to clia -- help!

[confused]

welll... continuing on the "am i sunk ?" -- advice !!

 

We planned to meet for an opera at 7:30 Call her X. i reached at 7:20, and gave her a call and she was just leaving. so we decided to ditch the opera and go somewhere else (i told her to meet me at a bar) and she landed up there 45 minutes late. she apologized and we played pool for about an hour and talked about general things. at the end i went over to pay for the table a random woman came over to talk with me (said something like -- haven't i seen you somewhere etc.) X gently walked away from us and went and sat at a stool with her back to me until i finished paying -- did i do something wrong here ?. i finished paying and we left the bar and went to the restaurant. At the bar i did some light flirting and touching and she did some touching also.

 

she loved the place. we then started talking and i said that i mentioned clearly how i felt that finally i am over my previous relationship. she then started talking about her first love (from 5 years ago) and mentioned that she loved him still and was trying to get in touch with him (btw, this is the same guy she told me 1.5 years ago that she was completely over). she also then told me that she had recently broken up with her current bf and they have decided to take a break (she did say however and they were still best friends and he knew she was meeting me last night). she also told me she would never marry him. i told her then that she is probably in love with the other guy and she she backed off a little -- and i pushed her. i told her clearly that please do not back off everytime you make a statement and push you.

 

at this point i put a hand on her neck and gently pulled herself to me and kissed her. she did not move away and put a hand on my neck but did not respond to my kissing.

 

she then went on to tell me that one thing important was the my previous long term was a person of my same culture and race and it was important that she tell me that (why ?). we are of different races and i grew up in another country. she then told me "this is not a loaded statement. but for you to completely forget your prevous gf you have to be totally in love with someone else and be totally captivated". after this the whole conversation changed and she told me clearly "i like you and i am attracted to you but i am presently in a husband hunting mode". she talked about culturual issues, religious issues etc.

 

i then told her about her mixed signals and she wanted to know what i meant -- then she put her hands on mine and kept it there and said "is this wrong? i like to put my hands on yours -- is that a problem " i kept asking why and she said she liked it and then finally drew it away saying "i do not want to send mixed signals".

 

i then told her that if she is completely clear that i should not pursue her i will have to move on and really would not be able to meet her again. she said this is exactly what she feared that i would not talk to her anymore. she also mentioned that last friday when she came to meet me after she landed up she was sure that she did not even want a one-night stand with me. jeez! by now i was completely confused and did not know what to say. i then told her that i had bought her a gift several months ago and since i did not know when we would meet i would give it to her today.

 

we went back to the car and i gave it to her and she was very excited -- she hugged me with a hand on my neck and then wanted to kiss me on the cheek and i said no -- then she said hand and i said no -- told her i was her friend and she can call me if she wanted help. i then asked her to leave.

 

i am totally confused -- is it because of her cnfusion or mine or both. should i even pursue this or just stay back and leave and continue on my way. i do like this girl -- what do i do ?

 

thanks,

[clia]

Well, I hate to say it, but it sounds like she likes you and is attracted to you but doesn't want anything serious. Women know pretty quickly whether they consider a guy marriage material. Whether or not her reasons for not considering you marriage material are valid doesn't matter. She basically told you in so many words that you're a guy she could have some fun with, but that she doesn't consider you to have a lot of long term potential. I don't think I'd pursue if I were you. If she was really interested, she could've done a million different things to let you know. She didn't.

 

A few more comments...

she loved the place. we then started talking and i said that i mentioned clearly how i felt that finally i am over my previous relationship. she then started talking about her first love (from 5 years ago) and mentioned that she loved him still and was trying to get in touch with him (btw, this is the same guy she told me 1.5 years ago that she was completely over).

I don't think she would tell you this if she wanted to be with you. She's dropping big hints that she's after someone else. Even if she did feel this way, if she seriously wanted to keep her options open with you, she would not share it.

at this point i put a hand on her neck and gently pulled herself to me and kissed her. she did not move away and put a hand on my neck but did not respond to my kissing.

Not responding to a kiss isn't a good sign--shows she didn't want to be kissed.

i then told her about her mixed signals and she wanted to know what i meant -- then she put her hands on mine and kept it there and said "is this wrong? i like to put my hands on yours -- is that a problem " i kept asking why and she said she liked it and then finally drew it away saying "i do not want to send mixed signals".

She likes you, has fun with you, and is attracted to you, but doesn't want to start a serious relationship.

i then told her that if she is completely clear that i should not pursue her i will have to move on and really would not be able to meet her again. she said this is exactly what she feared that i would not talk to her anymore.

This doesn't mean she feels anything deep for you, just that she'd hate to lose touch with you.

she also mentioned that last friday when she came to meet me after she landed up she was sure that she did not even want a one-night stand with me. jeez!

Maybe because she knows you want more and doesn't want to end up hurting you?

[confused]

thanks! kinda interesting how passion dies away suddenly as people start to have a purpose in their relationship finding. guess i know a little more than i did. woman who are husband hunting don;t waste time and emotion on men who are not husband material (for them).

 

well -- i have one of two options

 

a) stay away and if she ever feels like getting back (for whatever) she will contact -- and let it go at that

 

b) keep in touch and be friends -- and maybe some of the things that she noticed (obviously not the racial and clutural issues) that were not marriage material -- she mentioned things like she was insecure and impatient and needed somebody that was not like that. etc.

[yes]

My advice would be to stay away from her... she sounds very confused, and I think you're better off with girls who have their minds slightly more straightened out...

 

If you keep in touch and stay friends, she will keep sending mixed signals and keep you on the hook. Un-hook yrself & be free!

 

Just my opinion!

thanks! kinda interesting how passion dies away suddenly as people start to have a purpose in their relationship finding. guess i know a little more than i did. woman who are husband hunting don;t waste time and emotion on men who are not husband material (for them). well -- i have one of two options a) stay away and if she ever feels like getting back (for whatever) she will contact -- and let it go at that b) keep in touch and be friends -- and maybe some of the things that she noticed (obviously not the racial and clutural issues) that were not marriage material -- she mentioned things like she was insecure and impatient and needed somebody that was not like that. etc.