To Push For Marriage or Not?

[Guest]

I thought I'd seek some unbiased opinions. Background info:

 

I'm an American woman, living near Canada. I'm 28, an attorney and licensed in New York. My guy is Canadian and a software engineer. He's 24 and is employed in Toronto. We've been together a year and a half and our plan was to buy a home in Hamilton, which is halfway between our jobs and we would each commute. However, I unexpectedly lost my job. Niagara Falls in New York is small, and odds of finding another job are slim.

 

If I can't work in Niagara Falls commuting is no longer an option. I can't work in Canada, because I'm not a Resident. Furthermore, to join the Canadian Bar Association, I'd need to get relicensed and attain Permanent Residency. Residency and Permanent Residency require immigration via marriage.

 

My guy has been great. He's offered financial assistance and to help pay for re-education and to support me in Canada. But to be employed there I need marriage, and he knows it. However, he is remaining seemingly oblivious. I've tentatively brought it up, and he says things like, "Well, maybe you could work here with your New York degree." Things that may be possible, but not likely. I can hear the nerves in his voice.

 

So the question is, what do I do? We either get married and I switch my life to Canada, or I pursue employment here in New York State and end the relationship. Or, I suppose I could pursue employment here and remain in a long distance relationship, but that sounds horrible, and eventually I'd need to find a job in Canada and do the licensing thing anyway. If I have to get relicensed, I'd rather do it sooner than later.

 

I don't have the slightest doubt that he loves me. But how do I bring it up when I know the idea unnerves him? What do I say? And how do I let him know that I don't think I can spend another couple of years in limbo if he's not ready for marriage? I love him, and I don't want to lose him, but I'm not sure what the choice is if he's not ready. How should I bring it up and what do I say?