Anyone please help!!!

[Ginger]

Okay here's my problem. I have been seeing this guy for about three months now. We were both in long term relationships when we got together. Basically, we both cheated on our then lovers with eachother and then decided to get together and broke up with them shortly after. There are so many things that have gone wrong since then! I went through a pregnancy scare and then basically didn't want to have anything to do with the guy for a little while there. I didn't know what I wanted to do but he wanted me to have it and then it turned out to not be that at all so it ended up okay. The thing is, his ex girlfriend got pregnant and had an abortion so I got really messed up as to why he would want me to have it and then not offer marriage.

 

The other problem is that he still cares for his ex girlfriend. I don't know how deep the feelings run/ran, whatever, but he still calls her to see how she is, etc. He wanted to remain friends with her immediately after their break up and he turned out to be surprised when she agreed. The first two weeks that we were officially together he was in agony over what he had done to her. At first she didn't know why he broke up with her and then a few weeks after their break up he finally told her the truth about his affair with me and everything that happened between us.

 

He never offered to marry me or anything when we went through the whole baby scare and that kind of makes me paranoid about things. I know that the way we started out, both of us cheating on our significant others and then deciding we wanted to be together, I know that these things don't usually work out well. Or do they? Anyway, he's been calling her on and off since their break up.

 

Not even two weeks after she knew the whole truth he was calling her to see how she was, etc. He calls her about once a month at least on average just to see how she is doing. They were together for a while and still have some mutual friends. HE's usualy asking them about her too when he talks to them. About three weeks ago, after the terrorist attack, he called her to see how she was and then just the other day he called her again. He doesn't know that I know that but I found out and he hasn't really said anything to me about it. I still talk to my ex as well although our talks aren't quite as often.

 

So here's my question, he never talks about her with me but I am wondering if maybe he's still in love with her or still has feelings for her and may want to pursue them? Judging by his behavior, all the phone calls, etc. What do you think? Do you think he's just not over her and maybe this whole thing was a huge mistake? I am so messed up! Everything between us seems so messed up! Things got so serious so fast and I don't think either one of us was ready for that. AT first we were just having fun. We knew we liked eachother, we work together and that could be a problem as well if things don't work out for us.

 

But now it's like he's seen/heard how good his ex is doing and it's like he's trying to stay in contact with her. He told me that they had always been good friends and that she would always be his first love, etc. So I am wondering if this new lifestyle she's leading hasn't attracted him towards that again. I'm not really hurt that he hasn't mentioned to me that he's spoken with her recently, when he has talked to her he has told me about it. It's just that this time he didn't. I just don't know if I wanna pursue this after all that's happened.

 

I am confused and maybe if someone could give me insight as to whether or not they think he may be then maybe I could talk to him and make a decision of whether or not we should still be together.

 

Oh, Gosh! Anyone with an opinion on this please help!!!

[Barry]

It sounds like he still loves her and probably regrets what he has done. Cheating is never beneficial, when you are hurting those who love and trust you. It sounds like your "relationship" hasn't developed into anything beyond sexual. (am I wrong about this?)

 

If you care for him and truly want him to be happy, then you have to let him go. You cannot make anyone love you. He will choose where he wants to be, whether it is with you or with her. I am sure there are some feelings that need to be worked out. (for both of you) I suggest cooling it off for a little while. Make no demands on one another. Try to focus on getting your life back in order; allow your life to continue the way it was meant. It will hurt, but it will be best for you in the long run.

Okay here's my problem. I have been seeing this guy for about three months now. We were both in long term relationships when we got together. Basically, we both cheated on our then lovers with eachother and then decided to get together and broke up with them shortly after. There are so many things that have gone wrong since then! I went through a pregnancy scare and then basically didn't want to have anything to do with the guy for a little while there. I didn't know what I wanted to do but he wanted me to have it and then it turned out to not be that at all so it ended up okay. The thing is, his ex girlfriend got pregnant and had an abortion so I got really messed up as to why he would want me to have it and then not offer marriage. The other problem is that he still cares for his ex girlfriend. I don't know how deep the feelings run/ran, whatever, but he still calls her to see how she is, etc. He wanted to remain friends with her immediately after their break up and he turned out to be surprised when she agreed. The first two weeks that we were officially together he was in agony over what he had done to her. At first she didn't know why he broke up with her and then a few weeks after their break up he finally told her the truth about his affair with me and everything that happened between us.

 

He never offered to marry me or anything when we went through the whole baby scare and that kind of makes me paranoid about things. I know that the way we started out, both of us cheating on our significant others and then deciding we wanted to be together, I know that these things don't usually work out well. Or do they? Anyway, he's been calling her on and off since their break up. Not even two weeks after she knew the whole truth he was calling her to see how she was, etc. He calls her about once a month at least on average just to see how she is doing. They were together for a while and still have some mutual friends. HE's usualy asking them about her too when he talks to them. About three weeks ago, after the terrorist attack, he called her to see how she was and then just the other day he called her again. He doesn't know that I know that but I found out and he hasn't really said anything to me about it. I still talk to my ex as well although our talks aren't quite as often. So here's my question, he never talks about her with me but I am wondering if maybe he's still in love with her or still has feelings for her and may want to pursue them? Judging by his behavior, all the phone calls, etc. What do you think? Do you think he's just not over her and maybe this whole thing was a huge mistake? I am so messed up! Everything between us seems so messed up! Things got so serious so fast and I don't think either one of us was ready for that. AT first we were just having fun. We knew we liked eachother, we work together and that could be a problem as well if things don't work out for us. But now it's like he's seen/heard how good his ex is doing and it's like he's trying to stay in contact with her. He told me that they had always been good friends and that she would always be his first love, etc. So I am wondering if this new lifestyle she's leading hasn't attracted him towards that again. I'm not really hurt that he hasn't mentioned to me that he's spoken with her recently, when he has talked to her he has told me about it. It's just that this time he didn't. I just don't know if I wanna pursue this after all that's happened. I am confused and maybe if someone could give me insight as to whether or not they think he may be then maybe I could talk to him and make a decision of whether or not we should still be together. Oh, Gosh! Anyone with an opinion on this please help!!!

[darcy071]

Okay here's my problem. I have been seeing this guy for about three months now. We were both in long term relationships when we got together. Basically, we both cheated on our then lovers with eachother and then decided to get together and broke up with them shortly after. There are so many things that have gone wrong since then! I went through a pregnancy scare and then basically didn't want to have anything to do with the guy for a little while there. I didn't know what I wanted to do but he wanted me to have it and then it turned out to not be that at all so it ended up okay. The thing is, his ex girlfriend got pregnant and had an abortion so I got really messed up as to why he would want me to have it and then not offer marriage. The other problem is that he still cares for his ex girlfriend. I don't know how deep the feelings run/ran, whatever, but he still calls her to see how she is, etc. He wanted to remain friends with her immediately after their break up and he turned out to be surprised when she agreed. The first two weeks that we were officially together he was in agony over what he had done to her. At first she didn't know why he broke up with her and then a few weeks after their break up he finally told her the truth about his affair with me and everything that happened between us.

 

He never offered to marry me or anything when we went through the whole baby scare and that kind of makes me paranoid about things. I know that the way we started out, both of us cheating on our significant others and then deciding we wanted to be together, I know that these things don't usually work out well. Or do they? Anyway, he's been calling her on and off since their break up. Not even two weeks after she knew the whole truth he was calling her to see how she was, etc. He calls her about once a month at least on average just to see how she is doing. They were together for a while and still have some mutual friends. HE's usualy asking them about her too when he talks to them. About three weeks ago, after the terrorist attack, he called her to see how she was and then just the other day he called her again. He doesn't know that I know that but I found out and he hasn't really said anything to me about it. I still talk to my ex as well although our talks aren't quite as often. So here's my question, he never talks about her with me but I am wondering if maybe he's still in love with her or still has feelings for her and may want to pursue them? Judging by his behavior, all the phone calls, etc. What do you think? Do you think he's just not over her and maybe this whole thing was a huge mistake? I am so messed up! Everything between us seems so messed up! Things got so serious so fast and I don't think either one of us was ready for that. AT first we were just having fun. We knew we liked eachother, we work together and that could be a problem as well if things don't work out for us. But now it's like he's seen/heard how good his ex is doing and it's like he's trying to stay in contact with her. He told me that they had always been good friends and that she would always be his first love, etc. So I am wondering if this new lifestyle she's leading hasn't attracted him towards that again. I'm not really hurt that he hasn't mentioned to me that he's spoken with her recently, when he has talked to her he has told me about it. It's just that this time he didn't. I just don't know if I wanna pursue this after all that's happened. I am confused and maybe if someone could give me insight as to whether or not they think he may be then maybe I could talk to him and make a decision of whether or not we should still be together. Oh, Gosh! Anyone with an opinion on this please help!!!