Don't believe in second chances?

[SmoochieFace]

...so I think your rationalization based on astrological signs is a little wacko here.

 

Any rationalisations based on astrological mumbo-jumbo are wacko all the time. Her *sign* doesn't have a damn thing to do with any of this.

 

CaliGuy... I wish you luck again. Let us know how things turn out.

[Pyro]

Any rationalisations based on astrological mumbo-jumbo are wacko all the time. Her *sign* doesn't have a damn thing to do with any of this.

 

CaliGuy... I wish you luck again. Let us know how things turn out.

 

I had this one girl describe a majority of who I am with out her knowing anything about me, just based on what my sign is. Thats creepy. You are right though, signs don't mean diddly squat.

[SmoochieFace]

I had this one girl describe a majority of who I am with out her knowing anything about me, just based on what my sign is. Thats creepy. You are right though, signs don't mean diddly squat.

 

Spark Spark... someone's trying to Spark...

[Pyro]

Some things/people never change.

[CaliGuy]

I really hate to use your quotes again, but to many of us, (certainly myself) this is how we all initially feel, yet the guide of NC appears to go against all that?...please correct me if I am wrong.

 

I would always rather get the truth out in the open as quickly as possible, looking past the bulls*** excuses and hit the nail on the head, the final nail in the coffin for me personally works a treat, its final closure and positive thinking towards the negatives.

 

However, if the NC guide is followed, the feelings are waaay prolonged.

 

The thing about NC is I don't believe NC is forever. I believe it's necessary to get your head screwed on straight. At some point you have to be able to handle a run in with the ex. If you can't then you've not truly healed.

 

I don't believe in running away from problems. Facing them maturely is what builds character, strength and confidence.

 

I'm at the point now where I can deal with seeing her. I've changed and maybe she has or maybe she hasn't. There's only one way to know for sure.

 

Again this doesn't mean I am getting back with my ex. This doesn't mean I don't believe anything in my own guide. Heck my boundaries are the most healthy they've ever been. I even use them at work now. I don't put up with crap I used to in order to please people. I've found I am respected much more than ever.

 

The only thing constant in life is change. I'm adapting to that quite well. The guide works. It's titled "Guide to second chances." It's merely a guide for those who are thinking about a second chance.

 

It's not a bible.

It's not gospel.

It's not a rule.

It's not guaranteed.

It's not written in stone.

 

It's opinions I've gathered from Professionals and from the experiences of others. I've used most everything in that guide. I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm finding myself being slowly weened off LS.

 

And no offense, that's what my goal is. To one day not need to bounce ideas off LS at all. But to be able to put to use what I have learned and use my own judgement.

 

Isn't that what we all want?

[Twink]

I have not been on the board for long.

 

I think it is a wonderful idea for you to see her on Saturday. I don't know your story, or what happened during the break up. But I believe things happen for a reason, there is a reason, why you are going to see her on Saturday, there is a reason why NC was broken. I wish you the best luck ever.

 

I have tried, do to the no NC, it has only been three weeks since my break up. I have pour my heart out over and over again to this man, to get nothing in return. I must start NC to help myself heal. It does me no good to pour my heart out over and over again. Yes, I want a second chance, but I also believe that I will be happy no matter what. I tried saving the relationship by communication, I think one must try to communicate before they just give up.

 

I think you communicating with her is wonderful. Regardless if you end up just friends. Hey what do you have to lose, maybe it was the wrong timing before, maybe now there has been alot of things that have changed. You are doing this for a reason, follow your self and want you want.

 

I do break no NC because of my heart, I want to follow me heart. But I must follow what is best for me and from what it sounds like that is what you are doing. No matter what you will be ok, like you said already.

 

Best wishes

 

Twink

[Numbheart]

The thing about NC is I don't believe NC is forever. I believe it's necessary to get your head screwed on straight. At some point you have to be able to handle a run in with the ex. If you can't then you've not truly healed.

 

I don't believe in running away from problems. Facing them maturely is what builds character, strength and confidence.

 

I'm at the point now where I can deal with seeing her. I've changed and maybe she has or maybe she hasn't. There's only one way to know for sure.

 

Again this doesn't mean I am getting back with my ex. This doesn't mean I don't believe anything in my own guide. Heck my boundaries are the most healthy they've ever been. I even use them at work now. I don't put up with crap I used to in order to please people. I've found I am respected much more than ever.

 

The only thing constant in life is change. I'm adapting to that quite well. The guide works. It's titled "Guide to second chances." It's merely a guide for those who are thinking about a second chance.

 

It's not a bible.

It's not gospel.

It's not a rule.

It's not guaranteed.

It's not written in stone.

 

It's opinions I've gathered from Professionals and from the experiences of others. I've used most everything in that guide. I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm finding myself being slowly weened off LS.

 

And no offense, that's what my goal is. To one day not need to bounce ideas off LS at all. But to be able to put to use what I have learned and use my own judgement.

 

Isn't that what we all want?

 

Respect to you for that!

 

Some of us are at that point much sooner than our ex's believe it, then we do that stupid contact thing, trying to get the nail in the coffin so to speak, only to be tarred by being obsesive or pushing them away, even though we are mentally prepared and strong enough to cope with it, they think we are not......that could well be my problem now in the fact that there is a 10 year difference with myself and my ex.

 

Then we wonder what have we done wrong, extreme circumstances lead to coming here, then see the guide, put 2 an 2 together and come up with 6.....although seeing and understanding how NC works and it pushes them away from us, if you are ready for the hard truth in the first place and strong enough to cope with it, it basically tells you that you should not push for that, or maybe I am misreading it.

[alphamale]

The guide works. It's titled "Guide to second chances." It's merely a guide for those who are thinking about a second chance.

When is CaliGuy's Guide to Third Chances being published? I await it with much glee.

[CaliGuy]

Well, looks like we can't get our schedules to work out so we're going to try sometime next week.

 

I'm working on a Guide right now, alpha. It's called "How to be an insecure, wanna-be alpha male, like AlphaMale"

[Pyro]

Well, looks like we can't get our schedules to work out so we're going to try sometime next week.

 

I'm working on a Guide right now, alpha. It's called "How to be an insecure, wanna-be alpha male, like AlphaMale"

 

I would rather wait for the movie. It might be a little more entertaining.

[obsession]

CaliGuy - I lurked around for a while and I know that you have always meant well in your posts/advice, so I wish things work out well for you.

 

I hope you will continue to keep us posted no matter the outcome.

I am glad you're going in with no expectations - but hope is a double edged sword. My only advice is that you should stay guarded for a while to see where things are going.

 

My condolences on your recent loss. It changes perspectives because life goes by fast. Do what you gotta do, learn and live from it.

 

Cheers.

[gfto]

Well, looks like we can't get our schedules to work out so we're going to try sometime next week.

 

Hold on just a second! How did that happen?! I thought she wanted to spend her b'day with you, and it sounded as though you were available and interested in spending it with her.

[heyduh]

Hey CaliGuy -

 

I've been following your posts for a while and have also been reading this thread with keen interest ..

 

I do suggest you stay away from LS for a while. Although I do not disagree with most of the comments/advice/opinions that others have posted here, I feel it would be good for you to stay away from the generally pessimistic view that others have of your situation right now.

 

 

From your “guides” and insightful posts to others, it is obvious that you have learnt a lot in the past few months and it would be very unfortunate if you find yourself in a situation with your ex this weekend or next week that reminds you of the negative comments on this thread. You have been responding to them, so they have already started to bother you - please stop reading and responding to them because all that is doing is creating a little more more doubts, stress and conflicting emotions for you !

 

 

You do not need that right now. so .. Take a break!! Just be Cool. Upbeat. Friendly. and Casual when you meet her. Read your own guides and do not worry about what others here have to say, for now.

 

 

Remember … you do not have to prove a thing to *anyone* … not even your ex, and least of all us LoveShackers !

[CaliGuy]

Hold on just a second! How did that happen?! I thought she wanted to spend her b'day with you, and it sounded as though you were available and interested in spending it with her.

 

I don't know if she wanted to spend it with me as much as she wanted to share a common hobby that day. From the sound of her message she was quite disappointed.

 

Here's what happened.

 

She called me and left me a VM on my cell (apologized for "bugging" me at the office) when I was at work around 3:30 telling me that she's "looking forward to going but is not sure the things she needs will be ready but to call her when I can to discuss."

 

Leave work and call her around 5:30. She says "I'll call you later tonight and let you know what's up. Can you do Sunday instead?" I tell her I already have plans for Sunday. If it doesn't work out for tomorrow we can try some other time." She says "Ok, I'll call you later and let you know."

 

Calls again around 8:30pm (I'm in the shower) and leaves a message. "Doesn't look like the things I need will be ready, maybe we can just get together sometime next week? I don't want to leave you hanging, I know you have plans and stuff.""

 

So that's where I am at. I'm not pressing for her time. She sounded disappointed and "apologetic" about tomorrow.

 

Like I said, I'm not worried about hanging out. She is dating someone and I do remember that. The old me would have been scrambling to suggest another time/date or asked her to switch her plans. Instead I just stuck to my guns. I'm not changing my plans to hang out.

 

Oh. One funny thing. She meant to mention her current BF doing something for her and said my name instead, caught herself and then said "oops" on the voicemail. Freudian slip maybe? Gee. I hope she doesn't call her b/f by name in person.

[CaliGuy]

Hey CaliGuy -

 

I've been following your posts for a while and have also been reading this thread with keen interest ..

 

I do suggest you stay away from LS for a while. Although I do not disagree with most of the comments/advice/opinions that others have posted here, I feel it would be good for you to stay away from the generally pessimistic view that others have of your situation right now.

 

 

From your “guides” and insightful posts to others, it is obvious that you have learnt a lot in the past few months and it would be very unfortunate if you find yourself in a situation with your ex this weekend or next week that reminds you of the negative comments on this thread. You have been responding to them, so they have already started to bother you - please stop reading and responding to them because all that is doing is creating a little more more doubts, stress and conflicting emotions for you !

 

 

You do not need that right now. so .. Take a break!! Just be Cool. Upbeat. Friendly. and Casual when you meet her. Read your own guides and do not worry about what others here have to say, for now.

 

 

Remember … you do not have to prove a thing to *anyone* … not even your ex, and least of all us LoveShackers !

 

Thanks. I think you get where I am coming from. It's not that I am seeking approval here, I just like the added benefit of the opinions. Unfortunately I guess I am held to a different standard (as if I am not human) just due to passing along what I have learned.

 

Anyway, I do need a break from LS. I already know what I have to do and it's cool that people care enough to kick in their $0.02, even if I disagree with them. My beef have never been with those who offer sound advice. Only with those who stir the pot just to get their name out there (eg: Alphamale).

 

The only person's approval I am hell bent on getting is my own.

[CaliGuy]

CaliGuy - I lurked around for a while and I know that you have always meant well in your posts/advice, so I wish things work out well for you.

 

I hope you will continue to keep us posted no matter the outcome.

I am glad you're going in with no expectations - but hope is a double edged sword. My only advice is that you should stay guarded for a while to see where things are going.

 

My condolences on your recent loss. It changes perspectives because life goes by fast. Do what you gotta do, learn and live from it.

 

Cheers.

 

Thank you for the kind words. Two great losses and one minor one and I can still manage to crack a smile. I must be doing ok

[CaliGuy]

I would rather wait for the movie. It might be a little more entertaining.

 

"Attack of the LS Clones."

 

Starring "Triumph the Insult Comic Dog" as AlphaMaleDog.

 

[blue16]

"Attack of the LS Clones."

 

Starring "Triumph the Insult Comic Dog" as AlphaMaleDog.

 

 

haha don't be hatin' on alphamale

 

a lot of the things he says are what others are thinking, but they just don't have the guts to come out and say it. Granted, at times it can come across as harsh, but that's what you need to get a point across in certain cases.

 

tho I don't ever see him make posts celebrating ones accomplishments or congratulating another...lol.

[dr strangelove]

hmm alphamale..how trite

 

That reminds me of a story. When I had my shop in another location I had this older biker type looking landlord. He noticed I had a cute girl always hanging around. One day when we were talking he said "you know you should be ******* that little tart!" Im like.. "I have a girlfriend"

well if she doesnt tell and you dont tell whos gonna know?

 

In anycase, not much later he had a breakup with his still now years later current girlfriend, and he had to sleep in his office. He was telling me "theres a lady I could go see, but Id have to take the streetcar and its a bit of a ride..etc etc"

 

You know what folks " bull**** " Ok. So called unemotional tough guys, Are to chicken to admit to so-called wussy-ish feelings once in a while.

My ex-landlord was moping around without his little chiquitta..

 

In any case you will see where that leads later on.

 

Alpha male, please dont take offense to this when I ask but, when is the last time you have had a female companion? Blowup dolls dont count..

 

whatever

[gfto]

She called me and left me a VM on my cell (apologized for "bugging" me at the office) when I was at work around 3:30 telling me that she's "looking forward to going but is not sure the things she needs will be ready but to call her when I can to discuss."

 

Leave work and call her around 5:30. She says "I'll call you later tonight and let you know what's up. Can you do Sunday instead?" I tell her I already have plans for Sunday. If it doesn't work out for tomorrow we can try some other time." She says "Ok, I'll call you later and let you know."

 

Calls again around 8:30pm (I'm in the shower) and leaves a message. "Doesn't look like the things I need will be ready, maybe we can just get together sometime next week? I don't want to leave you hanging, I know you have plans and stuff.""

 

Like I said, I'm not worried about hanging out. She is dating someone and I do remember that. The old me would have been scrambling to suggest another time/date or asked her to switch her plans. Instead I just stuck to my guns. I'm not changing my plans to hang out.

 

You can spin this anyway you want, but this is a cancelled date. What she is really saying in those voice messages is, "I'm really not that interested in hanging out with you." I realize you think you're sticking to you guns, but you're actually just giving her your permission to jerk you around some more. At this point, I'd go back to NC unless she calls you and offers a very specific time and place to meet you (and shows up). I wouldn't put up with any more of this wishy-washy iffy kinda sorta "I don't know if my things will be ready; call me back later" nonsense.

 

Rereading your initial post, it sounds to me like you're very hopeful about getting back together with her, your later posts to the contrary notwithstanding. I would encourage you to go back to very strict NC; block this girl's phone calls and e-mails; and start focusing on new girls who really want to be with you.

 

Whatever you end up doing, good luck.

[alphamale]

You can spin this anyway you want, but this is a cancelled date. What she is really saying in those voice messages is, "I'm really not that interested in hanging out with you."

exactly GFTO....cancelled dates equal lack of interest. Period.

[westernxer]

Now that you've seen her true colors, it's time to move on.

 

Count her as one of the dead.

 

You'll be better off for it.

[climbergirl]

Perhaps she was feeling guilty and cancelled?

 

I'm getting the vibe that things aren't going well with her boyfriend at the moment and she is keeping you on 'stand by'.

[TeaCooler]

or maybe she is trying to be less "available" too, or maybe she is uncomfortable with this all of a sudden and is giving it more thought before she opens a can of worms. maybe she really couldn't have her stuff ready in time.

 

it could be anything. anything in the world.

[alphamale]

it could be anything. anything in the world.

This is true TC....but most likely the reason is she does not want to hang with her needy and desperate ex-b/f....