finances: separation aggreement

[arcoiris]

My H has decided to move out of the house and relocate to another state. He is not happy with our emotional disconnect and wants to be separate termporarily. We are in good terms and we have a 10 year old kid.

Our son is staying with me here and he is going to come 2 weekends a month to spend time with him.

 

My question is about finances. I see this as a temporary separation that might lead to divorce. I want to settle the financial issues with him before he moves out.

 

-I currently make a bit more money than he does and have a good income.

-We have been married for 11 years and we own a house.

-However the house was primarily bought by my husbands familiy money.

-My husband has had a significant amount of financial assets in an account under his name during our marriage that comes mainly from his family's business.

-I have no savings , yet I have a good income.

- We live in Minnesota.

 

1) Do I own 50% of the house? I dont know if the house is considered marital property. The downpayment was mainly done with my H family income, yet we have lived in a house like this for all the 11 years of our marriage.

2) My son goes to a private school and I would like for my H to commit to pay 50% of the tuition until he graduates. Yet he doesn't want to commit to this. He currently has the income to do it and with his potential income is likely to be able to do it. By law, is it likely that I can make him sign this issue in the separation aggreement?

 

This moving out thing is really stressful for me. I am not particularly IN LOVE with him but he is my family and I do love him. However I am not moving out, but he is. This stresses me tremendously, and the financial situacion is also quite stressful.

 

He started by saying that all the assets are 100% his and that he doesnt want to tie himself up to the private school thing. Yet I am afraid about our living arrangements with my son. I could move into an apartment with him, but I could not buy this house currently.

 

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks.

[jonesgirly]

You will probably hear this reply a hundred times, but here goes......GO SEE A LAWYER!

 

I realize you see the situation as a 'temporary' separation, but you've got to get it together in a real big hurry in order to protect yourself and your son. The financial details you've mentioned are EXACTLY the kinds of things that are included in the financial settlement/custody/child support section of divorce papers. You should be making copies of every document you can find related to the family finances. It doesn't sound like your husband would be the type to be forthcoming with any and all information.

 

And remember - you don't have to set out to 'screw' your husband, but you can certainly find out what is fair and equitable in your state by consulting with a divorce lawyer (usually free). Any agreement suggested by your state law is just that - you don't HAVE to take 50% of everything he's ever touched When I divorced my daughters' father, I made sure that child support was affordable and fair to him, and never raised it ($50/week) during the 14 years it took her to reach the age of majority.

 

The comments you've made regarding your husbands attitude ("the house is 100% mine") indicate to me that he may be setting things up for a lucrative split FOR HIM. I know that your incomes may be relatively equal, but HE'S got the savings/investments, and is also thinking the house is his! And he doesn't even want to commit to paying half of his own sons tuition? My, sounds like he's looking for a great deal.

 

And REALLY.........I DON'T believe in going for everything you can possible get - I sometimes wonder how spouses who do that sleep at night. But remember that you really only get "one" shot at the financial settlement should your separation become permanent. I'm not sure if your state has 'legal separation' agreements, but it is certainly worth looking into, if nothing more than to "lay it all out there" as far as what you both can expect in the legal arena.