Trust problem

[sungrl]

My b/f is going to a biker rally in SC for a week. I looked up what types of things go on at these biker rally's and a lot of the pics show wet t-shirt conests, girls taking their shirts off etc. There are biker bars and also strip clubs available there. Seeing all that makes me think what the hell is going to do down there. Should i be worried or is this only part of the entertainment and not all he is going to be viewing down there? Has anyone been to one of these things before? Advice needed.

[JadeStar]

Why did he not ask you to go along? Either you trust him or you don't. By your other posts it sounds as if you don't. I'm not sure if he has given you real reason to not trust him or if you're just naturally insecure. Either way you need to communicate how you feel to him.

 

 

 

Jade

[sungrl]

He said he is a "big boy" and can decide to go away without me. He also said this isn't the trip for me because of the type of people that are there--the biker guys who are greasy and rough etc etc. To me it sounds like an excuse to not invite me.

[catgirl1927]

He said he is a "big boy" and can decide to go away without me. He also said this isn't the trip for me because of the type of people that are there--the biker guys who are greasy and rough etc etc. To me it sounds like an excuse to not invite me.

 

Men have man stuff they like to do without their girlfriends. They just do. It's nothing against you, it's about them. It has nothing to do with their feelings about you.

[sungrl]

i can understand guy time but i really don't get why it has to involve activities with wet t-shirt contests etc., when they have a g/f at home. I really don't understand guys sometimes. I feel like they can't be satisfied with only one person and don't understand the need for this behavior.

[tikigods]

Its not that they are satisfied with you, its just those sort of things are fun to guys, and heck to the girls that do them generally

 

It would be like you going to see am ovie with a hot hollywood actor just cause that actor was in the film, he may end up topless and if its a comedy who knows what wacky misadventures he might be in, but he is still on a screen and you can't touch him.

 

Same with these girls

[Spectre]

i can understand guy time but i really don't get why it has to involve activities with wet t-shirt contests etc., when they have a g/f at home.

 

 

Is he going to a wet t-shirt rally or a biker rally?

 

 

I really don't understand guys sometimes. I feel like they can't be satisfied with only one person and don't understand the need for this behavior.

 

Maybe you don't know this, but your boyfriend doesn't have reality manipulating powers, he can't make it so they people running this biker rally ban wet t-shirt contests. Its different if he said "im going to see a bunch of wet t shirt contests" but it doesnt sound like he did. Its equivalent to if he was going to a concert and you said you arent enough for him cuz at concerts girls flash their boobs sometimes. He cant help the side activities that go on, and he shouldnt have to

 

you need to understand everything isnt about you and if you cant understand ones need to be with his friends without his gf well then, theres a problem. what would the ideal setting be? him and his friends locked in a room ?

[a4a]

well I am going to tell the truth here about bike week in SC..... if indeed it is the one that is in may?

 

I have a coworker that goes (sticking me with work while he cavorts).

He has a fine collection of digital photos of exactly what he does there.

(I would think not all do what he does )

 

He has photos of several women he "banged"..... ahh those cell phones take action shots that I do not wish to really see. So there was actual evidence to his tales tho.

 

He did claim to "bang" one hot chick in the porta john as well....

 

IMHO your bf is probably planning on attending this for fun, but I cannot say what kind of fun, but no doubt it is there and available. Sorry to be so blunt about it.

 

I do have a female married coworker that goes as well for a few days, she gets a little "wild" as well there.

 

So yes some of the raunchy stories are true.

I am not saying your bf will do such things......

[Spectre]

well I am going to tell the truth here about bike week in SC..... if indeed it is the one that is in may?

 

I have a coworker that goes (sticking me with work while he cavorts).

He has a fine collection of digital photos of exactly what he does there.

(I would think not all do what he does )

 

He has photos of several women he "banged"..... ahh those cell phones take action shots that I do not wish to really see. So there was actual evidence to his tales tho.

 

He did claim to "bang" one hot chick in the porta john as well....

 

IMHO your bf is probably planning on attending this for fun, but I cannot say what kind of fun, but no doubt it is there and available. Sorry to be so blunt about it.

 

I do have a female married coworker that goes as well for a few days, she gets a little "wild" as well there.

 

So yes some of the raunchy stories are true.

I am not saying your bf will do such things......

 

people hook up in lots of places. saying there is sex available is like saying there is air available.

 

theres a chance the next time this chick goes out with her friends she could get drunk and end up in amateur porn with some douchebag frat guys, should she now not go out?

[a4a]

people hook up in lots of places. saying there is sex available is like saying there is air available.

 

theres a chance the next time this chick goes out with her friends she could get drunk and end up in amateur porn with some douchebag frat guys, should she now not go out?

 

 

No but her question was has anyone ever been to one of these things......

 

so go pick lint balls out of another belly button.... mine is busy right now.

 

I did not say He was going to get banged in the porta john.... but it is a wild time, not like he is just going to Disney with a couple of guys or deer hunting in the great white north.... so yeah IMHO more opps depending on the setting. Of course GP nailed a nun so anything is possible

[typical]

questions:

 

Are girls somehow banned from biker rallys? Or only the girls that ride on the back of them are allowed to go?

 

Does your BF own a bike?

(If you answered yes, dont read following statements)

 

*If he doesnt own a bike, what exactly can he do there for fun? Watch a line of bikes ride by? Watch them in big groups roaring by? Follow them in his car?

 

Hey, for a really neat kick, why not show up at the biker rally UNBEKNOWNST to him, and enter the wet t-shirt contest????!!!

 

But I wouldnt attempt to do this if you are on the path to obedience..

[roxyg]

When my parents were married they used to go to Sturgis together, with other married couples as well; one year they even took my older brother and younger sister. Nothing terrible happened, yeah there were women flashing their boobs, and wearing next to nothing, but that's life at a biker rally. If your boyfriend is committed enough to you; then you should have no qualms about him going. We don't know this guy at all or anything about him, but it really is based upon his character what he will do. Honestly, I wouldn't enjoy going to biker stuff, that is why I opted to not go with my family. Even now, I don't find it that interesting. Unless you are a die-hard biker chick, then I wouldn't care about whether or not I was invited. It is a guy time, let him hang out with his guy friends--who knows after seeing how slutty some girls are, he could come home and be thankful to have you there.

You also appear to have trust problems. Perhaps something happened in a past relationship or even in your childhood. Until you come to terms with that, you'll be fretting in every relationship about whether or not your b/f-fiance-husband, is cheating on you or will cheat on you. Even the thought of him looking at another naked women, has you freaked out. For his sake, tackle your problems, and then establish a relationship.

[typical]

Unless you are a die-hard biker chick, then I wouldn't care about whether or not I was invited.

 

Yes but is HE a die-hard biker dude? That is the question.

 

When my parents were married they used to go to Sturgis together, with other married couples as well;

 

Yes, they were TOGETHER...and I think that is what has our girl sungirl so miffed....he didnt ask her to go....Which makes her suspicious. Which causes her to react.

[Spectre]

No but her question was has anyone ever been to one of these things......

 

so go pick lint balls out of another belly button.... mine is busy right now.

 

I did not say He was going to get banged in the porta john.... but it is a wild time, not like he is just going to Disney with a couple of guys or deer hunting in the great white north.... so yeah IMHO more opps depending on the setting. Of course GP nailed a nun so anything is possible

 

 

But the "its a wild time so its possible!" yes, and wild times arent unique to this bike rally. If we're going to get worried everytime our s/o goes somewhere where people have in the past hooked up then where do we draw the line?

[Spectre]

Yes, they were TOGETHER...and I think that is what has our girl sungirl so miffed....he didnt ask her to go....Which makes her suspicious. Which causes her to react.

 

 

if you're going on a trip with a bunch of your guy friends, why would you want to bring your gf with? a really crappy friend would do that, unless EVERYONE is bringing their gf there is no need

[a4a]

But the "its a wild time so its possible!" yes, and wild times arent unique to this bike rally. If we're going to get worried everytime our s/o goes somewhere where people have in the past hooked up then where do we draw the line?

 

 

Every person draws the line where it suits them. But when in a relationship I suppose you have to match where your lines are drawn.

 

Even if the OP is not a die hard biker chick..... hell the experience may have been fun for her. I am not into golfing but if a trip was planned by my H I would be a tad miffed if he did not at least offer an invite. Of course he would also be miffed if I did not offer an invite on a trip I planned.

 

Different strokes for different folks.

[catgirl1927]

The answer to whether or not he'll do something is in HIM. A cheater will cheat, no matter where he goes. A guy who won't cheat, just won't. Yeah, there's some crazy stuff at the biker rally. He'll see boobies aplenty. You just have to trust him or not trust him.

 

It's really not about excluding you, seriously. It's about being a guy with his guy friends. If he were going to fool around, he would. But seriously, would you date someone who'd do it in a porta john? I mean dang, I have to be drunk to be able to pee in there...

[sungrl]

a4a,

 

what did you mean when you said you have a married co worker who goes there and gets "Wild"? Meaning--she cheats on her husband? I was just curious. My b/f actually told me he is going with guys who are married except one. I feel like he is trying to tell me--others guys are married and going. But to me--i don't know their relationships. The husband and the wife could possibly not care what the other does. I actually know a few couples like that. They don't really care because they are busy themselves with messing around etc.

[a4a]

a4a,

 

what did you mean when you said you have a married co worker who goes there and gets "Wild"? Meaning--she cheats on her husband? I was just curious. My b/f actually told me he is going with guys who are married except one. I feel like he is trying to tell me--others guys are married and going. But to me--i don't know their relationships. The husband and the wife could possibly not care what the other does. I actually know a few couples like that. They don't really care because they are busy themselves with messing around etc.

 

 

yes she screws around but not just there.

If he is going to cheat he will cheat. Not a damn thing you can do about it.

He may or may not. But you have to decide how you will deal with your trust issues with him.

 

My H's married best friend confided in me that he nailed a chicky at a wedding. Being married does not mean his friends are non cheaters. Same guy attempts to invite my H out on "boys" days.... my H turns down the offers knowing what the "boys" are actually up to.

 

I guess I am lucky though my H considers me his best friend and puts spending time with me as a priority over all other things. (except I am pissed at him this morn ) Then again I would not be involved with a person unless I was indeed top priority and had mutual respect with a partner.

 

H and I discussed this kinda last night(situation in our own life that is semi-similar). I would be miffed a tad, not over worries of cheating but a matter of respect for my feelings.

 

Have you talked to your bf and explained that you are feeling so insecure about this trip?

[catgirl1927]

Seriously, I know exactly how you feel. But, how would you feel if you wanted to go to a bachelorette party with your friends and your BF was all, no you can't go because there will be men there. I mean, guys always flock to B parties in bars because they figure there will be lots of drunk girls being all wild who will be easy targets. But how would you feel if he told you that you couldn't go? It would be really hard not to feel like he was saying you can't resist temptation, don't you think? You wouldn't cheat because you wouldn't do that. I'm guessing neither would he. See what I'm trying to say? It's not easy to let go and trust because you can get SO hurt by it. But you just have to. The next time he wants to go, it will be a lot easier. You'll see, he'll go off and he'll be texting and calling you the whole time. Absence does make the heart grow fonder...

[jessssss]

good luck sungrl...i know waht you're going through...my bf hasn't wanted to do anything like a bike week but i would be feeling the same way you are. i trust my bf but i don't trust other girls...is that it?? i trust that he won't go out looking but what if there is a drunk girl that comes up to him while he's at a bar and he's been drinking, who knows...he didn't do the approach but if she doesn't leave...i don't know. i worry, all the time. i'ts just how i am. my bf and i are kinda on the rocks right now. i love him to death but we're going through a rough time.

[roxyg]

As everyone has said, and as I said in my earlier post: IT IS HIS CHARACTER THAT WILL DETERMINE IF HE WILL CHEAT! We don't know this guy, as far as I'm concerned all I know is that sungrl is very insecure with her relationship. Check out her posts, they are all about "is my b/f going to cheat on me if....?"

Who really wants to go out with a bunch of greasy men to a dirty biker rally? As a female, I wouldn't want to go, especially if my fiance were going with strictly males. I go out with my girlfriends and we trust one another to do so; we aren't coming home after sleeping with anyone, or kissing anyone. I know him, and I can trust that there is no person that could cause him to cheat on me, and the same goes for me.

[sungrl]

I think sometimes I just naturally worry about a lot and now this is including my b/f. When i look back at past relationships like one in college--I know one definitely messed around without thinking twice about it. The thing is i didn't worry too much about it when he was away and actually did not think about what he was doing. I guess i really did not care that much for him to worry like this. But i knew how he was and can tell from the way he spoke to me and actions that he would be the type of guy to do something like that when away. This current guy i am with--its a completely different relationship. He is reliable, doesn't just randomly cancel and give me some lame excuse etc etc. But for some reason--i still remain unsure of what he would do if tempted.

I honestly do not believe he would go to the bar with the intention of meeting someone else. I guess my problem is like one of the other posts mentions--he doesnt have any intention of doing anything wrong but a few drinks in him and a girl hanging around him and talking to him could eventually lead to something else. He once told me though--people use alcohol as an excuse. He says even when you are drunk--you know what you want to do and what you don't want to do such as cheat. What do you thing?

[jessssss]

i agree with you sungrl...i too am a worrier...i can't stop...my bf hasn't given me any real reason to worry or think differently. i just do. it's startign to take a toll on our relationship because i will - as he says assume i know his intentions or assume he is wanting to hide something from me. i have watched this man change from a super partier to a down to earth, want to stay home kinda guy, and maybe that's why i worry when he goes out, cause he doens't go out much.

 

i wish i wasn't like this. if we have a fight i get it in my head that he is going to leave, and leave and never want to come back. i've even said that in my fights so now he uses that when he's trying to fight back at me cause he knows how much that hurts me...not often does he use this but i think you get the jist.

 

another insecurity is i'm divorced for over a year now...i've been with him for over a year now. met him in my seperation period. well i'm worried that i will get serious-which we already are and have another HUGE breakup...i dont' wnat to disappoint anyone.

 

not sure if this helps sungrl but atleast now you know i'm in the same boat..if not worse. i don't nkow what ti is...is there a medcine that takes away worrying?!?! lol

[jessssss]

i don't think your'e insecure about your relationship as someone mentioned...i think that it's just you want thigns to be perfect and it's hard to be perfect - especially when you haven't been with them very long, ie 10 yrs...make any sense??