"good"

[mystified]

She tells her BF that she needs to talk to him in regards to the way he handles things with her, the way the rules constantly change. She cannot seem to grasp what he really wants. She thinks that if she gets the idea of what he really wants, she can work with it.

 

As it is now, his rules are as slippery as a fish and she is starting to lose hold on views, and her world.

 

She wants to pin down exactly what is acceptable and what isnt. She needs answers and clear cut definitions. All she knows now is that it isnt acceptable for her but its alright for him. Whatever that means. She is slowly going insane. It is starting to feel really unacceptable for her, the way the relationships rules are set up. She thinks she is getting the short end of the stick. She may be right.

 

BF agrees to having the conversation, but within the first 3 minutes, it is becoming clearer that he really doesnt agree with having it at all. He keeps interupting her, asking her to get this or that for him, to turn on the TV, even making a "really important phone call" in the middle of her sentences....and this all within the first 3 minutes. Stirrings of panic are starting to creep in, because this is becoming all too familar. Soon, at around 5 minutes, he feigns sleep.

 

She walks away to cry in the bathroom. Collects her thoughts....an hour later, she goes to him in an attempt to re-establish the conversation. He immediately tells her that he doesnt want another fight tonight.

 

She explains that in the past, she was a strong woman, but over time, with him, she feels like he is crushing her, putting out her fires. She says that her world was once big, now, it seems to be shrinking and shrinking, and she thinks now, it is the size of a basket ball, but she fears, if things keep going in this way, in a years time, she will no longer be strong, but meek, and her world will be the size of golf ball.

 

His response was as follows:

"good"

 

She tells him that she is serious, that she feels like if things dont change, she will no longer be strong, but weak, and mild, and submissive and that her world will be the size of a golf ball.

 

His response was still "good"

 

What are YOUR responses to this?

[JadeStar]

They both need to split. Plain and simple.

 

 

 

 

Jade

[Walk]

Make your own rules.

 

If he can't respect you enough to attempt to understand you, or even talk to you (and he wasn't listening to you) then show him you aren't that meek, weak willed woman he say's would be good. Show him your more than that, even if you have to fake it a little at first. You've just forgotten that you are strong, but the strength you possess didn't go away.

 

You can't fit into a golf ball, so trying to for his sake will never work. You won't ever fit. No matter what.

 

Let him prey off another woman, don't look back years later and wish you'd lived. Live now.

[catgirl1927]

If a good friend of yours were describing this to you, what would you tell her to do?

 

Do that.

[EndoftheRope]

Leave him.

 

There is a book called something to the effect of "Too good to leave, too bad to stay," that discusses when to consider divorce and when to work it out. The book's author stresses that she CANNOT and WILL NOT tell anyone what to do in their situation, but she can tell you from years of therapy which situations allowed people to work through the problems to have a happy relationship and which won't.

 

Refusing to deal with matters of talk about them is a big red flag that things are never going to get better. How can they if you can't even talk about it?

 

If he doesn't care that he is breaking someone down, crushing her, and turning her into a shadow of her former self, does he really care about her well-being? Then she shouldn't be with him.