Anyone Feeling Tired of Being Alone??

[lovelorcet]

You mean Germany and there happen to be a few beer festivals

 

Or were you trying to imply you are closer and might have some more advice??? I am all open!

[Alexandra]

You mean Germany and there happen to be a few beer festivals

 

Or were you trying to imply you are closer and might have some more advice??? I am all open!

 

Oh sorry about that, didn't remember the E-classe comment in time. Besides your English didn't make you sound German:p No I don't have "do this" advice, I don't think there is any. I've worked with couples who met in supermarkets, on the street, online, on gameshows, in bars. It can happen anywhere. It's not the "where" you need to focus on though, but the "how" if I'm right about your shyness problem...

[lovelorcet]

Actually I am not even German but that is another story, but ya I guess that “where” doesn’t really matter… I think it is the “when” that is frustrating me.

[sick of it]

back to the original subject...

 

ive been single for about a year after a very long relationship. the breakup was hard...but i got through it, barely

 

now that im starting...STARTING...to notice other women, im CONSIDERING dating...but im afraid. im afraid because ive only known one person. im afraid because ive only opened myself to one person and i was left. im afraid because this something i havent done in 6 years. and finally...im afraid because i dont know if im ready. ive never been clingy....never. but i feel like im so starved for attention in that way, that once i find someone, im going to make sure that they know i care (assuming i do). i feel like i would always want to be with them and talk to them and think about them which is fine , assuming they feel the same about me...but i doubt that will happen at first.

i think what im saying is i dont know if i will/can play it cool....? but this is all hypothetical because theres no one in the picture.

not only that...but i almost feel bad or guilty that i want to move on. i spent a year pining over her...to her at first, for a few months, but mostly to myself, convincing myself that shes the only one...in my head i guess if i move on i feel like im saying either "i was wrong" or "i didnt mean any of that." i really hope none of that holds me back from trying. i think like i said earlier...i need someone to help me along the way, someone i go gaga over.

 

i have seen all my friends who have broken up over the past year have gotten into new relationships and are already moving in with the new SO...my ex included. is this normal? my only relationship was 5.5yrs LDR. maybe my point of view is just skewed. anyone?

[lovelorcet]

I can really relate to what you are saying about being so afraid to open up again and once you do then to hold on tight to that new person. I feel much the same way myself really. But here is the difference we know that we feel this way as we have recognized the problem. Now it is our responsibility to actively work against these feelings.

 

So ya it scares the crap out of me to have to open up again but if the right girl walks by then I will kick myself in the butt to work with/against the fear. And I will have to watch out not to be too clingy. Everyone has their little demons they have to deal with, the important thing is not to ignore them but to confront them.

[2020vision]

i have seen all my friends who have broken up over the past year have gotten into new relationships and are already moving in with the new SO...my ex included. is this normal? my only relationship was 5.5yrs LDR. maybe my point of view is just skewed. anyone?

 

Well, my ex is included into that group of people as well. I don't feel its normal, however, everyone's views on matters of the heart are different. I tend to be the classic romantic type, so I feel that moving in together especially when you have known the person for less than a year....is strange and not a wise decision. But it works out different for every person. Although, it can be really frustrating to see everyone around you moving in with their SO and you are by yourself...

 

And it can be quite scary at times to jump into the dating world again, but you will never have the chance of meeting someone new unless you try! And maybe you are just not ready to date yet...I get dsicouraged when it comes to dating again simply because it feels like I am starting from square one again. So, I am taking a break from dating and if someone comes along then right on, but until then I am just hangin' tight on the whole single thing.

[sick of it]

And it can be quite scary at times to jump into the dating world again, but you will never have the chance of meeting someone new unless you try! And maybe you are just not ready to date yet...I get dsicouraged when it comes to dating again simply because it feels like I am starting from square one again. So, I am taking a break from dating and if someone comes along then right on, but until then I am just hangin' tight on the whole single thing.

 

Im the same. though im lonely and surrounded by couples, im not going force anything. im also a romantic and i want it to just happen. i want to feel a connection with someone...i havent had that ina long time (i thought i did). i want to look forward to seeing someone, and more importantly, them look forward to seeing me

i dont see any choice but to wait for that.

[Noos]

Hey Noos,

 

Now that I am thinking about it a bit maybe we should share notes more closely, I would really like to learn how to meet a woman who is generally like how you describe yourself.

 

Any tips???

 

My tips on meeting nice girls.

 

Clarification on "nice": Most guys think that "nice" is code for overweight, mouselike and boring and dateless wonder. That's wrong.

 

There are plenty of nice girls out here who are understanding, loving, independent, funny, kind and yes, even pretty. For example, I don't have the height but I get told that I look like the late Natalie Wood a lot. I have the same kind of face as Geena Davis. I'm not trying to sound like a wanker but people have told me to be more confident and stop filtering only the bad stuff out of the good things said to me, so there goes. I go the gym and am fit.

 

But my brother says I look unapproachable and need to give off the vibe that guys stand a chance. he says that guys reckon they will be shot down. I don't really know how to do that so maybe you can help me out here.

 

My view is that truly nice girls would never think of shooting you down harshly because they have empathy and think of people's feelings. We wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings unless they were being a complete jerk. So don't be afraid to talk to me.

 

Go to events where there is something happening.

Most guys like going to uber-hip bars and standing at the bars eyeing off the girls and then chatting up whomever. Nice girls go here until their mid-twenties but then they outgrow it and decide that they don't want to be treated like a piece of meat anymore. In their absence, you'll be left with the Paris Hilton-types with nothing going on upstairs and goldiggers. You'll get a one night stand if you can get them drunk enough but that's about it.

 

So, film festivals held outdoors where you can picnic on the grass are interesting places to go.

 

Really good book stores - not chain book stores - but ones that sell mass market literature and classics and hard-to-find stuff. People in here are thinkers.

 

Beer festivals and wine and food festivals are good. Wine tastings are good because you can start a conversation easily by asking which wine they like best and your nerves have been alleviated by a small amount of alcohol.

 

Outdoor music festivals and live bands in cafes and pubs. Shows that these women are interested in something besides shopping.

 

Any attractive girls reading the newspapers over breakfast in a cafe on the weekend. If she had a boyfriend, he'd probably be with her.

 

Tips for guys - wear nice regular clothes - like a pair of jeans on the weekend with a suede jacket and boots (not cowboy ones of course). Don't put too much product in your hair. You don't have to wear aftershave, just smell clean and have clean fingernails. Be well groomed - get a good hair cut.

 

Make an effort to keep the conversation going. Don't make the other person feel like they have to do all the work. Don't just focus on what you do for work and what she does for work for conversation.

 

Many of these girls live in inner city areas.

 

Sunday afternoon at the pub while the football is on is also a good place. Independent women like getting together with their friends, male and female, over a beer of glass of wine and don't mind watching sport on the big screen in the casual pub or hotel bar.

 

When you see a girl you like the look of out with a group that includes guys - don't assume that any of the guys with her are her boyfriend or husband. If you watch that group's interactions for a while, it will become clear which girl is partnered up with one of the guys and which girl isn't.

 

That's it.

[Noos]

P.S. Girls just want to be loved for who there are and as they are. Nice ones aren't really into all the "games" people play.

[mr.gerbick]

Right now I hate being alone. I have way too much "me" time. Before when I was in the relationship I wanted more "me" time, well I got it, and all I do is go crazy about the person I lost. I hate meds, never took them except for the occasional asprin, but now that I am alone with all of this anxiety and stuff I have been taking xanax, not regularly because I'm still skeptical. I only took it twice in the past 5 weeks, but I hate the fact that I need something every now and then other then myself to get through this. I have even drank a few times, but I normally don't drink. Not by myself, with friends, but that is all they want to do and I'm not a big bar person. So there goes some more alone time on the weekends. All I do is look forward to getting tired and going to sleep and dread waking up. I want to start feeling better and being more comfortable with myself to be alone this much, but I don't see it in the near future.

[lovelorcet]

Ok so first off by nice I really did mean:

 

“understanding, loving, independent, funny, kind and yes, even pretty”

 

I would like to also add honest to that as that is really important to me as well.

 

“But my brother says I look unapproachable and need to give off the vibe that guys stand a chance. he says that guys reckon they will be shot down. I don't really know how to do that so maybe you can help me out here.”

 

So I am a little bit on the shy side when it comes to making first contact but I still do look for chances. So let say we are both at a pub somewhere in different groups of people. The first and most important thing is eye contact. If a girl holds eye contact with me for more then about 3 seconds then I get the feeling that she has noticed me. But under normal circumstance that isn’t enough for me to build up the courage to actually do something about it. So make eye contact a few times. The strange thing is when people do this for the most part they usually have a poker face on. So eye contact but showing very little emotion. That is ok at first but I need some encouragement. So here is the trick, leave the poker face on, make and hold eye contact and then put a pleasant smile on your face. If you were to do that 2-3 time that would probably be enough to encourage me to walk over and say hello.

 

The other thing is, if you are with a group of other people try to separate yourself every now and then after eye flirting. It is not easy to fish a girl out of a group of people, the second a guy makes a move all the others just watch.

 

Hope we don’t get into too much trouble for hijacking…

[lovelorcet]

Hey gerbick!

 

I know it sounds lame and people say it all the time but it is really important to just keep busy. Sometimes I would do things and just go through the motions, but even that is better then sitting home alone and being depressed. And the more active you become the more opportunities you will find to stay busy. It is like a snowball effect.

 

Get out and go running/walking! its cheap, easy to do and if you do it regularly it will eat up time and boost your mood.

 

And if you really are becoming depressed there is nothing to be embraced about if you go to the doctors and get on an anti-depressant.

 

 

take care!

[No Foolin]

Ok,

 

So I have been doing this "alone" thing for about 6 months now and it sucks. On the upside of things I have become almost totally independent, and love my time by myself more than I ever have. However, I just want someone. Where is he??!! lol

 

I find I get most upset when I have to carry a lot of groceries upstairs and they are too heavy or I have to kill a bug in my house....I don't know, just really frustrated right now and need to vent, so thank you for reading. And to top it off, my apartment complex is just full of happy young couples I swear new ones move in every weekend. I am just in this slump right now I guess...

 

Anyone else feel like this???

 

No

 

No Foolin

[lovelorcet]

Has anyone met "travis"

 

 

:D

[AussieChick]

Being lonely really does suck. I can't believe how many of us there are out there.

 

I think the hardest thing is putting yourself out there, then being rejected. I had just got myself to a place where I was comfortable being on my own, then BAM, I find someone I really relate to - just like they say - out of the blue - trouble is it hasn't worked out quite like it should - the only thing I've gotten so far is it's reminded how alone I am!

 

Still - faking it works ! Being positive and cheery even when your insides are being ripped out through your stomach and your heart PHYSICALLY aches really does help. As much as I cry when I'm home alone - I make sure I am happy and cheery when out with people - becoming one of 'those sad' people just makes things worse, and if you fake it often enough - you can really start to believe it!

[lovelorcet]

I am sorry you cry at home alone... makes me sad

[AussieChick]

It's actually not as sad as it sounds - on reading it i sound a little pathetic - (it's usually when I'm PMSd!)

 

What I meant was just if you're going to be pathetic - try not to become one of those girls that everyone runs from 'cause life is always SO bad!!

 

You're so sweet for the comment tho'

[No Foolin]

Has anyone met "travis"

 

 

:D

 

LOL

 

No Foolin

[2020vision]

Upon reading my previous posts, it has been brought to my attention just how much my moods change. I feel so much better now, pretty much back to normal. I think what happened was that when I saw my ex it brought back all the feelings of being with someone(him) and it reminded me of how nice it would be to be with someone. I have re-adjusted with almost a week of not seeing or hearing from him and am doing just fine again. Back in "single mode". Although it was not my choice to have my ex show up at my house, I still did speak with him. I am a prime example of why no contact is necessary to heal!

 

-2020

[lovelorcet]

Just got an email today from her and I had to respond to a few things (concerning money and moving) having to do that makes me feel like crap and now I feel lonely again...

[loveme2]

I dated a man for 6 years off and on. Went to Las Vegas and came back to find him with another women. He says that she was someone that he jnew when he knew 14 years ago. The part that I am really confused about is that I gave an open invitation about us going our own seperate ways and he would never agree to it. Now she is always over is house (her car is parked outside). He calls me at least 5x a day but I have not answered up until yesterday. I have not called him in the past 3 weeks at all. Yesterday, I made an agreement with him to try to work things out. He told me that he would end things with her and try to clean up "his world" so that I could see how serious he is. I slept on it and today I woke up crying because I feel that nothing will ever change. When he called me and I answered he was so happy that I answered. I just told him that I think things would be best if we just left them as is. I said that I did not want him to go fixing his world because I didn't think that I had the enegy to try again and I knew that it would be to difficult. He asked me if it was because I am seeing someone else but I just brushed that question off and how do I know that things are not going to be different this time. I just asked him not to call me anymore so that I could move one and heal.

 

I feel that I made the right choice because I don't wnat to waste more of my precious time putting up with this kind of stuff. Hw do you think that he is feeling because of my sudden change of heart??

[Noos]

Well, you could come over to my place and watch and DVD and have pizza and beer to be less lonely - but a 24 hour flight might not be worth it.

[johan]

Upon reading my previous posts, it has been brought to my attention just how much my moods change...

 

Ha ha. You're just figuring that out, Female?

 

Actually I think that happens to everyone. You have to be REALLY strong to keep a steady, positive point of view all the time. When you're alone, you have lots of time to think about your life, and every thought you have isn't going to be positive.

 

I don't mind being on my own. I can deal with real solitude. It's only when I extrapolate that into the indefinite future and lose hope that I get bummed out. That happens once a week or so.

 

Today, for instance. I don't know why, but I started out in a foul mood. And it pretty much stayed that way. Nothing positive happened that I could use to climb out of it. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

[lovelorcet]

is that an invitation??

[In Sync]

I dated a man for 6 years off and on. Went to Las Vegas and came back to find him with another women. He says that she was someone that he jnew when he knew 14 years ago. The part that I am really confused about is that I gave an open invitation about us going our own seperate ways and he would never agree to it. Now she is always over is house (her car is parked outside). He calls me at least 5x a day but I have not answered up until yesterday. I have not called him in the past 3 weeks at all. Yesterday, I made an agreement with him to try to work things out. He told me that he would end things with her and try to clean up "his world" so that I could see how serious he is. I slept on it and today I woke up crying because I feel that nothing will ever change. When he called me and I answered he was so happy that I answered. I just told him that I think things would be best if we just left them as is. I said that I did not want him to go fixing his world because I didn't think that I had the enegy to try again and I knew that it would be to difficult. He asked me if it was because I am seeing someone else but I just brushed that question off and how do I know that things are not going to be different this time. I just asked him not to call me anymore so that I could move one and heal.

 

I feel that I made the right choice because I don't wnat to waste more of my precious time putting up with this kind of stuff. Hw do you think that he is feeling because of my sudden change of heart??

 

Maybe the other woman was not about attaching himself to another full-fledge relationship but a mere fling. Perhap he wanted to explore being with someone else but not necessarily get into a heavy-duty thing. Of course that doesn't mean you must accept his actions or tolerate it...but that was the risk he gambled with. Listen to your gut on this one. Your right , your life is your precious time. (Also, how careful is this guy when he's sleeping around...that's not too cool either, putting yourself at risk becuz of his hook-ups)...nevertheless, I suspect he could be feeling threatened by the ideaof be alone. I mean if you've been together for 6 years his dipping his toe in the water was not full jumping in...he may not want to cut you out of his life completely. Chhances are once he knows you'll be there and he feels secure..he might repeat the ame scenario when it's gets back to the routine of being in a relationship again.