amblin Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 I can see why you are concerned. Even though he owns a bike, I find it disrespectful to attend such sexually provocative events without bringing your SO along, regardless of whether it's a "boys day out" or not, simply because your SO should be top priority and if they feel uncomfortable about something, you should do everything in your power to make them reassured and feel ok with it...and if it means bringing the gf along to the event, then so be it. I mean, is it really that bad? It is kind of a compromise to me. He still gets to go see his bikes and crap, and his girl gets to feel reassured by being by his side and seeing what his behaviour is like while these topless women put themselves all in his face. I mean, his gf doesn't necessarily have to be by his side all the time...she could just go in with him, and split with him so he could be with his mates to explore herself, but at least she'd get the jist of the event, or she could schedule in times to meet them and to split with them. So he'd still get his "boys day out" as well as making his gf happy. Also, if he has untrustworthy friends, I would insist on going myself. No matter how much he might be a good person, peers can significantly influence you in certain situations. Here is my current situation: I work at an exhibition centre in the city which hosts events every single week. This week is the Sexpo, and I had informed my bf all about this before, and even though I knew it would be dodgey I didn't think this would be a problem because I thought I'd be working inside a cafe all day in a kitchen and not be seeing much stuff at all, if anything. I was dead wrong. Not only did I underestimate just HOW dodgy the show was, but I also had no clue that I would be working in an open bar right in front of the stage where hourly strip shows, naked licking contests and penis puppeteering goes on every day. I told my bf all about this, and of course, he is not at all comfortable about this, nor happy. I think he even finds it completely unfair how he can't ever go to a strip club (at least not without me) or a party with a stripper or something similar (actually, he already did when his brother had his bday, and I wasn't too happy about this but not exactly bothered either because I don't think he responded very enthusiastically to the stripper), but this is something we had agreed on very clearly quite early on in our relationship. And also, this is my part of my job and I had absolutely NO clue I'd be stuck in this situation nor was it an intentional vindictive act towards my bf. I understand his feelings, but I would feel it would be completely inappropriate and disrespectful if he went ahead and hired a stripper for a party or go to a strip club to "level up" with me. I am actually disgusted with the show, in fact, I don't take any notice of the stage (I usually end up hiding in the fridge trying to stock up the alcohol) and can only say that I am glad there is only one day of the show left and I've seen enough naked bodies, sex toys and strippers to last me a lifetime (and put me off for a lifetime). Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted May 6, 2006 Author Share Posted May 6, 2006 My b/f is 30--at that age do you really think i need to worry about his friends influencing him. I think he is past the point--i see that more as a college thing or even people in their teens. What do you think? If love him and know he loves--should that be enough and i should just let this go and relax? He isn't stressing out about what i will be doing and i can easily cheat here. Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Age doesn't matter. These friends he is going with, are they single by chance? He isn't stressing about what you will be doing becasue perhaps he trusts you. You need to do the same until proven otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted May 7, 2006 Author Share Posted May 7, 2006 he told the me the guys are married except one and that they are older than him. That really does not mean anything to me b/c i donot know know them and married people can easily cheat just as easily or more from what i have seen..He was telling me again--you really think some girl is gonna like me so much and that i am just gonna have to have her or something and that i dont care about anything else--i hear the words and i believe he is trying to assure me and he also says i really should never be worried no matter where he goes. But--i guess the negative part believe things change for a person once there and miles away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted May 7, 2006 Author Share Posted May 7, 2006 hey everyone i came here to vent again...I can't help but look at more pics and this is another barWebmaster's Pics Two i'm really feeling worried right now. I don't want to tell him i looked up pics and this is all i see and it makes me very uncomfortable..i really dont know what it would solve. Would anyone else have a hard time trusting their b/f or husband would be on their best behavior--or if you love them and they love you--just let it go? Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 If by cheating you mean "sleeping with another girl" or "getting oral sex", it sounds like you can trust him from the way you described him and his words. Are you okay with him "just looking" at some boobs? Touching some boobs? Are you *really* okay with him going at that event, if he does not cheat on you? What constitutes "cheating" or "crossing a line" in your book, if he goes? What would you put up with? What is a deal breaker for *you*? I think you should have a talk with him and make sure that he agree with you about what constitutes cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted May 7, 2006 Author Share Posted May 7, 2006 He already told me a long time ago "don't think you can come to me saying you made a mistake because i was drunk" he doesn't believe in that and that i should know what i am doing. I'm pretty sure he knows--no, i would not want him kissing someone else or touching someone else--he wouldn't want me doing that either. He doesn't even want me to be around guy friends alone lol...so we kind of are protective of one another from what it seems. Some of these people seem really low and i think it would be disgusting of him to go after one of these girls and do something like that and possibly catch something. No, i do not want him going to this thing..i feel its disrespectful to be in this environment looking at boobs all day long lol...i feel a lot better if it was camping or something like that--but i think my b/f likes his independence and just feels like if he wants to go somewhere i should just trust him. Maybe if we are together next year--i will just say i want to go on this type of rally if you go and see what its all about. From what it seems in the pics--of course that is the majority of what would i see because its the most exciting thing..Do you think this means this is how it is all the time and all that guys are going there for? Link to post Share on other sites
No Stress Lady Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 No, i do not want him going to this thing..i feel its disrespectful to be in this environment looking at boobs all day long lol...i feel a lot better if it was camping or something like that--but i think my b/f likes his independence and just feels like if he wants to go somewhere i should just trust him. Maybe if we are together next year--i will just say i want to go on this type of rally if you go and see what its all about. From what it seems in the pics--of course that is the majority of what would i see because its the most exciting thing..Do you think this means this is how it is all the time and all that guys are going there for? I doubt you will be together next year. If you don't trust him - and you clearly don't - then what is the point in being with him at all? Sooner or later he'll have had enough of your suspicion - especially if it's unfounded. Nobody wants to live under a cloud of mistrust and suspicion . Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted May 7, 2006 Author Share Posted May 7, 2006 I don't think trust is that easy. You can trust your s/o but when seeing a type of place like the one my b/f is going to--i don't think i am the only who would feel uneasy about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 I don't think trust is that easy. You can trust your s/o but when seeing a type of place like the one my b/f is going to--i don't think i am the only who would feel uneasy about it. You are not. I know quite a lot of people who would consider going to such an event a deal breaker. I don't think he'd cheat on you once he's there. I think it's a bit like when guys visit strip clubs, many of them consider it fun and entertainment, guys things, like to look but would never dream of sleeping with a stripper. (not that I have anything against strippers, or girls who show their boobs at event like the one your bf will attend. I'm not necessarily implying that they'd not sleep with one of those girls because there is anything wrong with them, just that they would not have sex with anyone else while in a relationship with their gf). Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted May 7, 2006 Author Share Posted May 7, 2006 i actually posted a question on a biker message board asking if this event is about hooking up since all i see are topless girls and girls dancing and so far two have responded saying it is all a show. They said yes--you do see topless girls but its just a show and not really about hooking up unless the guy is just a swinger type lol Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 excellent idea! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted May 8, 2006 Author Share Posted May 8, 2006 do you guys think it is more of a show than anything else???..this rally attracts people of different ages--probably 20-55. I still don't like how women just degrade themsevles like this...my b/f still tells me i don't care what the environment is-i know how i am. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 Sungrl only you can decide what you want out of a relationship. You are the one that needs to draw your boundaries on what you are willing to accept or not. Not one other person can dictate to you what is wrong or right for you. I honestly don't think not wanting your spouse to take part in sexual entertainment is being insecure. It depends on your expectations of your spouse. I have to wonder how many strip club attending, or titty touching men would feel if their SO went to a male strip club or fondled a penis or two on vacation? Men do it because they need to..... women do it because they are heart breaking cheating whores? Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 I have to wonder how many strip club attending, or titty touching men would feel if their SO went to a male strip club or fondled a penis or two on vacation? Men do it because they need to..... women do it because they are heart breaking cheating whores? You can't see me, but I'm doing a this-is-a-great-post dance. So true. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 You can't see me, but I'm doing a this-is-a-great-post dance. So true. Yes. Absolutely great post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 hey guys, i think i have calmed down a bit about the situation. Although i know how i am gonna be when he is there--somewhat of a wreck lol--Anytime i wanted to talk to my b/f about it and how i feel--he has been willing to talk. We were talking about the girls there and i said it looks like madi gra. He said he has been to madi gra twice and didn't do anything with anyone simply because there is too much out there to catch. That kind of made me feel a little better--that even in that type of place he was able to think about what could happen to his health. And this place reminds of it with the flashing etc. I also spoke with my older brother and he usually gives me good advice. He says I can't really control where he goes or what he wants to do to have a little fun. He said--yeah he is gonna do plenty of looking while there and he said thats pretty much as far as it will go. He also said--a few of his friends went to madi gra as well and they can be willing to sleep with anything and he said they didnt do anything for the same reasons..too much to catch. He said if my guy is cheating--he is probably not gonna go to a biker rally and have a one night stand with some random girl asking her to come back to his hotel. He said it would most likely occur in his area, with someone he knows well or knew well or cheat at work. So he said i have a right to be concerned about it but i shouldn't be up at nights thinking omg, what is he doing? He said the more i tell him don't do this or that---the more he is gonna want to do it. He said cheating in his area with a girl he knows well is more of a threat than this thing. He said he can't make any promises with what he said but this is what he thinks from his experience and what he has seen. He also said--he get suspicious now and then too with his own girl..but he said if something was truly wrong--one way or another it will come out. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Its good you're a little more relaxed about the situation. While he is gone, keep your self busy. Go out with friends/family, have some fun, and don't stay cooped up in your home the whole time worrying what it is he may or may not be doing. You will drive yourself nuts and its not really worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted May 10, 2006 Author Share Posted May 10, 2006 do others agree with my last post? I like getting feedback lol I'm really trying to remain a little positive as opposed to a few days ago where it felt like the end of the world but i still feel a little uneasy. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Of course you feel uneasy. You are not a freak for feeling that way. Now you just have to handle it in a rational manner Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 I really think that based on everything you've told us you don't have anything to worry about. Really. It's normal to feel the way you do, trust is REALLY scary. Every time, it gets a little easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted May 11, 2006 Author Share Posted May 11, 2006 hey everyone, thanks for your feedback even though sometimes it was hard to read the truth. Remember i wrote that i placed a question on a biker board about this trip--and they said the same thing..its not something i should really worry about--i should be more worried about the every day cheating that can go on as opposed to a week away. But when it comes to that--i'm pretty sure i would have noticed signs such as behavior change, cancelling, not saying he loves me and all that right?? he still has a lot to do to get ready for the trip but came to pick me up and we went out to dinner. So i guess it shows that he really does care and isn't going to forget me just because he is going away. When in the car he said so you gonna miss me? and i kind of had an attitude and said i guess as much as you will miss me which wont be a lot--and he said why is that--and i said..as you drink your drinks, look at girls and hang out at bars--you are gonna think of me? he kind of got offended and took his hand away and said thats a horrible thing to say..i think it shows he does care and will miss me. (although i think i will be thinking of him more b/c i'm uncomfortable with him going) I did say eventually i would miss him and still feel uneasy. I'm pretty sure any girl would. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted May 12, 2006 Author Share Posted May 12, 2006 hey guys, this is where i go when i feel uneasy. He is leaving tomorrow and now i feel worse for some reason. Maybe i suffer from accute anxiety?Looking at the pics and just the area--its a party area--and i just feel like i would have a hard time believing any guy would say no when these girls are dancing and flashing these guys. I'm sorry to anyone who is tired of me probably repeating the same things but i don't really talk to anyone else about it. I don't want to talk to my friends about the same thing over and over or my b/f either. And you know how else i am feeling--when he comes back i really don't want to sleep with him right away. I am not going to feel close with him knowing he was looking at all these girls--if you see the pics--there is plenty to look at. I know its natural to look but this is different than seeing a casual girl walk down the street. It makes me uncomfortable and i don't like it. He comes from a family he is close with so that makes me think he has strong values. I definitely believe family is influential over how you behave in relationships. I know i shouldn't be thinking of what if's but i can't help it. Anyone has some words of wisdom or feel the same way and things turned out ok? Really could use the advice and just some feedback. And again--not trying to annoy anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Delectable Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 Trust your man until he gives you a reason not to. He deserves that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sungrl Posted May 12, 2006 Author Share Posted May 12, 2006 In addition to my last post--i also feel annoyed about this whole thing. I hate the fact he will be there and ENJOYING looking at all the half naked girls throughout this week. Guys at these events cheer on the girls and i'm sure these men have girlfriends of their own or even wives. I hate the fact he will be smiling when they do this and flirting with the bartenders when getting drinks--this trip is not affecting me well. Link to post Share on other sites
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