sungrl Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 My b/f never used a computer before--now all of a sudden he gets a lap top and the first thing that crossed my mind for some reason is--he is gonna look up porn and all that crap--Which i was right about if you read my other post about him trying to open a picture of a girl. But now i get this insecure feeling--what if he starts e-mailing this girl he used to go out with and sometimes talks on the phone with or other girls from his past etc., and doesn't tell me about that. Is this something i should be concerned about or what he does on his own free time is none of my business? I realize the porn thing is kind of natural but now I get these worries of who he will possibly be e-mailing. What should i do? Link to post Share on other sites
visotech Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 You do realize that you can't be watching over his shoulder constantly, and have to learn to trust. Aside from email there are a million ways he can contact other people, potentially girls, are you suspicious of all of them? He could just as easily meet them in person (assuming your not with him 24/7), meet them at school, at work, over regular mail, the phone... I doubt having a laptop is going to make it any easyer for him to cheat on you or talk to other women - if hes going to do it hes going to do it with or without a laptop. You need to learn to trust, and if it bothers you, bring up how you feel when he talks to other women. But you have to remember he is an individual, in a trusting relationship you have to give him the benifit of the doubt that he will not cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
jessssss Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 sungrl, i'm right there with you. my bf was the same way and now he's infatuated with our damn computer...he plays it nonstop....now i realized he signed up for a myspace account and it's starting to worry me. we've been okay for a whie, he's never cheated but lately i'm wondering how happy he really is. i know i'm struggilng with thigns right now personally and to have him on sites like this and have a profile up...that is scaring me...oh and he didn't complete his prifile except his bday and his status is SINGLE...wtf...i don't know what to do...i dont' wnat to ask him about it cause he'll think i'm checking up on him. i'm jealous...he said he would never cheat and he loves me but lately we've been blah...that computer is taking over. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 well then talk about it with him/them. Without blame. Don't hide it and let it manifest in other ways. Ask about it and tell how you feel without pointing a finger that they are actually doing something wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
jessssss Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 i'm thinking about making my own account and telling him about it...i'm not worried he'll cheat but there is a lot of trash online Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 sungrl, i'm right there with you. my bf was the same way and now he's infatuated with our damn computer...he plays it nonstop....now i realized he signed up for a myspace account and it's starting to worry me. we've been okay for a whie, he's never cheated but lately i'm wondering how happy he really is. i know i'm struggilng with thigns right now personally and to have him on sites like this and have a profile up...that is scaring me...oh and he didn't complete his prifile except his bday and his status is SINGLE...wtf...i don't know what to do...i dont' wnat to ask him about it cause he'll think i'm checking up on him. i'm jealous...he said he would never cheat and he loves me but lately we've been blah...that computer is taking over. His profile says he is single? Big red flag right there. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
jessssss Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 i got to looking and he hadn't filled out anything...i'm wondering if that is just the default?? he smokes and drinks and it says no/no for those...i'm going to give ti time. if he gets more involved in it and doesn't change the relationship status then i'm going to worry. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 i got to looking and he hadn't filled out anything...i'm wondering if that is just the default?? he smokes and drinks and it says no/no for those...i'm going to give ti time. if he gets more involved in it and doesn't change the relationship status then i'm going to worry. Yeah I think it is by default . He has to go in and change his preferences to married/or in a relationship etc. However if you go back in and see where he has updated it and changed things except left the single part the way it is, then it might be more of a concern. I don't care for myspace, but thats just me. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 why go girls get so upset over porn? unless youre willing to perform sexual favors whenever the guy wants, to the point of which you'd even be willing to stop by at 2am for booty calls, then it shouldnt be a problem. oh, and people with gf/bfs who sign up on myspace accounts to flirt etc. really have to be at the bottom of the food chain in terms of intelligence, so you're better off without them anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
No Stress Lady Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Sungrl - I've read your other threads and it's obvious that you do not trust your boyfriend. You need to either address your insecurities if you feel the issue lies within yourself or leave this relationship if you know deep down he's untrustworthy. If not you'll just waste hours, weeks, months just worrying and fretting about him - and he'll probably get fed up with it and dump you anyway. Seriously, if you really can't trust him then why are you with him? Go and find a boyfriend you CAN trust - or try to work out why you feel so insecure - a counsellor could maybe help you with this. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
roxyg Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Sungrl - I've read your other threads and it's obvious that you do not trust your boyfriend. You need to either address your insecurities if you feel the issue lies within yourself or leave this relationship if you know deep down he's untrustworthy. If not you'll just waste hours, weeks, months just worrying and fretting about him - and he'll probably get fed up with it and dump you anyway. Seriously, if you really can't trust him then why are you with him? Go and find a boyfriend you CAN trust - or try to work out why you feel so insecure - a counsellor could maybe help you with this. Good luck. This is the exact same message I was trying to convey in my post Sungrl, in another one of her threads. I am glad, I am not the only one that sees this pattern. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Sungrl - I've read your other threads and it's obvious that you do not trust your boyfriend. You need to either address your insecurities if you feel the issue lies within yourself or leave this relationship if you know deep down he's untrustworthy. If not you'll just waste hours, weeks, months just worrying and fretting about him - and he'll probably get fed up with it and dump you anyway. Seriously, if you really can't trust him then why are you with him? Go and find a boyfriend you CAN trust - or try to work out why you feel so insecure - a counsellor could maybe help you with this. Good luck. I dont think its about finding a boyfriend that she can trust.If shes paranoid about things no matter who shes with she will probably still feel the same.I know i did.I hated my bf looking at porn and he stopped because i got so upset about it.In the end though i got so bad i thought he was looking at everyone,so i got help.Im better now and im glad because it was hell thinking like that.She needs to think better of herself. when she does she will realise that if he does look at porn it has nothing to do with her or the way she looks(unless its all the time) Also if he does look at porn all the time and email other lasses etc etc she will know shes worth more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 This porn question has popped up on my house as well, though I am not anti-porn, I have a hard time finding meaning in all the pat answers that everyone seems to give. Such as, 'viewing porn has nothing to do with you' - well, dont you watch porn to get aroused, and that arousal is because you see attractive people that you would like to have sex with? And none of those people happen to be or look like me - etc. Another question, why do men say they are 'curious' - that seems to be another pat answer that is floating around, that kind of comes off as a statement rather than an answer as to why- curious about what? How many different types, styles and designs of vagina your going to see? Its like vaginas have become the new computer upgrade, Im going online to see the newest in vagina ware - ?? I know im being a smart-butt, and flippant about this, but I have found that it is truly hurtful, and it does smack a bit as it seems to almost always be this solitary task done behind the backs of girlfriends and wives, perhaps if men didnt feel as if they should be flying solo while viewing porn, and make it a couples thing more often, maybe women wouldnt have such a problem with it over all. I think that this can do damage, but I think that men have to be responsible and upfront about porn and their personal reasons for viewing it. These are just some ideas off the top of my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted May 18, 2006 Share Posted May 18, 2006 If both people cant come to some arrangement i suggest they make a movie themselves so whenever the guy is a bit horney and the women isnt or vice a versa then they can watch that vid instead of looking at other people to get off.Then no one gets hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted May 19, 2006 Share Posted May 19, 2006 are you this obsessivve ? damn, why not hire a private eye to watch him take a piss too. i cant believe that peewee never even used a comp before. Link to post Share on other sites
Toni_no12002 Posted May 20, 2006 Share Posted May 20, 2006 Hey! its not obsessive.With many people porn causes issues its normally the men that cant see what problems it causes.She has every right to be upset because basically hes looking at other women to get off. Men cant see how it hurts women because of the way they are.I realise now that my bloke viewing porn has nothing to do with me but still it annoys me.I really dont get men its ok for them to watch porn because hey! it has nothing to do with us, but i went to see craig david the other day and he was jelous because i said he was good looking.They cant have it both ways. Have you actually seen the women in these porn movies anyway?They look a mess!If any man woke up beside one of them in the morning theyd be in for a nasty shoke because there all fake........fake boobs, fake everything.The amount of make up they wear!!! As for men getting aroused by porn i think its more to do with the idea of sex more than anything. The one thing that annoys me about blokes is that they whine because there highly sexed which they say is the reason for viewing porn.If porn wasnt as acsessable as it is today what would they do? Link to post Share on other sites
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