Absolutely Amazing

[Touche]

Another BRILLIANT post Alexandra. VERY well stated as usual. You're SO right. Some people will see and understand what you're saying and others won't. That's ok though. I understand and you expressed very well what I was trying to get across.

 

Oh and Tink. The comments you quoted on here were posted AFTER insults were hurled by certain poster. Please don't take things out of context and make it suit your particular view. It just doesn't fly. This poster has also written very nasty PMs that you are not aware of. But he has been put on IGNORE. I don't know why you're all still talking about it's your option. Haven't any of you noticed that since he's been put on ignore there have been NO incidents of insult hurling. He lost his favorite targets. Problem solved. So I think it's time to let this go.

 

Yes, some people have STRONG opinions and don't follow the pack. You have to learn to respect those opinions, even if you don't agree with them. That's what makes it interesting on here.

[tinktronik]

Another BRILLIANT post Alexandra. VERY well stated as usual. You're SO right. Some people will see and understand what you're saying and others won't. That's ok though. I understand and you expressed very well what I was trying to get across.

 

Oh and Tink. The comments you quoted on here were posted AFTER insults were hurled by certain poster. Please don't take things out of context and make it suit your particular view. It just doesn't fly. A poster has also written very nasty PMs that you are aware of. But he has been put on IGNORE. I don't know why you're all still talking about it's your option. Haven't any of you noticed that since he's been put on ignore there have been NO incidents of insult hurling. He lost his favorite targets. Problem solved. So I think it's time to let this go.

 

Yes, some people have STRONG opinions and don't follow the pack. You have to learn to respect those opinions, even if you don't agree with them. That's what makes it interesting on here.

1) this is a justification of your own Bad behavior.

2)Thats right a poster has sent around nasty pm's.

3)I don't ever tell anyone there opinion is wrong, sometimes facts they include are incorrect, and I will give them the correct facts , but I've never told anyone that their opinion was wrong or valueless because of their age or job status.

[Touche]

1) this is a justification of your own Bad behavior.

2)Thats right a poster has sent around nasty pm's.

3)I don't ever tell anyone there opinion is wrong, sometimes facts they include are wrong and I will give them the correct facts , but I've never told anyone that their opinion was wrong.

 

1. Sorry but I don't agree that my "behavior" is bad. I think my behavior is fine. I think some people don't like my views. Too bad. Deal. Your behavior right now is a little questionable though. I will not indulge you in this stupid argument anymore. Go back like I said and LOOK at how the arguments and mud slinging ENDED when the poster in question was put on IGNORE. So why are you still talking about it?

 

2. Yes, a poster has sent nasty pm's AND has attacked even after I agreed with them. Everyone saw it. No need to make stuff up like he did.

 

3. Good for you. Didn't realize you are the person we have to model ourselves all after. If I don't agree with someone's opinion, I'll SAY so. It's called having a DISCUSSION. And for me, THIS one is over.

[tinktronik]

 

1. Sorry but I don't agree that my "behavior" is bad. I think my behavior is fine. I think some people don't like my views. Too bad. Deal. Your behavior right now is a little questionable though. I will not indulge you in this stupid argument anymore. Go back like I said and LOOK at how the arguments and mud slinging ENDED when the poster in question was put on IGNORE. So why are you still talking about it?

 

 

2. Yes, a poster has sent nasty pm's AND has attacked even after I agreed with them. Everyone saw it. No need to make stuff up.

 

 

 

3. Good for you. Didn't realize you are the person we have to model ourselves all after. If I don't agree with someone's opinion, I'll SAY so. It's called having a DISCUSSION.

 

 

1)I never said that it was you or anyone else "naming names" that was making attacking posts , just b/c one adult does it dosen't make it right for multiple adults to purpotrate (sp?) personal attacks .I'm discussing it on the appropriate thread topic and IMO staying within guidlines in doing so ,I've stayed on topic and not attacked anyone.Is there a reason you are taking this as aimed at you and insisting that it should just go away?

 

 

 

2)Yes , I did agree with you about nasty pm's being cirrculated around.

 

 

3) I didn't claim to be perfect or that anyone should model after me , in fact I opened in this thread by stating that I too should reread the guidlines. I didn't say anything about having a disscussion or dissagreeing with someone's opinion, I brought up personal attacks and the problems they cause within our online community, that I have noticed them lately and apparently others have too.

[Walk]

Highly ironic that the two of you would have a "discussion" like this on this particular thread. And seemingly hi-jacking it. (Just an observation)

 

***This is an observation in communication skills*****

 

Interesting... although I'm a little lost on what some references are to, I did get the general sense that Trink's post regarding "smoochie ass.. etc." was to give specific examples to Alexandra's post.

 

But then Touche took this as a direct attack on her. (Whether it was meant to be or not, I don't know) and attacked back. I think they would call this defensive communication. In which the person feels evaluated by the statement Trink made, and feels she must save face.

 

Instead of Trink realizing this, or maybe she's ignoring this, she now feels her statements have been criticized and devalued. She in turn must save face, and increases the need to be heard, so she states it stronger.

 

Again, leading Touche to feel more attacked, judged more critically and withdrawing from the conversation. (when she said end it.)

 

Trink begins her last post with an attempt to clarify she wasn't judging a specific person. (whether this is true or not, isn't the point.) Attempting to deflect ill-will. She then validated Touche by agreeing with her. And finally attempt a connection by admitting her faults and re-establishing the original intent for the thread.

 

I've been learning alot about how to communicate more effectively by analyzing some of the threads on here. Especially the ones where two posters are in "heated" debate regarding something. Pinpoint the exact area where communication completely broke down. What tools were used to bring communication back, or how it was accomplished. Or if it was accomplished. And also how emotions control the outcome of a discussion. Ability to agree to disagree, or having it turn into a battle of hateful words.

 

Just an observation... I don't mean to pick on Trink or Touche. Just that this thread is regarding this topic, and these two have given a fairly good example of how one post can lead to hurt feelings, anger, and heated words. And no amount of smileys would've stopped that.

[Touche]

Walk that was interesting and I took no offense at all. You made me look at things in a little different light and think about some things.

 

It's interesting because I've noticed this in real life too. And we can learn from this. Some people REALLY can bring out the worst in us. We can ALL relate to this I think.

 

I'll use an ex as an example. That man brought out the VERY worst traits in me. To the point where I didn't even recognize who I was anymore! Those are called TOXIC people. They are people we should stay away from. There are people on these boards, just like in real life, who will just bring out the worst in us. And we ALL have an ugly side. The key is to just stay away from people who bring this side out in us. They're not good for us.

 

And then there are those that bring out the BEST in us. They make us think. They challenge us in a respectful way. They make us laugh. They make us look at ourselves in an honest way. They don't have an agenda. They're not jealous or petty. THOSE are the people I choose to be with in real life. All others I avoid like the plague. And I manage to avoid them rather succesfully, I might add. My life is full of only the people I let in.

 

The problem on the boards is that you can't run away and hide from certain people. They're almost like stalkers. They want to tear you down or at least try (because they never really succeed at it.) Once again the IGNORE button is my best friend on here now.

[PandorasBox]

I haven't been here long as far as being a memeber but have lurked here awhile. and I have seen this alot. The thing that gets me is the name calling and saying hurtful things to others. This is JMO on the matter, not saying I'm right or wrong.

 

I think the people that call names in most of their posts/replys, and are harsh stems from. (btw I have only seen like 2-3 people do this, and its always the same ones)

 

The need to feel superior, they put others down to make themselves feel better.

 

They have to have the last word in no matter how hurtful, which might come from the fact they feel they need to have some kind of control/attention.

 

They appear to me to try really hard to explain themselves for why they say/act the way they do they explain it in a ("I'm a badass person, you can't get nothing over on me, I'm right you're wrong kind of attitude), which says they are looking either for justification in why they say/do things, or they once again want that attention. Maybe both.

 

These things are just how I see them, not saying its the way it is. I think its possible these people act this way either do to a bad childhood or a bad relationship they are in or have been in. Perhaps, they feel they have no control over anything in thier lives so they have to at least feel they have control here. They are so busy yapping to others, calling them names and saying harsh things, when infact if they unassed the computer, and went and tried to get some help then maybe they wouldn't

feel the need to act the way they do.

 

I think the ignore button is an option. And yes its used for people who don't want to see the crap others writes if it mean etc. The only thing is while these certain people are on ignore it doesn't solve the fact these people who might have been put on ignore still act and say the same things.I'm surprised the mods have let them continue to act and say these things.

[Touche]

You'll find that that's not quite true. When they're ignored and you don't feed into their crap, they start acting a little better. It's true. They like nothing more than for people to respond. I've seen it already on these boards. I'm no longer "rewarding" those kinds of people with my attention.

[erika2610]

On sexual matters. (I presume "flirt" is meant not "sexual" though)

 

I haven't noticed it. Where is it? Unless you mean the ones on the Water Cooler, the who would you marry thread, the other joking threads with compliments, flirting and pics. Case in which both you and I have been there, done that. I for one was under the impression that particular subsection was for light banter, even more, if one looks at the posts the posters that were involved in some of the flirting matches made over the same period one would notice they've given valid serious on topic advice meanwhile as well.

 

Hence that subsection served like the kitchen or the balcony at a place of work where people would gather for a cigarette. Same goes for other threads that at some point go off topic and into banter. Another minor point to go with that, look carefully at the threads that go OT. They almost ALWAYS have the same people that joke having posted their opinion and something meaningful before.

 

If not then maybe it's the many bigboy "Ladies, please tell me" threads. How those signify anything though it's beyond me.

 

On personal attacks.

 

Those are indeed nasty when they appear but let me tell you, as compared to other forums as well as judging by the traffic this forum gets they are amazingly few.

 

However what's the appropriate definition of that? To me for example they're only name calling or insulting comments about poster's particulars that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. To others having someone say "Well in my opinion you're blind to the truth" is a terrible insult. To some even disagreeing is a personal attack, especially on here where so much disagreement appears. So how do we separate them?

 

As for what's inappropriate or too strong of an opinion I don't see how anyone would expect to either like everything written or have a forum dealing with emotions be any less passionate.

 

Every medium or big forum hits its periodical quota of "I hate what this place has become" threads. When all is said and done, a board like this one where only common sense is an active moderator is an expression of what its participants want it to be.

 

I personally think LoveShack does a great job at existing as a free speech and opinion discussion board and if the price is a few attacks or excessive flirting it's well worth it. And yeah, there's the Ignore option too, so let's not waste negative or postive energy on this.

 

*She says after having typed for 15 minutes:D*

 

 

About the attacks.. the problem isn't that there are only a few. I've seen quite a lot of them hurled around here lately, and especially at certain posters. It's just not right. People who have been here for years are now just leaving because they're fed up.

[Walk]

I wonder if the people who fire back angry responses do so in real life? Like one on one interactions with people, or even emails to co-workers, friends?

 

Also, although I agree with Touche on the fact that some people are toxic, I've also learned that many people react based on fear, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings. There are numerous posters on LS that I originally felt very strong dislike for... but after attempting to honestly understand their views or opinions by asking questions out of curiousity (no hidden agenda), I've learned that there are either similiarities I do share, or that there are reasons behind their harsh out break.

 

Take for instance... hmm.. I don't want to name names. There's a poster on here that has a tendency to elicit the very worst in nearly all posters. Opinionated, quick to judge, very vocal about his/her thoughts (usually negative)... Yet I believe it stems from a couple of things. One, a need to be heard and validated. Two, a feeling of not being accepted. The first leads to stronger stated views that become more taunting, more response driven. The second creates a desire to reject other posters first, or push them away, so that they can't reject him/her for their thoughts or views.

 

Same as every day life... I really do believe there are a lot of good people out there, but they've learned to deal with life very poorly. Which leads to greater misunderstandings and hurt feelings in everyone. The rest of humanity though is just evil, cold-hearted SOB's who need to have public flogging's performed on them.

 

Cliff notes: Our ego's get in the way of understanding each other.

[Alexandra]

Take for instance... hmm.. I don't want to name names.

 

But noooo! C'mon name names! Name names please? *Bats eyelashes*

 

Oh and OT are you ever checking your Rant thread again?

[erika2610]

I wonder if the people who fire back angry responses do so in real life? Like one on one interactions with people, or even emails to co-workers, friends?

 

Also, although I agree with Touche on the fact that some people are toxic, I've also learned that many people react based on fear, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings. There are numerous posters on LS that I originally felt very strong dislike for... but after attempting to honestly understand their views or opinions by asking questions out of curiousity (no hidden agenda), I've learned that there are either similiarities I do share, or that there are reasons behind their harsh out break.

 

Take for instance... hmm.. I don't want to name names. There's a poster on here that has a tendency to elicit the very worst in nearly all posters. Opinionated, quick to judge, very vocal about his/her thoughts (usually negative)... Yet I believe it stems from a couple of things. One, a need to be heard and validated. Two, a feeling of not being accepted. The first leads to stronger stated views that become more taunting, more response driven. The second creates a desire to reject other posters first, or push them away, so that they can't reject him/her for their thoughts or views.

 

Same as every day life... I really do believe there are a lot of good people out there, but they've learned to deal with life very poorly. Which leads to greater misunderstandings and hurt feelings in everyone. The rest of humanity though is just evil, cold-hearted SOB's who need to have public flogging's performed on them.

 

Cliff notes: Our ego's get in the way of understanding each other.

 

That's the thing though. Some people just fire back responses or PM's, and don't realize that they just be be hurting somebody in the process. They just don't care. It's much easier here because of the anonimity, so no, I don't think they'd do it in real life..

[Touche]

If someone is insulting and rude to me in real life, I react the SAME way I do on here. I don't tolerate it and yes, I strike back until I've had enough and remove that person from my radar screen.

 

Some of you may know that I was a doormat for many, many years. Well I'm NO ONE'S punching bag anymore. (I'm a goddess now!

 

So for me, the anonimity of a forum is NOT a factor. I'm the SAME way in real life. For others it may be different though...just speaking for myself now.

[Alexandra]

*Stands up* "Hello, I'm Alexandra and I'm a stalker magnet."

 

I'm dreadful at the annonimity stuff to such extent that last week I spent a great deal of time and effort convincing one of my online patients that he needs NOT build a new fake profile to see if his wife would respond to it on some dating sites mainly because, aside from the untherapeutical and morally bankrupt practice aspects of it, he was asking for me to help him build an "online persona". Me. He was asking.

[erika2610]

If someone is insulting and rude to me in real life, I react the SAME way I do on here. I don't tolerate it and yes, I strike back until I've had enough and remove that person from my radar screen.

 

Some of you may know that I was a doormat for many, many years. Well I'm NO ONE'S punching bag anymore. (I'm a goddess now!

 

So for me, the anonimity of a forum is NOT a factor. I'm the SAME way in real life. For others it may be different though...just speaking for myself now.

 

But the problem is when person 1 attacks person 2, and person 2 hasn't even done anything to person 1. The problem is when people just go attacking and judging people for no reason, without even thinking who they could be hurting in the process.

[Touche]

But the problem is when person 1 attacks person 2, and person 2 hasn't even done anything to person 1. The problem is when people just go attacking and judging people for no reason, without even thinking who they could be hurting in the process.

 

Damn, I COULDN'T agree with you more.

 

Little hint for ya, I've been person 2. Hope you understand that.

 

And you know, sometimes there IS a reason for judging and attacking by person 2. I certainly would never advise someone to just take it. I'd advise them to ignore it though first.

[erika2610]

Damn, I COULDN'T agree with you more.

 

Little hint for ya, I've been person 2. Hope you understand that.

 

And you know, sometimes there IS a reason for judging and attacking by person 2. I certainly would never advise someone to just take it. I'd advise them to ignore it though first.

 

I'm not going to detract from the purpose of this thread by making this personal hun. I will just say that I've never attacked somebody based on their job & education. I think that's just wrong. Unless you know somebody's story..for example, things they've been through.. a poster should NOT personally attack another. Or does it just make people feel better to put others down and call them names?

[erika2610]

Damn, I COULDN'T agree with you more.

 

Little hint for ya, I've been person 2. Hope you understand that.

 

And you know, sometimes there IS a reason for judging and attacking by person 2. I certainly would never advise someone to just take it. I'd advise them to ignore it though first.

 

I've also been reading your posts in the 'judging' thread. Why do that? That's one of the things that causes problems.. and you know you're doing it. nobody here.. especially myself, are the 'poster police'. We just think it's shame that threads turn totally off topic. Also your thing on judging, I dunno where that came from. I never judged you. I can't say the same for what you've been doing though.

 

Sorry, I'm done with this topic I hate making threads personal.

[Alexandra]

I've also been reading your posts in the 'judging' thread. Why do that? That's one of the things that causes problems.. and you know you're doing it. nobody here.. especially myself, are the 'poster police'. We just think it's shame that threads turn totally off topic. Also your thing on judging, I dunno where that came from. I never judged you. I can't say the same for what you've been doing though.

 

Sorry, I'm done with this topic I hate making threads personal.

 

Erika2610 the other thread is open to anyone as well, please feel free to say what you think on there.

 

Now another point, I personally do not believe -although I sometimed am wrong- that Touche was referring to you as "the poster police".

 

As for her judging she openly admitted she's all for that. So am I, you read. I had very little response from people who like the middle or even silent ground so I'm sincerily interested since you seem to say you're of the mind that judging is a bad idea. How so, why? Why do you -or anyone- have such a deep seated conviction that refraining from passing any judgement is possible and/or desirable?

 

And how does one not make threads personal? Especially on here? It's attacks that are probably undesirable to us all NOT differences of opinions, right?

 

Now back to the topic, what's wrong with Off Topic threads? Again, I said this before, read the ones where there is a serious situation involved, you'll be surprised how On Topic they are.

[Touche]

I'm not going to detract from the purpose of this thread by making this personal hun. I will just say that I've never attacked somebody based on their job & education. I think that's just wrong. Unless you know somebody's story..for example, things they've been through.. a poster should NOT personally attack another. Or does it just make people feel better to put others down and call them names?

 

Sorry that happened to you. And you know what? I've never attacked someone for the fact that I think they don't give sound advice. I don't seek people out and PM them to tell them that. I mean afterall, I don't know their experiences...maybe they really know what they're talking about! No, I don't stalk people with PMs. That's the cowards way out. I have nothing to hide. Nor have I ever attacked someone by telling them what they should say and not say in these posts.

 

Go look up the definition of "being attacked." Have I judged? Yes! Have I attacked? NO!

 

I suggest all the cowards on LS stop using PM's to state their positions. If your positions were so legitimate, you'd want everyone to see them, no? So why hide behind a PM?

 

I guess, I just don't get that.

[tinktronik]

I'm not going to detract from the purpose of this thread by making this personal hun. I will just say that I've never attacked somebody based on their job & education. I think that's just wrong. Unless you know somebody's story..for example, things they've been through.. a poster should NOT personally attack another. Or does it just make people feel better to put others down and call them names?

Erika , hon , did someone attack via Pm in this way?

[burning 4 revenge]

You'll find that that's not quite true. When they're ignored and you don't feed into their crap, they start acting a little better. It's true. They like nothing more than for people to respond. I've seen it already on these boards. I'm no longer "rewarding" those kinds of people with my attention.

 

Don't put me on NC Touche, I need you

[erika2610]

Erika2610 the other thread is open to anyone as well, please feel free to say what you think on there.

 

Now another point, I personally do not believe -although I sometimed am wrong- that Touche was referring to you as "the poster police".

 

As for her judging she openly admitted she's all for that. So am I, you read. I had very little response from people who like the middle or even silent ground so I'm sincerily interested since you seem to say you're of the mind that judging is a bad idea. How so, why? Why do you -or anyone- have such a deep seated conviction that refraining from passing any judgement is possible and/or desirable?

 

And how does one not make threads personal? Especially on here? It's attacks that are probably undesirable to us all NOT differences of opinions, right?

 

Now back to the topic, what's wrong with Off Topic threads? Again, I said this before, read the ones where there is a serious situation involved, you'll be surprised how On Topic they are.

 

 

As far as judging, I have a problem with people who judge other people very harshly without knowing anything about them. I'm talking judging them based on their job, age, or education. Why go attacking a stranger based on that? You probably don't even know their background.. you could really be hurting somebody.

[erika2610]

Sorry that happened to you. And you know what? I've never attacked someone for the fact that I think they don't give sound advice. I don't seek people out and PM them to tell them that. I mean afterall, I don't know their experiences...maybe they really know what they're talking about! No, I don't stalk people with PMs. That's the cowards way out. I have nothing to hide. Nor have I ever attacked someone by telling them what they should say and not say in these posts.

 

Go look up the definition of "being attacked." Have I judged? Yes! Have I attacked? NO!

 

I suggest all the cowards on LS stop using PM's to state their positions. If your positions were so legitimate, you'd want everyone to see them, no? So why hide behind a PM?

 

I guess, I just don't get that.

 

That was indirectly aimed at me, and you know it. Then on the same token, why don't you make public that nasty PM you sent to me?

[erika2610]

Erika , hon , did someone attack via Pm in this way?

 

Somebody did. And it wasn't very nice. I had never personally attacked this person in any way.