ribeena Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Not sure if this is the right place for this but... Is it wrong of me to be upset because my BF keeps steamy sex letters from his ex-girlfriend under our bed? I dunno what to do! I dunno if i'm being irrational but it does upset me! Any advice... Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 3, 2006 Share Posted May 3, 2006 Does he know you know they're there? I would be upset myself if in your situation. Maybe he thinks you are ok with it so tell him you are not without getting mad at him, unless he refuses to remove them from that location. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ribeena Posted May 3, 2006 Author Share Posted May 3, 2006 Yes, we've discussed it, he won't get rid of them cos they're part of his life! Link to post Share on other sites
visotech Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Is it that he has them for keeping, or that he reads them from time to time? I have a bunch of letters, cards, and random stuff from my breakup...I doub't I'll ever throw them away, it just seems like we both put so much effort into those things, and they are a history of my past, I wouldn't want to just let them go. But keeping them is one thing, and keeping them to read over and over is another. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 Is it wrong of me to be upset because my BF keeps steamy sex letters from his ex-girlfriend under our bed? . Make then disappear.. place them in a box in the attic.. You say OUR bed meaning it isn't just his.. Well.. you have a right to feel that they not be there. DoIt... What is he going to do ? Break up with you .. come on.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ribeena Posted May 4, 2006 Author Share Posted May 4, 2006 Yes it is our bed that we share together. No he tells me he doesnt read over them, and I'm well aware its all in the past, however I dont have any steamy letters that I keep, well I've never had any, any baggage and memoribilla of my very few relationships i left behind, threw away and generally got rid of when we moved in together as it was our house and it was about us. The letters are quite explicit, and we dont do any of what is written...I find it hard not to make a comparison because they are there and mean something to him and remind him of, well, how he had great hot wild sex with his exes!!! I don't really understand the importance of keeping things that you say dont mean anything to you & that you say you have no desire to look at? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ribeena Posted May 4, 2006 Author Share Posted May 4, 2006 Yes it is our bed that we share together. No he tells me he doesnt read over them, and I'm well aware its all in the past, however I dont have any steamy letters that I keep, well I've never had any, the only memoribilla of my very few relationships i left behind when we moved in together as it was our house and it was about us. Some of the stuff is quite explicit, and we dont do any of what is written...I find it hard not to make a comparison because they are there and mean something to him and remind him of, well, how he had great hot wild sex with his exes!!! I don't really understand the importance of keeping things that you say dont mean anything to you & that you say you have no desire to look at? It never seems that simple - but why can't it be? Link to post Share on other sites
Fun2BMe Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 If he doesn't read them, dip them in some water and ink to smear and smudge the writing so it can't be read. By the time he notices down the line, what is he going to get mad at you about it if they mean so little supposedly? I bet it's just the thought of them that turns him on. If you replace them with different letters he won't even notice. He probably peeks now and then to only make sure they're there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ribeena Posted May 4, 2006 Author Share Posted May 4, 2006 Hmmm...theres an idea! No seriously though I wouldnt do that...its so annoying, its as though they have some kind of power over me!!!! In an ideal world he'd throw them away, actually in an ideal world they wouldnt be there and this wouldnt be a problem! Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 If he doesn't read them, dip them in some water and ink to smear and smudge the writing so it can't be read. By the time he notices down the line, what is he going to get mad at you about it if they mean so little supposedly? lol brilliant Link to post Share on other sites
Author ribeena Posted May 7, 2006 Author Share Posted May 7, 2006 Okay, the letters are gone... but today I found pictures of his ex dressed up in a little maid type outfit sucking on his ****!!! I really can't deal with this... Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 This is not right ribeena. You should NOT be exposed in such a callous way to your bf's past. I agree completely with the removal of memorabilia. I have never kept the pics/videos/letters of my exes, ever. I would not subject anyone to the pain of comparisons, or reminders of what I got up to with other girls. It is unfair and hurtful. You need to talk to him bluntly and directly about how you feel about this subject. The line about this stuff being his past, and this subject has come up on LS before, is IMHO horseradish dressing. Some people do find it acceptable. I for one do not. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Pictures of good times with friends, or just basic memories are fine to keep in a box and put away on the top shelf in the closet...But to keep "handy" nudie pictures, video's and steamy sex letters is just not right. Next time you talk to him about it, just ask him how HE would feel if you had that kind of stuff floating around under the bed. Ask him if HE would feel hurt by it. I bet he would!! Stay strong and don't let him keep that stuff! It's part of his past that he has to let go of and not have hidden under the bed. It's just so disrespectful to you and your relationship with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 in my opinion, that is totally inappropriate (and disrespectful) of your bf if you're supposed to be in a committed relationship. that would hurt my feelings. your relationship (and any hot steamy sex talk) is supposed to be about YOU, not his ex. he needs to explore why he is so attached to those letters, and give you an explanation. ask him how he'd feel if the tables were turned, for starters. chances are, he wouldn't even be as understanding as you seem to be. Link to post Share on other sites
TerriSoDarey Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Yes, we've discussed it, he won't get rid of them cos they're part of his life! Part of his life? Is that the best excuse he can come up with? It sounds like a bunch of crap to me. It sounds to me he can’t let go of his past! Personally I do not know why anyone would want to keep stuff that there ex’s have gave them. I pretty much think it is a weapon to be used in the next relationship to make the other person do some unnecessary worrying or they just can’t let go of the past. I had steamy letters and cards from a boyfriend back in my early 20s. I had enough to make a book full but after our relationship ended. I had two months later had all the cards, pictures, and letters shredded. The only pictures that exist is what ever pictures my folks has taken of us together that are pasted in their photo albums. I pretty much done the same through out the years when a relationship ended. The stuffed animals that where gave to me from boyfriends of the past, I have either gave them to my little cousins, my friends children or donate them to the fire department who uses them to give as gift when they are dealing with hurt children. Okay, the letters are gone... but today I found pictures of his ex dressed up in a little maid type outfit sucking on his ****!!! I really can't deal with this... Are you sure he just not planting this stuff around? His hang up might be that it turns him on to have you jealous over him all the time, disturb about his past. My dad pulls this crap with the women he goes out with. He has steamy letters sent to him through some kind of dating paper thing! Women sending him naked pictures of them selves and he saves them. His girlfriend lived with him for a few months. I expect she found a few of those pictures he would not get rid of along with a few steamy letters he wouldn’t get rid of either. She moved out, then later on I heard something from my dad calling her a liar and being caught cheating. I could only think I am not to surprised. I would be real suspicious in your shoes, however, just know you deserve to be treated better then that. Link to post Share on other sites
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