and so this is it...update 3

[mysticflea]

So thing are the same, she is still sure about us seperating, she is not actively getting a divorce but she says it will happen. She is moving her stuff out of the house slowly and has started to go out on her own. I get no sense of regret from her at all. It has been 2 weeks since she left and I am hurting like hell. I see her almost everyday because of our kids and each time I just get the sense that she will never come back. I miss her terribly and am struggling with coming to terms with this. I have been working on hte marriage for a while and I feel like we were just getting to the root of the problems, but now it seems it is too late.

Has anyone been so sure that there wife/hubby is never coming back only to be pleasantly suprised later. I know i am clinging on but i love her so much.

She is being very cold with me and I can feel her trying to distance herself. Is this something people do at the beginning of a seperation normally.

[dgiirl]

Mysticflea, it might be easier if you keep the updates in one thread. This way anyone commenting on your thread will be able to read your history and offer you advice relating to past scenarios.

 

Regardless, I know it's so hard right now and can empathize greatly with the pain you are going through. And you can already see that the more you try to fix and prevent the inevitable, the more she's going to push away from you. I think the coldness is very normal. I'm sure she has a lot of issues to work on her own too, and this isnt an easy thing for her to do, so she's putting up a wall to protect herself. I highly recommend you read marriagebuilders.com and divorce busting. One of the things they say is to stop pleading/begging/crying, it will only push them further away. I know you are hurting, and you are desperate to fix it, but the more desperate you become, the less attractive you will be to your mate. Allow her the freedom to make her own decisions. For the time being, she wants out. She might change her mind tomorrow, she might change it in a few months from now, she might never change, but if you REALLY love her, you have to respect her enough to let her make her own choices. It's what I think the honour in the marriage vows means. When you are around her, you have to show her a happy person. Dont overwhelm her with affection, but do show her a confident person. You have to act "As if". Remember, we never know what tomorrow will bring, it might bring her back, it might bring something better. But i DO know that things get better in time. You just need to give your wife some space and some time for her to miss you. For her to realize what she will be missing, and she cant do that if you're pushing her to make the marriage work. Be patient, and start focusing on yourself.