NoDrama Posted October 9, 2001 Share Posted October 9, 2001 What are the rules for opposite sex friendships when one is in a serious relationship? What are the boundaries? what about being alone together for lunch , dinner, movies etc? How much time together is too much? Or just on the phone? Even if the friendship is completely platonic what is appropriate? Link to post Share on other sites
Peaches Posted October 9, 2001 Share Posted October 9, 2001 It really depends. In my case, my boyfriend is very possessive. He doesn't think I should hang out with my guy friends alone. One is in the army, and he came home for a few weeks this past summer. I went to dinner with him, totally innocent...and my boyfriend didn't like it. I feel the same way most of the time too. I don't want him going to the bar with this one chick that used to be his neighbor...I just don't trust her. So, if you are in a relationship, maybe you should ask your girlfriend/boyfriend what they think. That way, no one gets angry. Peaches What are the rules for opposite sex friendships when one is in a serious relationship? What are the boundaries? what about being alone together for lunch , dinner, movies etc? How much time together is too much? Or just on the phone? Even if the friendship is completely platonic what is appropriate? Link to post Share on other sites
NoDrama Posted October 9, 2001 Share Posted October 9, 2001 My signifcant other has a co-worker who has become a very close friend. They talk on phone almost daily, sometimes for hours if I am not around. They do lunch together and sometimes dinner after work. They go to ballgames with friends or co-workers. My partner is not completly honest with me about how much time they spend together because I would probabaly get upset (I'm a pouter not a yeller). My partner has never cheated in their life, and says I should not be jealous because the friend is unattractive. The friend has also been a great help in my partners career, so there is a built in excuse for hanging around together. I really need to know what is the right thing to do in this situation. It really depends. In my case, my boyfriend is very possessive. He doesn't think I should hang out with my guy friends alone. One is in the army, and he came home for a few weeks this past summer. I went to dinner with him, totally innocent...and my boyfriend didn't like it. I feel the same way most of the time too. I don't want him going to the bar with this one chick that used to be his neighbor...I just don't trust her. So, if you are in a relationship, maybe you should ask your girlfriend/boyfriend what they think. That way, no one gets angry. Peaches Link to post Share on other sites
Violet Posted October 9, 2001 Share Posted October 9, 2001 One on one lunch or coffee is fine. One on one dinner might be shady, depending on the circumstances. Movies or anything involving alcohol is out of the question unless you're with a group of friends. The main thing is that the friends and the significant other are aware of your involvement with the other. What are the rules for opposite sex friendships when one is in a serious relationship? What are the boundaries? what about being alone together for lunch , dinner, movies etc? How much time together is too much? Or just on the phone? Even if the friendship is completely platonic what is appropriate? Link to post Share on other sites
NoDrama Posted October 9, 2001 Share Posted October 9, 2001 The friend is very aware of me. My parnter uses the friend as a confidant for problems in our relationship. One on one lunch or coffee is fine. One on one dinner might be shady, depending on the circumstances. Movies or anything involving alcohol is out of the question unless you're with a group of friends. The main thing is that the friends and the significant other are aware of your involvement with the other. Link to post Share on other sites
NoDrama Posted October 9, 2001 Share Posted October 9, 2001 Oh, and they do dinner a lot. I always wonered what the friends spouse thought of the whole situation. what with them going out to dinner and ballgames and talking on the phone for long periods of time on evenings and weekends. I don't have any details, but I just found out that they have separated in recent days. The friend is very aware of me. My parnter uses the friend as a confidant for problems in our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted October 9, 2001 Share Posted October 9, 2001 The boundaries are different among different couples. It would be advisable for the committed couple to discuss the matter and find out what each others expectations are. Then try to find an acceptable set of ground rules to go by. Some things I would consider: I think, in general, a friend should not be exclusive. In other words, a friendship should be fostered between both parties in the committed relationship. Repeated, lengthy telephone conversations when the significant other is present can be annoying because it is an exclusive conversation. But, of course, anything that repeatedly excludes someone in your presence is annoying to the one being excluded. Physical contact should be limited to greetings and farewells. Obviously, you must spend more time with your significant other than with a friend. Most meetings should be in public places, in a generally non-romantic setting. Meetings in private places should be brief and infrequent. There are many other things to consider. Maybe these ideas will get you started. Link to post Share on other sites
NoDrama Posted October 9, 2001 Share Posted October 9, 2001 My parter believes that if theres no sex, pretty much any situation is ok, and that I am being controlling and overly jealous. I totally dissagree. I think if it looks bad, it is bad. The boundaries are different among different couples. It would be advisable for the committed couple to discuss the matter and find out what each others expectations are. Then try to find an acceptable set of ground rules to go by. Some things I would consider: I think, in general, a friend should not be exclusive. In other words, a friendship should be fostered between both parties in the committed relationship. Repeated, lengthy telephone conversations when the significant other is present can be annoying because it is an exclusive conversation. But, of course, anything that repeatedly excludes someone in your presence is annoying to the one being excluded. Physical contact should be limited to greetings and farewells. Obviously, you must spend more time with your significant other than with a friend. Most meetings should be in public places, in a generally non-romantic setting. Meetings in private places should be brief and infrequent. There are many other things to consider. Maybe these ideas will get you started. Link to post Share on other sites
BeenThere Posted October 10, 2001 Share Posted October 10, 2001 There are no exact *rules*...only the expectations of the individuals involved. This is a question only your partner can answer for you. If there is something about your friendship that he/she is uncomfortable with then sit down and talk about it...but be objective...NOT defensive. Try to see things from his/her point of view and not just your own. Try, for a moment, to put yourself in their place. Turn the situation around and try to imagine how you would react---What your partner might say to you to make the situation more tolerable. See if you can reach a compromise. Try to hold onto your friendship, but ONLY if it does not sacrifice your relationship. Figure out what your priorities are and which is the most valuable to you...the friendship or the relationship...and make your decisions from their. Communicate, communicate, communicate! What are the rules for opposite sex friendships when one is in a serious relationship? What are the boundaries? what about being alone together for lunch , dinner, movies etc? How much time together is too much? Or just on the phone? Even if the friendship is completely platonic what is appropriate? Link to post Share on other sites
NoDrama Posted October 10, 2001 Share Posted October 10, 2001 Is there anyone else out there that has been in the same situation? If so, I would like to know how you handled it. I would like to get as many perspectives as possible. There are no exact *rules*...only the expectations of the individuals involved. This is a question only your partner can answer for you. If there is something about your friendship that he/she is uncomfortable with then sit down and talk about it...but be objective...NOT defensive. Try to see things from his/her point of view and not just your own. Try, for a moment, to put yourself in their place. Turn the situation around and try to imagine how you would react---What your partner might say to you to make the situation more tolerable. See if you can reach a compromise. Try to hold onto your friendship, but ONLY if it does not sacrifice your relationship. Figure out what your priorities are and which is the most valuable to you...the friendship or the relationship...and make your decisions from their. Communicate, communicate, communicate! Link to post Share on other sites
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