Whether to move closer..

[Cute-otaku]

Hi there

 

I met my girlfriend through a friend online and we chatted since the beginning of last year. She lives in another city to me.. Earlier this year we met up for real and fell completely in love. Then I came back more recently and stayed for more than a month with her and we never got tired of one another's company. She was upset about me having to go back and begged me to stay several times. I can tell she really wants me to move over there and move in with her.. I could make the move (i'm a uni student and I could study/work over there instead - no problem) but I have no family support over there or any of my friends. My parents are advising me not to go because they think that I'd be basing my life around this relationship which could potentially problematic. Any suggestions?

[MadDog]

Your parents are right. If things don't work out between you, you'd be pretty screwed over. You two are definately still in the honeymoon period (since you've barely spent more than a month together in real life) so everything is going to seem perfect.

[Guest]

How do you ever get to know a person if you don't move closer to them? If your want this to be serious you have to take some kind of action I believe. If you just keep it to online friendship you will never really get to know each other well enough for anything else. Maybe there is some sort of compromise that can be made, like her moving closer to you or both moving halfway the distance so you can actually date. Hope this makes sense.

[norajane]

Get a part time job so you can make more frequent visits. I'd recommend spending more time together in person before considering changing your whole life around with a move.

[mental_traveller]

Don't compromise something important like a great job or studies for a *potential* relationship. I mean you can go live with her out of term time, right? It's early days yet, so find a way to be with her more often without it interfering with your education. If she cares about you then she will respect that, and appreciate the gesture of you making an effort to get closer.

 

Then after you finish your degree, you will have been together a while and will be able to decide if it's gonna be serious. You can then decide where to move & plan the rest of your life if you're gonna be together. Don't rush into something now that would turn out a mistake if you don't end up settling down.

[confusedgeek]

I cant answer this one for you. Its a tough decision.

The cautious person would say, go dont do it because theres too many risks.

The risky person would say, go do it.

 

The question, I think you gotta ask is, is it worth it?

 

For me, if I had to chose, I'd do it, and see what the consequences are.

Because thats my gut feeling. And I wouldnt have any regrets for making this choice.

 

While it is certainly true, you are still a student and relatively young.

But life is isnt so easy. Life is based on the choices we make.

 

Skip the university, get the girl you like without the education.

Skip the girl, get the education you want without a girl.

Either way, don't regret the choice you make.

 

Make the choice you want, and I hope everything works out for you.

School or the girl.

 

Hope this was helpful.

- ConfusedGeek

[norajane]

Skip the university, get the girl you like without the education.

Skip the girl, get the education you want without a girl.

Either way, don't regret the choice you make.

 

Make the choice you want, and I hope everything works out for you.

School or the girl.

 

Hope this was helpful.

- ConfusedGeek

 

I disagree - those aren't the only choices. He doesn't have to give up the girl if he chooses to stay at his university. They can continue their relationship and get to know each other over a longer period of time...and maybe the 'in love' will be supplemented by 'love love'.

 

He can go out and visit her and spend more time in that city. Maybe at some point, it might make sense for him to move. Maybe the relationship will fizzle. Maybe her circumstances will change and she can move to his city. There are many ways to work things out; thinking in black and white like that is very limiting and forces people to choose things they might not be ready for or haven't thought through clearly.

 

Point is, it's not either school or the girl.

[Guest]

Very tough stuff! Im in an LDR, but our situations are a little bit different. We decided not to move until one of us is truly ready. But i know exactly how you feel, you want to be with this person as much as possible and you love her, so your heart is telling you to go for it. But, in the long run, its better to wait. If you are having doubts about moving, then you're not ready. I mean, it seems like you guys have a good thing going, and are on the right track, but i would give it some more time. Its tough, it really is. Everytime i saw my bf, i wanted to quit my job and stay with him, because it just felt so right. But moving is a hugs step to take, dont rush it.

 

Remember, good things come to those who wait.

[kgal]

Hmmm I'm in a similar situation. My bf of 2 years wants me to stay when I come visit him this summer. He wants me to quit my job and live w/him.. A part of me just wants to do it..cuz I love him so much... but another realistic side is telling me to have my priorities straight first.

 

Make sure you have all your ducks in a row b4 you make a huge move. I keep persuading myself into this decision as well..so maybe it's smart to do it that way. Of course, you should weigh out what personal goals you have for yourself and see what feels best for you.

 

Good Luck!!