Don't believe in second chances?

[radiation7740]

I just finished reading caliguy's guide on how to be a balanced man. I liked it. I especially agree with the part about the balanced man calling once or twice a week & waiting 1-2 days to return her calls. I would also add waiting 4-5 rings before answering the phone. Ignore 1 out of every 4 of her calls. Don't answer her all the time. Don't pick up on the 1st ring.

[TeaCooler]

I noticed that caliguy joined LS on the same date dreamguy made his last post. Then both of them didn't come back to LS until december 2005.

 

oh my god. it could be a total coincidence. why does this matter? aren't there 1000's of ls members?

 

people who try to guess other people's possible identities are not only wasting time, but for the most part are completely wrong. but then again, you may have ten times more brain matter than kc.

[BBetsy]

I was dumped 13 weeks ago and came to LS quite by accident - I was doing a search for comments about Cucan Pemo's book I keep getting emails about and stumbled over this site and stayed for a while.

 

The thing about this site is, it's great for getting advice about getting over an ex, but if you hang out too long, it just gets sad and depressing. Until something like this comes along. I just read 9 pages of posts on an unbelievably long thread, but it's worth discussing and not just a "poor pitiful me" post.

 

Caliguy, you're the bomb. I think you're wonderful. I think you are doing everything perfectly and you should continue exactly the way you're going and I hope you don't get totally disgusted and leave, because I'm dying to find out how this plays out. It will be useful for ME to be able to learn from it and deal with my own situation. So, for my own selfish purposes, please continue.

 

I've totally flubbed up my whole break up by doing the exact things you're NOT supposed to do - begging, emailing, blah de blah blah blah. I keep starting NC only to break it within a week. So far, this week it's been since Tuesday and I'm REALLY STICKING TO IT THIS TIME. I pray that in a few months, I have the same opportunity you have, and that I have the ability to handle it the way you are.

 

Without the advice here, mainly from CaliGuy and Riobikini, as well as the other useful info from several others, I wouldn't be as far as I am right now with my recovery (as pitiful as it is, it's still way better than it would be without you), so for the umpteenth time, thank you.

 

I look very forward to finding out what happens next. Perhaps you should start a new thread since this one has gotten so long....

[TeaCooler]

lots of lurkers follow your story, cali. how odd.

 

[Alexandra]

Page 9, eh? Right....

 

Well the way I see it we all need to give this a break. CaliGuy is only human, not even a self professed guru or a Nobel Award winner in matters of the heart and whoever took his guides (or any others for that matter) as the Bible has serious issues. Some parts of it are great ideas, others may well be rubbish. One would think that being a grown up and on an advice forum is warranting whomever reads here is capable of rational thinking to help them weed. Maybe that's not true for everyone.

 

It's entertaining at times but it's such a pointless exercise to make this thread 23 pages long.

 

Continue as scheduled though.

[alphamale]

lots of lurkers follow your story, cali. how odd.

thats funny TC....yeah the poor, down-trodden and disenfranchised lurkers...

 

It's entertaining at times but it's such a pointless exercise to make this thread 23 pages long.

why? this is just entertainment....don't take it so serious. it is fun at times.

[BBetsy]

I didn't really think of myself as a "lurker" since I'm a "member", but whatever. At least I'm not a poor, down-trodden soul with no life who has posted over 9,000 times on LS...now THAT'S kind of sad....

[Art_Critic]

I didn't really think of myself as a "lurker" since I'm a "member", but whatever. At least I'm not a poor, down-trodden soul with no life who has posted over 9,000 times on LS...now THAT'S kind of sad....

 

That was uncalled for !!!

[alphamale]

At least I'm not a poor, down-trodden soul with no life who has posted over 9,000 times on LS...now THAT'S kind of sad....

Hey, I'm an LS institution

[Alexandra]

I didn't really think of myself as a "lurker" since I'm a "member", but whatever. At least I'm not a poor, down-trodden soul with no life who has posted over 9,000 times on LS...now THAT'S kind of sad....

 

That's not even a personal attach, it's plain silly. Betsy hon, have you also happened to notice how long AlphaMale has been a member for? I think not.

 

You do know that it's alright that not everyone else agrees with your opinion on CaliGuy, right? You're also aware they can express whatever they wish, right?

[magda]

That's not even a personal attach, it's plain silly. Betsy hon, have you also happened to notice how long AlphaMale has been a member for? I think not.

It's the posts per day average that tells us all how much excess time someone has on their hands.

[alphamale]

It's the posts per day average that determines how much time someone has on their hands.

So I average out to about 17 posts per day MAGDA. 9,300 divided by 550 days approx. 95% of my posts are during work hours because most of my job is tied to the computer. Its a good way to pass time while also taking care of business.

[Alexandra]

It's the posts per day average that determines how much time someone has on their hands.

 

I'm sorry but I disagree. Many people -especially the boys on the site- type posts like "Yeah mate, dump her" and even the occasional "Oh, okay" so 17 ppd can mean nothing time wise whereas others can post twice and have spent the night typing novels. It's also connected with one's typing speed. All in all it's just not an indicator.

[Lonestar]

I noticed that caliguy joined LS on the same date dreamguy made his last post. Then both of them didn't come back to LS until december 2005.

 

Nice try, but CG is definitely not dreamguy. I have proof, but you're not getting it.

 

CG, you're making a huge mistake. I'm sorry, but you can't act like every person who tells you this is pissing on your parade. Can you not see how defensive you're getting? Look, I've done the second chance, the third, and the fourth. It doesn't work because no matter how many times you try, the same old issues will eventually tear you apart, and each time you reunite it will deteriorate faster than the last time.

 

You contacted her because you suffered a loss. You were weak, which is normal, but don't kid yourself that anything is going to work out with her. If she wanted you back, she wouldn't have cancelled. I'm a woman, I know. If there's a guy I really want to be with, I'm going to get my damn stuff ready HOURS before I'm supposed to see him. She may meet up with you once or twice, but after that you're getting kicked to the curb again, and there goes your self-esteem back in the dark hole of oblivion. I can only imagine how long it's going to take you to surface this time.

[alphamale]

Nice try, but CG is definitely not dreamguy. I have proof, but you're not getting it. .

OMG...look who's here!!! I'm so excited

[magda]

I'm sorry but I disagree. Many people -especially the boys on the site- type posts like "Yeah mate, dump her" and even the occasional "Oh, okay" so 17 ppd can mean nothing time wise whereas others can post twice and have spent the night typing novels. It's also connected with one's typing speed. All in all it's just not an indicator.

... it's an average. This is a little silly to argue but how many boys stick around for months that only post one sentence of no substance for an average of 17 posts a day? wutevs.. I don't mind that you all post here a lot, I was just pointing out that post count isn't as telling as daily average.

[Lonestar]

OMG...look who's here!!! I'm so excited

 

I'm still around. Just a little busy rep whoring in real life

[CaliGuy]

Nice try, but CG is definitely not dreamguy. I have proof, but you're not getting it.

 

CG, you're making a huge mistake. I'm sorry, but you can't act like every person who tells you this is pissing on your parade. Can you not see how defensive you're getting? Look, I've done the second chance, the third, and the fourth. It doesn't work because no matter how many times you try, the same old issues will eventually tear you apart, and each time you reunite it will deteriorate faster than the last time.

 

You contacted her because you suffered a loss. You were weak, which is normal, but don't kid yourself that anything is going to work out with her. If she wanted you back, she wouldn't have cancelled. I'm a woman, I know. If there's a guy I really want to be with, I'm going to get my damn stuff ready HOURS before I'm supposed to see him. She may meet up with you once or twice, but after that you're getting kicked to the curb again, and there goes your self-esteem back in the dark hole of oblivion. I can only imagine how long it's going to take you to surface this time.

 

Well I'm not going into this thinking she wants to get back with me. She wants to meet and has been pretty persistent. However I am going to leave the ball in her court. She had to change the plans so it's up to her now to make the schedule.

 

I'm not calling her trying to get her to change plans or adjust to meet me. I'm not doing any of the things I used to.

 

Like I said, let it pan out. It very well could be that she wants me in the friends zone or she might be putting a feeler out.

 

Who knows? Right now I'm taking everything with a grain of salt and not getting my hopes up too high. I know I said "Second chance" but you have to start somewhere. If it doesn't work at least I am confident in myself and my growth that I won't let it undo all the progress I've made. I don't care what anyone thinks. I'm not that freakin weak.

 

I'm not opposed to differences of opinion. I am opposed to someone being a jackass just to garner attention to himself

[alphamale]

However I am going to leave the ball in her court.

Look, just don't contact her again, OK?

[Lonestar]

CG, ya gotta do what ya gotta do and you obviously have chosen your path. Leaving the ball in her court is only giving her control over her again. She's driving and you're going to crash and burn. I'm not knocking you because then I might as well slap myself upside the head for s*** I've done in the past (oh wait, haha, I did slap myself). All I can say now is you'll learn your lesson eventually, but only at the expense of your emotional health.

[CaliGuy]

CG, ya gotta do what ya gotta do and you obviously have chosen your path. Leaving the ball in her court is only giving her control over her again. She's driving and you're going to crash and burn. I'm not knocking you because then I might as well slap myself upside the head for s*** I've done in the past (oh wait, haha, I did slap myself). All I can say now is you'll learn your lesson eventually, but only at the expense of your emotional health.

 

Leave the ball in her court, I lose.

Take control, I lose.

Either way I'm gonna lose right, so why try? Because I need to.

 

See the issue with us last time is I took too much control. She wants a lot of things to be her idea so I am letting her do that.

 

If I learn my lesson then good. That's basically what I am doing here.

 

Just wait and see, that's all we can do. Whatever happens I will be fine.

[johan]

Attacking or even disputing Alpha is a fruitless exercise on LS. It's like going to Gilligan's Isle and expecting more out of Gilligan. He's an institution. You can't mess with that.

 

I think it's common for relationships to go through this "last gasp" phase, after a breakup. Mostly when both people have some time to look back and wonder if it was the right thing to do. Then a second chance is attempted and that usually drives the last nail in the coffin. But you can't bury it until all the nails are in place can you? Not sure what the guide says about this.

 

Look at Alpha and that woman he was with that they kept breaking up and getting back together. Even he does it. I did it with my ex. Maybe if you had had like 200 serious relationships you would be able to just walk away without a look back. If you've only had a few, then you can't really tell what the right thing to do is. And it's important enough to play out all the possibilities.

 

You wrote the guide and then you went and violated much of what it says, because you don't have things figured out any better than the rest of us. So maybe we should all write guides.

[Touche]

Attacking or even disputing Alpha is a fruitless exercise on LS. No matter what he says, there are those who will stop everything and look at each other and laugh in unison and say "THAT ALPHA! (ha ha ha ha ha)". It's like going to Gilligan's Isle and expecting more out of Gilligan. He's an institution. You can't mess with that.

 

I think it's common for relationships to go through this "last gasp" phase, after a breakup. Mostly when both people have some time to look back and wonder if it was the right thing to do. Then a second chance is attempted and that usually drives the last nail in the coffin. But you can't bury it until all the nails are in place can you? Not sure what the guide says about this.

 

Look at Alpha and that woman he was with that they kept breaking up and getting back together. Even he does it. I did it with my ex. Maybe if you had had like 200 serious relationships you would be able to just walk away without a look back. If you've only had a few, then you can't really tell what the right thing to do is. And it's important enough to play out all the possibilities.

 

You wrote the guide and then you went and violated much of what it says, because you don't have things figured out any better than the rest of us. So maybe we should all write guides.

 

Can I see your guide first, Johan? Damn, I haven't read a funny guide in a LONG time! This is how yours would read:

 

Rule #1: If you break up, do NOT go and kiss another girl right away. And if you DO don't be stupid enough to tell your g/f when you go running back to her!

 

Rule #2: s***, I can't tell you number 2 or number 50 or even number 220! I think I've judged enough. My work here is done!

[Noos]

Wow, more evidence that some girls can get away with murder.

Why can she treat you like s*** and like an afterthought option and you just lap it up like a puppy dog? What sort of hold does she have over you?

 

And to the others on this thrad, why do some women get away with this s*** and some can't? If I tried this manoeuvre on a guy I'd be told to feck off.

 

Cali - you're a masochist.

[Touche]

Wow, more evidence that some girls can get away with murder.

Why can she treat you like s*** and like an afterthought option and you just lap it up like a puppy dog? What sort of hold does she have over you?

 

And to the others on this thrad, why do some women get away with this s*** and some can't? If I tried this manoeuvre on a guy I'd be told to feck off.

 

Cali - you're a masochist.

 

Nah! Plenty of men fall for this kind of thing. I've actually done what CG's ex is doing to him.

 

Why do some women get away with it? I guess because some of us just CAN! Doesn't make it right and believe me, I'm not proud of it, but I'm telling you the truth. I mean you asked, right?

 

(P.S. I DID grow up and change. But in my 20's I would have toyed with a nice guy like CG, just like his ex is doing. It's like a cat toying and pawing with a mouse before it kills it.)