fun. No , I think you missed the idea completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Because you miss it, right? My BF talks about how much fun he always had, how crazy and cool it all was. It makes me sad because I missed so much, I was always working and paying bills and surviving, I didn't have time to even make friends much less party with them. I feel like SUCH a loser for not being a part of all that fun. Yes and no. I miss it because that time of my life was the first time in my life that i could say that I had a life. I had friends and I was constantly on the go. I started learning the correct social skills and I was introduced to many people, a few to whom I still speak to today. i was young and had no responsibilities. A good time that it was. I was introduced to drugs and I was able to learn for myself how bad that they are and the negative effects that they can have on you. I don't miss it because I did drugs a tad bit more then what i should have. I didn't accomplish anything with my life. All that i did was lose motivation and spend spend spend money. Because of this, I lost interest in school and I did not take it seriously. Because of that, I had to recently start over with a new major. Some of the people that i hung out with were bad news and I almost got into some serious trouble being with them. I was glad to be a part of it so that I was able to see it for myself, but I didn't stop when i should have. Its alright to go through that just to see it for yourself, just make sure that you know when to stop and grow up. You are not a loser for missing it. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 On Sunday afternoon I did my grocery shopping. was anything good on sale? I went yesterday too. Got a great deal on laundry detergent, stouffers frozen s*** and hamburger buns. Of course, they ripped me off on everything else, but, hey WTF! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 I would say more that I am a loser for buying into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 was anything good on sale? I went yesterday too. Got a great deal on laundry detergent, stouffers frozen s*** and hamburger buns. Of course, they ripped me off on everything else, but, hey WTF! See, my mother goes shopping and the receipt says "You saved $1005 today" or something ridiculous like that. Whenever I go it says "You saved $0.63 today!" I tend to just toss stuff into my cart, though. Impulse buyer. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I would say more that I am a loser for buying into it. many people go thru it. I did also. Those were not my real friends, only my party friends... its part of being young, dumb, and naive Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I would say more that I am a loser for buying into it. Nah. You just didn't know better. Everyone has a chance to change for the better. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 It wasn't fun. Degredation. Sweatiness. Desperation. Punctuated by mind-blowing highs that have the net result of making everyday highs seem pale in comparison. I'm sorry you went through that. See, every time he talks about how great it was, he goes, NO NO, it was awful, but then launches into another story. Of course, usually these stories end up with "I was SO sick, I threw up everywhere, blah blah blah." I'm going, ew, not so fun. But I am a little jealous of the mind blowing highs... Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I'm trying to pull myself away from the party scene as well, although a bit different than the old Bl-otter party scene. I've been having a really hard time with it. My so called friends are none too happy about it but it just makes me sick to see 27-30 year olds getting drunk and dancing on tables and using guys. I mean I was never one to do that, I'm generally the one to stand back and watch them make fools of themselves, but isn't it time to grow up? It makes life a bit more lonely but it's better than being disgusted with myself for being involved in that scene. So I know it takes a lot of courage to walk away like you are doing Blotter. I'm glad to see that you're doing so well with your recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I would say more that I am a loser for buying into it. No. How can you know about something without trying it? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 I'm trying to pull myself away from the party scene as well, although a bit different than the old Bl-otter party scene. I've been having a really hard time with it. My so called friends are none too happy about it but it just makes me sick to see 27-30 year olds getting drunk and dancing on tables and using guys. I mean I was never one to do that, I'm generally the one to stand back and watch them make fools of themselves, but isn't it time to grow up? It makes life a bit more lonely but it's better than being disgusted with myself for being involved in that scene. So I know it takes a lot of courage to walk away like you are doing Blotter. I'm glad to see that you're doing so well with your recovery. Your damn right that it takes courage to walk away. One of the best things that I ever did with my life. It does sometimes make you feel like an outsider but being proud of your decision is what makes it a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 No. How can you know about something without trying it? Yeah well I went beyond "Trying" and into the realm of "lifestyle" And I have these two 3 foot blown glas bongs. WTF do I do with them, sell them at a garage sale?? Better than the coke kit I had, with a mirror and a glass tube for me to snort with. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted May 1, 2006 Share Posted May 1, 2006 Yeah well I went beyond "Trying" and into the realm of "lifestyle" And I have these two 3 foot blown glas bongs. WTF do I do with them, sell them at a garage sale?? Better than the coke kit I had, with a mirror and a glass tube for me to snort with. Geez highroller. I had a mirror from the dollar store and a one-inch long plastic straw. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blind_otter Posted May 1, 2006 Author Share Posted May 1, 2006 Your damn right that it takes courage to walk away. One of the best things that I ever did with my life. It does sometimes make you feel like an outsider but being proud of your decision is what makes it a good thing. I feel pretty damn isolated still but it is getting better, slowly. Link to post Share on other sites
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