Guest Posted May 4, 2006 Share Posted May 4, 2006 I was just wondering if anybody would take this survey that I'm doing for my health class. I'm supposed to use this information to write an essay about it, I've already handed out about 10 and to get more, I decided to use the internet. I appreciate it for those who decided to take it. 1. List 3 reasons why you think marriages are successful. 2. What are the three biggest changes you've made in your life since your marriage? 3. Have you had any doubts before your marriage? Why or why not? 4. What's been your most difficult part of your marriage? Why? 5. What are your spouses and your responsibilites in your marriage? 6. How'd you know if your spouse was the one? 7. When you & your spouse are having problems, how do you solve them? 8. How'd you meet your spouse? 9. What are your goals & expectations in marriage? 10. What goals are the most difficult to compromise on with your spouse & why? 11. What three stresses that may challenge any marriage? 12. Do you think teens that marry will face more problems than older couples? Why or why not? 13. Do you think people should remain a virgin until marriage? Why or why not? 14. Why did you get married? Link to post Share on other sites
Scott S Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 1. List 3 reasons why you think marriages are successful. - A sincere love for the other - A commitment to the relationship. “For better or worse” is not merely a platitude. - A belief that God has brought the couple together as soul-mates. 2. What are the three biggest changes you've made in your life since your marriage? - Adjusting to & accommodating the other’s needs - Communication. - Weathering some adverse personal & professional circumstances. 3. Have you had any doubts before your marriage? Why or why not? - Some lingering doubts are normal, I believe. Wondering whether you are doing the right thing. I had divorced an adulteress several years earlier, & Gina had been in several bad previous relationships. So we both had some insecurities that we’ve had to devote considerable time & effort to work through. 4. What's been your most difficult part of your marriage? Why? - Communication has always been a challenge. The aforementioned insecurities sometimes color each other’s feelings, & we have each had mistaken interpretations of the other’s intent. 5. What are your spouses and your responsibilites in your marriage? _ We share responsibilities equally. We both are aware of what needs to be done on a day-to-day basis, & we don’t really have gender-defined roles. There are some tasks that each is better at (i.e. I’m more mechanically & technologically inclined than she is.), & activities that we each really enjoy doing. I cook meals frequently because I love cooking (Really!!). Gina loves to bake, so we’re well-supplied with cakes, cookies, pies, breads, pastries, & such (So a lot of time is spent on the Stair-master! ) 6. How'd you know if your spouse was the one? - Ours was a platonic friendship that grew into love. Some feeling inside, some je ne sais quoi that told me. 7. When you & your spouse are having problems, how do you solve them? - We try to talk about them, expressing why she or I dislike what the other did or omitted, explaining how it makes us feel. An important point is allowing enough time for tempers to cool enough & regain control of emotions. Otherwise, hurtful things are thoughtlessly spewed, & immediately regretted. 8. How'd you meet your spouse? - In a Bible small group at the church we were attending. I still attended even though I was living about 90 miles distant, & we kept in touch. As the friendship turned into love, the long distance calls increased, & I put a lot of BF Goodrich on US Hwy 12 & Interstate 90! 9. What are your goals & expectations in marriage? - To be a worthy husband. To have a fulfilling love relationship, & be good friend & companion through life’s journey. A commitment to love, honor, & cherish each other. 10. What goals are the most difficult to compromise on with your spouse & why? - I don’t see these goals as something to compromise. They are values we’ve committed to. We are continually compromising our individual needs in favor of the other, of course. Many are the times I’ve deferred to Gina’s needs & feelings about things, & I’m certain she has done likewise. Probably more! 11. What three stresses that may challenge any marriage? - Financial issues - Child-rearing issues - Professional/job demands vs. home/family needs And there are many others! 12. Do you think teens that marry will face more problems than older couples? Why or why not? - Likely yes. Most teens have not reached the required emotional & social maturity to make a long-term relationship work. Many think that love & marriage is all wine & roses. Let me assure you it is not! Yes, there is wine & roses, but also chicken casserole. Day-to-day life has adversity, & it takes maturity to accept this & to handle it correctly. Years ago, I was making these discoveries as a young adult. My mother frequently commented “Gee Scott. Isn’t it fun being a grown-up?!” 13. Do you think people should remain a virgin until marriage? Why or why not? - I don’t take the strict, legalistic view that it is mandatory. But in waiting for marriage, we did develop a relationship based on something more durable than sexual attraction only. If you looked at the other threads, you saw where we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary yesterday, & we’ve been together even longer than that, so… 14. Why did you get married? - Because we love each other, & wanted to be life companions. Good luck on your school project! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 great survey! I hope it draws a lot of responses and that you get a good paper from it ... 1. List 3 reasons why you think marriages are successful. • a true marriage is a union crafted by God • marriage establishes a standard and a building block for society • there is a mutual understanding and agreement that you are with this person because you chose to be 2. What are the three biggest changes you've made in your life since your marriage? • putting someone else's needs before mine on a continual basis • putting my theory on the art of compromise into practice • learning to carefully think about how I say what I want to say to him 3. Have you had any doubts before your marriage? Why or why not? serious ones? No. Probably because I was older when I married for the first time, and had accomplished what I wanted to accomplish – college, working in the profession of my choice – and the future was bright. 4. What's been your most difficult part of your marriage? Why? hanging in there when I seriously was ready to give up and walk away, which totally went against what my faith and my family taught about marriage. His problems with holding down a job, his drinking problems, his total immersion into a redneck mindset scared and worried me, and I caved in to the temptation to leave. But thank God, I didn't, and things have greatly improved thanks to the Marriage Encounter weekend we attended. 5. What are your spouses and your responsibilities in your marriage? other than set duties of him cleaning out the cat's box and me tending to the laundry, to get things done, we pretty much just do them without assigning responsibilities. Financially, he covers the utilities and mortgage payments, we share grocery bills, I pay car and house insurance and my credit accounts. Making the marriage work? We both give it our all. 6. How'd you know if your spouse was the one? I had a sure feeling about him. I could picture myself committing to the long haul, taking care of him when he reached his golden years (he's 13 years older than me). There was an implicit trust between us ... 7. When you & your spouse are having problems, how do you solve them? Before Marriage Encounter, big blow-up fights were common. Post-ME, we talk things through and figure out solutions without drama ... about 97 percent of the time! 8. How'd you meet your spouse? he was a guest at the hotel I worked at. One night while I was working, I heard this howling coming from the hotel's bar, and thought, 'how the hell did a dog get in the bar?' I left the front desk (I was a hotel clerk) to run into the bar, and there he was, teaching the little fly-boys from the local NAS to howl!!! Though he doesn't remember this, I looked in to his blue eyes and blurted out, 'if you ever want to make kids, let me know' (I'm a sucker for blue eyes). 9. What are your goals & expectations in marriage? to have a long, strong marriage. To have my marriage blessed by the Church. 10. What goals are the most difficult to compromise on with your spouse & why? Sticking with a plan of when to do things. We're both guilty of splurging or doing stuff, then we squabble over money spent or visits that have to be postponed because we didn't stick to the original plan. 11. What three stresses that may challenge any marriage? finances, sex, relatives, to name a few. 12. Do you think teens that marry will face more problems than older couples? Why or why not? Yes, because they don't have the maturity needed to weather them through the rougher patches. Love is more idealistic for the younger couple because the future is ripe with only with possibilities. Older couples understand how things can change in a split-second or that reality is more than ready to smack you upside the head when you least expect it, so they're a bit better prepared. They also have a different perspective on love, because they understand how real life affects it. 13. Do you think people should remain a virgin until marriage? Why or why not? Ideally, yes, but realistically, it sometimes can be impossible when you've got strong physical attraction to someone. 14. Why did you get married? I trusted him like no other, and knew that I could love him without worrying that it would be flung back into my face. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 I was just wondering if anybody would take this survey that I'm doing for my health class. I'm supposed to use this information to write an essay about it, I've already handed out about 10 and to get more, I decided to use the internet. I appreciate it for those who decided to take it. 1. List 3 reasons why you think marriages are successful. a. good communication b. shared interests and common goals c. patience, understanding, and forgiveness on both sides 2. What are the three biggest changes you've made in your life since your marriage? a. My focus in life changed from my children and birth family to my husband b. I have become more understanding of other people and their reactions, both positive and negative. c. I've become more confident. 3. Have you had any doubts before your marriage? Why or why not? Yes, I had doubts before my marriage. We both had children from former failed marriages. We were both concerned about their interactions. The fact that we both had former failed marriage gave both of us pause. 4. What's been your most difficult part of your marriage? Why? The last two years. We had quit communicating with each other. As a result, each of us created situations that hurt the other badly. 5. What are your spouses and your responsibilites in your marriage? We share the financial burden. I work outside the home, he has 3 home based businesses. Although we share all of the others the break-out usually is as follows: I take care of most of the cooking and cleaning inside the home. He takes care of most of the upkeep of the outside (we have acreage, so that's quite extensive) and house "breakages". He takes care of the animals I take care of the gardens 6. How'd you know if your spouse was the one? We were friends first. Everything about him made sense to me. He was (for me) the most attractive man I'd ever met, and the kindest. I could talk to him about anything. He never put me down. He took care of me in a way that no one else ever had. 7. When you & your spouse are having problems, how do you solve them? Primarily, we talk. Sometimes we cry. We went to a marriage counsellor for the really bad (worst) problem. 8. How'd you meet your spouse? We met at work. 9. What are your goals & expectations in marriage? I expect that he will take care of himself, mind and body. He expects that I will take care of myself. We both expect that when we can't take care of ourself that the other will set their own concerns aside to take care of the other. Our goals are to live a pleasant life with pleasant companions. Neither of us aim for riches. 10. What goals are the most difficult to compromise on with your spouse & why? I don't think we've ever had goals that were difficult to compromise. 11. What three stresses that may challenge any marriage? children money interest of other people 12. Do you think teens that marry will face more problems than older couples? Why or why not? Yes. They aren't fully formed. They are in the midst of huge changes, and they may well not change in the same directions. They are generally more shallow with less focus. 13. Do you think people should remain a virgin until marriage? Why or why not? I'm very mixed on this. For the most part, I think no. 14. Why did you get married? Largely due to societal pressures. We lived together for a number of years prior to marriage, but I was treated poorly by society. My husband didn't like to see the pain that created for me, so felt we should marry. Link to post Share on other sites
milvushina Posted May 5, 2006 Share Posted May 5, 2006 1. 3 reasons why marriages are successful: -Because both people agree on core values (how to raise children, how to argue, what is important in life) -Because the couple works well together (coordinates housework, bills, and so on) -Because they bond. That means having sex, being affectionate, and being communicative, trying not to harbor resentment. 2. 3 biggest changes: -Having to consider someone else's feelings, I've become less selfish -More cautious about spending money or doing anything illegal because my actions affect someone else -I'm cleaner, neater. Not as in better hygiene but as in I do more housework. 3. Doubts: -My only doubts about marriage were, what if things change? I was very happy living together and hesitant to change a good thing. 4. Most difficult part: -Reconciling the way we spend money. He tends to blow it all, I like to save. It's an ongoing project. We keep separate accounts and put up with each other. 5. My & my spouse's responsibilities: -He does the manly stuff like take out the trash and mow. I do dishes and bathroom b/c he hates those chores. Other than that who notices it needs to be done, does it. 6. How I knew he was the one: -I don't think there is "the one" out there. I think that if you find someone compatible, then you can work on a relationship together and over time if you are both dedicated then you become "the one" for each other because you chose to do so. 7. How we solve problems: -You just have to talk about what bothers you, and if you are the other person then you have to listen and put yourself in their position. You can't belittle the other person or ignore their feelings, even if they are irrational. 8. How we met: -Work 9. Goals & expectations: -Goals: 1)to make enough money to have a family and be comfortable 2) To use teamwork to do things we couldn't do otherwise (like go to college) -Expectations: Friendship, intimacy, a fuller life than we would each have without the other 10. What goals are the most difficult to compromise on? -Neither of us has really compromised any goals. We try to support each other. I think making sure you have similar goals before you get married helps. 11. Three stressors (challenges): -Money -children -other obligations that are very important like work 12. Teens that marry: -Are still trying to figure out what they want in life. It takes hard times, on your own, and responsibility, to learn what kind of person would be good for you, and to learn to be selfless and mature enough that you would be a good partner. Older people usually have a better idea of what they want. 13. Do you think people should remain a virgin? -No, mostly because if you've only had one lover, how could the curiosity possibly not kill you? 14. Why did you get married? -Because I love my husband, and he is the only person I could see myself having a family with. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted May 10, 2006 Share Posted May 10, 2006 Married just over a year, lived together for 5 been an item for 6. 1. List 3 reasons why you think marriages are successful. -Commitment -Communication -Cooperation/Compromise -Chemistry (OK the 4 C's) 2. What are the three biggest changes you've made in your life since your marriage? - I have to consider someone else's feelings and needs with almost every action and word. - My relationships with family and others have all changed. My spouse is now my first priority and closest family. - Just generally more responsible. 3. Have you had any doubts before your marriage? Why or why not? - Sure I think that's normal. There was some friction between my wife and some family members and a couple of my freinds. I realized that I still wanted to marry her though. Rodney King said it all "Why can't we all just get along?". Well, people just can't. Plus my wife was switching jobs really often, that has changed some over time. 4. What's been your most difficult part of your marriage? Why? - Still the friction between my wife and some family members. Nothing I can really do about it and I knew when I got into it. In-laws seem to often be a point of contention. 5. What are your spouses and your responsibilites in your marriage? Me - Work, financials, car stuff, computer stuff, share the cleaning, cook sometimes. Wife - Work, share the cleaning, cook more often, 6. How'd you know if your spouse was the one? -Hard to say...leap of faith? 7. When you & your spouse are having problems, how do you solve them? -We try to talk it out as reasonably as possible. We both avoid nasty name calling and such even if we're really angry and loud. 8. How'd you meet your spouse? - Freind of a freind 9. What are your goals & expectations in marriage? - Staying happily married is a lofty enough goal, raising a family another. 10. What goals are the most difficult to compromise on with your spouse & why? - hmmm... not sure yet 11. What three stresses that may challenge any marriage? -Sex -Money -Childrearing 12. Do you think teens that marry will face more problems than older couples? Why or why not? -Mostly yes. Experience and direction. People change a lot between 16 and 30. I think every individual needs to make some mistakes and have some fun without answering to anyone for a while to get to know what they really want. 13. Do you think people should remain a virgin until marriage? Why or why not? - No, a little experience helps you grow and keep you from wondering about others later. I also think it's good to know if your potential spouse and you have chemistry. On the other hand sexual promiscuity is a really bad idea physically and emotionally. 14. Why did you get married? - I loved my wife and was ready to spend my life with her and have children. Link to post Share on other sites
Rob In NC Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 Well, I'm not married but I will pretend to be. I'll play role reversal with my married friends and other married couples. 1. List 3 reasons why you think marriages are successful. 1) I don't want to deal with the courts. 2) I stay together for the sake of the kids. 3) I don't want to end up broke. Also the prozac makes it a little more tolerable. 2. What are the three biggest changes you've made in your life since your marriage? 1) I stay at home more. 2) I can't have friends of the opposite sex. 3) I basically have become a prisoner. 3. Have you had any doubts before your marriage? Why or why not? Yes. But I did it anyway because society expects me to. I am also afraid of being alone. I agreed to marriage after a night of romance. We were watching "Gone With the Wind" and got caught up in the moment. Boy was I delusional. 4. What's been your most difficult part of your marriage? Why? She is a nag. I can't do anything without checking in with her first. I am on lock down. I can't believe I'm stuck with the same person for the rest of my life. Uggggggggghhhhh!!!! 5. What are your spouses and your responsibilites in your marriage? Besides work, I am the handyman in the home. She is always making me do stuff like cut the grass and fix the sink. If I don't, she'll nag me to death. 6. How'd you know if your spouse was the one? I listened to family and friends opinions. I also convinced myself she was the one because the thought of being lonely scares me. It also helped me forget about my ex-girlfriend. However, I have to admit that I sometimes think I should have been with her instead of my current spouse. I then quickly do a crossword puzzle to get my mind of my fatal mistake. 7. When you & your spouse are having problems, how do you solve them? I basically just watch myself age. After I am loaded down with stress, I just say to hell with it and let her have her way. 8. How'd you meet your spouse? Work. 9. What are your goals & expectations in marriage? To get laid anytime I want, but that's a goal that will fall very short. 10. What goals are the most difficult to compromise on with your spouse & why? The goal of having sex anytime I want. If I don't listen to her every demand, she'll cut me off. 11. What three stresses that may challenge any marriage? 1) The nagging 2) Her compulsive spending 3) The stresses of losing my freedom 12. Do you think teens that marry will face more problems than older couples? Why or why not? Of course. They are broke and inexperienced. 13. Do you think people should remain a virgin until marriage? Why or why not? If the world was a perfect place, yes. But the world is so far from that. So people shouldn't get married. 14. Why did you get married? Because I was delusional. I was afraid to be alone. All my friends did it so I thought I should too. Plus it helped me quit thinking about my ex-girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
sudan588 Posted May 11, 2006 Share Posted May 11, 2006 1. List 3 reasons why you think marriages are successful. Healthy communication, Respect, fun together (and apart sometimes) 2. What are the three biggest changes you've made in your life since your marriage? I don't go out quite as often as I used to, I am more secure in myself, I have something to look forward to every day. 3. Have you had any doubts before your marriage? Why or why not? Yes, my husband is a social creature and I worried that he may have more time for friends than for his family. 4. What's been your most difficult part of your marriage? Why? See answer above; he does indeed spend a lot of time with his friends, BUT we have mutual friends now and all spend time together. It took a while for me to accept that it is okay for his friends to be important too......now they (including my friends) are an important part of our relationship! We don't spend quite as much time alone together as I'd like, but we're working on that. 5. What are your spouses and your responsibilites in your marriage? Right now, he is the only one working, as I am a student. So, I take responsibility for most of the household chores and he is the "breadwinner." However, he often surprises me with washing the dishes or doing the laundry, etc. He also tells me how appreciative he is of all I do in our home; and I tell him how much I appreciate his going to work every day. 6. How'd you know if your spouse was the one? Well, I had a 3 year-old little girl when I met my husband. He came to her 4th birthday party and gave her a card signed "your friend, Dan" I thought it was so sweet! He now treats her like she is HIS little girl! 7. When you & your spouse are having problems, how do you solve them? I can't lie and say that I never use the silent treatment, cause sometimes I am just not ready for confrontation. After things cool off, I either get over it (if its something small) or I suggest to him that we need to talk; at which point, I explain what it is thats bothering me. I always try to avoid blaming him, and simply tell him how his actions made me feel. 8. How'd you meet your spouse? I sang in a band called DeVine Earth, and he was friends with the band. We saw each other at practice each week, and he finally asked me to join him on a walk around the lake. Awwwww...memories! 9. What are your goals & expectations in marriage? We have 2 lovely little girls! My goals (and his) are to raise these little angels to the best of our ability, and have fun doing it! We would also like to be able to retire comfortably, and then travel together. 10. What goals are the most difficult to compromise on with your spouse & why? Honestly, I can't think of any goals we've had difficulty compromising on. We discuss our goals and try to find ways to reach them that work for both of us. This has not been an issue for us thus far. 11. What three stresses that may challenge any marriage? Not communicating, finances, jealousy 12. Do you think teens that marry will face more problems than older couples? Why or why not? Yes, I married my first husband when I was 19 years old. It was the worst decision of my life! I did it for all the wrong reasons, but was not mature enough to see that. The only good thing that came from that marriage was my little girl! Thank God I matured quickly enough to be a good mom for her! I grew up a lot faster than I should have had to though. 13. Do you think people should remain a virgin until marriage? Why or why not? Wow, This is a tough one for me because my answer makes me a hypocrite! I did not remain a virgin until I married. However; I think that people should not have sex until they marry. Why? Because making love is something sacred, something that should be shared with the one person you will spend the rest of your life with. I do not judge people, however, for losing their virginity before marriage. How could I? 14. Why did you get married? The first time I got married, I was young, stupid, and pregnant! The marriage I am in now; I married Dan because he is a loving person who I knew I would enjoy life with! He is fun to be around, respects me, shows his love for me, etc etc etc. This time I got married for all the right reasons! Link to post Share on other sites
glittergurl Posted May 12, 2006 Share Posted May 12, 2006 Ok, I hope I did this right. Some questions weren't 100% clear and could be interpreted in different ways. 1. List 3 reasons why you think marriages are successful. - love - commitment - patience 2. What are the three biggest changes you've made in your life since your marriage? - moved to another country for him lol - moved away from my parents (obviously) - started cooking, washing clothes, keeping up our own place; whereas before, my mom did all that stuff for me :-p 3. Have you had any doubts before your marriage? Why or why not? Nope, none. It felt like a zero risk type of thing, because we knew each other so well by that point; there was simply no doubt. 4. What's been your most difficult part of your marriage? Why? Getting over my past, and his past. Ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends have got to go once you're in a serious relationship. 5. What are your spouses and your responsibilites in your marriage? Making money :-p Both. 6. How'd you know if your spouse was the one? Because we got along so well, and could spend so much time together without ever getting bored. No matter the argument or problem, he's the first person I was ever able to solve them all with. Little things that would have turned into a major problem with ex-boyfriends, never took bad proportions with him. And still don't. 7. When you & your spouse are having problems, how do you solve them? I cry LOL And then we talk it all out; usually takes about 2 hours or so. Then a big hug, and the next day feels like a brand new start. 8. How'd you meet your spouse? First over the internet (but it was very casual); he had already booked his ticket to visit my city before I met him online. And his trip to my area was basically the reason why we started chatting. He was supposed to get there a couple of weeks later, so I naturally offered to show him around. And so we met in real life, and that's where it all started! 9. What are your goals & expectations in marriage? Sometimes we're so cought up with work that I feel we're losing the connection between us (if that makes sense). So, I really try to work on that right now; I want us to be as close and connected as possible. And I also want to have a baby. Definitely a must have in a marriage lol 10. What goals are the most difficult to compromise on with your spouse & why? Hmm, I can't think of any. We usually discuss every big decision, and listen to each other's opinions before we settle on anything. 11. What three stresses that may challenge any marriage? - Jealousy - Insecurity - FAMILY 12. Do you think teens that marry will face more problems than older couples? Why or why not? In general, yes. There are always exceptions, of course, but they usually lack the maturity it takes it make it last (such as the way of dealing with problems, disagreements, etc). They also usually lack financial security, which can cause a lot of stress and arguments. 13. Do you think people should remain a virgin until marriage? Why or why not? Not necessarily. My husband was my first, but we definitely didn't wait until marriage. He just happened to be my first, and also the one I married. I think there are good and bad sides to both. For those who wait until marriage, it definitely brings that extra bound; the feeling that you have given yourself to the one and only, and that you have shared something very special. And for those who don't wait: they do have some more experience, usually know how to please each other better, and also have a little more maturity in the way they handle a relationship. There's no right or wrong with marriage and relationships; it really all depends on the people. 14. Why did you get married? Because it was getting obvious that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. Some people don't understand the strong feeling of commitment a wedding can bring; but it's like saying to the entire world: "this is my husband/wife". So yeah, commitment was definitely our number one reason. I also wanted to have children, and didn't want them out of wedlock. Link to post Share on other sites
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