Can you marry someone you dont love and stay married

[diamondback]

Is it possible to be married to someone your not in love with. How do you realy know your in love? I mean, I been married for 9 years. I dont hate my husband. We have an okay relationship. We get along pretty well but I dont feel close with him. I feel if he left tomorrow I wouldnt care. We have been together for about 13years. I started dating him and got married shortly after. I think I just got married to move away from my parents whom I didnt get along with. Maybe I am just going crazy. I dont want to tell him I dont love him. I do care for him but I cant see myself being with him forever. Am I out of love.

[whichwayisup]

As much as it may hurt him, if you truely feel this way then get a divorce. Why stay married to someone out of obligation if you don't love him? He deserves to be married to someone who loves him.

 

If the situation was reversed, I don't think you'd like to be with someone who didn't love you and was settling. That is so awful - It's worse than being alone.

 

What is your reasonings of staying with him now? Are you scared of being alone, and starting over? Security and money? A life in which you've gotten used to?

[tikigods]

Sure you CAN do those things, but who would want to ? Life is to short to spend it around people you don't care much for.

[stillafool]

There are a lot of things to be considered. Do you have children? Is he good to you and works hard? How old were you when you got married? If you were very young it is possible that you are now growing away from him as your interests and compatabilities may have changed. Also if you got married too young you may feel that you have missed out on the "being single and free to date who you want" part of your life. Have you thought also that he may feel the same way about you? Perhaps he's seen other women he would like to go out with but feels an obligation to be true to his marriage. In my experience when one is bored in the marriage usually the other one is also.

 

Maybe you should sit down and talk with him about what your wants and desires are. Also it is a good idea for couples to have a goal to work towards. This always somehow brings you closer. Ask yourself and your heart truly how would you feel to see him happy with another girl.

[Curmudgeon]

Sure you can. Nothing easier. I did it for the better part of 25 years. However, I don't recommend it. What a collosal waste of time you could have spent with someone you really loved and who loved you in full measure in return.

 

I'd strongly recommend counseling before pulling the plug, however.

[Butterflying]

mostly out of obligations. But when I really think about what love is, (kindness, patience, honesty, everlasting, ect..) it's really difficult to find this in anyone. For most of us, rather than be alone due to never finding love, we settle for companionship, and sacrifice love. Over time, we learn how to adapt to not being loved. Time passes, and we are still holding on to a non-loving relationship.

[Curmudgeon]

Obligation and settling are what "trapped" me for so long. Thankfully, that's been over and done with for over 12 years and I went on to find real love. That I DO highly recommend. It's made a world of difference in my life and in me.

[dgiirl]

It's hard to know if you really dont love your husband or if you've just become disconnected with him. I think often in long term relationships, people tend to become disconnected with one another and then think they're no longer in love. But if you actually work on it, and work together as a couple, I think you could get that connection back and be just as happy as you were when you first started dating. Like Curmudgeon said, before pulling the rug, seek some individual counselling. It would be such a shame if there WAS something you could do to turn your marriage around and you didnt even try.

[diamondback]

Thanks for all the advise. We married when I turned 18. I am now 28. We have two children together. He is works and provides for us as much as I do. It is basically an equal relationship.

[Spank'n'Rationality]

Personally, the only people I know who have been married over ten years, are those who are not (and most of whom have never been) in love...at least not in "passionate"/sexual manner; but rather more friendly like. I know that today it seems that more people are interested in finding their "true love", but the divorce rate is higher today for a reason (a reason beyond that of just immorality): too much of it is based on a passion that is primarily lust (which is usually misinturpreted as love).

 

Anyway, that is just what I have found to be true concerning my married friends.