long sordid story

[thestardawg]

Ok. So this is a long one..Im new here...and I know no contact is repeated quite often, but I wonder what the right move is here.

 

Ok. Basically here's the deal. I met someone in December, and started dating her in January. I'm 32. SHe's a 28 year old single mom. Well, after the first couple dates, she revealed to me that she owns a house with her ex, he still lives there, and he's basically nuts.

 

Basically she's been verbally abused throughout their six year relationship, and physically abused on a couple occasions. They stopped being intimate in September of last year, and she's been trying to get out since.

Problem being of course, that he basically had forced her to quit her full time job last summer. She's a relator, so once she sells some properties, she can move out...which is looking like its going to happen july 1. So basically we were forced to get together during the day (we work together on some deals) and occasional nights....all the while she would receive text messages from the ex sasying things like "a**h***" "slut" "you're a s***ty mom." So yeah..the guy was a real scumbag.

 

He found out about our relationship 6 weeks ago. Basically has refused to let her leave the house. So we've seen each other sporadically. And we have to communicate through myspace.com, as the ex checks her phone every day.

 

We had a big fight last week. I told her I needed her to commit to getting out, so we can have a normal relationship. I told her that I felt like that since our relationship was discovered by her ex, things have been different. I picked the wrong time to get into it with her, as she was having a really bad week, with work not going well, her ex terrorizing her...etc. We ended up yelling at each other, and I said something I never should have said (Ive lent her money...so her kid could stay in day care...her ex wouldnt pay..because he wanted their child to be out of day care, and home all day, so she couldn't work). basically that I wanted all the money I lent her paid back within a couple days or else Id take action. (Yes. It was the dumbest thing Ive ever said in my life. Brought on by frusteration over a girl I love dearly, and who loves me dearly....but we cant be together right now).

 

So that was it on Weds.

 

I emailed her Friday apologizing. She emailed me back.

 

I emailed her again Sunday, and she told me to give her a call. We talked for a good 45 minutes. She said how she wanted us to remain friends, and that down the road maybe we'd get back together. So after we talked, I got an email back saying it was good to talk, that she's not mad at me, but she's still hurt. I apologized again, and asked if she was serious about maybe getting back together. I said if she was then I proposed the following. I was supposed to take her out for a nice fancy dinner before everything happened last week. We have three pieces of business together that will be wrapped up by May 24. I suggested that we go to dinner after the business gets wrapped up, and to give me until May 24 to prove myself, so we could make the dinner be a romantic one. She said "Okay. It's a deal."

 

So to the experts as they may be.

 

What do I do to win her back. She told me there's no other guy. There's no one else she's interested in. She's clearly left the door ajar. But of course, I cant call her out of the blue...her ex checks her phone. I cant drop by. I'm limited to emails. And seeing her next Tuesday. A week from next Monday. And a week from next Tuesday when we have our business.

 

Suggestions? Comments?

 

Oh. And I know the easy and probably the smart thing is to get out until she gets out. But to be honest Im too invested to do that. I want to win her back, and go from there, and at the very least help her realize she can live a life where she's not abused every day.

[Guest]

she loves abuse. she is a cheater. she is unstable. why do u want her?

[thestardawg]

1. She's not a cheater.

 

2. I wouldnt say she loves abuse. I think she's been in the situation so damned long she doesnt know how to break out of it.

 

3. is she unstable? I dont know.

 

Why do I want her? because the time we spend together is beyond wonderful. When we are with each other...its beyond special and magical.

 

Thats why