When to tell her off!

[Stressed]

It's been approximately 3 weeks since I broke up with my G/F. We talk on a consistant basis(but really short conversations) and it seems like we're still together because we see each other 2-3 times a week and still kiss each other goodbye and so on. The problem is when I try to get her to speak about our relationship and see where we stand she changes the whole subject! The other day she tells me that she feels bad that when I ask to see her she always says no because she has homework to do or something else. She tells me she wants to spend time with me but somehow I think not. This past Thanksgiving weekend I asked her if I could see her when she arrives back from her parents house and she bluntly says no.

 

She calls me the next morning to say that we could meet up later. She was suppose to call my house but I was out so I left her a message on her answering machine to call my mobile phone and that I would like to talk and see her. She calls me back upset. I asked what was wrong and she told me nothing was wrong. So I said are we going to meet later on and she said "I don't want to see you!" I feel that she doesn't want to see me for some reason. I'm really fed up and I'm starting to hate her because of this. I think she's doing this on purpose because she too afraid to tell me it over for real. And I have a gut feeling that she likes someone else but I don't have concrete evidence. SOON I WILL! I want to tell her off but in a nice way! I need help!!!

[midori]

I'm not sure I've understood you. I think you're saying that you weren't happy about the break-up and wanted to discuss it (with an eye toward reversing it?) but your girlfriend refused to have any further discussions on that topic. And you two still see each other 2-3 times a week and kiss goodbye but you feel like she's avoiding you. And, in fact she said recently that she doesn't want to see you. Is this right so far?

 

If so, it's pretty clear: it's over over over. Yes, she's probably uncomfortable about having to be very blunt with you that it's over and that may well be why she's avoiding you. But didn't she do that already when you two actually broke up? Why does she need to say it again?

 

I agree that the frequent meetings and goodbye kisses aren't conducive to moving on. I can see how they might confuse someone who didn't want to break up in the first place, suggesting that maybe there was a chance of getting back together. Your ex wasn't thinking very well when she allowed that to happen. If she initiated it, well then she's not very scrupulous.

 

So if you feel like she took advantage of you and was playing games with you after the break-up, by all means let her know how hurt & angry you are. She ought to hear it. Or is it more that you just haven't been able to accept the break-up and you've been foisting yourself on your ex-girlfriend to the point where she feels she needs to assert the reality of the break-up? It's hard to tell from what you've written. Either way, break-ups are hard, especially for a person who didn't want to break up at all. Give yourself some time and space away from your ex. Maybe at some point down the road you'll be able to have some kind of friendship with her. But it doesn't sound like that's the case right now.

[Marzipan75]

Okay,

 

I've had some experience with this one. Someone who keeps calling you, at odd times maybe two three weeks, etc. Right? Okay, this is called lonliness and basically she's lonely. She sounds confused and maybe there is someone else and maybe not. My point is you shouldn't be concerned with that. What you should be concerned with is yourself. Once the breaking up has happened then you should keep some distance from eachother. If friendship is in the cards for you then it will come gradually, not immediately after the break up of your relationship. There's always at least one person who needs time to heal first. YOu sound like you need time to heal.

 

My advice is not to call her anymore. She told you she doesn't want to see you anymore, then respect that. Don't call her or see her. Try to avoid her wherever or whenever it is that you two see eachother on a regular basis. I don't necessarily know what her intentions are, maybe she's lonely and confused and maybe she's just playing with your emotions because you're the only one who cares at the time. Who knows!

 

Just get away from that. You don't need or deserve that and you do deserve better! Getting angry is ok. As long as you're not violent or psycho about it. I think that under the circumstances, you should be angry because it sounds like she hasn't exactly been honest with you about her intentions. All she had to do was say those three little words "LETS BE FRIENDS" and that would have made things a lot easier to comprehend. If she hasn't and you're still talking, cut that out! Cut that out! Cut that out!

 

You need time to heal from the break up. You're not exactly broken up if you're still talking/kissing/seeing eachother now are you? No matter how she likes to think of it!

 

If she calls you again, and I have to say, she's got some pretty big balls if she does after telling you she doesn't want to see you again, then tell her nicely, look, I asked you before where all this was going and since you couldn't give me a straight answer, I think it would be best if we didn't talk for a while. Tell her you wish her all the happiness in the world and that you deserve to be happy too so for now you two can't talk or be friends. I think she'll get the picture really quick. Now one last question, did you break up with her or her you? Because if you broke up with her then you need to take some of the blame in this little situation you've helped to create. If you broke up with her and you're still calling her then you're causing her some confusion. If you broke up with her then why are you still calling her? Just respect her decision not to talk to you again and I think she'll respect yours.

It's been approximately 3 weeks since I broke up with my G/F. We talk on a consistant basis(but really short conversations) and it seems like we're still together because we see each other 2-3 times a week and still kiss each other goodbye and so on. The problem is when I try to get her to speak about our relationship and see where we stand she changes the whole subject! The other day she tells me that she feels bad that when I ask to see her she always says no because she has homework to do or something else. She tells me she wants to spend time with me but somehow I think not. This past Thanksgiving weekend I asked her if I could see her when she arrives back from her parents house and she bluntly says no. She calls me the next morning to say that we could meet up later. She was suppose to call my house but I was out so I left her a message on her answering machine to call my mobile phone and that I would like to talk and see her. She calls me back upset. I asked what was wrong and she told me nothing was wrong. So I said are we going to meet later on and she said "I don't want to see you!" I feel that she doesn't want to see me for some reason. I'm really fed up and I'm starting to hate her because of this. I think she's doing this on purpose because she too afraid to tell me it over for real. And I have a gut feeling that she likes someone else but I don't have concrete evidence. SOON I WILL! I want to tell her off but in a nice way! I need help!!!