boston78 Posted May 7, 2006 Share Posted May 7, 2006 Well, I posted a while ago in a different forum...but now things have changed for the worse. A little back ground: I am 28, BF is 26. Both educated and professionals. He was recently accepted to a prestigious graduate school that is 2.5 hours from where we both live (in two seperate apartments). We have been together for more than 4 years. Had a great relationship, traveled every spring, did TONS of fun things together...We both thought we had found our soulmate. Talked about marriage, though he is not ready for that right now with the focus on grad school... Within the past four months our relationship has been under strain...two very good friends of mine were engaged....i was insanely jealous of them...this caused pressure for my bf. Slowly, we started spending less and less time together...and the time we did spend together we fought or didn't speak much. Though that a vacation was what we needed, but that didn't even work. SO, flash forward to yesterday. He and a I speak about the relationship and get into it. He starts talking about how angry he has been with me, that I haven't "been there" for him (through the stress of moving, leaving friends/family, etc). He said I was once his "rock" and now he's depending on friends for this role. He said that I've been playing "head" games with him...not calling him as much, not saying I love you first when we get off the phone. These things are true...I just didn't always want to be the one to say things or initiate contact first. Then we were contemplating me moving to the grad school with him...that caused huge stress because initially he wanted me to go with him, and now he doens't think that would be a good idea. Yesterday, I went to his place...we cried, let out frustrations and sort of broke up...all the while maintaining our love for eachother. He is fixated on the past four months and how "we let this happen" and did nothing about it. So, I packed up some of my stuff, gave him his keys and have been uncontrollably crying ever siince. Called him this morning, couldnt help it. he didnt sleep either. I told him that I would not accept that this relationsihp was over and that we had to do something to get back to where we once were. He agreed and we are going to talk tonight and im going to get us set up with a therapist. even though there is some hope, i still cant stop crying. how could i have been so stupid to let this happen? any body else take people for granted and become complacent? I am afraid to be hopeful that we can work things out. I know that I can live with out him, I just don't want to. HELP!! Anyone ever been here? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 8, 2006 Share Posted May 8, 2006 I think that is a great idea, going to see a couples therapist. You two love eachother and it's so sad to see a couple break up when it's obvious there is so much love there. Hopefully with alot of effort (by both of you) each of you will learn how to communicate and listen to eachother. To put yourselves in eachothers shoes and let go of past hurts. I know that I can live with out him, I just don't want to. I have to comment on this! That is a very healthy and secure attitude to take. With that being said, give it all you got and don't give up. Have faith, even if at times he doesn't - Follow your heart and work hard to make sure you don't lose your soulmate. Keep posting and let us know how things go! Link to post Share on other sites
Author boston78 Posted May 8, 2006 Author Share Posted May 8, 2006 I just hope we can work things out. Its kind of ironic. for the past few months, we barely spoke...i didnt want to call him...now, when things are difficult, i want so much to call him, and am holding back to respect his wishes "to think things over." I have never felt this badly in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Mistaken Identity Posted May 9, 2006 Share Posted May 9, 2006 Just look at this crisis as a big bump in the road. Hey, he's willing to work on it, too. That's great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author boston78 Posted May 9, 2006 Author Share Posted May 9, 2006 So he is willing to work on things...but he won't do the therapy thing. He thinks we can either work things out between ourselves or not. He is not as hopeful as I am that we can work things out, but Im just not ready to throw in the towel. I love him too much. And I know he loves me too...he's coming over for dinner tonight. Like we are starting over...trying to get back to where we were when we first met. I'll let you know how it goes. I am hopeful.... Link to post Share on other sites
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